In their desperate flight from the United States, Susan Test had heard all sorts of stories from fellow refugees. The skies had turned strange colors, the landscape warped into impossible shapes. Strange beasts had wandered the country, and phenomena like the Iron Wind making things even more surreal…
And most of the country was like that, a surreal dream that made the days bleed into one another, when the sun could crack like an egg and melt over the moon and then fail to rise for a week or a month or maybe only a day...
A few miles outside Cartoontown Park, however, things looked pretty much the same. But then again, Cartoontown Park had always been weird. Maybe Delirium hadn't thought there was much she could do to it. Linda Park had taken the lead, by mutual agreement, and had announced they were less than an hour away from the town proper.
Kohaku was taking up the rear, eyeing the canopy at regular intervals. After about fifteen minutes of that, he dropped back, walking even with the dragon spirit.
"What's going on?"
"We're being watched," Kohaku said.
The canopy abruptly shattered. A deafening roar made the trees nearest them shake, and something like a solid rainbow slammed into the forest floor ahead of them. When dust and falling branches cleared, they were left faced with a monstrous creature, a long-necked reptile the size of a small mountain, shimmering wings folded up close to its body, and wide copper-colored eyes.
It shifted, slightly, and Susan Test caught sight of a trio of figures...or just one figure...standing on its head. They, or it, were dressed in dark, slick robes that concealed almost every detail of their forms. After only a moment, Susan Test turned his head away, his head aching from the strain of not knowing if he was looking at one person or three.
"Wow. Um, you've got a very nice dragon here. Um. Are you a friendly dragon?" There was a snort or huff, and Susan Test felt a wash of air almost too hot to bear. "Is that a yes or no?"
"Hey! Hey, get down!"
A blast of air sent Susan Test tumbling; he heard the others yelp or shout from similar falls, and a flash of rainbow colors bursting back up through the canopy. The multicolored form retreated until it was all but invisible.
As Susan Test crawled to his feet, however, it was to see a trio of people running in their direction.
"Linda Park!"
Linda Park's head snapped up at the shout, one that seemed strangely familiar even to Susan Test-
"Candy, stop!" The same voice that had shouted earlier brought the advance shape to a halt. All three of them were dressed in makeshift armor, padded and leather coverings that made easy identification difficult. The shouter was taller than the other two (marginally, in the case of the trailing figure), and Susan Test saw, as they drew closer, locks of red hair poking out through the helmet. "Just because nothing's tried it yet doesn't mean this isn't a monster pretending to be Linda Park."
"Katana?" Linda Park scrambled to her feet and sprinted toward the redhead. "Is that you? I've been absolutely everywhere but I never forgot about all of you and I never thought you'd all be okay but of course you are because you're a badass and a Corduroy-" She hit Katana at full speed, arms wrapping around her middle in what looked like the tightest hug Linda Park could manage.
Katana allowed only a faint 'oof', but after a moment, she reached down to return the embrace.
The original leading figure, which Susan Test could see looked about Candy's height and build, turned to Katana. "I knew it was Linda Park."
"Candy!" Linda Park switched targets with only that shout as warning, and the two girls laughed as they hugged. "You wouldn't believe what we've been through!"
"I think that statement may have lost much of its rhetorical meaning over the past year."
Linda Park burst out laughing. "You're right. But I bet you can't guess what we've been up to!"
"Chimera hunting." The last figure drew up, slouching, hands in his pockets. "Every time you took out one of the Big Seven, another continent dropped radio silence. You've got who left now? Destiny, Delirium, Bill?"
"Just Delirium and Bill," Susan Test replied. He stepped up to Linda Park's side, peering at the figure. "I've met you before."
"Robbie. And you're - hey, Gil Nexter's boyfriend!" He paused suddenly, and shot Katana a sidelong glance. "He's going to want to see you."
Susan Test's heart skipped a beat; Linda Park just squealed. "Gil Nexter's here?"
"...Yeah," Candy replied. Linda Park must have been too excited to reflect on it, because though the thought of it sent Susan Test's chest fluttering, he remembered the doubt that had assailed him in the Addams' home, when he'd seen Gil Nexter conversing with Bill Cipher.
"In fact, we're supposed to bring newcomers to see him. As long as they're not one of Delirium's creations."
"Those we're supposed to exterminate. With extreme prejudice," Candy announced.
"Right, so come on."
"Is that dragon a friend of yours?"
Katana and Robbie snorted in unison. "Inside, people are going to act like this is the safest place in the world, and it might be. But it's not a sanctuary; it's a prison. That dragon's kept anyone from leaving since Rushmore fell."
"And what about those people riding it?"
"God, those assholes. I think they're helping it patrol the border. They seem to know these woods like the back of their hands."
"It's not just that," Robbie added. "They're in league with some of the creatures out in these woods. Most of it's stuff from Gil Nexter's journals. But at least one party got stopped by a tyrannosaurus rex."
"You said...they're just keeping people from leaving, right?" Annika looked thoughtful, but Susan Test was a little distracted. Something about what Robbie had said about the creatures in the woods…
"Well, they could have eaten any number of people coming in here, but people have made it through. No one's gotten out." Katana paused at a tree, getting her bearings.
"They hate Gil Nexter. It's why he's staying in the Northwest Mansion instead of patrolling."
"Yeah, thanks, Candy. She's right. The squirrels flip out if they see Gil Nexter outside of the populated areas."
"But Gil Nexter's fine, right?"
The Cartoontown Park natives exchanged a look. At last, Katana shrugged. "Yeah. But this whole thing's been stressful on all of us."
