Cloud Channel 7
The sequel to the wildly popular Cloud Channels 5 and 6! Sit back and enjoy!
*ON AIR*
Cloud: Hello, folks! I'm Cloud Strife, and this is my co-host and wife, Aeris Strife!
Aeris: HI!!!!!! Hee hee! Cloudy poo!
Cloud: Aeris! I-Oh, well, anyway, my shows on channels 5and 6 were taken off the air, so now I am here. Channel 7. Let's first go to Fujin and uh…Squall for the, uh, weather.
Squall: I don't care about the weather (turns to Fujin) DO YOU care about weather?
Fujin: CARE.
Squall: Bah! I don't care! I don't! I'm not doin' no weather, just leave me to acting cold and stupid-like.
Cloud: GUARDDDDDDD!!!!!!!
(Biff runs in)
Cloud: Oh no, not you!!!!!
Biff: Y-y-yes Mister Cloud sir! I kiss your feet! I kiss your…um………..kiddie velcro shoes!
Cloud: SHUT UP, BIFF! Escort Squall to the door!!!!
Biff: Oh! Y-y-yes sir! Anything you say, s-sir!
Squall: Hey! You can't do nothin'! You got diddley squat against me, you hear me!? Hey! Is that a NIGHTSTICK!??? WAAAAAAH! (runs out the back door of the studio)
Clodu: *sigh* Never ends…..Fujin, do the weather.
Fujin: OKAY. CLEAR SKIES IN EAST.
Biff: CLOUD!!!! I kiss your feet!
Cloud: GET THE HELL OFFSTAGE, YOU IDIOT!!!!!
Biff: Uh, uh, yes sir! HEE HEE! (runs offstage)
Fujin: RAIN OVER MIDWEST. SNOW IN WEST. THAT ALL. LEAVE.
Cloud: No wait! What about the extended forecasssssssst?
(Fujin walks out the back door)
Cloud: Argh, that stinks. Okay, let's do stocks. Let's see, the-
Yuffie: This is what you did the LAST two times! Do something ELSE! Bleh! Meh! Feh!
Cloud: WILL YOU CAN IT?
Yuffie: No!!!! Just do a little soft-shoe or something!
(Cloud looks at the camera)
Cloud: Uh…..what's soft-shoe?
(Everyone falls down like they do in anime)
Yuffie: Ugh……………DANCE, ya crazy ox of a mammoth colossal titan!
Cloud: NO! Such sophisticated worrrrrrrrrrds!!!!!! ARGH! Okay!
(Biff runs on stage)
Biff: Let's do the Irish Jig!
Cloud: Ok!
(Yuffie turns on the radio and……..)
Radio: I'LL KEEP YOU BY MY SIDE WITH MY SUPERHUMAN-
Cloud: YUFFIE!!!!!!! TURN THAT ^&&^%& MUSIC OFF!!!!!
Yuffie: Okay!
(Changes the station)
Radio: DO YOU KNOW!!!!! WHAT IT FEELS LIKE……FOR A-
Cloud: Yuffie!!!!!!!! TURN……IT…….OFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yuffie: OK!
(Changes the station)
Radio: FEEEEEEEEEEELINGS….NOTHING MORE THAN…….FEEEEEEE-
Cloud: &**^*^&^&^&&**&^ little maggot!
(Cloud charges headfirst at Yuffie, who casually steps out of the way. Cloud slams into the radio, knocking it over and breaking it, but also stopping the music.)
Cloud: OWWWWW…….
(Biff runs on stage)
Biff: Let's talk about…….MULLETS!!!!!!!!!!
Yuffie: ARGH!
(Suddenly, a gunshot is heard from the rafters. The bullet hits Biff in the leg)
Biff: OW! That hurt! Whoever shot that is a meanie! GRAZABULDA MAKOMAKO! AAAAAH! (runs offstage)
(Cloud gets up)
Cait Sith: Well, lemme show you a trick, yup yup!
Cloud: Eh, go hump a rabbit!
Cait Sith: POO YOO! By the way, my name is prounouced "Ket Shee". GOT THAT??????
