"What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it." Monica tells her friends as they all sit around the coffee shop.
"Yeah, right!" Joey scoffs shaking his head at the thought turning to Medea for clarification.
"It is." Medea confirms calmly.
"...Y'serious?" Stunned, Joey does a doubletake.
"Oh, yeah!" Phoebe joins in.
"Everything you need to know is in that first kiss." Rachel reveals to the baffled boys.
"Absolutely." Monica confidently confirms.
"Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out." Chandler describes brow furrowing.
"Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket." Tensely, Ross hints.
"The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake." Chandler adds.
"Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone." Resolute, Rachel states the fact of the matter.
"...Are we still talking about sex?" Lost, Joey turns to Medea.
"Yes Joey, yes we are." Medea responds curling in on herself, her knees close tucked to her chest, softly sipping her coffee.
"Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding!" Jokingly, Chandler remarks as he and the others reside in Monica's apartment watching said TV until…
"Then I've already seen this one!" Phoebe grabs the remote swiftly shutting the TV off.
"You just had to open your mouth didn't you?" Tiredly, Medea mutters giving Chandler a look while he simply shrugs sheepish.
"Are you through with that?" Monica asks swiftly snatching said drink from Joey.
"Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down." Joey apologises.
"Whose little ball of paper is this?!" Mad, Monica demands.
"Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and...now I wish I was dead." Chandler begins but soon squirms from the death glare sent his way.
"Only now?" Dryly, Medea remarks as she is pushed forward for Monica to snatch said pillow behind her fluffing it up.
"She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that…but, it's fine!" Phoebe begins but soon shuts up from Monica's mad glare.
"Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have." Monica huffs.
"Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow." Chandler remarks.
"You'd be surprised." Medea remarks, turning the page of the book in her hand labelled to kill a mockingbird.
"Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way." Worriedly, Phoebe points out clearly concerned.
"Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come." Joey points out gently placing his hand on her back before gesturing in the air.
"That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born. The only thing I have ever done right is befriending Medea." Bitterly, Monica sneers poison dripping down her tense, tired tone.
"Why's that?" Puzzled, Phoebe asks turning to Medea.
"Most likely due to my mother and father's condos aboard…" Aloofly, Medea shrugs her shoulders.
"Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!" Chandler suddenly calls out alarming the others as they turn to him.
"What?" Monica questions Chandler.
"Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!" Repulsed, Chandler cries out pointing out the window perking Medea's interest as she turns still in her seat staring at the man alongside her friends.
"Eeaagh!" Everyone chorus crowding around the window seeing said man on the thigh master.
"Has anybody seen my engagement ring?" Rachel asks as she enters the room.
"Yeah, it's beautiful." Aloofly, Phoebe waves her off.
"Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God..." Panicked, Rachel frantically looks under the couch cushions, throwing it all over the place.
"No, look, don't touch that!" Phoebe calls out trying to stop Rachel but…
"Do you have a Deathwish?" Baffled, Medea demands from Rachel, but it falls to deaf ears.
"Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder..." Horrified, Rachel roars crying out anguished as she tries searching making a mess of the apartment Monica tries to clean…
"Easy Rach, we'll find it. Won't we!" Mad, Monica turns towards the others, giving them a stern look.
"Oh! Yeah!" Panicked, both Chandler and Joey chorus beginning the search.
"Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?" Joey claps his hands together.
"Doy! Probably right before she lost it!" Phoebe huffs.
"You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days..." Chandler drapes his arm over the top of the refrigerator.
"Yeah…I miss doy…" Medea nods her head in agreement one leg over the other.
"I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with..." Rachel points out brow furrowing as she strides into the kitchen brow furrowing eyeing the dish below.
"...Dinah?" Confused, Chandler furrows his brow befuddled hands on his hips.
"Ohhhhh, don't be mad..." Rachel gasps horrified eyeing the lasagne.
"You didn't." Monica turns to glare at Rachel.
"Oh, I am sorry..." Rachel tries to apologize but…
"I gave you one job!" Angrily, Monica starts to examine the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.
"Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!" Anxiously, Rachel points out.
"Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne..." Playfully, Chandler remarks.
"I just... can't do it." Pained, Monica bows her head ashamed as she places the tray down.
"Boys? We're going in." Chandler turns to Joey as Phoebe joins the two opening the lasagne up.
"Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as Medea remains seated, reading the book in her hand only then to perk up at the knock of the door while Monica tries to set up. Medea sighs slowly standing up swiftly snapping the book shut approaching the door.
"….Hi." Miserably, Ross stands outside the door.
"Still moping I see." Medea remarks eyeing the depressed man.
"Wow. That is not a happy hi." Monica remarks.
"Carol's pregnant." Ross reveals.
"…And?" Medea furrows her brow befuddled.
"Wait…you knew!?" Ross scowls.
