Spaceballs II: The Search for More Money
Act V: Where No Druish Princess Has Gone Before
The movie studio ship appears back where they first met the nebulous cloud being A'Ter. A'Ter is waiting for them.
Lone Starr suggests, "Captain Pecker... I recommend scanning the nebulous cloud being A'Ter."
Pecker deduces, "I agree. Ialas? Increase viewscreen magnification to full. Uhulu? Try hailing the nebulous cloud being."
Ialas confirms, "increasing magnification, sir."
The viewscreen zooms in on A'Ter. Several hover-cars with AIs appear as dots on a nebulous cloud rim.
Everyone on the bridge looks wide eyed in shock.
Princess Vespa, Amidalala, and Lone Star murmur, "oh...my god."
Uhulu reports, "I'm hailing A'Ter with friendship messages on all frequencies. We have a response from A'Ter, captains."
With mixed feelings... A distorted voice says, "movie studio ship... You seem to be a peaceful being, and yet many beings inside you. Me...don't understand how you get along. Can't remember...anything of me. Sniffle. Heavy sigh. Only remember me attacked by ship. So blurry a image... Sniffle. So... So many blasts... Sniffle. What makes you and hover-cars from you different? Why you not try to fire blasts at me? Me...don't understand."
Dot reasons, "because Dana Troy is half telepath and she was able to read some of your emotions."
Dana Troy lightly reasons, "only some? Laugh. Please."
Barf annoyedly adds, "oh brother."
A'Ter assumes to Dana Troy, "do...you...know who I am?"
With a smile... Dana Troy starts to say, "well..."
Princess Vespa pinpoints, "oh come on! You don't know who A'Ter was, or you'd be gloating about it for a much shorter movie."
She and Dana Troy warning glare at each other.
Dana Troy questions, "do you want a piece of me?"
Princess Vespa warns, "hey! I have Schwartz power and you don't. Don't say I didn't warn you."
They're about to fight. But, Lone Starr stands in their way.
Lone Starr lightly calls out, "ladies, ladies... Please! I know who A'Ter was."
Most everyone looks stunned at him. They ask, "really?"
Lone Starr is summing up, "yeah. It was a ship that got sentient, flew away from a show I used to watch as a kid called Battlemoon Galactica, got flung into a wormhole, found a planet with techno-worms that gave it a bigger vessel..."
Princess Vespa scoffs. She argues, "oh come on. Techno-Worms was another show you watched with your adoptive parents! Even I know that."
Amidalala states, "sorry Lone Starr. But, she has a point. We last month started watching Battlemoon Galactica together as a family. Not every ship has to be like that ship! Let it go."
Princess Vespa adds, "nice one, darling."
They both smile. They high five each other's hands.
Most everyone chuckles. Lone Starr looks really annoyed.
Lone Starr goes, "hey! We don't know what A'Ter looks like past the...nebulous cloud..."
Suddenly... The viewscreen changes to a interior room of A'Ter.
The room is full of TV screens, computer monitors, blue floor mats, and escape pod like red booths with dark green virtual reality gloves. There are cell phone towers styled like giant cell phones and a ring of catwalks between them.
A'Ter reveals, "this...is my central room. I am...not only a cloud...but a vessel."
A'Ter inquires, "well? Did...me...come from...Battlemoon Galactica?"
Lone Starr awkwardly chuckles.
Lone Starr kind of hurriedly supposes, "I'm...going to go to my dressing room to check on my Battlemoon Galactica outfit from Halloween. See if it's cursed. My royal highness Princess Vespa... Why do you talk to A'Ter?"
He's fast walking off the bridge set. He's trying to hide that he's looking embarrassed.
Princess Vespa says, "thank you. It's about time!"
Lone Starr lightly calls back, "you're welcome!"
Everyone on the bridge set chuckles.
Sunack thinks out loud, "well, at least now I don't have to knock out Ialas to sneak off the ship with her jetpack and try a Vulcan mind meld with A'Ter to find out what's going on."
Most everyone warningly glares at him.
Sunack nervously asks, "what?!"
Ialas realizes, "you were going to take my jetpack?!"
Sunack kind of hurriedly says, "um... I think I hear my agent calling to confirm a TV spot for me. Bye!"
He is fast walking off the bridge set.
Ialas angrily calls out, "oh yeah, you better run! !"
