A/N: As you probably know, the trailer for The Super Mario Bros. Movie was released earlier this week. I was a bit skeptical, but it actually looks pretty good, so I'm looking forward to that coming out next year.

But of course, the MGTU's Mario is never happy with anything, so here's his two cents on the trailer. Enjoy!

I do not own Super Mario.


Hey, it's-a me, Mario.

There, I said it.

So earlier this week a trailer was released for this movie titled The Super Mario Bros. Movie that's supposedly about my life. And since it seems like the new big thing is to be posting "reaction videos" to trailers and stuff online, I figured I'd do the same. So behold, my reaction to the trailer for The Super Mario Bros. Movie.

A synopsis of the trailer will be in bold, and everything else will be my reaction.


Trailer opens with a view of an icy landscape and castle, then lava starts raining from the sky

Okay, so it looks like we're in Snow Land here, but I know for a fact there's no icy castle like that in Snow Land. Or Frosted Glacier, but the landscape doesn't even look like Frosted Glacier's landscape anyway.

Sooo, from the very start, the trailer's being inaccurate. This sure bodes well.

A giant, floating island or something made of lava with a stone Bowser head at its front lowers itself onto the landscape, destroying parts of the castle.

Okay, what the flippin' heck is this thing supposed to be, because there is no vehicle that looks even remotely like that in Bowser's fleet. It's too big and lava-y to be an airship; in fact, it looks a bit like World Castle from Super Mario 3D World. But that place got destroyed when World Bowser fell from the sky onto it and then both of them fell into the ocean surrounding World 6. And I get the sense this movie was "supposed" to be accurate to my life, so…?

The Koopa Troop is assembled in front of Bowser Island. Kamek appears and says, "Behold the king of the Koopas."

No, no, NO! That is NOT what Kamek sounds like! Kamek's voice is basically like Yoshi's warble, but more nasal and crotchety and…old-sounding. Who the flip thinks Kamek sounds anything like that?!

Bowser emerges from his island and roars, "OPEN THE GATES!"

Most accurate part of the trailer so far. Granted, real Bowser would probably find a way to incorporate calling someone an idiot or moron or something into that order.

The gates of the castle open and a bunch of Penguins emerge, led by a king.

For crying out loud, there is no Penguin King! The Penguins do not live in a castle! They're a nomadic race that wanders the snowy wastes of Snow Land and Cool Cool Mountain and other places like that. What sources were the people who made this movie consulting for their information?

The Penguins throw snowballs at the Koopa Troop. The king says, "That is but a taste of our fury. Do you yield?"

Well, that is probably what Penguins would do to attack invaders. If, again, they had any domain with definitive borders that could be invaded! The king's line doesn't really seem like a Penguin-y thing to say, but he's a made-up character, so…creative liberties, I guess.

Bowser laughs, "I do not." Kamek throws the Penguins aside and Bowser burns down the castle.

Certainly seems like they're OPing Bowser here for some reason, because I've never known him to breathe giant streams of fire like that (outside of when he turned giant in Super Mario Galaxy 2). A string of fireballs is more like it; that's all he's ever attacked me with in boss battles and such when he was regular-sized. Unless he's been pulling his punches against me for some reason, but I'd find that extremely hard to believe.

Bowser finds what looks to be a Power Star in the ruins of the castle and says, "I finally found it. Now who's gonna stop me?"

Once again, where the heck is this supposed to be that the Penguins have a castle led by a king where they're guarding a Power Star?

But at least for once the A-minor characters are withholding a Power Star from Bowser instead of withholding it from me, so that's something. Now why can't they do that in real life too?

I come flying out of a Warp Pipe, bounce off a few mushrooms, and land on the ground.

I've never seen an area of the Mushroom Kingdom with that high a concentration of giant mushrooms, except some sections of Giant Land. But there were quite a few normal-sized mushrooms around too, so that clearly wasn't the case. Was I supposed to be in some amalgamation of Tiny Island and Huge Island from Super Mario 64?

I look around in wonder and say, "What is this place?"

My thoughts exactly. Also, what the heck is up with my voice? I don't have the slightest bit of an Italian accent in this movie.

I go over to a blue mushroom and am about to touch it when a Toad jumps out from behind it. He says, "Do not touch that mushroom, you'll die!"

Um…I've never heard of such a thing as deadly mushrooms.

Toad continues, "Oh, I'm sorry. That one's perfectly fine. Come on, Mario!"

…Which still implies that there are dangerous ones out there in the Mushroom Kingdom, which is news to me. Then again, I'm not sure how much stock to put in the claims of a movie that also thinks Bowser has a private, flying island, Kamek has a non-warbly voice, and Penguins live in a kingdom.

I follow Toad across several giant Mushrooms and say, "Mushroom Kingdom, here we come."

Again, what is up with my voice? First Kamek, now me? Do the people who worked on this movie have no clue what anything about the Mushroom Kingdom is actually like?

Title card.

Okay, so since trailers anymore are supposed to give away, like, 75% of the movie, am I supposed to assume that Peach and Yoshi aren't even in the movie? And Luigi, despite the movie being titled The Super Mario Bros. Movie?

Luigi runs from a horde of Dry Bones across a lava moat and into a castle. He shuts the front doors, keeping the Dry Bones out.

Oh right, I forgot trailers anymore always have some sort of big reveal after the title card. Okay, so Luigi is in the movie, and he's spending his time running scared from undead enemies.

Yep, that sounds like him.


Final thoughts! Um…not really much to say that I haven't already said. Basically everything about it is inaccurate, unless this is me somehow ending up in an alternate universe where there are dangerous mushrooms and Penguins live in a castle and all that whatnot.

Okay, that better be the plot of the movie. I'm transported to an alternate universe. Which still leaves the problem of my voice. Might have to look into suing the folks who made the movie for inaccurately depicting me. Is that a thing? It should be a thing.

The movie apparently releases next April 7 (not March 10, for some reason; I mean, it was right there!), and I will be sure to not go see it in theaters because I refuse to put my money in the pockets of the fools who made this movie, and instead I will look up its synopsis on Mariowiki to see what additional aspects of it I can tear apart.