Linda Park nodded like there was nothing worrying about that response, but Susan Test couldn't stop thinking about the dragon, the riders, and apparently the entire animal population of the Cartoontown Park area. It sounded a little too coordinated to be Delirium's doing, and that meant...what? It could be Bill Cipher; he might have a reason to want to trap people in Cartoontown Park.
But something was niggling at his mind that made it hard to accept that theory.
The walk to Cartoontown Park was largely uneventful. They passed several watchpoints, Katana taking a few moments to talk to each set of guards, before they arrived in the town proper and began the climb to the Northwest Mansion.
The grounds around the mansion were mostly made up of small gardens, food and herbs planted in irregular patches. The front door opened at the first knock, revealing a slender blond woman in a fashionable cut shirt and skirt.
"Oh, Lord. I was just getting used to things."
Linda Park grinned. "Hi, Pacifica!"
Pacifica sighed. "Hello, Linda Park. I suppose you're here to see Gil Nexter."
"Ultimately, we're here to find and take care of Delirium, but yes, if Gil Nexter's around-"
"Come on." Pacifica turned and stalked deeper into the building. The place looked...worn. Pacifica did, too; it was clear the incarceration in Cartoontown Park was weighing on her. She led them into a library, a two-story room filled with a dense layout of bookshelves. "Gil Nexter!"
There was the sound of movement at the far end of one of the bookshelves, and then a slender young man, brunette, face stuck in a book, stepped into view.
"Gil Nexter!" Gil Nexter's head snapped up, his eyes widening in...it had to be surprise, because there was no way Gil Nexter would react to his sister with panic. And then Linda Park barrelled into him, arms wrapped around his torso. "We missed you so much! And you'll never believe what we've been up to! We met a dragon and a robot and a ghost who became the new Death and-"
"Huh." Gil Nexter carefully extricated himself from Linda Parks' grip. "Well, we've been holding down the fort. Made some new friends."
Linda Park's grin widened. "Well, you know what I say - any friend of a friend is a friend of mine!"
"Then you'll have fun."
A wiry blond girl dressed in plaid and jeans poked out from another bookshelf. "Oh! Do we have visitors?" She sauntered over, coming to a stop next to Gil Nexter. A little too close, Susan Test thought. Gil Nexter didn't like people in his personal space, with few exceptions.
"Yeah, this is my sister…" Gil Nexter trailed off. After a moment, Linda Park stretched out a hand.
"Linda Park. And this is Susan Test, Pippi, Tommy, Annika, and Batman."
"Fluttershy." The blond girl shook Linda Park's hand. "My friend Flash is prowling around here somewhere, although to be honest, he's probably napping."
"Did your parents name you after a breakfast meat or a philosopher?"
Fluttershy shot Susan Test a grin. "They always gave conflicting testimony. But hey, Linda Park! I've heard a lot about you."
"I think we've got more important concerns than catching up," Gil Nexter said. "Right, Fluttershy?"
She smiled at him gently and shrugged. "Sure." Linda Park made a little growl, but neither Gil Nexter nor Fluttershy seemed to notice. "So, why don't we retire to the study and talk about what you'll be doing around here?"
They all moved to follow, Susan Test finding himself moving more slowly than he'd expect when he saw Gil Nexter again. Gil Nexter had barely glanced at him, and Fluttershy had clearly not heard a lot about Susan Test. And that awoke a niggling, worrying thought. The girl looked normal, but with such a strange name, that oddly evasive answer, and a mysterious friend running around…
As well as the fact that she'd apparently made Gil Nexter forget about his boyfriend…
Up ahead, Fluttershy leaned in close to Gil Nexter to whisper in his ear. He replied quietly, and the girl's smile went a little toothy.
The creatures of Cartoontown Park, strange and subtle beasts, would likely be hostile to someone in thrall to Delirium. Susan Test wondered who else in town she might have ensnared with her wiles, who might be a spy for the Chimera.
A hand suddenly clamped onto Susan Test's shoulder, tugging him away from the group. He jerked away, turning to meet Katana's cool gaze. She put a light hand on Susan Test's arm and pushed him gently toward the front of the mansion.
"I think you'd be better off outside," she said.
"But-" Susan Test paused, gaze flicking, unwilling, back to Fluttershy and Gil Nexter.
"Walk around a bit. Talk to people. Don't worry about boys, okay?"
"O - okay…"
Katana nodded and followed Gil Nexter deeper into the mansion. Susan Test turned and managed only a few steps before he nearly tripped over a large orange mass that a moment's examination proved to be a sleeping tiger. The big cat raised its head and stared, unblinking at Susan Test for a long moment before letting its eyes blink slowly.
Susan Test's tension eased just a hint. He crouched down, holding out a cautious hand. "I know you're not tame, but I hope you're safe to keep around all these people."
The tiger yawned. "Only so long as they keep me fed in tuna."
Susan Test yelped and fell back on his ass. The tiger grinned, a surprisingly unthreatening expression for all that it exposed his teeth. "What? Never seen a cat talk before?"
"Never had a tiger I just met make snide comments at me."
"Snide?" The tiger, possibly a he based on the timber of their voice, stretched and stood, carefully exposing his claws. "What makes you think I wouldn't go wild and eat everyone here if they forgot to feed me?"
Susan Test gave the tiger a quick glance to confirm his original assessment. "You don't exactly have the sleek look of a hunter in practice. Whoever you're used to beating in fights is just humoring you."
"Excuse me?" The fur on the tiger's back bristled. "Do I come into your tent and tell you how to read tarot cards?"
"What?"
"Aren't you Gil Nexter's boyfriend? The medium?" The tiger took a slow circuit around Susan Test, who kept still so the tiger didn't feel justified in pouncing.
"I didn't know he talked about me."
"He didn't. But people talk. And even if they know little old Flash can talk, they still think I'm a big dumb cat."