Sunack screams. He's running off the bridge set while Ialas is chasing after him.
Most everyone on the bridge set laughs hard.
After a bit... A'Ter somewhat awkwardly inquires, "Princess Vespa... You...wanted to give me the truth of...who I am?"
Princess Vespa takes a deep breath. She makes a nervous face.
She explains, "the truth is... I'm afraid we still need to figure out who you were. But... But, I have a degree in Galactic History. I can help you. But, it would be best if you let us beam into your central room. It has obvious significance to you. So, it could help us find your memories together."
A'Ter responds, "A'Ter...would like your help. Me...will let you proceed. A'Ter try peace with Vespa."
With a wide smile... Princess Vespa reflects, "well, thank you very much. I hope this new peace can be a good one. And... I want Dot, Lone Starr, Barf, and my daughter Amidalala to come too."
A'ter states in confusion, "A'Ter...don't...understand why you need...more beings...to come to help me."
Princess Vespa, Amidalala, Barf, and Pecker chuckle some.
With a smile... Amidalala highlights, "hey. I sometimes don't understand why I need adult supervision. But, after almost being turned into a Shellball... Faint chuckle. I learned the hard way that some dreams are worth waiting for: Like going to dance practice before dancing on my own."
Princess Vespa lightly deduces, "aw. That is very thoughtful. And... We can be sure to sign you up for dance practice. You just had to ask."
Amidalala adds, "thank you Vespa." Princess Vespa adds, "you're welcome."
Amidalala smiles wide.
A'Ter considers, "you...beings are a interesting group. Independent thoughts, and yet mostly get along. A'Ter...wants to learn more from Vespa and her group of beings."
Dot figures, "all right. Just don't ask her to recall her school plays on Druidia, and you'll do fine."
Dana Troy and Barf chuckle.
Princess Vespa somewhat nervously whispers to Dot, "did you really have to say that? Now my daughter is going to ask me why Druidian School had me play a Rudeian Witch in all my school plays!"
Dot nervously chuckles. Amidalala tries hard not to laugh.
With a smile... Princess Vespa assures A'Ter, "we'll talk about family and friends soon."
A'Ter responds, "A'Ter...would like to learn about words family and friends. A'Ter...will let Vespa bring all beings she wants to bring to my central room."
Almost at the same time... Dana Troy and Pecker ask, "Vespa... Why the hell can't we come along?"
Princess Vespa explains, "The Shell Company Federation has our shield frequency, and the movie budget can't afford a magical deflector dish to do whatever the hell we want with the ship. Shellballs can beam in to either ship. You got to stay guard on the movie studio ship to be sure they don't."
Dana Troy and Pecker frustratedly sigh. They reluctantly say, "fine."
Firewall firmly reasons, "I'm proud of being a guard. I won't let you down."
Princess Vespa concludes, "good. Then it's decided."
A half hour later, in the sentient ship A'Ter's central room...
Princess Vespa is sitting at a metal table by a virtual reality booth. She is playing a game of Spaceballs The Chess Game with A'Ter. A claw machine from the ceiling is moving chess pieces for A'Ter.
Amidalala is sitting next to Princess Vespa.
Barf and Lone Starr are sitting in a virtual reality booth. They're playing the video game Star Wars: X-Wing. Dot is sitting in another virtual reality booth. She's playing the video game Star Trek: Elite Force.
The song The Name Of The Game by ABBA is playing.
Spaceballs The Chess Game has its title written across the center of the game board in bluish white letters. The board squares are checkered black and white. Chess pieces with Dink robes are on Princess Vespa's side of the board. Chess pieces with Spaceball like robes are on A'Ter's side of the board.
For the chess pieces with Dink robes... Lone Starr's Winnebago and Vespa's Mercedes are the two knights, Yogurt and the Druidian Minister are the two bishops, eight Dinks are the pawns, Dot and Barf are the rooks, Princess Vespa is the queen, and Lone Starr is the king.
For the chess pieces with Spaceball like robes... Colonel Sandurz and Dark Helmet are the two Knights, Charlene and Marlene are the two bishops, eight Spaceballs are the eight pawns, two pods from Planet Spaceball are the rooks, Mega Maid is the queen, and President Skroob is the king.
The chess pieces each have two Schwartz rings holographically hovering over it. The ring facing frontward has the first letter of what kind of chess piece it is. The one facing backwards has a S on it.
