Note: No, I don't hate the Avengers. But they aren't better than the X-Men. Some lines Marvel wrote for the Avengers were just as weird as some they did for the X-Men. There we see how they are all Marvel creatures :-)
Verse: General, very general verse. No specific era. No Thunderbolts for Hawkeye, no Onslaught for anyone. Late 70's Avengers-like. Get my drift? Cool.
*...* is communications over channels.
*********
Danger Boom 2: Dirty Laundry
As soon as he received the coordinates of the crash, Cyclops turned on the autopilot and established communication with Jean back at the mansion.
*Jean, you hear me?*
*Yes, Scott.*
*I'll open direct channel with Iron Man. Stay on.*
Scott slightly turned to look at his team-mates. "Now guys, stay quiet. Let's act like pros."
Sigh, giggle and snort where his only replies from his team-mates.
*This is Cyclops, of the X-Men. Avengers, you hear me?*
*Perfectly. I have already transfered the flight plan datas to your computers. What's you ETA?*
Scott looked down at his screens. *Estimated Time of Arrival is 27 minutes,* answered Cyclops.
"If we don't crash," whispered Jubilee.
Scott glared at Jubilee. "Stay quiet. It's all your fault if we're in here right now."
"Wow! MY fault? You mean, like, *I* made that Quinjet-thingy crash? 'scuuuuuuuuse me, didn't know I had the make-planes-crash-from-distance gift!" ranted the teenager.
"Jubilation," cut in Storm. "Must I remind you that it is YOUR spying over restricted channels that made us involved in that mission."
"Hey, Stormy. Wasn't you I spotted flying low over the boat-house the other night? I wouldn't talk so mighty about spying," pointed out Wolverine.
"I have not the slightest idea what you are talking about, Logan. Maybe you had a few drinks to many... again," retorted an outraged Storm.
"What did you say, Logan?!!" cut in Scott, realizing the implications of what the Canadian had said.
"You should look for curtains sales, Slim. That's all I'll say," laughed Logan.
Storm looked straight at Cyclops. "Do not listen to him. He must be experiencing some alcohol-induced flashbacks from his past."
"Hrm. Yeah. Whatever." Cyclops returned his full attention to the Blackbirds control. But the word *curtains* kept haunting his mind.
"Next time, 'Ro. Try and fly lower. I'll catch ye and show ye all you wanna see," whispered Wolverine, as he winked at the Weather Goddess. "And more."
"In your dreams, Logan!"
Wolverine leaned forward toward Storm. "Ye're already in them, darlin'."
"C'mon, Wolvie! You just got laid, like what, 30 minutes ago with a chick wearing the cheapest perfume around? Wow, you hunt them with yer nose or what? Geez, one more reason to take a shower!" said Jubilee, wriggling her nose.
"Ye're a bit to young to talk like that, kid," growled Wolverine.
Scott laughed. "You hear that? And who had shown her to talk dirty?"
"Watch it, Slim. At least, she knows about life. Can't say she got any useful hints from you," retorted Wolverine, getting a bit mad. He never liked people talking about his bad influence on Jubilee. Scott knew it all to well, and bugging Wolverine was always fun. To a point. Which point was getting closer by the second.
"Huh, 'scuse me, guys? I don't need any of you for that. You know, that thing they invented long ago, called TV? There's that channel, Discovery..." started Jubilee.
"That is a very good channel for you, Jubilation. You will learn many interesting things watching it," approved Storm.
"Yeah. Like, the other night, I watched it with Gambit." She looked at Wolverine. "Wolvie, did you know that smoking can get you impotent?"
Scott burts out laughing at the idea of an impotent Wolverine but refrained to comment, probably from male solidarity.
"My mind cannot accept the concept of a sentence including the words -impotent- and -Wolverine-," ironized Storm. "Unless you add the words -dead drunk-. Which would then make a lot of sense."
"Same here," laughed Jubilee.
"Thanks, folks. Very funny," growled Logan.
"Anyway," continued Jubilee. "There was also this thing about sexual deviants and stuff. The Cajun's stories were way funnier. Sure, I knew the guy had to have some imagination, y'know, with Rogue and all... Gee, we laughed our guts out," continued Jubilee.
