Stories from the City 2/12


By: Jenny Brown

Category: Carter Angst


Rating: PG, adult situations...although there will be one or two NC-17 parts

Spoilers: Season Six and Season Seven up to "Surrender"

DISCLAIMER: ER and its characters are the property of Warner Bros. Entertainment, Amblin Television, NBC, Michael Crichton and Constant C Productions. There is no copyright infringement intended. This has been written purely for the enjoyment of ER fans everywhere. I am receiving no monetary compensation for my work. These ideas belong to this author and in no way reflect the values or intentions of the creators and writers of ER

Summary: Carter deals with a crisis, and gets some help along the way. This story happens over a long period of time.

Note: This is almost a song fic, except it's not. It's based on the songs and lyrics from PJ Harvey's brilliant album "Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea."


Part Two- Good Fortune

~Like a gypsy
You dance in circles
All around me
And all over the world~

He hated this. Here he was, sitting in his jeep, staring at the hospital, seemingly unable to move. The last two weeks had been a blur of people, places and flower arrangements, culminating in his father's funeral two days ago. He wasn't scheduled to come in until Friday, but he couldn't stay at home. He'd been staying with his mother, at the home he grew up in, and the oppressive atmosphere of grief had taken its toll. He'd yelled at his mother and sister that morning, a scene that had ended with him storming out of the house and them packing for the summer villa in Europe. And now, he was here, gathering up the courage to enter the ER.

He'd been like this last year, not afraid of the place, but terrified of the looks of pity on his coworker's faces...the hushed words of sympathy and the offers of support. They meant well, but their good intentions just served to make him feel more alienated,
and further from the person he used to be...before all this happened. He just wanted to be normal again, not some fragile man that had to be watched for any signs of cracking.

He sighed, releasing his iron grip of the wheel. He'd never be the same, and he knew it. The events of the past year had made sure of that; first the stabbing, then rehab and now this...his father's tragic death. This was his life now. He grabbed his attache, opening the door and walking quickly to the elevator before he could change his mind again.

~Things I once thought
Unbelievable
In my life
Have all taken place~

The elevator doors opened and John plastered a fake smile on his face, ready to meet his sympathetic coworkers. He made his way through the busy ambulance bay, glad for the distraction the chaos would offer. Hopefully, they'd be too involved in traumas to notice him slip in the lounge. But, alas, that was not to be.

"Carter, what are you doing back here? We weren't expecting you until Friday." Haleh gathered the young resident up in her arms, which would have been great but for the look of extreme pity Carter was sure she had spread across her face. She whispered in his ear. "I heard what happened. I'm sorry. I'm sure he was a good man...he certainly raised a great son." Carter cringed inwardly at her words. At least with Haleh, he knew she wasn't lying, unlike all his father's associates.

They knew what a bastard Roland Carter really was; his fiery temper, his lack of ethics, and his legendary stubbornness had made him few friends in the business world, and yet, most of his partner's made a point of telling John how respected and noble his father was. What a joke! He knew they were laughing behind his back. His grandparents may have been able to keep the circumstances of his father's death out of the papers, but rumors spread fast in high society. They were just afraid of him...and so was John. He moved his head slightly, trying to signal to Haleh that the hug was finished. She pulled back, waiting for his answer.

"Thanks...I couldn't stay at home. I needed to get out for a while and, since I was scheduled for today originally, I thought I'd come in." He gave her a nervous smile, hoping she would leave it at that.

"Well, we're glad to see you. Take it easy. And if you need to talk to anyone...I'll be around." She gave him one last reassuring pat on the arm and left to tend to a patient, leaving the path to the lounge clear.

Thankfully, the lounge was empty and he slowly walked over to his locker, fumbling with the combination for a moment before he yanked open the door. A horrible odor emanated from the top shelf, where he had left his lunch. 'Must be the tuna sandwich,' he thought as he moved to toss the offending bag. As he removed the bag from the shelf, a small piece of paper was jarred from its position, teetering on the edge while John tossed the brown bag into the wastebasket. When he took off his coat and hung it in the locker, his arm brushed the scrap causing it to fall to the floor.