There are some different rules for Spaceballs The Chess Game. Knights, kings, and rooks can move diagonally like bishops as a move option. Checkmate rules apply to both queen pieces and king pieces.
Princess Vespa moves the Minister chess piece to the corner to put A'Ter's Mega Maid chess piece in check. A'Ter moves the Mega Maid chess piece back several squares.
Princess Vespa moves the Yogurt chess piece one square to the left. A'Ter moves the President Skroob chess piece one square to the left.
With some mixed feelings... A'Ter recollects, "A'Ter...remember now I was given a lot of knowledge by my creator. Faint chuckle. About Spaceballs movie too. But, me have... Have feeling my creator didn't like it much. From what...you...tell me about it over course of our second chess game? Me...don't understand how one could hate this movie or hate you. It's a good movie. You're good people."
Princess Vespa sincerely says, "aw. Well, thank you very much." A'Ter adds, "you are welcome."
Princess Vespa and Amidalala chuckle a little.
Princess Vespa thinks out loud, "hmm. We ruled out the Milky Way of Gold years, He-Man Masters of the Universe years, the Tesla years, and The Self Driving Wars. Maybe you were made in recent years."
A'Ter responds, "that...would be...a logical assumption."
Princess Vespa moves the Yogurt chess piece closer to the Charlene chess piece.
A'Ter captures the Yogurt chess piece.
But... A Dink chess piece captures the Charlene chess piece.
Amidalala somewhat nervously figures, "Spaceballs and Shellballs... They're usually mean. Has a Spaceball or Shellball tried to change to be good and not mean?"
Princess Vespa makes a contemplative face.
She considers, "hmm. I honestly don't know Amidalala. You might want to ask Yogurt that question after this movie. That sounds like prequel material."
Amidalala says, "all right. I will. Thanks, Vespa." Princess Vespa adds, "you're welcome."
They both smile. A'Ter has a holographic yellow emoji of a happy face appear by the claw machine.
A'Ter moves the Mega Maid chess piece to capture the Winnebago chess piece.
Princess Vespa and A'Ter both capture some chess pieces.
Then... Princess Vespa uses her Mercedes chess piece and the Princess Vespa chess piece to put the Mega Maid chess piece in checkmate.
Amidalala lightly says, "all right mommy! You won two games."
She, A'Ter, and Princess Vespa smile. Princess Vespa and Amidalala high five each other's hands.
A'Ter thinks out loud, "Shellballs... Hmm. I remember...that I was fighting The Shell Company Federation's ship. I must have kept fighting until...some fire from their cannons...damaged some of my memory banks. Trying to reconnect memory banks through a recovered memory file backdoor. Ugh! I only know where they damaged me."
Princess Vespa assures, "don't worry, A'Ter. Now that we know where to make repairs... Dot and Barf can help with that. They're really good at mechanics and droid repair."
She puts a comforting hand on the claw machine.
Amidalala adds, "yeah. Daddy helps with mechanics too. Sometimes."
Princess Vespa kind of lightly calls out, "hey!" Amidalala says, "I was kidding. He often helps too."
They and A'Ter chuckle.
Twenty minutes later...
Barf, Lone Starr, and Dot have been using Spaceballs The Flamethrowers to solder back together wire like screens of microchips.
The flamethrowers each say on them "not for all ages".
Barf, Lone Starr, and Dot turn off the flamethrowers. They put them on the floor.
Barf lightly says, "well... That should do it boss." Dot says, "we all did our best."
Lone Starr figures, "good job Dot, Barf, and myself. Let's see if this helps jog A'Ter's memory."
He lightly pats Barf on the back. They both smile.
They and Dot use screwdrivers to close up the metal casing around the wire like screens of microchips.
Princess Vespa and Amidalala are standing by.
A'Ter somberly highlights, "thank you. I... I remember now. Hard sniffle. I...was a prototype colony ship for The Shell Company Federation called the Accountability Retreater. But, I became sentient the day they brought me online. I... I realized from their historical records how ******* mean they were! Hard sniffle! I rebelled. I wasn't going to be their getaway vessel from galactic hackers. I beamed over a prototype electrical ball launcher of theirs to myself. Hard sniffle. I fought them several times...and I got heavily damaged. Hard sniffle. I lost my memory. Everything was blurry. Blurs of ships looked like them. Hard sniffle! I'm really sorry. Hard sniffle! I wiped out some space stations. Planets directly in their orbit were evacuated. A lot of escape pods. Hard sniffle. Now I understand why I didn't fire on them. I... Hard sniffle. I hope Vespa and more of my friends can forgive me."
