Spaceballs II: The Search for More Money

Act I: A New Filming Hope Begins

On the planet Druidia...

A Brooklyn Bridge styled bridge links two hills. One has the main castle of Druidia. The other hill has a castle movie set styled like a flying up U.S.S. Enterprise from 1979.

Two figures are standing at the front gate of the movie set. They're pacing somewhat nervously.

Princess Vespa and Lone Starr are walking to the front gate.

Princess Vespa kind of awkwardly brings up to the two mystery figures, "um... I don't mean to be rude, you two. I mean, I was raised to be a princess. But... Who are you?"

Lone Starr whispers in her ear, "I don't know. But, you sure they're over eighte...?"

Princess Vespa warningly glares at him. She says, "dear, behave."

Princess Vespa kind of lightly hits his side. Lone Starr groans a little.

The Galaxy Quest stars Jason Nesmith and Gwen DiMarco look kind of amused at them. They've been standing at the front gate.

They introduce themselves to Princess Vespa and Lone Starr.

Princess Vespa tries to assure, "I presume you're royalty with a name like that. But, I'm still not familiar with your kingdom. I would have asked my father King Roland to prepare a big dinner for you and your prince if I knew you were coming. I'm Princess Vespa. This is my Prince: Prince Lone Starr."

She, Jason, and Gwen smile wide.

Kind of skeptically... Lone Starr checks, "you're serious? No Han Solo gear or royal dresses on them. What? You're next going to tell me they voice Buzz Lightyear and Jessie from Toy Story 2?"

Jason warning glares at him. Lone Star warningly glares back.

Jason warns Lone Starr, "hey! If you weren't jealous of my science fiction acting and my well built arms? I'd kick your..."

Gwen and Princess Vespa stand in between them to make sure they don't try to fight each other.

With some mixed feelings... Gwen concludes, "well... We're really touched by your lovely invitation, Princess Vespa. But... The truth is we had a agreement with the Prophets of Post Production before you."

Lone Starr and Princess Vespa look surprised. They ask, "what?"

Jason explains, "yeah. About that... They were planning to write a Galaxy Quest II instead of a Spaceballs II. But they scrapped it because they said they had enough writing ideas for a short films series for Galaxy Quest II. And... A collection of short films, as funny as they might have been, wouldn't cut it to revitalize the galaxy in time to save it from The Shell Company Federation."

Gwen continues, "so... With you and Prince Lone Rude there as the new favorites of the Prophets of Post Production... We thought you might put in a good word for us with them so we can still have our sequel movie."

They all nervously grin on the last part.

Lone Starr apologizes, "okay. I'm sorry for being rude to you and Jason. We clearly like our respective movies a lot, and I can respect that."

Gwen and Jason are quick to add, "thank you."

They all grin wider.

Lone Starr brings up, "the tricky thing is... Moderate sigh. Me and Vespa didn't get to write our own movie before Spaceballs II. Jason? Gwen? I wish you well on getting a sequel. But, you'd have a better chance asking the Prophets of Post Production than we do because it's your sequel: Not this one."

Gwen and Jason solemnly nod.

Jason suggests, "come on Gwen. Let's ask the PPP together for the sequel. Worse to worst? They could make a comic book adaptation to generate more national interest for a Galaxy Quest TV show."

He puts a comforting arm around Gwen.

Gwen lightly concludes, "sounds great! Princess Vespa? Prince Lone Starr? Maybe we could have that royal dinner one day after all."

Almost at the same time... Lone Starr and Princess Vespa tell them, "sounds great."

They all chuckle some.

Jason and Gwen say goodbye. Lone Starr and Princess Vespa say goodbye back.

Jason and Gwen head to a Galaxy Quest shuttle nearby. Lone Starr and Princess Vespa head onto their movie set.


Meanwhile, on the planet Volcan...

The planet is one giant volcano with a bizarrely unaffected rock platform in the middle. Dot and several human like gold droids are gathered on the platform.

Four red and yellow taxi door styled trapdoors are built in the platform.

A mystery gold droid woman says, "Dot Matrix. You have worked through all of Star Wars Droidworks, despite computer compatibility issues with computers from the year 2000 and onwards. The ultimate test of droid character development."

Dot points out, "except I already have character: The Spaceballs Movie just didn't give me much character development with more focus on Lone Starr and Princess Vespa! Frustrated sigh. Okay: I'll be more diplomatic about this. What was the point again of going through this trial, fellow droids? You said it's a honored tradition I must undergo. But, you wouldn't say why."

The other gold droids nervously chuckle a little.

Dot impatiently puts her hands on her hips with her arms out.

She kind of impatiently asks, "well?"

A mystery gold droid man says, "you've been spending years hanging out with the likes of Lone Starr and Barf in your spare time. We wanted to be sure your logic center hasn't been compromised."

Dot's robot eyes blink wide in shock.

