At first, Steve dismissed it as a result of his tired overworked brain. He'd been up for several days now with only a few brief naps and adrenaline to keep him going, so it would be understandable if he wasn't completely with it currently. And to be honest he wasn't entirely sure what it was at first. Steve's hearing wasn't great at the best of times - one too many head injuries - so he'd just assumed the almost whispery sound was similar to the usual buzzing he sometimes had. But the longer he dismissed it, focused instead on getting Max and Dustin checked out and later himself, the clearer it became. Gradually the almost staticky noise shifted to whispers caught on the wind and then to almost words like hearing someone talk from another room.
By that point, he'd dismissed it as a grief-stricken hallucination. This had been arguably their worst run-in with the Upside Down after all. There were very few of them walking away without injuries this time. Team Vecna all had a selection of bruises courtesy of the vines, both Sinclairs were sporting their own jock-inflicted bruises - Lucas' much worse than Erica's -, Dustin had a broken ankle, Max had almost died, was in a full body cast and stuck in a coma and Eddie actually had died. Grief was the obvious answer. And yet still it niggled at him the same way Dustin's voice had when they were stuck in the Upside Down version of the Wheeler's house. But Steve tried to shake the doubt free even as the noise became clearer and clearer, sounding more and more like the curly-haired metalhead they'd left ravaged and cold in the Upside Down - unable to support his weight with the rope cut - by the minute.
He wasn't going to mention it to the others, no need to upset them, particularly Dustin. Even as it made him antsier by the second, the urge to do, do anything, coursed through him without direction. He'd automatically reached for a cigarette once Dustin was discharged from the hospital - the Sinclair siblings were remaining vigil at Max's bedside - before remembering that he didn't have any on him currently. Dammit, he really needed something to distract from the jittery feeling. It was then that he saw it. Eddie to be precise.
At first, it was just a flash of curls in his peripheral that he would have dismissed as Nancy if he couldn't very clearly see her on his other side. He turned instinctively towards the sight, still very much stuck in fight mode so soon after everything. He always got like this after everything, the last dregs of adrenaline keeping him hyper-alert for any lingering threats. The last two times it had helped to have someone to fuss over - the kids and then Robin - before the pain of yet another concussion would catch up with him and he'd inevitably have to deal with it instead. But he'd done his headcount (three: Nancy, Robin, and Dustin) and knew there shouldn't be anyone hovering behind his right shoulder. So he'd turned and there he was.
Fainter than the last time Steve had seen him, like looking through a foggy window, but still bloody and haggard. Though there didn't seem to be any fresh blood dripping from any of the numerous wounds, his feet didn't seem to be quite meeting the ground he was standing on and the light beneath which he stood flickered slightly as though he was drawing power from it in order to be noticed, which was unlike the last time he saw him. But most noticeably he seemed to be shouting at Steve.
"You know I'm pretty sure I'm dead but it's still rude to ignore me, Harrington! I still have feelings."
"Eddie?" Steve had blurted, his earlier conviction forgotten as he stared at the figure in befuddlement.
There was no way the other boy could be here, Steve knew. He'd checked his pulse, had tried desperately to stop the endless bleeding and breathe air back into his lungs but in the end, it had all been for naught. He hadn't even been able to drag his body out of that awful place back through the gate, his own injuries making it difficult enough to get through without the assistance of the rope as it was, without the extra weight of the other. They'd had to leave him there in the dilapidated version of his trailer where his Uncle would never get the chance to say a proper goodbye.
The guilt had been gnawing at him since they'd had to make the decision. That guilt had been steadily growing as every injury from the Party was accounted for. He shouldn't have left Dustin to be a distraction, should have kept him away from possible harm. He shouldn't have left the Sinclairs alone without protection in a town that was hunting them. He shouldn't have let Max be the bait, and shouldn't have left her without a backup for the walkman. Shouldn't have, shouldn't have, shouldn't have. The regrets cycled through his head on a loop, growing longer on each repeat. Logic didn't matter at the moment. It didn't matter that they couldn't have known what Eddie would do. It didn't matter that none of the kids would have agreed to being safe and sidelined. It didn't matter at all, guilt wasn't an emotion to be reasoned with. And Steve Harrington had guilt to spare.
"Oh, now you acknowledge me? I've only been trying to get your attention - anyone's attention! - for hours."
