The Perhaps Somewhat Exciting Adventures of the Fic Fairy

A quote: If you can't say anything nice about someone, say nothing. Then creep up behind them with a baseball bat and really let em have it. --John Gephart

A/N: Things in *stars* are noises.
A/N2: If you have not yet read The Fic Fairy then go do so now. This is the sequel to that.

Disclaimer: I mean no offense to anyone by this chapter- the police force, ninjas, whoever. ********************************************************************
Part 2: The Fic Fairy Fights Crime


The Fic Fairy comes into view, looking rather pissed.

Fairy: Okay, I stayed, so now what? When do you keep your half of the deal?

Narrator: I will, just be patient!

Fairy: Sure you will.

Narrator: Shut up, or I won't. Now what kind of new outfit did you have in mind?

Fairy: Something comfortable, with a little less skin showing.

Narrator: Like this?

A *snap* is heard, and, with all the appropriate twinkly effects, the fairy is suddenly wearing a faded sweatsuit.

The fairy looks upward unhappily.

Fairy: This is not what I meant!

Narrator: Oh, you want something a little more stylish?

Another *snap*, then the fairy is wearing a pair of skin-tight jeans and an extra-small grey T-shirt.

Fairy: *gasp* I can't breathe in this!

Narrator: Oh, for a happy medium....

A final *snap* is heard. The fairy appears in a baggy pair of jeans and a light green tank top.

Fairy: I suppose this will do. On to the "wand" issue.

A *pop* is heard, and four wands float in front of the fairy. One is glittery with a star on the end- a proper fairy's wand; one is a slender brown twig, most likely willow- a sorceress' wand; one is a skinny black paper rod with white tips- the wand of a stage magician. The last wand is lead or iron or some other suitably strong metal, with dragons carved around its thick body- this wand means business.

The fairy choses the metal wand.


Fairy: Okay, since that's settled, let's work on the "plot" business. I wanna fight crime.

Narrator: How?

Fairy: I dunno, what ways are there?

Narrator: You could be a policeman-

Fairy: Woman.

Narrator: Hmm?

Fairy: Policewoman. You said policeman.

Narrator: Pardon me, oh feminist supreme.

Fairy: Do I detect sarcasm, bozo?

Narrator: Oh, no, of course not.

The narrator snickers.

The fairy glares upward.


Fairy: Okay, let's try this police thing. That sounds like fun.

A *vwoop* sound is heard, and suddenly the fairy is in a police uniform in a patrol car. She is sitting next to a large policeman who is holding a mug of coffee and a jelly donut.

Policeman: Slow night, eh?

Fairy: Ooh boy.

The fairy looks upwards.

Fairy: This is not what I wanted. Get me outta here.

Narrator: What, so soon? Have you fought crime already?

Fairy: Shut up. Just get me out of here.

Policeman: Hey, is everything okay?

Fairy: No, it is not okay!

Policeman: Want a donut?

Fairy: Just shut up.

Narrator: So what now?

Fairy: How about a crime-fighting ninja?

Narrator: A ninja?

Fairy: Why not?

Narrator: If you insist...

Policeman: Hey, where's that voice coming from?

With a *vwoop* the fairy disappears, leaving the policeman looking puzzled.

The scene shifts. Oriental music plays in the background.


Fairy: Cut that out, willya?

The music stops.

Fairy: Okay, less shots of the bamboo and other assorted foliage, more shots of me.

All the people out in Happy Reviewer Land see the fairy. She's dressed in a green kimono.

Fairy: This is not ninja-garb.

A *snap* is heard, and the fairy is suddenly wearing the traditional "ninja-garb"- the loose black suit and sweatband tied behind her head.

The fairy is standing in a small village, surrounded by cowering villagers.


Villager #1: Ah! The bishoujo ninja the prophecies have foretold!

The fairy knocks the man unconscious with her wand.

Fairy: The nerve! Calling me "bishoujo"...

Narrator: Uh, "bishoujo" means "beautiful girl" in Japanese.

Fairy: Oh. Sorry.

Villager #2: The members of the Purple Eyeball Clan are ransacking our villages! You must stop them.

Fairy: No problem. I'll handle those fools.

Narrator: Well, here they come now...

Fairy: I'll kill 'em. No problem.

The members of the Purple Eyeball Clan come into the village- riding horses and toting guns.

The fairy's eyes widen.


Fairy: Okay, maybe not.

The members of the Purple Eyeball Clan grin evilly at each other.

Fairy: Naaaaaaaaaaaarrator! Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp!

Narrator: So now you need me! Ha!

The fairy grits her teeth.

Fairy: Darn you! I just need out of here before they shoot me!

Narrator: Say it...

Fairy: Say what?

Narrator: Say you need me!

Fairy: You're evil!

Narrator: Say it!

Fairy: I need you! Now get me out of here!

The fairy is gone with a *vwoop* just as the Purple Foot Clan members begin to draw their guns.

Narrator: Where to now?

Fairy: No place. I've had enough excitement-

Narrator: Good.

Fairy: -for now...

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