Dot complains, "well I never! If you were really focused on logic... You could have just given me a series of questions like a normal droid!"

A second mystery gold droid woman figures, "well... Here are our reasons. One: The script wanted a scene parodying Spock's scene on Vulcan from Star Trek: The Motion Picture. Two: You're thinking of Spock's scene on Vulcan from Star Trek: The Voyage Home. Three: If you can put up with this "pointless exercise" in endurance? You're ready to be the first droid in the galaxy to be a movie writer."

Sounding better already... Dot concludes, "wow. I... I guess you really are a Droid High Council. Thank you."

Her robot eyes light up bright yellow in excitement.

The robot eyes of the first gold droid woman of the Droid High Council light up in a pink swirl: Like a candy heart of understanding.

A second gold droid man of the Droid High Council adds, "but some of us also wanted a droid training montage to laugh at your expense."

The second gold droid woman of the Droid High Council and the second gold droid man of the Droid High Council run off laughing to themselves.

Dot's robot eyes narrow at them. Her alarm system goes off. The alarm on her robot chest has across it "yellow alert on temper".

The first gold droid woman of the Droid High Council tries to assure, "it's okay Dot. Some of us do have more character development to begin with than those council droids: Including you and me."

She also puts a comforting hand on hers.

Dot's robot eyes light up in a bright red swirl. The robot eyes of the first gold droid woman of the Droid High Council light up in a pink swirl. Holographic eye beams of candy hearts appear between their eyes.

They both relaxedly sigh.

Dot recollects, "I almost forgot I love candy robot beams. Why don't droids do this every day? They're really wonderful."

The first gold droid woman of the Droid High Council answers plainly, "because, unless it's between married droids, too many can fry our circuits."

Dot adds, "right. Right. I... I should be getting to the movie set."

They both awkwardly chuckle some.

Dot politely bows. The candy robot beams go away.

The first gold droid woman of the Droid High Council politely bows back.


A half hour later, back with Lone Starr and Princess Vespa...

Lone Starr, Princess Vespa, and their daughter Amidalala Vespa Starr are fast walking through a city in the clouds. Ice crystal pillars giving off steam, white fancy corridors, and greenhouse rooms are plenty.

Amidalala has long light brown hair in a ponytail. She wears a mostly red dress with three flaming torches on the gown. There's a warning label on the gown that says "do not put this dress in the dryer, in a closet, or against a house wall. Na-Boo-Boo Dresses only covers medical boo-boos".

Lone Starr and Princess Vespa wear Schwartz rings. Spaceballs are searching the city to try to find them.

Princess Vespa concludes, "they may not really use the Schwartz. But, they are pretty rings. I may never take this ring off."

She and Lone Starr chuckle at the last part.

Amidalala complains, "mom, dad... Why don't I get a Schwartz ring?"

Princess Vespa tries to assure, "in five years, darling. Mommy and daddy are working now." Admidala says, "but I want a Schwartz ring now!"

Admidala pouts. Lone Starr annoyedly groans. Princess Vespa awkwardly grins.

Lone Starr, Princess Vespa, and Admidala pause.

Princess Vespa suggests, "well... Would it help you feel better if you fight the Spaceballs with us?"

She puts a comforting hand on Admidala's.

Admidala all too lightly goes, "all right!"

She, Lone Starr, and Princess Vespa grin.

The Spaceballs start to surround them. They fire lasers from their laser blasters.

But... Princess Vespa and Lone Starr use the Schwartz to put up green light projections of umbrellas to shield them and Amidalala from the laser blasts.

Steam clouds begin to fill the corridors.

And... The song Singing In the Rain is playing...with rock music instrumentals.

Princess Vespa swings her Schwartz umbrella hard into several Spaceballs. They fall unconscious.

Lone Starr fires Schwartz blasts from his Schwartz umbrella into several Spaceballs. They fall unconscious.

Amidalala twirl kicks hard into three Spaceballs. They fall unconscious.

A second wave of Spaceballs is coming.

A Spaceball calls out, "stop them from reaching Mega Maid II! !"

The song Singing in the Rain keeps playing. The corridors are full of heavy fog.

Princess Vespa, Lone Starr, and Amidalala fast walk for a metallic turbolift with blue and yellow lights. Laser blasts go left and right.

Amidalala ballet twirls past several laser blasts.

She punches two Spaceballs hard. They both groan hard, clutching by their legs.

Amidalala chuckles.

Lone Starr all too lightly remarks, "like daddy, like daughter. Come on. Let's go catch up with my royal highness."

They both smile. They continue to fast walk to the turbolift.

Princess Vespa wrestles a Spaceball over a laser blaster. She slams the laser blaster hard into him...knocking him out.

She hurls him hard into two more Spaceballs. Those two groan hard on the floor.

Princess Vespa goes, "hey Lone Starr. Was I good, or was I so damn good?"

Princess Vespa playfully grins toward Lone Starr. He playfully grins back.