"Eddie? What the hell are you talking about Steve?" Nancy was the first to snap, quickly reminding Steve of where and who he was with.
Steve was pretty sure he heard his neck crack with how fast he spun around to face the others, eyes wide like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't be. Like seeing the visage of the dead friend they'd promised to help and then abandoned.
"He's right-" He started before being interrupted by a teary Dustin.
"He's dead, Steve! He's dead. And we left him."
Steve swallowed uncomfortably at the outburst, guilt only growing. Dustin had been inconsolable since they'd found the two of them. He'd only stopped sobbing a few short moments ago, energy reserves too depleted to do much more than keep existing.
"Yes, and yes, I suppose. But that doesn't mean I'm not still here," Eddie spoke up again, his tone level as if this was all very normal to him.
Steve turned back to the phantom with a brow raised in question. He wasn't going to ask anything out loud when he wasn't currently sure he wasn't losing it and he didn't need to upset Dustin further if that was the case.
"I mean I remember dying," Eddie shrugged, "But then I was just sort of here, following after you guys like I didn't have much choice in the matter. At first, I thought you lot were ignoring me but then it seemed as though only you reacted to me shouting so I assumed they couldn't hear or see me. Though the seeing is a nice development. Think I'm starting to get the hang of whatever this is."
"Steve? What are you staring at? You're being weird and I know the nurse said you didn't have rabies, but maybe they just don't know what Upside Down rabies looks like." Robin spoke cautiously as she came around to lay a hand on his arm.
Eddie smiled tightly as Robin came into his view line but didn't react to his presence. He turned back to Steve.
"See? It's just you for some reason. Looks like you're stuck with me, Harrington."
"But why?" Steve finally spoke. It didn't seem as if Eddie was going to go anywhere just because Steve ignored him.
Eddie shrugged, "No idea. I'm sure Dustin would have theories, but boy wonder can't see me."
"Steve. Can whatever is going on with you wait? You're upsetting Dustin." Nancy snapped at him once again.
Steve sighed, dropping his head to stare at the concrete as he considered his options.
"I can see Eddie so either Vecna's still alive and has gotten into my head, I'm seeing things or he's haunting me." Steve finally divulged. He could be practical about this. Could make it about an Upside Down problem rather than a him 'losing his mind' problem. The Upside Down was something they knew after all.
"What do you mean you can see Eddie?" Robin was the first to break the silence when Dustin just stared at him distraught while Nancy glared at him over Dustin's head.
"I mean I can see Eddie, he looks just like he did when we left him, minus the makeshift bandages. And he said no one else seems to be able to hear him for some reason." Steve shifted uncomfortably on the spot under the gazes, the guilt was growing into a monster with claws in his gut.
"H-hear? You can hear him? Like he's talking to you?" Dustin finally stuttered out.
"Yeah he has been for a while but I didn't realize that was what it was at first."
"And you didn't say anything!" Dustin exploded.
Steve shrugged defensively, "It didn't sound like anything at first, okay? It's not like I was intentionally ignoring it but it kept getting stronger and now I can actually see him."
Nancy's expression had shifted to one of cautious intrigue, her journalist instincts taking over as he spoke.
"Any headaches? Clearly, you're not having a nosebleed but hallucinations were a symptom of Vecna's curse."
"A bit of a headache but I've had it since we got slammed into the wall at the Creel House so I don't think it's related."
Nancy nodded before turning to the other girl for help, "Robin?"
"I mean I still think it might be rabies but the last time I thought Steve had lost it and had rabies he was hearing Dustin in the Upside Down. And the dingus ended up being right about that so maybe he's onto something."
Steve didn't look at the two girls as they discussed him, his focus instead on Dustin. He shifted awkwardly on his feet as the boy stared unblinkingly at him. He didn't know what was going through his head and he was worried he'd made things worse for the kids by saying anything at all, his expression was too blank for Steve's liking.
"Is Henderson okay?" Eddie asked as he peered over Steve's shoulder at him.
"I don't know," Steve murmured back, trying not to be overheard by the others.
"When Will came back from the Upside Down," Dustin started, silencing the girls' discussion at the change in topic, "He started having visions of the Upside Down, he thought it was just flashbacks but then it turned out that he was connected to the Upside Down. Maybe this is something similar."
"Aha I know he'd have theories. God, I love that kid." Eddie crowed, making Steve's lips twitch up in a semblance of an almost smile.