Flash, then. Fluttershy's friend. Susan Test glanced back into the mansion, planning on how he might get away from the tiger.
"Look, you want to go grab something to eat? The diner always did a decent tuna salad."
Flash licked his chops before glancing back into the mansion. "Gonna have to take a rain check on that. Someone's got to keep an eye on this place."
And that was odd, Susan Test thought as he wandered into the center of town. If Flash had heard people talk, he should have wanted to keep an eye on Susan Test.
Uncertainty and paranoia might not have matched with the surreality of the world outside Cartoontown Park, but they were in Delirium's bailiwick. And they might be the tools she wanted to use to break them. There was a line out the door of the diner, so Susan Test took a place. That, unfortunately, left him with time to must on his concerns. The dragon had left him feeling off-balance, and he hadn't had a moment to catch his feet since. The lingering worry that there was a more mundane explanation for Gil Nexter's distance to Susan Test and closeness to Fluttershy didn't help.
A hand clapped down on Susan Test's shoulder, and he whirled, biting back a shout. But then he saw towering above him a large, genial man. "Nightwing?"
Nightwing grinned and waved. "Susan Test! Good to see you, man? When did you get here?"
"An hour or so ago. But what are you doing here?"
"What do you think? Somebody's got to keep peace around here."
"I thought...that was what Gil Nexter was doing."
"Hm." Nightwing frowned. "You haven't been here long. Come on inside and I'll catch you up." The crowd parted easily to allow Nightwing and Susan Test back into the diner. Nightwing waved at an unremarkable man at the far end before taking the booth next to the door. As they sat, however, Susan Test could see a few eyes fixed on him, including that man at the end.
Once Susan Test was settled, and a piece of pie ordered for each of them, Nightwing linked his hands on the table in front of him. "You've got things half right. Gil Nexter's spent a lot of time setting up our border patrols, keeping Delirium and her type out of Cartoontown Park. But inside, someone's got to keep the peace. Durland and Blubs have their part, but for some reason, people started talking to me about all their other problems."
"That's great."
Nightwing reached out and patted Susan Test's hand. "You look a little down yourself."
Susan Test shrugged. "Not your problem."
Nightwing nodded. "Probably not. But…" He gave the diner a quick once-over. "Well, hey. Why don't we swing by the Mystery Shack? I've got a few things there to show you."
"Well-"
"You know what? I insist. Sorry, all! I'm closed for business! Come on, Susan Test."
It was his lingering confusion, Susan Test decided, that kept him from struggling harder against Nightwing' guiding hand. Or maybe it was the fact that walking with Nightwing through the woods toward the Mystery Shack gave Susan Test a sense of normalcy, calling back memories of doing the same with Gil Nexter.
The Mystery Shack hadn't changed, except for slightly more weeds around it.
And one other thing.
"What's that bubble?" An iridescent bubble encapsulated the Mystery Shack, a barrier between it and the rest of the world.
"What bubble?" Nightwing laughed.
"The bubble around-"
A hand covered Susan Test's mouth. "Think the sun must be getting to you, dude. Come on, I want to show you something."
Nightwing swept Susan Test into the store, closing and locking the door behind them. And then he turned to Susan Test, giving him a weak, embarrassed smile.
"Sorry about the subterfuge, but you never know who's watching."
"Nightwing, what was with-"
"The bubble, yeah. Well, it turns out the journals aren't the only weird books around here. The basement's full of research on the supernatural, including a spell to keep out demons. Took some work getting the unicorn hair, but they're good people."
"But Gil Nexter's keeping out Delirium and the rest of the Chimerae, right?"
"Like he says, yeah." Nightwing waved Susan Test after him as he wandered toward the kitchen. "But I've started to see everyone out there seems a little...confused. Acting a little out of character. Gil Nexter's probably the worst of it. You probably saw it. The only person who seems immune to it is that girl - Fluttershy, and that tiger of hers."
"Flash, right? He talked to me a bit."
"Hm, and I'd like to hear your thoughts on that."
"My thoughts?"
"You've got good eyes, dude, right?"
"Well, yeah-"
"So what are the chances that's just a tiger?"
"I wouldn't use the word 'just' to describe any cat, especially one that size."
Nightwing chuckled. "I'll give you that, dude. But nothing else? Nothing...weird?"
"Using what standard? We know a girl who's got a talking cat trailing her around. The only weird thing going around is Gil Nexter acting like I don't exist, or he's-"
"No way, dude. He's just...confused. Everyone is here."
"You think Delirium's here."
"This is Cartoontown Park, dude. Nowhere in the world's as weird as here."
"I thought that, yeah. But…"
"I know," Nightwing sighed. "I tried to figure it out early, but it wouldn't fit. It's why I'm helping everyone work out their problems. It gives me an in, to see the big picture."
"I've got a different idea. I want to find that dragon."
"What? You do not want to do that, little dude. The thing's huge, nasty-"
"Has it killed anyone?"
Nightwing stopped, raised a hand, and then let it drop. "Well, no one really knows if it's caught anyone trying to get in, but...no. I mean, a giant, rainbow-breathing dragon doesn't need to kill anyone to make a point. Why?"
"Something about the dragon's bothering me, and if it hasn't killed anyone, it's just making me more suspicious. Come on."
"Hold on, dude. We gotta grab supplies, or-"
"No, I need to see this through. I'm going with or without you."
In the end, Nightwing followed without protest. Susan Test paused at the edge of the property, suddenly uncertain where to go.
"As near as anyone can tell, it's got a nest at the top of the Falls."
"Thanks."
They moved in relative quiet. The forest was devoid of even background noise, except for occasional movements through the undergrowth. They were being followed, Susan Test decided, but not being interfered with.