(Screams of "Cayt Sihth" is heard)
Cait Sith: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! (runs offstage)
Cloud: Uh….what's that noise? (looks up)
(eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……………..*splat*)
Cloud: Uh, Tifa, is that you?
(Cloud peels the Tifa pancake off the stage)
Tifa: Uhm….yehs! Cahn you skweesh me sho I cahn be normal aghain?
Cloud: Uh, sure (squeezes Tifa)
Tifa: Ah, that's better! Soldier! (runs offstage)
Producer: Cut to commercials!
Cloud: NO! &%&&%&^^& ass…………
{Authors Note: Have you ever wondered what people do on commercials? They do things they would normally say was a bunch of rotten *^*^&. Let's observe the off air crew on air…hehehehehe!}
Cloud: (grabs a guitar) Oh gimme a home……where the buffalo roam…..
Yuffie: (smoking one of Cid's cigs) Got any threes?
Tifa: Like *^^**&^%^&^ I got threes, buffnugget.
Cid: (reading book of Manliness) Dude, what's an unidentified area?
Aeris: (giggles) Hee hee! {Okay, so Aeris is never out-of-character. Sue me. No, not literally! No! No! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!}
Red XIII: You're a *^*^^*&*. Cloud's a &*^^*&^*. Everybody's a &%%%*&. Bugenhagen can kiss my-
Barret: GIN!!!!!!!
Cait Sith: Muddavugga. You won. Now I gotta give my microphone up……well you know what? I'm NOT!!!!!! So THERE!!!!!!!
Me: Um, guys?
Cast: WHAT, ASSHOLE?????
Me: SHUT UP!!!!! I created you, you can't insult me! Anyway, just wanted to say, you guys are currently on air. We got your off camera antics ON CAMERA! MWA HA HA! I RULE! ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!!!!!!
Cloud: Dude, we've been duped…….
Red XIII: Damn &^&*^^*^ing straight.
(Everybody looks at Red)
Red XIII: Uh…..err……..SETO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barret: (Look at the camera) Duplicated! BOOYAKA! (metamorphs into…………………….GEODUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Cloud:: What the Holy Shit is going on?
Barret: Geodude! Dude! Dude! (turns into Barret) I just had a dream I was you, Cloud ol' foo'! And….and……..I was a bear in a marshmallow suit! OY OY OY!!!!! (runs around in circles)
Cloud: (looks at camera) Nutcase………….
Producer: Dude, let's do a murder mystery!
Cloud: DUDE!
Yuffie: DUDE!
(Vincent enters from offstage)
Vincent: Wassaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap?
(everyone looks at Vincent)
Vincent: Oh. I mean…nice to see you……………………
(Vincent stands next to Cait Sith and hands him a hat and cane. Vincent put on a hat and cane.)
Vincent:……………………………………….softshoe……
Cloud: DA DALA DEE DA DAAAAAAAAA!!!
(Vincent and Cait Sith dance offstage like Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck or like some other people that……oh, never mind……)
Cloud: Next up is…..(looks at watch)……oh fudge, we are OUT OF TIME! GOODBYE FOLKS! (everyone zooms off stage)
Producer: Uh…….Cloud? I think that was the watch I set to be five minutes ahead.
(sounds of fainting, disembowelment, and mullets being tossed. Mullets are tossed onstage by the audience)
Producer: MULLETS!!!!! (runs onstage to eat the mullet)
Cloud: /me eats a mullet! YAY!!!!!!!
(Yuffie comes out carrying a large "The End" sign.)
Yuffie: Somebody set up us the bomb!!!!
THE END! Or…….IS it………………………..
BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
Cloud: Idiot, it is!
Me: Shaadap. (throws a bald turkey at Cloud)
THE END! (NOT)
Yuffie: IT'S THE END! (goes off stage and gets a huge sign) There? Oes this work???????
(The audience starts to laugh hysterically)
Yuffie: Wha? (Yuffie turns the sign around and sees that it is a picture of her picking her nose) YAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! (runs offstage)
(a curtain is dropped, and……………..)
THE END!!!!!!!!!!! (Really)