"No more television," blantly announced Storm.
"I'll have to talk to Gambit," remarked Scott, a frown on his face.
"Before I kill him," groaned Wolverine.
*Huh... Guys? This is very... huh... interesting... but could we keep our minds on the mission at hand?* asked Iron Man over the - left open - channel.
Cyclops glared at Storm. "You didn't put the channel on mute?!"
Storm shrugged indignatly. "You did not ask me to."
"Storm's right, Cyclops. And now all the Avengers will know about our little family affairs. Cool. Can't wait to hear the gossips! Very cool, Fearless Leader. Thankye!" ironized Jubilee.
"Not all the Avengers, Jubilee. Just Iron Man."
*I'm sorry to tell you, Cyclops, that all our communications are recorded and studied by the team members. Standard procedure. I am sure you understand.*
"Storm?" asked Cyclops.
"Priority channel muted."
*******
"Great. Now we'll be the joke around. I wonder why I bothered to ask you all to stay quiet," sighed Cyclops.
"I am sure the Avengers would not..." Storm's voice trailed off. Would they?
"Not what? Hey, you heard that metal-can over there? In case you didn't get it, they record and listen to all communications they get," remarked Jubilee.
*X-Men?* came Jean's voice over the Blackbird channel.
*Jean, you heard that?* asked Scott.
*Everything*
Long pause filled with sighs.
*If that can make you all feel better... I, hrm, took the initiative to look at some files we have on the Avengers...*
"Yeah, tell us everything about them! So if they try and make fun of us..." started Jubilee.
Scott stared at the teenager. Indeed, they had just scratched the reputation of the X-Men, bickering among them over the Avengers' channel like fans around the last poster of Hugh Jackman.
*Due to the nature of this mission, everything you can provide us as information will be welcome* replied Cyclops.
"Way to say, hey, give us the gossips so we can laugh back at 'em," whispered Wolverine.
"Tell me about Steeeeeeeeeeeeve!" shouted Jubilee, out of instinct.
*Hold on.*
"Storm, double check that the channel with the Avengers' on mute," asked Scott.
"Already done."
*Ok. I'll start with... the Wasp.* Jean's voice, despite the communication, convied very well her disdain at that Avengers' member. The X-Men's night at the 5th Avenue mansion wasn't forgetten yet.
*Go ahead*
Everyone in the Blackbird leaned back comfortably in their seat, ready to enjoy the -report-.
*Real name: Janet Van Dyne. Hrm. Pretty snoby name. Anyway. She's - and we guessed that already - a millionaire. She was, or is, married to the Avenger named AntMan, real name Henry Pym...*
Logan burst out laughing so loud, everyone jumped in their seat. "AntMan! And you guys worry about me being impotent???"
After everyone regained some composure, Jean continued.
*So, she was married to him. Then they divorced. Then they got married again. And I guess they'll divorce again, given the tread. This guy, a scientist named AntMan, was also known at some point as YellowJacket... and was quite pertubed, if not totally insane...*
"No wonder, with such a wife... Why didn't they call him StraightJacket?" commented Jubilee.
*Anything else interesting about her?* asked Cyclops.
*I never said I found anything interesting about her* came the instantaneous cold reply.
*Nor did I. OK, something about Iron Man?*
*Hold on.* Pause. *Iron Man: real name, Tony Stark, of Stark Industries. Another millionaire. Before he bankrupted. His identy is supposely secret. Hrm. Anyway. When he lost everything down to his last shirt - or armor, for that matter - he turned on alcohol. From that point on, another guy took his place...*
"I'd bet for his chauffeur," remarked Storm.
*You got it, Storm. His chauffeur. But then, Stark managed to settle his problems and got his job back as Iron Man. For now, I cannot say with which Iron Man you're in touch with, because there is no note on the chauffeur's fate.*
"Sent back to the junk yard," grinned Jubilee.
*What about the others?* asked Scott, curious. It was already obvious the Avengers were not better than the X-Men when it came to internal problems. He liked that a lot.
"What about Steeeeeeeeeeeeve?" asked once again Jubilee.