"How do we figure out if that's what's happening though?" Steve asked him tentatively.
"Ooh, we have to ask you something that only Eddie would know. Like in the movies." Robin chirped.
Steve turned to Robin with a furrowed brow, "What movies are you watching?"
"Urgh you are so uncultured Harrington, it's actually painful." Steve turned to glare at Eddie for that remark.
"Well, Dustin you knew him best. What do you suggest?" Nancy turned to the boy.
Dustin's lips pursed in thought, as he considered what best to ask Steve to confirm that his vision was indeed Eddie and not a conjuring of his own mind.
"What was I wearing when you first saw me?" Dustin finally settled on.
"Really? That's what you're going with? Not something related to your guys' little nerd game?" Robin queried, sounding almost disappointed by his choice.
Dustin rolled his eyes, "We tell Steve about our campaigns and even if he doesn't listen to us he might have subconsciously stored that information for a Vecna hallucination to exploit."
"Ah, I take it back, good question Dustin."
Robin and Dustin nodded at each other before the three of them turned towards Steve expectantly.
"You were wearing a weird Al shirt and I told you I thought it was very brave," Eddie answered easily as if he was used to having to prove he wasn't a figment of someone's imagination. Or Steve supposed, maybe he answered so easily simply because he was an imagining of Steve's own mind. Though Steve doubted that, he never would have come up with that response.
"Seriously?" Steve turned to look over his shoulder at Eddie, his face scrunched up in bewilderment and maybe just a small amount of judgment.
Eddie shrugged, his head moving to meet his shoulder halfway. "What? I think it's brave to be unapologetically yourself, especially when it paints a target on your back."
"Fair enough."
"What? What did he say?" Dustin was practically vibrating on the spot as his eyes flickered between Steve and a spot somewhere behind Steve where he assumed Eddie was.
Steve sighed, "He said you were wearing a weird Al shirt which he thought was brave especially when it could have painted a target on your back for bullies."
Dustin gaped wordlessly at him for a moment. He was frightfully still after his previous jitters that Steve began to worry that it was all in his head. Until a grin slowly unfurled across his lips and he began jumping on the spot giddily, much like he had at Skull Rock.
"It's Eddie. It's Eddie. Holy shit it's Eddie." He babbled.
"That's what I've been trying to tell you all," Eddie grumbled but there was a smile on his face as he watched Dustin's reaction.
"That's all well and good but what do we do now? We know it's Eddie but we still don't know why. Why he's here? Why only Steve can see him? What he is? And what we're supposed to do?"
"I don't know. Maybe the others will have some ideas, we need to call a Party meeting. We know that El has her powers back thanks to that Agent lady so maybe they can help us figure this out."
"Agent Stinson." Three heads snapped to face Steve at his casual correction. "Sorry, not relevant. Maybe we should try seeing if we can get through to the Byers again. She said they lost contact with the base so we can probably assume that El's not there anymore and she was our vine miracle."
Nancy nodded along to this, "We can call them when we get back to mine. I need to check in with my mom anyway seeing as the police have been looking for me. The rest of you can get some rest in the meantime."
"Sounds like a plan, I'm beat." Robin agreed, stretching up to pop her back.
"Gross Buckley." Steve scrunched his face up at the sound.
Eddie snorted beside Steve, "Really? Interdimensional monsters and that's what you have a problem with."
"They're monsters, they're meant to be gross. It's completely different."
Eddie hummed, "Whatever you say, Harrington."
-x-x-x-
They still couldn't get through to the Byers when they got to the Wheelers - after a suitable amount of fussing and lecturing from Mrs. Wheeler of course - but that wasn't all that surprising, even if it was frustrating. Agent Stinson had explained that the military had been after Eleven which meant that the Byers' home phone was likely inoperable and they weren't near it which was why they hadn't been able to contact them. But still, it made them antsy not knowing what was going on with the other half of the Party.
Steve was fighting the urge to pace - to do anything really - he couldn't settle down with everyone still split up. Max and the Sinclairs were in the hospital. The Byers and Mike were somewhere, potentially California, and all Steve wanted was to have everyone in one place so he could watch over them. Group sleepovers were practically tradition after everything at this point and right now Steve wanted nothing more than to watch over the pseudo-family he'd found himself entangled in. He never could sleep immediately afterward so normally he occupied himself by keeping an eye on everyone, or hovering as Robin liked to call it. So instead of watching the Party sleep or pacing, he settled for trying to shake the nervous energy out of his leg, the bouncing limb was little consolation though. Not right now.