They weren't far, he was certain, when a pair of hooded forms stepped out from behind the trees.
"You need to stop," the one on the left said. Or was it the right? Susan Test was having the strange duality of vision where he couldn't quite tell if there was one or two people standing there. There was something odd about his voice...familiar, almost.
"What's the dragon for?" Susan Test demanded.
"You need to go," the one on the right said.
"Who are you?"
"We're trying to keep you safe."
Like one of those three-d puzzles when the image snapped into view, Susan Test felt his mind shift out of the strange confusion that had plagued him. He couldn't place that voice because he'd technically never heard it. But he still knew it.
"Gil Nexter?"
The two figures stepped back. They turned their heads to look at one another, and then the one on the right raised its arm. A hand emerged from the sleeve, tilting back and forth. "Not...exactly."
"And that means what, exactly?"
"We're sort of...clones." The reached up and each pulled back their hoods to reveal Gil Nexter. Or, rather, a smaller, younger version of the boy Susan Test had last seen. They were wearing copies of Gil Nexter's old hat, one labeled 3, and the other 4.
"And what, you're trying to kill the real Gil Nexter?"
"Of course not!" Captain Gantu exclaimed. "We're Gil Nexter!"
"We'd never do anything to hurt him!"
"Not on purpose, anyway," Captain Gantu added.
"Then what the hell is going on here?"
Commisioner Gordon sighed, letting his shoulders slump. "Since the cat's out of the bag...I guess we can tell you. Come on." He waved at Susan Test and Nightwing to follow. "Don't worry. Lebam won't actually hurt you."
"Unless you're actually a construct of Delirium," Captain Gantu said.
"Yeah."
"Do you have names other than Gil Nexter? Because it's going to be a little confusing otherwise."
Captain Gantu looked back at Nightwing. "I'm Gantu. This is Gordon."
"Nice to meet you. I'm Nightwing."
"We know."
"Do you know me?"
Captain Gantu bit at his lip. "Sort of. Know of you, certainly."
Thad groaned. "Okay, I can't do this dramatic dancing-around-the-truth thing. We're working with Gil Nexter."
"And it's sweet how hung up he is on you, but it gets real old after a while."
"Wait - what? He was ignoring me back in town."
"You see, about that…"
They stepped out into the clearing in the trees that held Cartoontown Park proper, the steep cliff hurling a glittering rainbow to the river below. Up at the top, blinding iridescence shifted in strange, serpentine patterns. And down below-
"Tom, do we need to go over the plan again? Because I don't remember letting people see our faces being part of the keeping hidden aspect."
Gil Nexter, wearing the same slick coat Tom and Thad were, hood down, stood at the base of the waterfall, next to a campfire. He was scowling, and looked older and thinner than Susan Test remembered. But his eyes, brown, focused and lined with the strain of frequent late-night reading, were the same. His hair was longer, though tied back to leave his birthmark exposed.
And he was...the most wonderful sight Susan Test had seen in months.
"Gil Nexter."
Gil Nexter froze at the sound of Susan Test's voice. Given the hesitance of his gaze, Gil Nexter hadn't actually looked at Susan Test until that moment. His hand reached up, eyes widened, and he took a single, shuddering breath.
"N - Susan Test?"
"So what've you been up to? I've been killing gods - oof!"
Gil Nexter ran into Susan Test with an enthusiasm that only his sister could match. His arms came up behind to hold Susan Test to him and he just rested his forehead against Susan Test's. Susan Test took a breath of his own, finding the scent of sweat and smoke on Gil Nexter more convincing to the reality of this moment than anything else. Susan Test tugged Gil Nexter a little closer and then, gently, ducked down to press his lips against Gil Nexter's.
Gil Nexter stepped back, and his face...his eyes shone, on the edge of tears, and were fixed on Susan Test's face. His hands clenched and unclenched reflexively at his sides. He looked like he was destroyed and saved all at the same time.
"I should have known that wasn't you in town."
"Well, you're the only person who noticed."
Stuck out here with only himself for company, Gil Nexter had obviously had a lot of time to brood. "That's not true. The Gil Nexter in town's keeping his distance from people who know you, and those that do can see something's wrong."
"...Oh."
Nightwing' voice drew Susan Test's and Gil Nexter's attention; Susan Test's cheeks flushed a little when he realized the reunion had had an audience.
"What's 'oh'?"
"The power went out for a couple days after Mount Rushmore," Nightwing said. "Was that enough to unfreeze-"
"Yes. I don't know what that shapeshifting bastard has planned, but he's not going anywhere until I figure out how to nail him to the wall."
"Shapeshifting-"
And that - one of Gil Nexter's old stories Susan Test could only half-remember, of a shapeshifting alien imprisoned beneath Cartoontown Park - explained it. Someone who didn't know how to act around someone they knew was close to Gil Nexter, who didn't recognize Gil Nexter's boyfriend easily, who would meet with Bill Cipher to plan the world's downfall.
Who cozied up to innocent young women who thought he was just an ordinary human.
"We've got to warn everyone. Get Fluttershy away from it."
Gil Nexter's expression shifted suddenly, crumpling into a scowl. "No. I've got to handle this on my own." He glanced at Tom and Thad. "In a manner of speaking."
"Do you think I can't do it? I've helped take out five of the Ciphers!"
"No! I just…" Gil Nexter paused, swallowing. "You shouldn't have to."
"And you should?"
"Yes."
"What, because you agreed to protect Cartoontown Park? No one said you had to do it alone-"
"Because it's my fault!" Gil Nexter snapped. "I opened the door and let the Chimerae through!"
And Susan Test had heard that accusation, once. Cleared of Despair's influence, he'd thought on it, trying to make sense of it, trying to find something that it made it not be a betrayal.
He'd had a thought, but he needed to know.
