Thom:

Hey, thanks to everyone who commented and suggested :-) Love y'all, you're great! Here is the next (albeit late!) instalment.

Please don't take offence, I'm only having a bit of fun.

Things You Would Never Catch Tamora Pierce Characters Saying III: I know what you did last chapter

Thom:

  1. And you thought David Copperfield was good.
  2. Wizard, qualified, seeks home. Requires large space, preferably near convenient cemetery, with fireproof floor. Will provide own heating. May disrupt fabric of reality occasionally.
  3. I wonder what happens if I push this large metaphorical button marked 'mass destruction'...
  4. No, dammit Liam, I do *not* want your number, Alanna is over *there*.
  5. I may be incredibly stupid, but my shield designs are pretty damn nifty.

Daine:

  1. My father is actually Rolf Harris
  2. All those talking animals? I hired the Muppets.
  3. God, I love psychotic men in black eyeliner.
  4. Screw you, Numair! Oh wait…I am.
  5. Oh look, a kraken! Aw...it's so cute...look at it's ickle mile long tentacles...can I keep him?

Alanna:

  1. Oh go on, Jonathan, *please* let me be your slave for a night...*please*
  2. Lapdancing here.
  3. Where's my Wonderbra? How can I fight without it?
  4. The secret to attracting devilishly handsome and powerful men? Emotional retardation, a big sword, and a good slay.
  5. I cook a mean sponge cake.

Lord Wyldon:

1. I cross-dress at weekends.

2. Prejudiced, cruel, bald and arrogant...but I have my bad points too.

3. I stalk in my spare time.

4. Girls? As squires? Count me in! And let's give them the vote while we're there!

5. I ride around with a big lance to make up for other deficits.

Kaddar:

  1. The dinosaurs did *what* on my carpet?
  2. What do you mean someone's trying to kill me?
  3. I gobble when I eat.
  4. Despite appearing to be a complete idiot, if you kill my uncle and put me next in line to the throne, I suddenly turn into the King everyone dreams of.
  5. Max factor: the make-up of emperors.

By A Nonny Mouse:

Thom:

You know, I'm actually just depressed, that's why I continually put people in danger and raise the dead, why does everyone say I did it for Delia

By Jaelawyn:

Alanna:

Roger - you HOTT Sexy bastard! Come here and ravage me!

Roger:

I Didn't really want to kill Squire Alan. In Truth - I wanted to love him - Yes... I am a bisexual.

Hello. My name is Roger. I have a problem. I want to destroy the world because no one will have sex with me

By umm...

Joren: Why was I mean to you, Kel? Well...You see *blush* I'm actually a girl in disguise...I admire you, Kel!

Daine: Do I talk to animals? Nooo...Why does it seem that way? PIXIE STICKS! POWER TO THE PIXIE STICKS! Pixie sticks set me free! They let me behold the power of Sugar! What about the animals you ask? You think I can talk to them? Noo...They're pixie sticks in disguise! PIXIE STICKKKSSSS!!!

By Laurie:

Alanna: Jonathan, I'm so sorry, I never should have gotten into a fight with you, please forgive me!

By Lady faToren:

Lalasa: Hey Neal, lookin sexy, gimme a kiss?