They pull each other close. They're about to kiss.

Suddenly... A studio guy calls out, "cut! That was wonderful."

The view cuts back to show a movie studio set floor. Some fog machines stop with the press of some buttons behind some corridors.

Many movie extras in Spaceball costumes are groaning hard some.

One of them mutters, "speak for yourself."

They're kind of slowly getting up from the floor.

Lone Starr kind of lightly calls out, "sorry!"

He, Princess Vespa, and Amidalala awkwardly chuckle.

Princess Vespa and Lone Starr pull away. But, they're holding hands.

Barf is clapping loudly. Dot is clapping some.

Barf howls lightly. He says, "girls and guy, that was a amazing number! Amazing!"

Princess Vespa and Lone Starr sincerely say, "thank you."

Princess Vespa greets, "Dot! You've finally made it on set. How are you?"

She hugs Dot close. She hugs her back.

Dot somewhat lightly voices, "Vespa! It's good to see you too. I'm mostly fine. My month long trip on Volcan was mostly illuminating. Comma helped me keep my oil running and more on oil breaks. There were some questionable choices on your number. But, for the rest? I thought it was great!"

She, Princess Vespa, Lone Starr, Barf, and Amidalala are smiling.

The movie's music supervisor suddenly fast walks over.

He is a cyborg with mostly blue robes and a metal sink for a head. He looks quite nervous.

Lone Starr asks in concern, "Lander Calrinse? What's wrong?"

Lander Calrinse awkwardly brings up, "um... Princess Vespa, Lone Starr... I'm really sorry. But, for legal reasons... We kind of have to not use this scene in the movie."

Princess Vespa, Lone Starr, Barf, and Amidalala ask incredulously, "what?!"

Lander Calrinse explains, "hey! I just found out MGM, the production company behind the movie Singing in the Rain, is owned by Amazon. Amazon is a **** company, it's part of The Shell Company Federation, and some of their shellballs just stand in offices all day sending copyright claims just to spite hardworking non-shellballs. If we had Spaceballs II made before the copyright claim? We'd have more than enough money to fight this in galactic court. But we're not that lucky. That's the big record companies for you."

Everyone sighs in frustration.

Lander Calrinse tries to assure, "I'll think of different songs guys. I just got to keep a better eye on that Studio Alert System for Copyright Claims."

Princess Vespa, Lone Starr, Barf, and Dot say they understand.

Lander Calrinse nods. He then walks up a nearby spiral staircase.

Amidalala figures, "I'll be in my dressing room."

She pouts. She starts to walk to her dressing room.

At the same time... Princess Vespa and Dot somewhat lightly call out, "we'll be there soon!"

They both awkwardly chuckle a little at realizing they said it at the same time.

Lone Starr reluctantly concludes to Princess Vespa, "well my royal highness? It looks like we won't be able to turn this movie into a musical science fantasy after all. Goddamn it! It was going to be a perfect storm with not so great lip syncing, mega robots vs. a giant sized Barf, and 1950's songs turned into rock songs."

Barf and Lone Starr whine some.

With a smile... Princess Vespa tries to assure, "hey! Don't give up. I got a great idea for a script for a perfect storm! You're going to love it."

Lone Starr and Barf ask, "really?"

With some mixed feelings... Dot firmly concludes, "wait: I have a great idea of my own for a script too. I didn't go to Volcan just to not have the chance to have a bigger character arc in this movie!"

She puts her arms on her hips with her arms out.

Lone Starr somewhat casually goes, "fine, fine. But, with my competitiveness... I'll try to get a new script together."

Lone Starr says to Princess Vespa, "you're going to love mine, dear."

Princess Vespa lightly goes, "great!" Dot sarcastically mutters, "oh "great"."

Princess Vespa and Dot head to Amidalala's dressing room to check up on her. Princess Vespa and Dot, after that, are planning to write out their movie scripts.

Lone Starr heads to his dressing room.

Barf heavily sighs. He is concluding, "yep. This is going to quickly go to..."

Suddenly... Someone in the shadows turns on a portable bleeper device.

Barf asks in confusion, "what in...?!"

He at the same time covers his ears.

For a second... He thought he saw a guy with beanstalk like goggly eyes and overly long floppy ears.

The next second... Barf sees a human camera guy...with a portable bleeper device that has goggly eyes and floppy ears.

The annoying camera guy explains, "the PPP screwed up with a DVD commentary on the DVD for the first Spaceballs movie and they could only salvage dink noises. They're determined this time to have quality DVD commentaries and more behind the scenes special features for this movie. They're going with the Reality TV Model to save budgeting: Which means we're contractually obligated to bleep out swear words. Sorry. Just doing my job."

Barf glares. He growls in annoyance.

The annoying camera guy walks away as though he didn't notice.

Barf mutters to himself, "that guy just exists in this movie to annoy us, doesn't he?"