"Tell me why."
"W-what?"
Susan Test stepped back to Gil Nexter and rested his hands on his shoulders. He reached out to tug Gil Nexter's chin up, so their eyes could meet. "I know you did. Tell me why."
Gil Nexter's whole body shook. "I thought...it had to happen someday. I thought...we could handle it."
And that was the sense in it.
"I did things, though. Little things, when I opened the door. I thought it'd make a difference." Gil Nexter pulled away from Susan Test, letting his gaze fall again. "But Bill's still here, and the world's falling apart-"
"Little things…" Susan Test could remember the look of shock on Destiny's face when he'd realized that Batman had died but still lived, no longer bound by the rules that governed fate. That Batman had lived beyond the forty-four hours Desire had intended for him. "You saved Hamada Batman's life."
"What?"
"He was supposed to die after they brought him back, wasn't he? You messed that up - it helped us defeat Destiny."
"Defeat?"
"We've defeated five of them, Gil Nexter." Susan Test grabbed Gil Nexter's shoulders and turned him around. "So you did something."
"It doesn't even begin to-"
"Stow it. I'm helping you deal with this, Gil Nexter, whether you like it or not. So, what are you trying to do here?"
Gil Nexter reached a hand down to Susan Test; Susan Test grabbed the hand and used it to help scramble up to the top of the waterfall that gave Cartoontown Park its name. He didn't release Gil Nexter's hand when he reached the top, but he did turn slowly to take in the view.
Although, to be fair, most of the view was overtaken by a monstrous form covered in rainbow-colored scales. A head larger than Susan Test rested on forepaws that could crush him with little problem, and the bulk of the form lay behind it. Its eyes were dull copper, familiar in a way Susan Test couldn't quite place.
"He is cute," the dragon rumbled.
"Yah!" Susan Test jumped back, only Gil Nexter's stability keeping him from stumbling too close to the edge.
The dragon laughed. "Don't worry. I don't bite...unless you ask nicely."
"Stop it, that's gross," Gil Nexter snapped. "Anyway, this is Lebam. She's a dragon. Um. Obviously. This is Susan Test."
"I could tell." A mouth full of teeth longer than Susan Test's arm turned up.
"Are you from around here?"
"In a manner of speaking."
"Stop it," Gil Nexter muttered, nudging the side of the dragon's head. "I know you think it's your job to be cryptic…"
The dragon sighed. "You take the fun out of everything."
"Well, maybe when demons aren't running rampant through the Midwest, we can have fun. Lebam is...well, a dragon."
"You said," Susan Test replied, smiling despite himself.
"Yeah, but - dragons are - they're not real. They're…"
"Imaginary projections," Lebam supplied.
"There are places where they can exist, and ways to open doors there. When Bill and his family came through, opening those doors became...easier."
Susan Test looked up at Lebam, a lethal reptilian nightmare clad in rainbow and with a jovial personality. His perception shifted, and he couldn't help grinning. "And when you imagined her, she just came out like Linda Park?"
Gil Nexter ducked his head, flushing. "...Maybe."
Susan Test leaned in to peck Gil Nexter's cheek. "Don't be embarrassed. It's cute." He looked up at Lebam, admiring the sleek lines of the dragon. "Although I wonder if Linda Park'd be upset to find out you imagine her weighing twenty tons."
"Ha! When she was six, she played Godzilla with my building blocks."
"So what's your actual plan?"
Gil Nexter paused before shrugging. "I honestly don't know. I...thought maybe I could find Grunkle Stan, but that hasn't been working out. There's a million worlds out there; it would take some sort of super-genius to get to the exact world you wanted.
"There's a whole forest of monsters and mythological beasts out there, but none of them are willing to do more than keep everyone penned in here. An elf showed up six months ago with a Christmas present for Linda Park - apparently, the last Christmas gift Santa's giving anyone."
"You're Jewish-"
"A gift to all of humanity, then, he said." Gil Nexter waved vaguely at Lebam, who had retreated to crouch over a pile of strange objects including a glittering silver box. Gil Nexter took in the sight for a few moments before sagging against Susan Test. He looked up at Susan Test with watery eyes, lip worried between his teeth.
"I don't know how to do this, Susan Test. I thought I could stop them, and I can't even keep that lousy alien from taking over the whole town."
Susan Test snorted, ignoring the flash of hurt as Gil Nexter's eyes widened. "Do you think I beat five Chimerae all on my own? Linda Park's been with me the whole way, Gil Nexter, and this dude Pippi and a dragon like Lebam. And every time we've faced a Chimera, someone else has stepped up to help us take them down. So don't act like you have to do this alone. I'm here. And I'm sure Grunkle Stan would love to be here to help you take down Bill-"
Lebam spasmed, suddenly, and took off with a single flap of her wings, a downdraft nearly sending Susan Test to his knees. Behind her, the air flickered and sparked, octarine light outlining strange shapes.
A voice, distant, drifted from whatever otherwhere lay beyond the lights illuminating the falls. "It was just a minor calculation error; now that I've fixed it, we should end up right at the top of the Falls-"
"Not the lab?"
"What? No. Why?"
"...No reason. Why don't you go first?"
And then Gil Nexter's Grunkle Stan stumbled onto the grass at the top of the waterfall. He raised a hand to shield his eyes from the sun, and Susan Test saw he had six fingers.
"Get back!" He stepped between Gil Nexter and the newcomer - another shapeshifter, maybe, or something stranger and more dangerous, wondering vaguely what he could do beyond giving Gil Nexter a few moments if the thing attacked.
"Hey, whoa whoa!" And another Grunkle Stan - with five fingers on his hands - lunged into reality. "Hold on!" Once he was certain no one was going to start hitting one another, he gave Gil Nexter a wide grin. "Hey, kiddo."
