By Chibi Chiriko
It
didn't take long for Subaru to realize that he was dreaming, for when he opened
a weary, jade-tinted eye, he found himself lying on warm, white sand. The last
thing he remembered before drifting off was the marble ceiling of his room at
the Imonoyama mansion, and the feeling of sinking into the silken pillows and
mattress of the huge bed, wrapped in the scarlet coverlet, the heat turned up.
And the beach was miles and miles away from the place.
It
had been nearly midnight when he'd dozed off, but here in the dreamscape, the
midday sun was high in the sky, its light causing the water that lapped at his
ankles to shimmer like glass, the rocks along the shore to glisten as though
perspiring, the sand to sparkle like a bed of gems. The wind was soft and warm
against his face, like the caressing breath of a lover's kiss. And besides the hushed
voice of the sea, the rustling of palm leaves in the breeze, and the call of
the gulls that fluttered past, there was a peaceful silence.
It
was a beautiful place, a lovely distraction from the noise of Tokyo's morning
streets and mourning hearts.
How
unfortunate, Subaru thought, sighing, that, pleasant as it was, it wasn't real.
He
slowly rose to his feet, relishing the fact that in this dream, his getting up
wasn't accompanied by the familiar ache that throbbed in his muscles and
resonated through his body in frustrating little echoes whenever he awakened in
the real world. He started down the sandy path, barefoot (as he was still
dressed in his pajamas), not knowing where he was headed, but not really
caring. The serenity of the beach was infectious; already, relaxation was
creeping through his veins, working its way to his head. The soft massage of
sunlight seemed to be easing the nine-year-old weight off his long, lonely
heart, clearing his mind, dismissing his darker thoughts to a more remote
corner of his mind. And he welcomed it, wholeheartedly welcomed the therapy
this dream provided. It almost felt as though next morning, his world would be
set right, although deep in his heart, he knew that it wasn't true, that the
peace was just an illusion.
He
followed the curved path of sand around the wall of rock to his left, and was
startled to see someone else there. He hadn't expected company in this dream.
The
person didn't appear to see him, as his back was turned to Subaru. He was
sitting on a white, flat-surfaced rock, staring out into the shining sea. His
hair was the lightest shade of gold, aflame like strings of pearls riding on
the breast of the wind, reflecting the brightness of the sun. His tall, slender
frame was loosely clad in a white yukata, bare feet brushing the sand. He sat
still, unmoving, and if it weren't for the motion of his fair tresses in the
wind, Subaru might have been inclined to believe that this beautiful figure was
a mere statue.
Another
thing, however, convinced him that this was a real person, and that was the
sight of tear tracks on the man's pale face, trails of moisture that caught the
attention of the sun's rays.
He
tensed as the man slowly turned toward him. The man offered him a weak smile of
reassurance, although the smile was more bittersweet than genuinely happy.
"Welcome,
Sumeragi Subaru," the man said softly.
"Who
are you?" Subaru heard himself ask, in a hushed tone.
"I
am Kuzuki Kakyou—dreamseer of the Dragons of Earth."
The
sound of the enemy's name brought back painful memories. "Then, I ought to kill
you right now," Subaru said, although the threat came out less harshly than
he'd intended.
Kakyou
smiled again, and peered intently into the depths of his single working eye.
"You cannot kill people in dreams, most powerful of onmyouji," he said
patiently. "Neither can I harm you, either here or in reality.
"I
sincerely hope that you don't mind my intrusion into your dream. But, with the
World's End coming, I felt it necessary for us to meet at least once before I
lose the chance forever."
"You
have… seen the World's End?"
A
nod affirmed this. "Yes. And nothing can change it."
Subaru
looked away. Above him, a flock of gulls cawed loudly as they flew past. "I
care nothing for the World's End."
Kakyou
considered this. "Maybe it is better that you don't," he mused. Then he glanced
at Subaru and patted the empty space beside him. "Please, sit down."
Subaru
eyed him warily, then sat down on the sand instead. Although Kakyou appeared
harmless, he didn't want to sit so close to the enemy.
He
carefully studied Kakyou's face, trying to read his true intent, and gave up
when all he sensed was a sadness he dared not dwell on for too long, for it was
dangerously close to disrupting the temporary, illusory peace he'd found in
this strange, lovely place.
The
beautiful dreamseer sighed deeply, with feeling. "I remember a time nine years
ago when the space beside me wasn't empty… a brief time when I wasn't alone."
"I…
understand," was all Subaru could say, and he did understand truly, though he
did not wish to.
"She
never told you about me, did she?"
Subaru
stared at Kakyou. "What are you talking about?"
Kakyou
hesitated, as though regretting what he had said, as though merely mentioning
the name would disturb the serenity of the beautiful dreamscape. "Your sister."