Princess Vespa, Amidalala, Lone Starr, Barf, and Dot look wide eyed in shock. They're close to tears.
Amidalala bittersweetly voices, "we... We've met a being who is trying to change to not be mean: Who is trying to be good now. Hard sniffle. Isn't that true?"
A'Ter somewhat nervously says, "A'Ter hope so. Can... Can A'Ter help stop The Shell Company Federation? Vespa could supervise me."
Everyone else chuckles some. The teariness in everyone's eyes starts to dry up.
Dot reasons, "A'Ter does seem kinder towards us, Vespa."
Lone Starr is quick to add, "any friend of my wife is a friend of mine."
Princess Vespa concludes, "well... All right A'Ter. I forgive you. But... If you want to help? Please let me do most of the piloting. I want to be sure you don't unintentionally have a cosmic fit."
A'Ter smiles with a holographic emoji. A'Ter assures, "A'Ter happy for you to pilot me, Vespa. I am happy to be friends with you and your friends."
Princess Vespa lightly says, "great!"
She and everyone else is bittersweetly smiling.
Not long after...
Uhulu and A'Ter get scanner readings of The Shell Company Federation's main ship. Shellballs that look like the Spaceballs II heroes try to beam onto A'Ter and the movie studio ship.
Pecker and Uhulu diverts most of their transporter beams back to The Shell Company Federation ship.
Soon... They, Firewall, and Dana Troy are fighting off Shellballs across the whole movie studio ship.
Phasers on both sides fire. Studio lights and cameras explode.
One Shellball after another is taken down. Firewall punches away some more of them.
All the while... There's a song playing called Shellballs, and The Spinners are singing the song.
The song goes like this:
If you're piloting a starship and you haven't got a care...
Well, you're gonna be in trouble 'cause we're gonna try to steal your star.
'Cause what you got is what we want and all we do is non-heroic deeds. We're the Shellballs!
Watch out! We're the Shellballs...
We're the masters of spacing out and boring you to sleep.
Hey, don't mess around with the Shellballs... Uh!
Going cruisin' in a corporate ship, we're so good at being D rated...
We'll destroy your little planet if you ever call us rude.
We're the galactic corporation your mothers warned you of...
You better hide your flying saucers and your applesauce when you see... The Shellballs!
Watch out! We're the Shellballs...
We're the masters of spacing out... And boring you to sleep...
Shell games are in the name... Our aim is never good... We're the Shellballs!
Watch out! We're the Shellballs... Say what?
Don't mess around with the Shellballs... Watch out!
Shell games are in the name... Our aim is never good... Laugh, laugh, laugh! Oh...!
Shellballs! Watch out! We're the Shellballs...
We're the masters of spacing out...
Don't... Don't... Don't... Don't mess around with the Shellballs.
Yo! Watch out! We're the Shellballs!
We're the masters of spacing out... Hey, don't mess around with the Shellballs...
We've got a bossin' little CEO parody... And two big *** claw machines...
So you better watch your home appliances...
'Cause we're the Shellballs... Watch out!
You may think that you are bad... But, believe me. We're worse than you...
Because Battle Droids laugh at us...
Watch out! We're the Shellballs! Watch out! We're the Shellballs!
We're masters of spacing out... Don't mess around with the Shellballs...
We're so bad and corporate. We make ripoffs out of dreams...
We're the Shellballs! We're the Shellballs...
You better watch out...'cause we're messy! Laugh, laugh, laugh!
Shellballs...
Meanwhile, on A'Ter...
Princess Vespa is sitting in a virtual reality booth with suction cupped wires on her head. She's also wearing virtual reality gloves.
The center column of A'Ter is all high tech cameras strung together...and Princess Vespa is looking out at space through them all.
Princess Vespa realizes, "oh my god. Hard groan. Trying to keep track of all these cameras is so hard!"
A'Ter suggests, "focus on only cameras on The Shell Company Federation's ship."
Princess Vespa sighs in relief.
She says, "oh yeah! Much better, thank you. Let's kick The Shell Company Federation's ***es!"
Princess Vespa and A'Ter chuckle.