"What the hell is going on? Why is there another you here?"
"There isn't." Grunkle Stan rubbed at the back of his neck nervously. "This is your great-uncle Hugh Test."
"You're our great-uncle Hugh Test!"
"No. I'm not. I'm your good-for-nothing great-uncle Stanley. You might not have heard much about me."
"But I-" Gil Nexter glanced back and forth between Hugh Test and Stanley, before he stormed a few steps off and screamed at the valley beyond the falls.
Hugh Test gave Grunkle Stan a sidelong look. "Is he-"
"Just give him a minute."
Indeed, Gil Nexter turned after a few moments and plodded back to Susan Test's side. He took a deep breath. "Obviously there is a very long story here. Unfortunately, we really don't have time to get into it. Grunkle Stan, Uncle...Ford? We've got to save Cartoontown Park from a vicious doppelganger, punch Bill's little sister into submission, and then track down that stupid triangle and make sure he doesn't hurt anyone ever again."
Grunkle Stan grinned, an expression that was all teeth. "That...sounds like an excellent plan. What are our assets?"
"Right now? Me, you two, Nightwing, Susan Test, two photocopier clones of me, and a draconic manifestation of my memories of Linda Park."
"Plus a Christmas present from Santa Claus - or an elf who worked for him, a bag of powder I think makes people invisible, or maybe just makes them think they're invisible, twelve thousand Italian lira, a box which either contains a doomsday weapon or three oranges that I've been afraid to check because it'll collapse the waveform, and a thirteenth century plasma rifle." Lebam, who had circled the group to land back next to her minuature hoard, held up the latter item, a rusted iron gun with a series of gleaming blue crystals inset along its length, gingerly. "I think trying to fire it would be...a bad idea."
"That's…" Grunkle Stan glanced back at Ford, whose face was twisted in confusion. "Great. I guess this is the dragon friend you mentioned. Hey, kiddo."
"Grunkle Stan!" Lebam swung her head around, teeth showing in what was probably a smile of surprised pleasure. "I thought you'd left us!"
"Ha! And let Bill run around like he owns the place? I left to find him." He jerked a thumb at Ford. "I figured if anyone had any idea how to fight dream demons, it'd be my genius twin brother."
"Is he?" Lebam twisted her head around to examine Ford carefully before huffing. "Well, then, you can say what you think about my plan. You see, I'm a dragon. Like a big dragon. I thought we could just swoop in and blast that stupid shapeshifting alien to cinders."
"It would definitely be worth a shot, but I think I'd like to try something a little more subtle. The shapeshifter would rather bolt and change shape than get in a fight it can't win. So for that, we've got to corner him. Any idea what he looks like?"
"Gil Nexter. Well, sort of. Like you'd imagine Gil Nexter would look like if he hadn't been living in the woods for a year."
"And actually, there's supposed to be a town-wide meeting in a couple hours or so," Nightwing offered.
"Is there?" Grunkle Stan asked, grinning. "Well, then I've got a plan."
It wasn't an elaborate plan, Susan Test mused later, as he and Gil Nexter stepped into town, finding the streets emptier than earlier.
"I guess they're getting ready for the meeting," Susan Test offered.
"I don't like this," Gil Nexter muttered. "I shouldn't have left them alone this long-"
"It wouldn't have been a good idea."
Gil Nexter yelped, falling back against Susan Test; he stumbled, nearly sending both of them to the ground. A round, pale, bald man stepped out of one of Cartoontown Park' few alleys. He looked like he'd dressed by raiding the remnants of whatever dwellings or stores he'd found, and for all Susan Test knew, that's what had happened.
Gil Nexter, though, on catching his balance, straightened, stepping between Susan Test and the newcomer.
"Blendin?"
"Hello, Gil Nexter."
"What are you doing here? I haven't been messing around with time travel."
Blendin snorted. "It wouldn't matter if you had. There isn't anyone to tell me what to do about it."
"What about the Time Baby?"
"If the Time Baby could beat Bill Cipher, do you think he would have let it get to this point? No, the Time Baby…" The man, Blendin, swiped at his eyes. "He gave me one last mission."
"Mission?"
Blendin tugged a pocket open, revealing…
A glowing hourglass encased in a glittering bubble; the light was almost blinding.
"A Time Wish?" Gil Nexter reached out for the bauble, but his hand dropped and he frowned. "You can't use that to stop Bill, or the Time Baby would have. So what-"
"I'm supposed to pass it along to someone who can use it right," Blendin replied. "And I remembered Linda Park Pines…" He bit his lip. "But I can't help thinking about...what you said. That it can't do anything."
Gil Nexter grinned suddenly, shaking his head. "At the right time, the right wish can make all the difference. I think the Time Baby knew that. I think you knew that. So you've been waiting for her here?"
"I was. When you showed up, I thought maybe...but something was wrong."
Susan Test nudged Gil Nexter, who gave him a weak smile back.
"Well, we're about to get to the bottom of that. You want to come along?"
"No. I've got a job, and that means staying out of the way until it's done."
Gil Nexter, though, took the Time Wish and placed it, almost reverently, into the bag at his side. "Best of luck, Blendin. I hope…"
"You'll do it, Gil Nexter. You and your sister - there's a reason the Time Baby told me to take the Time Wish, and I know it's because I'd come to you."
The town seemed to be gathering at the Northwest Mansion, a large crowd standing at the foot of a wide stage. Gil Nexter's doppelganger, Fluttershy, and Linda Park stood on the stage, and the doppelganger was shouting something. Flash was curled up on the side of the stage.