"Are you always this fidgety after an apocalypse?" Eddie's ghost queried, because honestly, Steve didn't know what else to think of him as until the Party could brainstorm some answers. He was dead and his physical body was in the Upside Down, which sounded like a ghost to Steve.
"Yes," Steve said through gritted teeth, his jaw was clenched tightly as another outlet along with the hands that were clenched tightly together from where they rested on his bouncing knee.
"Huh. I just figured King Steve was too cool to feel anxious. But then again I didn't think King Steve fought literal monsters in his downtime."
Steve snorted, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, "I don't make a regular habit of it, you know?"
"Well of course not, the monsters have things to do other than lurking around here. I mean really I don't blame them, nobody wants to be stuck in Hawkins."
Steve turned towards him with a brow quirked in question, "Planning on going somewhere, Munson?"
"He said he was going to leave Hawkins after graduation," Dustin muttered morosely from the other side of the room where he'd been trying to leave a message in morse code on the walkies to see if the Byers were in reach to receive it.
"He's right of course. Don't tell me you plan on staying here forever, Harrington?"
Steve was still watching Dustin carefully though, worried about the curly-haired boy. Eddie had died in his arms and now he'd found out that he wasn't entirely gone and he wasn't even the one that got to see him. Steve could still hear Dustin screaming, pleading with them to not leave Eddie behind, they couldn't leave him. He was sure that while he may be partly relieved to know Eddie might not be gone for good, he was still devastated that he'd still lost the older boy to some degree as he still couldn't see or talk to him.
"Try not to run the batteries out, Dust they'll know to call us when they can." Was all he could think to say to him, who merely nodded in response before he turned back to speak to Eddie more quietly than before. "Not forever, maybe. At least until the rugrats graduate, I suppose."
Eddie seemed surprised by this, "You know when Mike complained that you were a mother hen I thought he was pulling my leg. I really shouldn't be surprised that you'd stay for them after everything but I am."
Steve shrugged, "It's not like I know what else to do with my life, looking out for them just makes sense. I'm not much use in the planning or brainstorming of these things but keeping them safe is something I can do." Then he remembered why Max and the Sinclairs weren't there right now with a grimace. "Usually anyway."
"Hey what happened to Max wasn't your fault. Vecna was targeting her and she offered herself up for bait, hell you kept her alive when none of the other victims survived."
"And the Sinclairs? I let them go without any protection when the entire town was gunning for them."
Eddie's brow furrowed, "What happened to the Sinclairs?"
"The basketball team found them. Andy tackled Erica, she has a few bruises and scrapes. And Jason attacked Lucas, he's got a black eye as well as a few other bruises."
"You couldn't have known that Lucas' teammates would find or attack him."
Steve let his head fall back against the back of the Wheeler's basement couch. The last time he'd been down here had been after seeing Max float in the graveyard, he hadn't felt that terrified before back then. It was easy when it was his neck on the line, but he didn't know how to deal with the terror that came when the people he cared about were in danger. Could only throw himself in front of that danger as much as he could when he couldn't get them away from it. Could throw himself at a Demogorgon with only a nail bat so it would get away from Jonathan. Could distract the Demodogs from the kids by offering himself as bait. Could throw a punch so Billy would focus on him instead of Lucas. Could babble over Robin so the Russians would torture him instead. But he couldn't do anything to put himself in Max's place, could only hope that the music would be enough and she could get away from Vecna and back to them.
"But I should have known, Jason had gone off the deep end. Should have known what would happen if they were found."
Eddie was silent for a moment, Steve almost thought he agreed and didn't have anything more to say when he spoke up again, words tentative, "In that case should I have known to turn Chrissy away because she was cursed by an interdimensional monster?"
Steve's head snapped to the side as he glared in reprimand at the other, "Of course not. You had no idea any of this was possible. How could you have possibly predicted what was going to happen to her? You're not to blame."
"Exactly. So why are you blaming yourself for not being able to tell the future?"
Steve groaned, "It's not the same. We've done this four times now. I should know to be more careful. Particularly with the kids."
"I don't think they'd take too kindly to you wrapping them in bubble wrap, Steve. No matter how good your intentions are."
Steve snorted, "No I suppose not."