*Ok. Here are details on the Scarlet Witch. Mutant. As you all know, she's Quicksilver's sister, and Magneto's daughter...*
Loud growl, snort and hummps echoed Jean's last comment.
*Wow. She's... hrm... special, it seems.*
Jean using the word special wasn't to be taken lightly. It usually meant the person was way out of it.
*No surprise, with such a family tree* replied Scott.
"I wouldn't talk 'bout family trees, if I were you," laughed Wolverine.
*First of all, she and her brother had been raised by a..... cow....*
*A what???!!!* shouted Scott.
"A what???!!!"
*A cow named Bova. Told you she was special. Anyway. So she is known for having had a short affair with Hawkeye... That in itself puts her in the definite weirdo list... So after kicking him off, she fell for a guy named WonderMan...*
"Gawd, where do they get these nicks?" wondered Jubilee.
*WonderMan is an invulnerable guy. So the record says... just before there's a death notice on him. Anyway, so he died. His mind's datas have then been transfered to an android named Vision... Would you guess who managed the transfer?*
*I vote for that StraightJacket guy,* answered Scott.
*You got it, Scott. No only did he managed the whole procedure, but he ALSO had, by some bonds, been involved in Vision's creation. So, they got WonderMan's mind transfered to that android, and the Scarlet Witch fell for him... or, it...*
"Argh!! no wonder she's Magneto's daughter!!!!" shouted Jubilee. "I'm gonna be sick! Where's the puke bag???"
*You haven't heard half of it, Jubilee. Not only did she fell for him, but she had twins fathered by that android...*
"That is impossible, Jean. Robots cannot procreate. Hopefully," pointed out Storm.
"Even me know that," whispered Jubilee. "Puke bag, NOW!"
*You know that, I know that. But the Scarlet Witch, well, she projected her twins...*
*Huh?*
*Yes, Scott. She used magic to create her babies. That's weird. I told you she was... special.*
"Nutso would fit better," laughed Wolverine.
*We're almost at the rendez-vous, Jean. What else do you have on the Avengers?*
*I still have the Black Widow, Hawkeye, and a few others...*
"Do you have something on Steeeeeeeeve?" screamed Jubilee.
*Yes, Jubilee. I also have something on Captain America.*
*Go ahead, Jean. This is very.... enlightning.*
"To say the least," added Storm.
*OK. Here's the Black Widow's file...*
"Is there a requirement for Avengers to use a color in their name? Red, Yellow, now Black?" wondered Storm.
*Real name: Natalia Alianovna Romanova. She's from the former U.S.S.R., Russia. Formely a Russian spy. Then an Hydra spy...*
"What's Hydra?" asked Jubilee.
"Kind of the Hand," explained Wolverine.
*... She is known for having had an affair with Hawkeye...*
"Gee, the guy's a hooker or what?" wondered Jubilee.
*She, in a way, made Hawkeye recruited in the Avengers. The plot with these two is so long, you guys would reach Japan before I'm done reading it all. Which leads us to Hawkeye....*
"Skip him, get to Steeeeeeeve!" shouted Jubilee.
*Go ahead, Jean* prompted Scott.
*Hawkeye. Real name: Clinton Francis Barton. That guy's file is pretty long... I'll get to the point. Orphaned as a teenager... Trained in a circus with a crook named SwordMan. Fell into the Black Widow's trap, had a run in with the law... Joined the Avengers... Kicked a lot of baddies for a guy without any special power... Quit and rejoined the Avengers about 10 times...*
"Wow, that would be their own Wolverine?" remarked Jubilee.
*I would say so. So he had these affairs with the ladies I mentioned before. It seems that the most special notes on him are that he is Captain America's most trusted and reliable team-mate. Trained by him. Oh... and he's a jerk and has a big mouth. That latest comment is personnal.*
*And shared* replied Scott.
"That would definatly make him the Avengers' Wolverine," whispered Storm.
"Heard ye, Stormy," groaned Logan.
"Anything on Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeve?" begged Jubilee.
*Yes. Hold on.*
"Guys, we're there. Get ready for landing," announced Scott as the Blackbird moved down.
*Jean, thanks for the report. Stay on.*
"Argh........ what about Steeeeeve???"