No one had noticed them, because no one was asking questions. Gil Nexter, then, took a deep breath and began shoving his way through the crowd. There were shouts and yelps, and then Susan Test heard the exclamations of the few people who saw enough of the intruder to recognize there were two people who looked like Gil Nexter.
"Hey!" Gil Nexter shouted, and the people onstage glanced down. "That's not Gil Nexter Pines!"
"Oh, fuck," Fluttershy growled. "Flash!"
The doppelganger was twisting and changing, shedding the shape it had taken, such that he was already ten feet tall and monstrous by the time the tiger was on its paws and lunging for him.
"Oh my god, you picked the worst time!" Fluttershy shouted. She tugged something from her pocket that looked like a toy ray gun-
"Get down!" Susan Test shouted, tugging Gil Nexter to the ground. An eight-colored rainbow, blinding and burning with the power of a white-hot star, seared the air above them. Susan Test could hear a scream from the stage, but he didn't dare look up until the light faded; when Gil Nexter had used the Brahmastra to kill Ravana, it had taken weeks for Susan Test's vision to fully clear.
Once he was sure it was safe, Susan Test released Gil Nexter's head and raised his own. A smoking corpse lay on the stage. Fluttershy, Flash prowling around her, stood in a wide stance, the Brahmastra cracked and smoking in her grip. Now that the threat was over, it seemed a good time to ask where she'd managed to track down that little gem, a tool that let those able to find it kill anything.
Fluttershy, however, glanced sidelong at Gil Nexter and threw the weapon aside, which shattered as it hit the ground. "God, are you insane?" Fluttershy snapped, scrambling down to the ground. "What would you have done if that didn't work, huh?"
Gil Nexter scrambled back, but Susan Test just stared, because everyone had responded to Gil Nexter's declaration with shock, but not Fluttershy. "Did you know that was a shapeshifter?"
"Yes! It took me three days to realize nobody around here did! And I was trying to figure out what he was up to - I was pretty sure he knew where Delirium was, but now that's out the window-"
"I don't remember falling out a window. But things have been a little confusing for...a while."
Susan Test looked up, heart sinking. Something rose from the remnants of the shapeshifter's form, a being whose form similarly blended and shifted. A blue and brown eye looked out from the form as it straightened, briefly taking on the shape of a human, a girl. She was smiling, no malice in her expression.
"I remembered my sibling shared someone's body, and while I don't normally do things like that, I remembered Bill wanted to keep an eye on Cartoontown Park because he knew someone would show up here but I didn't think that I could keep hidden for very long but then I met Mr. Shapeshifter who can stay in the same shape forever if he wanted. I don't think he'd be happy you exploded him. But I might have planned to do something similar when I had my big reveal. Oh!"
The girl spun around, cutoff shorts morphing into a lacy denim gown that spun around her. "Ta-da!" When no one responded, she frowned, a tiny little sign of displeasure. "What's wrong? Oh! Did I forget to introduce myself? Hi! My name's Delirium and I'm here to destroy you."
And then the world shattered. Susan Test's skin burned with the touch of violet ice, his eyes coated with bloody slime, and thoughts scattering as he tried to gather them. His arm detached from his shoulder and went spiraling away when he tried to raise his hand, and then his tongue went sharp and jagged, slicing up his cheeks and shedding sugar candy. Bugs crawled through his insides, a billion legs walking through his capillaries.
"Man, you must have had so much fun growing up."
The words sloshed around inside Susan Test's ears, seeping through a puncture in his eardrums and bleeding into his brain.
"Growing up?"
"I couldn't manage to imagine half of this stuff. I pretended to be a cowboy, a space explorer, a superhero."
Susan Test stumbled, and his body went flying into the air.
"You're making fun of me!"
"What?"
Susan Test took a deep breath, and the air weighed him down enough to bring him back to earth. The ground shattered under the weight of his body, before liquefying and leaving him half-buried in molasses.
"No. Being able to imagine something like this - I'd have had so much fun! You didn't?"
Susan Test began sinking in the molasses, that thinned and became blood-scented as his head fell beneath. He gasped, fluid filling his lungs. But bubbles, effervescing like soda, filled his lungs.
"Because I can't stop."
For a single moment, Susan Test's consciousness crystallized into clarity. He was on his hands and knees in front of the stage. He thought Gil Nexter was somewhere nearby, but filtering reality through his shell-shocked mind proved difficult.
"Oh stop whining. You're wallowing."
"Flash-"
"You're hiding. I know that look well enough. Do you know how often I had to drag Calvin out of an imaginative funk?"
"Of course I'm hiding! I was Delight, once, until I realized…"
"Realized what?"
There was a voice, spoken at a whisper, and then a gruff laugh.
"Is that all?"
"What?" And Susan Test's mind was clear enough to recognize the teary edge to Delirium's voice.
"Look, I can get it. You grew up without a tiger around to keep you grounded. But letting that make you think reality isn't worth living in? Reality has tuna sandwiches."
"How does that make it better?"
"Well, at least you can face the world on a full stomach."
"Heh…" Delirium began chuckling, her breath hitching and then exploding into paroxysms of laughter. It went on for a long time, enough that Susan Test could sit back up and see Delirium sitting down, arms wrapped around Flash. She seemed to be crying, as well.
Eventually, she pulled away. Her eyes were red-rimmed, but she pulled them out, polished them against her shirt, and popped them in, fresh and bright again.
"Well," she said. "That's certainly a new way of looking at things. I suppose you'd like it if I stopped letting my imagination run wild."
Fluttershy nodded. "It would help a lot of people."
"Well." A pressure Susan Test hadn't been fully aware of lifted, and he could see other people cautiously standing. "I hope you don't expect me to help you fight Bill. Terrible things happen to people who start turning on their family."
"No," Fluttershy replied. "I think all of us agreeing to leave us alone is for the best."