"Aa."
Subaru fought to hide the emotions that were welling up inside him. His lower
lip trembled a bit, and he bit down on it savagely.
"I
loved her, onmyouji. I loved her dearly, and I think—I believe she cared, too.
I'd foreseen what would happen, everything that would happen, and I tried to—"
There was a catch in the older man's voice, and he shook his head, pressing
himself to continue.
"I
tried to save her. But my attempt was futile. The future, once written, cannot
be changed. She died, and I saw it…" His voice trailed off to
unsuccessfully suppressed hiccups. Kakyou was sobbing, head bent in great
sorrow, slender shoulders shaking.
Subaru
made no move to comfort him. But the clenching of his fists on his knees, and
the wetness in his eye was enough to say that the pain of the memory had
stricken him as well.
"She
used to take me to the sea." His tone was tinged with bittersweet wistfulness.
"The loveliness of this dreamscape only pales in comparison to the wonder of
the sea she showed me. We could only meet in dreams, onmyouji. We could only
touch in our minds, and love in our hearts. But to simply be with her, in any
way possible… it was more than just enough. She became my life, and even then I
could not save her… forgive me, onmyouji…!" Again, he broke down in tears.
Subaru
raised his gaze toward the sun, only to discover that it was no longer in the
heights of the heavens. It now dipped below the horizon, casting a deep orange
glow over the seascape, a prelude to the impending darkness that had been
brought on by the grief that had been stirred by memories of lost love, from
both of their hearts.
"There
is nothing to forgive, dreamseer," Subaru said, his voice expressionless, but
not unkind. "You yourself said that the future cannot be changed. Her death was
not your fault."
Darkness.
The sun had sank rapidly, and now it was night. The sky was an ominous
bluish-black color, shadows staining everything within sight. The tiniest
sliver of a crescent moon overhead was the only source of light, and the
heavens were empty of stars.
Kakyou
looked at Subaru. Through his tears, he saw that the onmyouji's head was bowed,
and he knew that the young man was silently grieving for his own terrible
losses.
"Isn't
love such a mysterious thing?" he whispered, his voice thin in the night.
"It's
an unpredictable, uncontrollable curse, and yet it is all this terrible world
is made of," Subaru said bitterly.
"Perhaps
you are right," Kakyou said softly. "After all, we cannot choose the people we
love."
Subaru
could hardly be more inclined to agree.
Kakyou's
next words surprised him. "It is the people whom we love who choose us."
Subaru
stared at him, to find the dreamseer looking back at him.
"When
a person chooses to manifest himself or herself in our lives, he or she has
chosen us to be a part of their own, whether we like it or not, whether they
themselves are aware of it. And we fall in love with them, in spite of
ourselves, and we cannot help the way we feel, whether they return our feelings
or not. I had been watching your sister quietly for a long time, lonely, and
longing for company, and when she entered my dream for the very first time, it
was then that I knew that it was her I had been waiting for, that it was her I
loved."
A
cloud passed over the moon, concealing it from view. The night wind quieted,
and the waves softly crashed against the shore.
"Do
you still love your sister's killer?"
Subaru
glanced away. The wind, which had been warm and tender earlier, was now
brutally cold. He wrapped his arms around himself, and said, "I can never
forgive the Seishirou who murdered my sister. The Seishirou I… I love is the
man who made me come alive nine years ago. The Seishirou I love is the man I've
been searching for all this time."
Kakyou
closed his eyes, and clasped his hands together. "You cannot love people in
slices, onmyouji. Neither can you love illusions."
The
moon came into view once again, the faint light it offered illuminating a
lonely little tear sliding down Subaru's cheek.
"Like
you said, dreamseer… we can't choose the people we love," Subaru whispered.
Then
he wept.
Kakyou
watched him weep for a moment, his heart breaking at the sound of the young
onmyouji's sobs. If he listened hard enough, it was as though there was a
little bit of Hokuto in Subaru's lament. Different as their personalities had
been, their hearts had been the same, as had been their eyes. Kakyou knew that
Subaru was grieving over the same illusion Hokuto had unfailingly believed in,
even at the time of her death.
He
moved closer to the remaining Sumeragi twin, and embraced him. And as their
empathizing hearts touched, he, too, cried.
Outside
the dream, the World was slowly ending.
~* ~* ~* |+| *~ *~ *~
Completed: April
28, 2001 Saturday
Tweaked: April
30, 2001 Monday
Finalized and
entitled: May 1, 2001 Tuesday
Comments
are not necessary, although they sure would
be appreciated. Send your thoughts here.
Very
special thanks to my little brother, who so kindly and patiently
waited nearly three hours for me to get off his PC for the original draft. Love
you, otouto-chan! *hug*