Greetings, my minions. Hark: The next installment of Duo and the Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes! Enjoy! NOte: Yeah, shitty uploading. For some reason it wouldn't accept my HTML document, so I had to use the mother of all crap: Notepad. Oh, the horrors...

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, etc.

Warnings: Just some language and twisted humor. Yes, I am insane. Oh yeah…numerous character bashing. Don't take it seriously. I like Trowa, I really do. The Banged One kicks ass.


Duo and the Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes: Part TWO


Last time I said that my Gnomes were telling me something...uh...different. Yeah, they are. My lovely Lawn Gnomes are actually forming a plot to kill me and take over my factory. I knew that most of the Gnomes just wanted a nice romp in the ivy with Relena (gargle gargle HACK). Actually, they probably wanted a nice fuck with Milliardo, too. There's some case of incest. O_O

Yeah, so...anyway, apparently my Gnomes are plotting to take me by my glorious, lovely, beautiful, sexy, wicked, etc. braid. They then warned me that they would string me to May Day pole they had set up and whirl me around until I puked my guts out. Frankly, that's bullshit. Like my darling Gnomes are actually serious.

To put it bluntly, their "leader" basically threatened to stab me repeatedly with a butter knife after my May Pole torture. I scoff at the idea of someone (or...something? Are Gnomes people? No, they're...animated inanimates) actually considering themselves more powerful than me. Screw that! And really. A butter knife? If it actually can penetrate my flesh...DAMN. That's gotta hurt like a bitch.

Oh! I hear one of my slaves calling. It sounds like...okay. Frankly, I have no idea what it sounds like.

"Duooooooooooooo..............!" Oh yes. That pitiful whine, that tune stuck in my head screaming "RASPBERRY BERET!!!!!!!"...it could only be one idiot. That woof Hirde Schbeiker-muffin.

"Yes, Hirde?" I asked sweetly. You never knew when this particular chick was gonna go postal.

"I...made...a... Gnome eating a steak...for you..." She rasped. Good, that bubonic plague injection is working.

"Oh? Why thank you, Hirde." Ah, what a nice show of respect from my most irritating minion! Where to place this Gnome...I know. He can go in the front yard to attract the neighboring Doberman Factory. Perfect. Those dogs will go wild for that steak. I laugh madly.

Hirde's eyes widened considerably.

"Duo..."

"Shut up. Always remember this: I'm not as dumb as you look." I barked. Show this chick who's boss.

"Yes, SIR!" She saluted. Damn straight, I thought.

"Now get back to work and MAKE MORE GNOMES!" I yelled autocraticly. Go me. I now have ultimate power. Since when did I not have ultimate power? :D

Now, back to my disregard for the assassination plan against me...

"MAXWELL!" Shit.

I march over to the next chamber.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, DAMMIT?" I bellowed. Sigh. This Wufei dude sure needs some Prozac.

Wufei's lower lip stuck out belligerently. What the hell does the peewee want?

"I was forced to make this ONNA GNOME!"

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! SHIT! No female Gnomes are permitted! I can't have my fully male Gnomes reproducing like JACKBUNNIES!

"WHO forced you?" I demanded. Oh, when I got my hands on them....

Wufei shrank back.

"Noin did, Master Maxwell." Hey, that has a nice ring to it: Master Maxwell...EXCUSE ME? That floozy NOIN? OH, what I'm gonna do to her...I wring my hands in excitement.

I pushed Wufei out of the way and stormed out the door. Wufei called out behind me...

"But Master! What should I do with the Woman Gnome?"

I stopped stomping and poked my head back in.

"Burn it." I will tolerate no females to screw with my Gnomes!

Freakin' A. Now, which one is Noin's chamber...Found it. I threw open the door and sped up to the fruit's back, hunched over her Gnome-Making Bench. I tapped her back. Hard.

"Wha-" Her face froze. Oh yeah...

I gave her the biggest bitch slap since Lady Une's whopper in some episode of GW, I can't remember. Ow. Those things really hurt like a bitch on your hand.

"DO NOT GIVE ORDERS WITHOUT MY CONSENT!" I screamed in her ear.

"Ow..." she whimpered. Hell yes.

"DO YOU HEAR ME?

"Y-yes, Mas-"

"GOOD." I cut her off viciously. No one screws with Master Maxwell's despotism.

I marched out of the chambers to my Laboratory. Oh, what a day...

I looked out my lovely one and only window.

HOLY SHIT.

My Gnomes...they're...

SCREWING!

Stay alert for zee next installment of...Duo and the Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes!!!!!!!!!!!
wareme
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