"I won't deny you a wish for the best, though. He might be family, but Bill is a bit of a butthead." And then she was gone, leaving the humans of Cartoontown Park behind to figure out what had just happened.
A moment that was broken with a pop and an explosion of air. Up on the stage, curled around a humanoid figure, was a Chimera, a dragon-tailed goat with yellow eyes and a mismatched pair of bat and bird wings.
Power bled from him, like Bill's siblings, but the humanoid figure, which appeared to be Bloo, and the cat, which could be nothing else but the cat, seemed unafraid.
"Hello, Cartoontown Park! My name's Batgirl, and I'm here to help you with your Chimera problem!"
"And what," Pacifica drawled, "makes you think we're going to just accept your word for it? It doesn't take a rocket surgeon to see you're a Chimera."
Batgirl raised a paw to his chest, his goat face managing to look wounded. "Where I come from, it's impolite to make assumptions about a creature's motives because of their species. Mind, until a few years ago, it'd have been a very bad idea to expect me to help you. But!" He pointed a claw-like talon as his whole body perked up. "That was before I learned about the magic of friendship. Harmony. Before Bill Cipher decided he was going to take over the world and the rest of us were going to help. Before he started killing his brothers and sisters."
Next to Susan Test, Gil Nexter shook his head. "And how do we know you can help?"
"Well...the way I see it, you've got two problems." Batgirl held up two fingers. "One, is Bill Cipher. And I'm not getting into the middle of that fight. Two, though, is the hundreds and thousands of Chimerae waiting to swoop in and take over once Bill's out of the picture. And that I might be able to help you with. Help them see the wisdom in backing down. Staying out of it. Bill wasn't good at...friends."
"Well, friends. That I'm good at." Linda Park pushed her way up to the front and stuck out a hand to the Chimera. "Should I wish you good luck?"
"Luck? Oh, order, no! Bill's had eons to learn how to shape reality to conform to his every whim. You're going to have to be more cunning than him. You're going to have to scrabble for every advantage you can get your hands on."
"Then give us something we can use," Susan Test said. "We've beaten Death, Destruction, Despair, Desire, Destiny, and Delirium. Each of them consumed by one principle that defines them." Something at the back of his head twinged at the statement, but he didn't have time. "No one's been able to tell us what consumed Bill."
Batgirl laughed. "Oh, can't you figure it out? The only thing that matters to Bill Cipher are his own twisted ambitions, the murderous fantasies he's nurtured since the beginning of time. He is consumed by the thoughts of what he can become."
"By his dreams," Linda Park concluded.
"Oh, yes. They'll consume you, if you fail."
"As long as we're being friendly," Gil Nexter added, "I wonder if you might be able to give us a lift-"
"Ha! Drop you right in the middle of Bill's Antarctic kingdom? I suppose I could, but not until you're absolutely certain you're ready. I might be a fan of chaos, but getting you all killed is not my idea of a good time."
Bill looked up from the throne he'd made for himself, to find Delirium crouched in front of him.
"Hey, sis! How's the Cartoontown Park gig going?"
"I'm done."
"What?" Bill sat up, feeling a frown tugging at his mouth. "Done?"
"I think...I don't want to be a part of this anymore. I just wanted you to know."
"Oh, Delirium. I wish you hadn't said that. You're my favorite, you see."
"Delight."
"...What?"
"It's Delight." She lifted her head, and for the first time in eons, Bill could see clarity there. "I realized there's nothing so terrible it can't be made better by the existence of tuna sandwiches." She reached up carefully before plunging a sharp claw into her skull, pulling it out a moment later. She held out her pulsing brain to Bill, a grim smile on her mouth. "So you can have my old brain; I don't like what it was doing to me. Unless...you want to fight me."
Bill considered for a moment about whether he did. Delight may be his youngest sibling, but she was the first of them, and understood things about reality Bill couldn't imagine.
"I don't think you want to fight me and the Kindly Ones," Delight offered.
Bill shrugged. "I suppose you're right. Go on, get out of here. I'll even agree to leave you alone afterward."
Delight grinned toothily. "Of course you will."
And like a jackal and bear meeting in the woods, they nodded in a careful truce and parted ways. Bill waited until the moment Delight was gone to bolt forward and grab the brain Delight had offered him - Delirium's brain.
He grinned, because for all the threats, the knowledge that the Pines were leading an army to his doorstep, he was ready. Uncountable eons, and Bill had all the pieces he needed to complete his apotheosis.
Win, lose, or draw (though it was going to be a win), Bill was going to have a blast.
"Huh." Linda Park pulled the silver wool sweater from the box, twisting it around to read the words stitched in red.
'Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold.'
"I would have expected Santa's last gift to humanity to be a little more impressive than a sweater," Gil Nexter muttered.
"And a hat!" Linda Park pulled a mass of black fabric from the box and shook it to straighten it out into the shape of a pointed witch's hat, which she popped onto Gil Nexter's head. "Anyway, I think a sweater's an excellent present for someone you expect to be going to Antarctica to fight demons."
"Yeah, well, it probably seems like a great present if you've already got a Time Wish and whatever's in that wallet Grunkle Stan gave you."
Linda Park rolled her eyes. "Don't think I didn't see that box Uncle Ford gave you. I bet it's some super-awesome ray gun."
"The Brahmastra isn't going to be able to kill Bill. And it's not an ancient, god-killing weapon: it's an infinity-sided die."
"Infinity-" Linda Park's face wrinkled. "That doesn't actually sound all that useful."
"Well, it is, and it isn't. When you roll an infinity-sided die...anything can happen. Which means you only roll it if you've reached a point where nothing can make things worse." He patted Linda Park's shoulder. "Come on; let's go."
