In Exile-

In Exile- sequel to "Voice from the Tomb" part of What We Lost Collection

by: Isabelle

-Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, they are all Joss.

-Summary: Sequel to "Voice from the Tomb", Spike does some driving before he turns around and head back to Sunnydale just to "check" on Buffy. Buffy confesses to Giles about her relationships with both vampires.

-Rating: PG-13 (Language)

-Author's Note: Feed me FEEDBACK!!!! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Christina Georgina Rossetti

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He pulled off the side of the road at the sight of the late night bar. A drink, that's what he needed! He wanted to get seriously drunk tonight, so drunk that he could forget, forget her eyes. Forget her smile, forget her laugh, forget her smell, forget her love.

Damn her for making me this way! He thought bitterly as he got off his black classic beauty and stode to the building of hope and enchantment.

He slowly opened the dirty glass door and his senses went off, this was a demon bar. Great! But not to worry, he was sure no one had heard of him in Arizona.

Upon entering several curious eyes turned and looked his way, but a vampire was not to their interest as long as he did not stir any trouble.

The smoke in the darkened room hid the faces of the grotesque and the mundane. Horns, tails, scales, and feathers were among the variety of colorful people he belonged with.

He was a monster just like them, this was his place, here in the dark corners of hidden society. Not in the sun, not with humans. He was cursed, and he had to accept his curse. He was a creature of the night, he was the subject of buggy-man stories that terrified the minds of human children in the night.

He had been blessed with the physicality of a human but underneath the cloak of appearances layed the monster in its most purest form. He was a beast and she was his beauty.

But in this story there were no wilting roses that bloomed for years, there was no magic mirror to see her in, only his memories of their short time together. And there was no magic spell to break, no mater how much they cried out that they loved each other, their story had no end.

He sighted as he took a seat on the bar and ordered a bottle of tequila and a glass. The demon bartender looked at him in pity and got him his drink.

Spike poured himself a hefty amount and began to sulk. He's turned into the bleeding image of his sire! All alone and depressed, not even killing demons gave him the rush it once had. He had even stopped thinking about his chip, all his thoughts were on her, his beauty, his slayer, his girl.

What the hell was he thinking? She was no longer his, not like she ever was. But now she belonged to the poof, he was human now and she was probably planning her wedding and asking herself why she ever sleeped with a creature like him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair, and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love a beast? "

from Beauty and The Beast

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Buffy, are you sure you're alright?" Xander asked his friend one night on patrol.

Buffy piped up, realizing she was sulking again, off to Spike-land. "Yeah, sure, why?" she asked rapidly.

"I don't know, you seem a bit distracted, that's all." He paused and looked at her. "Is not about Angel, is it?" He asked knowing of the recent miracle that occured to the former vampire. He still could not understand why she had not taken him back, after all he was the love of her life, they were meant to be together for eternity.

"No, not about Angel." she replied wearily.

Xander stopped walking and looked at her. "Buffy can I ask you a question?"

She sighted. She knew what was coming, none of her friends could understand why she did not take Angel back. "Sure."

He took a deep breath. "Why? I mean isn't this the way you always wanted it? It's the perfect ending for the perfect fairy tale."

Buffy gave him a small smile.

"I mean here he comes, galloping into town, declaring his undying love, all is possible, you could walk off into the sunlight together and have kids, a house with a white picket fence, and you know, grow old together, and live happily ever after."

Buffy looked sadly at the ground where her feet met the earth.

"That would be the ending to the fairy tale, wouldn't it?" she said sadly.

"Buffy, what's wrong? For the past two weeks you've been a complete mess?" he asked "You're acting like someone died, or someone left, and the only person who's left town is Spike and we are all mouring him soooo much." he finished sarcastically.

Buffy winced at the mention of her lover. It hurt so badly, as if she was peeling raw inside her corpse.

Xander studied her features as she winced. "Oh no....." he trailed off as realization was brought to him. The past two weeks, the last few weeks the vampire had been there, her distance. Both of them missing at the same time, her happy smiles out of no where, and eversince the disappearance of the bleached blonde her sulky mood that none of her fake smiles could hide. "You,...you....you fell in love with him...." he said pointing a trembling finger at her accusingly.

"Xander, what are you talking about." she asked turning around and suddenly wishing for a heard of vampires to attack.

"With Spike,...you and him...Oh God!" he said in shock.

"Please, Xander, it's Spike!" she said trying to looked annoyed and pissed off but failing miserably.

"BUFFY!!!! He's a vampire!" Xander shouted.