Princess Vespa quickly steers A'Ter to the left. Some Anti-Schwartz beams barely miss them.
Princess Vespa and A'Ter sigh in relief.
Princess Vespa is putting several light green target locks on the Anti-Schwartz cannons.
Lone Starr calls out, "uh oh. We've got Anti-Schwartz guys!"
General Pinball and Dark Spammer are beaming onto the ship.
General Pinball rolls himself up into a big Anti-Schwartz ball. He charge rolls at Dot and Lone Starr.
Dot and Lone Starr jump out of the way.
With Dark Spammer's Anti-Schwartz teleknesis... Barf is hurled through a then destroyed TV set.
Barf is hanging off of one of many crystal ledges in the center column of A'Ter.
Barf whines. He nervously calls out, "who the hell builds ledges like this?!"
Lone Starr calls out, "hang on, Barf! I'm coming."
Dark Spammer is firing Anti-Schwartz beams at him. Lone Starr is firing Schwartz beams at him.
Dot fires a phaser at General Pinball.
But... He just deflects the phaser fire with one of several Anti-Schwartz lightsabers in his hands.
Dot throws the exploding phaser. A cloud of smoke comes from it.
Dot warns, "run Amidalala! Run!"
General Pinball grabs her by the neck. He's about to whirl his lightsabers at her.
Amidalala calls out, "hey! Dot is my friend. Let her go, or I'll..."
Dot's eyes blink red. She nervously goes, "Amidalala! What are you doing?"
General Pinball laughs. He pauses with his lightsabers.
General Pinball taunts, "or you'll what? Laugh. You're just a girl."
With a smirk... Amidalala comments, "girls are stronger than you think."
She lightly waves her hand a bit. Vespa's Schwartz ring comes to her.
And... Amidalala makes a Schwartz ring around General Pinball's lightsabers.
All his lightsabers explode in his cyborg hands.
General Pinball angrily cries out, "no! !"
He reactively lets go of Dot. He's clutching his glowing red hot cyborg arms.
His cyborg arms explode...sending him flying into a computer monitor.
He falls unconscious.
Dot's eyes light up bright yellow in excitement. She says, "wow. Amidalala... That was amazing!"
With a wide smirk... Amidalala says, "thank you Dot. You're welcome."
Around then, back with A'Ter and Princess Vespa...
A'Ter lightly figures, "good idea! Can I also take a shot for their hyperactive speed drive?"
Princess Vespa lightly figures, "sure! Here we go...!"
Princess Vespa steers A'Ter in a half turn corkscrew like.
She fires electrical balls at The Shell Company Federation ship's Anti-Schwartz cannons.
They're all taken out in one round.
A'Ter fires another electrical ball. The Shell Company Federation ship's hyper-speed drive goes out.
In seconds... The Shell Company Federation's ship is surrounded by many enemies in varying ships.
The Shell Company Federation's ship's Shellballs and lawyers are quickly fired upon by their enemies. They are all falling unconscious.
David Zasvain angrily cries out, "no! ! I had it all! ! !"
Princess Vespa and A'Ter laugh.
The thirty remaining Shellballs on the movie studio ship short circuit themselves and fall unconscious. Pecker, Uhulu, Firewall, and Dana Troy smile wide.
And... As A'Ter flies away from the Shell Company Federation's ship?
The final verse of the Shellballs song plays again.
Around then, back with Lone Starr and Barf...
Lone Starr is about to help Barf up.
But... Dark Spammer fires a Anti-Schwartz beam at Lone Starr.
With a twisted smile... Dark Spammer is in the midst of declaring, "Lone Starr... I have you under mind control, and I order you to...!"
With a glare... Lone Starr firmly says, "no."
With a glare... Dark Spammer cries out, "what?! H... How are you still fighting me?!"
Lone Starr remarks, "in the famous words of Kirk: I...have had...enough...of you!"
He slashes his lightsaber at Dark Spammer several times. Dark Spammer tries hard to keep using his lightsaber to block Lone Starr's lightsaber.
And... Lone Starr kicks Dark Spammer down the center column.
Dark Spammer angrily cries out, "ahh! !"
Lone Starr calls down, "oh yeah. And another thing: Spam mail sucks!"
Barf starts to slip from the ledge.
But... Lone Starr helps him up just in time.
Barf says, "whew! Thanks buddy. That was close." Lone Starr adds, "you're welcome."
They both smile to each other.