The Byers called four hours later. It was well past midnight and for the most part, everyone was asleep, with the exception of Steve - who was watching over the slumbering forms clustered in the Wheeler's basement - and Eddie. The sound startled the duo for a moment, Steve unable to place the noise in his half-awake state, when it eventually registered he was darting up the stairs to the kitchen to grab it before it could wake anyone.
The conversation was brief, they were calling from a payphone after running away from the military, they knew what was happening in Hawkins - sort of - and were on their way back. They'd been driving constantly and should be back tomorrow - as the clocks had already ticked over to a new day. Steve told them they were at the Wheelers for the time being but they needed to meet up as soon as they got back because there were a few things that still needed to be dealt with. With that, they'd hung up. Steve was left in the silent kitchen for a moment before he caught motion out of the corner of his eye and turned to see Eddie posed like he was leaning against the kitchen counter but he couldn't quite make contact.
"The family's all getting back together then I take it?"
"Yeah," Steve ran a hand through his hair exhaustion weighing on him, thankful now for the shower he'd been shoved into after the girls, "They should be here tomorrow and maybe then El or Will can give us some idea what we're dealing with."
"Supergirl and Zombie boy?" Eddie grinned.
Steve groaned at the names, dropping his head into his hands, "Yeah sure. God, why couldn't you haunt Dustin."
Eddie gasped in faux offense, "Rude, I'm a delight, Harrington."
"You sure are something," Steve muttered as he slipped past him back down to the basement for another headcount, the Sinclairs had eventually been kicked out of the hospital and asked Nancy to come get them so they wouldn't have to go into lockdown with their parents after their stunt with the police. There was almost a full house and he didn't want to be away from them too long, even if Dustin did snore. It was going to be fine, they'd figure everything out soon, he just had to keep them safe until the Byers got back. He could do that.
-x-x-x-
Hopper's cabin had been chosen as the suitable location for the meeting after a round of emotional greetings at the Wheelers, two days after they'd climbed out of the Upside Down. They were currently patching the cabin up as base of operation. Steve and Robin had been meaning to stay at the donation drive and earthquake relief at the school but had decided that it would have to wait until they sorted out their most recent problem first before splitting from the group.
The Cali crew had been quick to explain their side of things once everyone had settled in, holes patched up but cleaning delayed for now. Apparently, El had been picked up by the sketchy lab people after getting arrested - which what the fuck!? - and from there she'd managed to get her powers back with the help of Doctor Owens and Brenner. The second name had the younger boys tensed and gritting teeth, there was something there that Steve was missing, again. It was after that that she'd seen their plan and an agent had been sent to help them which had led her to say…
"There are people missing. Did they not get there in time?"
The others looked at each other warily, uncertain how to address the elephant in the room.
"Yeah, we met Agent Stinson, she's been putting together the earthquake story with some others," Steve explained stepping around the question.
But El was undeterred.
"Where's Max?"
As gently as could be expected they'd explained that Max had been injured in the fight and was now in the hospital in a coma, which had led to a quick explanation as to what a coma was for El.
"And the other one? The guy with the long hair?" El had prodded again.
"What guy with long hair?" Mike's face was scrunched up in confusion as he asked.
"He had curly hair and was wearing a top like Dustin's." El had explained tone as level as it always was like she had to focus on each and every word.
Dustin had insisted that he needed to collect his Hellfire shirt from home. Claiming it helped him feel closer to the older boy now that he couldn't see him. Steve hadn't argued. He didn't care if it wasted time, if it was what Dustin needed, he'd do it. He'd watched Eddie die in his arms after all.
Mike spun to face them with a startled expression, seeming to piece together just who El was referring to.
"Eddie… Eddie didn't make it." Dustin stuttered out, face twitching in pain at the memory as he tried to forcefully hold back tears.
"WHAT? Eddie's dead!?" Mike screeched.
A/N: Adding another steddie fic to the pile this time with a Ghost!Eddie AU. This has been in my notes for a while and October seemed like the perfect time to finally get it typed out but I wanted to get my older steddie ideas started first so they didn't get forgotten in my drafts like so many others. I went through several possible titles ('found that old Zeppelin shirt you wore when you ran away', 'The Haunting', 'Hopeless Haunting') before settling on this one as a play on 'as silent as a grave'. I know this isn't a particularly unique au but I wanted to have some fun with it
Anyway, let me know your thoughts in the comments to make my day :)
