"Our mission today," Pein says in a familiar monotone, "Is to capture the cat known as Tora, and return it to its owner, the Fire Daimyo's wife."

"Capturing a cat?!" Deidara blurts out incredulously. "Why the hell are we dealing with something as stupid as that?!"

"It seems like a conflict of interest to deal with the Fire Daimyo's wife," Sasori adds, expression unchanging.

"We've been offered a large sum of money if we return Tora," Konan responds. "The team who manages to do so will reap the majority of the rewards."

Kakuzu visibly brightens at that, which Itachi finds all sorts of disturbing. Otherwise, grumbles and mutters circle around the room, though nothing of note is said afterwards.

As soon as Pein says, "Dismissed," the Akatsuki disperses, each gravitating towards their partners no matter their relationship with them.

"So, 'Tachi," Kisame greets with a sharp-toothed grin, "You're from Konoha. Have you ever dealt with this cat?"

Itachi's lips press together, and he hears a mixture of bloodcurdling and frustrated screams echo in the back of his mind.

I'm going to skin that cat , he hears in a resolute voice that sounds suspiciously like Shisui.

You can't skin the Daimyo's wife's cat, Hound-taichou tells him. His voice is flat, but there's a hint of longing in his tone.

"Yes," he says solemnly. Kisame's brows furrow, but before he can say much, Madara pops in to greet the core members of the Akatsuki.

"Hello!~" he says cheerfully, head tilting to the side. "Didja guys get a cool mission? Ooh, ooh, maybe I can join?"

"It's just catching some stupid cat," Deidara tells him, almost pouting. Itachi imagines he'd much rather create his 'art' instead of catching Tora. He supposes that's fair, since Deidara isn't aware of what Tora is truly capable of.

Not that he has much of a problem with the cat himself, but he's heard plenty of horror stories before.

"A cat?" Madara asks gleefully. "How cute! What's its name? Do you think I can pet it?"

"Its name is Tora," Sasori answers blandly, and Madara goes rigid .

"Oh," he lets out in a far deeper voice than he's ever presented in front of the other members of the Akatsuki.

Itachi wonders what experiences Madara Uchiha has had with Tora in order to make him falter. Perhaps he really is immortal as the rumors suggest. He can't imagine Madara hunting after Tora, but he supposes he was just a (somewhat) normal young man before he'd become a legend (or warning as to what happens when you allow arrogance to overtake you, in some circles).

"Ah… You know," Madara says a moment later, forcing chipperness into his tone, "I actually have things to do. Buh-bye!"

With that, Madara runs off, cloak flapping wildly in the wind, and Hidan scoffs.

"It's just a shitty old cat," he says disdainfully, "How hard can catching it be?"


"Let's sacrifice it to Jashin," Hidan suggests in a half-manic voice, staring at Tora hungrily. His left arm lays on the ground, and one of his eyes has been ripped out of his skill. It'd be a horrific sight to behold, for anyone outside of the Akatsuki.

"I don't think we're allowed to do that," Kisame says, looking amused.

"It's playing with my fucking eye like it's a fucking cat toy!" Hidan snarls, practically radiating bloodlust. Tora looks up at him, blinking languidly as he bats around his eyeball. He almost looks smug.

Good boy, Itachi tries to tell him telepathically. Tora digs his claws into the dirt and arches his back in a big stretch.

"He's worth a lot of money," Kakuzu says, though he looks unhinged in a way that Itachi's never seen before. Nearby, one of his hearts lays on the ground, torn to ribbons. A red mask lay atop a puddle of crimson.

"How'd this happen anyway?" Kisame asks, looking at the cat with an interested expression.

For the first time ever, Hidan doesn't have a word to say. Itachi resists the urge to throw Tora a treat.


"Did you catch him?" Itachi asks mildly.

Deidara, covered in soot and burns, narrows his eyes. "WHAT?!" he yells, far louder than necessary. The explosion from earlier had caused a minor earthquake, so he's not surprised if it left him half-deaf.