"I know he's a vampire! I am a vampire slayer and we can never be. I KNOW THIS! Don't you think I know this! Why do you think he left!!" Buffy yelled back, tears treathening to fall. "But regardless of him being a vampire, or me being the slayer, or this entire silly world going to pieces around us, I love him, because we are alike!"

Xander's mouth gapped open at her wide confession, this was obviously something she had stored in her heart and was theatening to spill. Buffy was in love with Spike. Spike was in love with Buffy.

"Only in the hellmouth." was all that Xander could say.

Buffy wipped her tears and gave in to the small chuckle. "I suppose you hate me now." she said.

"I don't hate you, Buffster. I don't understand you, but I'll still love ya no matter what." He said hugging her.

Buffy returned his hug, she felt lifted. Finally she had screamed what she was feeling inside, the thoughts and whishes that she had burried deep inside had come out. Someone else knew about her pain. Xander may never like the idea, but atleast he would listen to her and that's all she needed. She had gone through five journals in two weeks and her hand held blisters and her lonely pillow just would not dry up after nightly crying fest. Not even Mr. Gordo helped, he wasn't Spike.

"C'mon, lets go get ice cream, my treat. And I'll guess I'll listen all about you and deadboy, jr."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did he feel pointless, feeble and distrait,

Unwanted by everyone and in the way?

Did he love people very much

Yet find them die one day?

He did not love in the human way.

He did not feel like this, He had a future bliss.

But there is no suffering like having made a mistake

Because of being of an inferior make.

He was not inferior, he was superior.

His thoughts were different.

How could he feel like this? He was the King of Heaven.

from "Was He Married" by Stevie Smith

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The man next to him would not shut up. It was worst than Dru. He might be drunk but he could still hear him babling about the stars talking to him and the waves calling him. He wanted to take his bottle of tequila and ram it through his skull. He could do it, the man was a demon, but for some reason it felt wrong.

Damn Slayer and her damn conscious. He said to himself.

"Don't blame her, you're all covered with her." The demon next to him told him laughing.

Spike set his jaw and turned to look at the creature.

"Love her don't you?" the man said grinning.

"Mind your business, mate, I don't want any trouble." Spike replied taking a gulp at his drink.

"Ah, I see.."

"No you dont see nothin', I am not interested in your ability to see how much I love her." Spike interupted him. "Cause it doesn't matter......get over it, I am." He said and took the last gulp of his bottle.

The man started laughing insanely and some of the demona in the bar were turning ot the unlikely couple and thier interesting conversation.

Spike knew he had to get out of there before the walking asylum mentioned it was a slayer they were refering to. He wanted to live, punish himself for falling in love with the girl. For being weak and vulnerable.

"She does love you, you know." the man sung smiling.

Spike let out a sight and shook his head.

"Shut, yer trap." he hissed at the demon.

"Tell me something, vampire?" the man asked turning on his seat and looking at him. "What kind of a soulles creature are you?"

Spike had enough, it was either run while he could or beat him till he was unconscious.

"One that's two seconds away from killing you." Spike replied tossing his money to the bartender who looked at him in discust.

"Self sacrifice is the ultimate draw, vampire." the man continue as if no threat had been placed on his head. "The stars tell me that, you know, they always speak to me. Singing in my ear..."

Spike took a large unessesary breath, it was like being back with Dru. The man continued his speech on his dialogues with bruning bringht light and Spike stood and tugged his coat on.

"She'll die." the man finally said and all the movement in Spike body seased. He abroutly tuned and glared at the man.

"That's not my problem anymore." Spike said taking out a cigarrette and lighting it. "She has peaches to look after her now."

The man looked at him with a wide grin and shook his head.

Spike looked at him and cocked his head.

"She does not love him anymore." the man said.

"Peaches is not going to leave her."

"The question is not whether he left her or not, but whether she made him leave." the man said inspecting his half empty glass of whiskey.

"Buffy kicked him out?" Spike asked surprised.

"She'll die, she'll die alone." the man sung looking at the brown liquid.

Spike grabbed the man by this shirt and slammed him against the bar counter.

"When?" Spike yelled.

The man started laughing. "You'll be too late."

"When, god dammit, WHEN!!???"

"You'll be too late, vampire, you'll be too late."

Spike decided he was waisting time with the loony toon and droped him as fast and he could. He bolted out the door on his way to Sunnydale.

Buffy was not going ot die, not while he was still un-dead.

"You'll be too late." the man sung in the background. "You'll be too late."

TBC....................................

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~