Carter noticed the movement out of the corner of his eye, but he finished putting on his lab coat and stethoscope before picking it up. As he leaned forward to pick it up, his breath caught in his throat; it was a small snapshot that he'd forgotten he had. It felt like a slap in the face. He stumbled over to the couch, sinking into the cushions as he stared into the picture, as if some message was hidden in the background and if he looked hard enough he could find it.

~Talking about
Time travel
And the meaning
And just what it was worth~

It was a picture of his family, taken a few months before Bobby was diagnosed with leukemia, when his life was suburban bliss. His mother was laughing, Barbara was smiling off into the distance, probably checking out some guy across the park, Bobby was digging into a mountain of potato salad while a young John tried to steal the brownie from his plate, and Dad....well, he was watching the grill, smiling at his family. It was one of the few times John remembered him smiling. He was too young at the time to remember specific events, but he definitely remembered feeling loved and secure. It was the only time in his life that he was truly content; too bad it was such a fleeting feeling. With in a month of that picnic, Bobby was diagnosed and John's world was never the same.

John's head was swimming with conflicting emotions; he didn't notice the door open and his fellow resident come in until Dave was standing right in front of him. "Hey John, what's up? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Oh, it's nothing. I'll be fine. Miss me?" John tried his hardest to put on a jovial face, ending up with something in between a grimace and a smirk.

"No, not really...just kidding! I did get to do a lot more procedures though." Dave grinned at Carter, his face falling when he remembered why John was gone. "Um...I was sorry to hear about your father. Tough break, man." Dave awkwardly patted John's shoulder, trying to think of the right thing to say.

This wasn't what Carter expected from Malucci. John put the picture on the table, turning to face Dave and give him the standard response....it was a tragedy, etc...when Abby came busting through the doors. John quickly averted his gaze to the floor. He wasn't ready to talk to her yet, not after he almost broke down in front of her in the parking garage. Luckily, Dave spoke up first. He was almost as glad to see Abby as Carter was dismayed. Dave just didn't know what to say in situations like this. It was one thing to tell a patient's family about death, it was quite another to comfort a colleague.

"Hey Abby! How's it going?" Abby stomped past the two residents, opening her locker, removing her coat, and slamming the door shut. If she noticed John, she didn't show it.

"I'm fine, Malucci." With that she stalked off, leaving the two men to their awkward conversation.

Before Dave could interject with some platitude that people spouted when someone died, John piped up with a question that he knew would keep the subject light. "Hey Dave, did you get any interesting traumas?"

Dave's face lit up, and he was off. Carter had only to nod and place a few 'wows' and 'reallys?' to keep the conversation flowing. Fifteen minutes in, Dave was expounding the virtues of the sternal saw in all it's glory, having already told the story of the double right-sided GSW's that he had the privilege of saving yesterday. John had almost had enough of Dave's unbridled enthusiasm, when the door to the lounge opened once more.

"Malucci! Get your butt out there! We've got patients waiting. I don't want to have to tell you again." The familiar redhead stepped out of the doorway, standing aside as Dave left to see patients.

"Alrighty, chief." Dave saluted Kerry as he flew out the door. "See ya later, Carter."

~When we walked through
Little Italy
I saw my reflection
Come right off your face~

"John. I heard you were here." Kerry sat down on the couch next to him, rubbing his forearm. "You shouldn't be here. It's too soon."

"Dr. Weaver, I'm fine. Really. I want to work." John's shaking head betrayed his true feelings. He ran his fingers through he hair and turned to face Kerry with a sheepish look. "I'm ready." His voice wavered slightly and he turned his gaze back to the floor.

"John, I know you." She moved her hand to his shoulder. "I want you to go home; take few more days off. Come back when you're really ready." Kerry eyed the young resident, hoping he'd follow her suggestion. When her parents died three years ago, she didn't tell anyone from work. She didn't take anytime off and it was one of her major regrets. "We'll be here...there's always more patients to see." She rubbed his back as she stood up. "Speaking of patients, I got to get back. I'm sorry for your loss, John. Just call me before you come back."