"Did you catch him?" Itachi repeats, eyes flicking to the left. "Tora."

Deidara remains silent for a moment before flipping him off and walking away. He does so backwards, though, and ends up slipping on the red ribbon that had been left behind on the ground. He screams.

"Are you alright?" Itachi asks next.

"FUCK YOU, PRETTY BOY!" Deidara shouts as he shoots back up from the ground, then promptly stomps out of the room.

Itachi glances at Tora, who circles around the countertop, eyeing him with thin, dark eyes. "Do you think I offended him somehow?" Tora yawns in response.


Zetsu slips through the floor, then promptly lunges towards Tora, looking ready to swallow him whole. The cat dodges him easily, trotting across the room and past Itachi.

The Uchiha watches him go, then turns his gaze to Zetsu, whose face is still pressed into the floor. He didn't think a plant creature had the capability to look so miserable.


"Should we do something about that?" Kisame asks, scratching his jaw. Madara screeches, waving his war fan around wildly as he chases Tora. The cat barely seems to notice.

"Hn," Itachi replies eloquently. Tora abruptly switches his course upon noticing something in the distance, winding around Madara's legs and causing him to stumble.

When he inevitably crashes to the ground in a pile of flailing limbs, Tora casually sits by his head and bops Madara on the nose, offering him a scratchy meow.

"Fair enough," Kisame decides.

Madara reaches out desperately for Tora, but he steps away a moment before the man's fingers can ghost over his fur. He watches as he leaves despairingly, then slams his face into the dirt and sobs.


"Why haven't you caught that cat yet?" Pein asks. Although his expression is as flat as ever, he sounds almost annoyed.

Each member of the Akatsuki - sans Itachi, Kisame, and Konan - stare back at him with contempt. He notices then, that Sasori's left arm looks brand new, and deep cracks run down his ash-covered leg before reaching a gaping hole from the knee downwards. He'd been wondering why he wasn't with Deidara earlier.

"That's not a cat," Deidara tells him, hair sticking up every which way. "That's a demon ."

Pein stares back flatly. "You're being ridiculous."

"Well then why don't you go catch that son of a bitch!" Hidan shouts, jabbing his finger in Pein's direction. "Get yourself some dirty fucking eyeballs!"

Pein looks displeased but acquiesces. "Very well then," he says, gaze hard. "If you're all too incompetent, then I'll deal with it myself."


" SHINRA FUCKING TENSEI! "

The building shakes, and Itachi frowns when his tea spills onto the table.

"He's done that like a dozen times now," Kisame says with a slightly awed grin. "And he still can't catch the thing."

Itachi lets out a mournful sigh and glances out the window. Tora hops gracefully between floating objects, seeming entirely unaffected by the gravity flip. When everything crashes back down, he lands on all fours in one of the many craters that litter the ground.

Konan looks at the cat, almost impressed, while Pein looks like he's a second away from bursting a blood vessel.

"Do you think they'll catch him?" Kisame asks, watching along with him.

Konan sends out a whirlwind of paper to capture Tora, but he simply flips out of the way, sending her a look before sitting down to lick his paw as if nothing's happened.

Itachi hums. "Probably not."


"Tora," Itachi greets the cat at the end of the day, holding out his hand for him to sniff. Tora does so, then promptly rubs his face against Itachi's extended finger, purring enthusiastically.

"What," Deidara lets out flatly, "The fuck."

Itachi glances up just as Tora hops up onto his shoulder. "Hello," he greets his fellow Akatsuki members, who are all staring at him, either in awe or rage.

Kisame steps up, then crouches next to Itachi. "He's actually kinda cute," he admits with a sharp-toothed grin. Tora purrs smugly, wrapping around Itachi's neck like a scarf, and his lips curl into a smile.

"He is," Itachi agrees mildly, eyes twinkling with amusement as he watches the other Akatsuki members twitch - or foam at the mouth, in Hidan's case - from beneath his eyelashes. "Isn't he?"