John watched Kerry leave the room, then, sighing, he whipped off his lab coat and stethoscope, quickly stuffing them back in his locker. He pulled on his overcoat, taking one last look around the room. Kerry was right. He wasn't ready to be back, but he didn't have anywhere else to go. Home was out of the question, after his argument with his mother and, besides, it wasn't his home anyway. He sighed, grabbing his bag and walking through the ER, eyes down. He supposed that he would go to his grandparents' mansion; it was really the only home he ever knew.

He somehow made it through the ER without attracting any attention, stepping into the ambulance bay, suddenly thankful that Kerry had sent him home. He rounded the corner by the patient entrance, almost knocking over Abby. She was smoking, hugging her arms around herself in a vain attempt to keep warm.

~Threw my bad fortune
Off the top of
A tall building
But I'd rather done it with you~

"Hey." He said somewhat warily; he wasn't sure how to approach her. "Bad day?" He motioned to her cigarette, which she promptly threw to the ground, stomping it out.

"Yeah...how'd you guess?" She sighed. "I don't really want to bother you with my problems...you've got enough on your mind." Turning to look at John, she pulled her coat tighter around her.

"Well...it would be kind of refreshing to hear someone else's woes...what's up?" He raised his eyebrow, eliciting the slightest of smiles from her. "Come on...tell me."

"Fine. I'll tell you...just don't blame me if my petty grievances annoy you." She stuck her hands in her pockets, as he looked at her expectantly. "This morning, I found out that the loan I applied for last year was approved, and, for some reason, I thought that sharing this bit of information with some of my fellow nurses was a good idea."

"So, you get to go back to med school. That's great news, Abby." Carter flashed her the first real smile he'd given anybody in days.

"Yeah, that's what I thought too. But, apparently, some of the other nurses weren't to thrilled with my career shift, even though I started in the ER as a student in the first place." She rolled her eyes, and continued. "So...I got stuck with the worst patients, all the clean up duty....the gross stuff. And it's not as if I don't feel bad enough about this already...I mean, I don't really have all that much confidence in my abilities as a doctor as it is, and now, with this negative pressure...I just don't know. I'm sure they'll get over it, but I don't know if I will."

"Abby, you'll be a great doctor." She gave a sarcastic chuckle. "No, really, you will be. You're great with the patients and you're smart." Abby turned away from John and looked at the ground.

"You really think so?" John nodded and Abby let loose a slight grin. "Thanks...I appreciate it." She brought her hand out of her pocket, glancing quickly at her watch. "Oh man, I gotta go. Thanks for listening...what are you doing out here anyway?"

"Weaver's sending me home...can't say as I blame her. She's right, you know. I'm not ready." He nervously licked his lips, remembering the argument this morning. "But I can't really go home right now...I think I'm going to stay with my grandparents." He didn't want to get into this morning's event, so he hastily changed subjects. "Are we still on for tomorrow night?"

Abby frowned; obviously something was really bothering him. "Tomorrow night? Did we have plans?"

"The business dinner thing? You said you'd go...Gamma still wants to meet you. Please don't make me go alone." John gave her a pleading face and she couldn't resist those puppy dog eyes.

"Of course, I'll go. I just assumed...that because of what happened..." She trailed off.

"Well...business must go on. It gives us all something else to focus on for a while. If you come, I'll even let you see the picture gallery...Come on, I'm offering to show you my baby pictures. I can't promise you that it'll be a particularly fun evening...but that's worth something." He grinned, blocking her way back to the ER.

"I said I'll go...God...can I go back to work now?" She smiled back at him, as he moved out of her way. "8:00 right?"

"Yeah, we'll send a car...and dress businessy." He turned to leave, expecting her next statement.

"Businessy, huh? What the hell does that mean? And don't send a car..." She watched as he kept on walking. "Okay, fine...send a car, but don't expect me to like it. I'll see you tomorrow." He waved back at her, continuing his forward stride. "Bye..." She returned to the ER, her mood greatly improved.

~So I take my
Good fortune
And I fantasize
Of our leaving
Like some modern-day
Gypsy landslide
Like some Modern-day Bonnie and Clyde
On the run again~