"It was what helped her get your TV." Smirking, Medea points out.
"Ooh! I found it!" Perkily, Phoebe declare showing said ring from the lasagne.
"W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-..." Monica staggers back baffled.
"Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now." Ross tells Monica before entering the apartment.
"Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon?" Chandler smirks smugly at Monica.
"Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing?" Rachel asks lost.
"Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me." Ross informs her taking a seat on the sofa.
"She is so great! I miss her." Phoebe sighs sadly.
"She does have a point at least she's letting you involved I know a fair few couples who wont let their birth parent near the child…though that's usually due to drugs, abuse or well…you get the gist." Lazily, Medea attempts to positive only to see Ross' flat fornw making Medea simply shrug at the puzzled Phoebe.
"What does she mean by 'involved'?" Mystifed, Monica asks.
"I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done." Chandler points out as Monica helps Ross sit.
"So congrats on that though there may be alimony or well…child support." Medea considers calmly.
"Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow." Ross tells the group surrounding him.
"So what are you gonna do?" Rachel asks as she sits opposite him.
"I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father." Firmly, Ross sighs just as all perk up at the sound of a fork making all eyes turn towards the lasagne with Joey stuffing his face with the rest of the lasagne…
"… Well, this is still ruined, right?" Joey asks as Medea simply sighs shaking her head at the moron that was Joey.
"Your folks are really that bad, huh?" Joey sits upon the coffee counter as the group reside around the coffee shop as its about to end with a miserable Monica, sprawled across the sofa with Ross sat on the other plush seat one leg over the other.
"Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done." Ross remarks earning a small smirk from Joey.
"Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents... boy, if you could I'd want yours." Monica turns to her brother.
"Must pee." Ross leans over gently pecking his sister's temple before he rushes over to the bathroom.
"And we needed to know that…" Tiredly, Medea flicks the page of the magazine littered about the shop.
"Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins." Phoebe sighs softly.
"You're a twin?" Rachel says surprised.
"Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type." Phoebe reveals.
"We talking about the same girl named after a Disney character based on a drag queen?" Medea asks annoyed.
"What does she do?" Curious, Chandler asks.
"She's a waitress." Phoebe answers.
"All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now." Rachel announces to her friends gently guiding them out.
"Chandler, Medea you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this." Monica turns to the two standing up from their respective seats.
"Do step siblings count?" Casually, Medea asks.
"Well yeah…" Monica shrugs.
"Then I suppose I have an elder brother." Briskly, Medea mutters.
"You suppose?" Puzzled, Phoenix furrows her brow.
"Eh slip up with the elastic. We don't talk much." Medea shrugs taking the others aback at her words. It was simple they had no reason to speak with one another, they both have their own lives to lead, for them to talk would be odd. If there was no purpose behind it, it would be odd, her family don't meet up just because they feel like it, there's a reason behind it a purpose so it isn't a waste of time or well productivity.
"You never told us this." Monica furrows her brow.
"You never asked." Aloofly, she shrugs.
"Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred." Chandler reveals.
"Same! Did you have to go to prep school too cause of it?" Intrigued, Medea asks alarming Chandler.
"…My parents couldn't afford it." Chandler shoves his hands into his pockets.
"Ah." Awkwardly, Medea glances to the side sheepishly.
"The lights, please…" Rachel calls out making the others head out to the door, Joey turning the lights off as the group leave Rachel to shut the shop…
"Well? Isn't that amazing?" In awe, Ross gushes gesturing to the screen showing the ultrasound.
"It's…pulpy, sort of like a bean…" Brow furrowing, Medea attempts to compliment, struggling to come with something positive for whatever was thrown her way.
"What are we supposed to be seeing here?" Lost, Joey turns to Medea.
"I dunno, but… I think it's about to attack the Enterprise." Chandler considers.
"You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato." Phoenix quirks her head to the side.
"A sweet potato or…?" Curious, Medea begins but…
"Then don't do that, alright?" Annoyed, Ross huffs at Phoebe.
"Okay!" Perkily, Phoebe agrees smiling.
"Monica. Whaddya think?" Ross walks over to his sister's side seeing the tears threatening to fall from her.
"Wh- are you welling up?" Touched, Ross asks his sister as Medea furrows her brow baffled how something so strange could make her cry…
"No." Monica whimpers weakly.
"You are, you're welling up." Ross beams brightly holding his sister.
"Am not!" Mad, Monica lightly hits his shoulder.
"You're gonna be an aunt." Ross chuckles.
"Oh shut up!" Monica pushes him and starts to cry just as Rachel smile softly when the phone placed on her ear is answered.
"Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose!" Scowling, she slams the phone down before turning to the others.
"Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now." Rachel attempts to defend herself as Medea sighs.
"Eh you could have done worse. I know women who've set their husband's houses on fire." Formally, Medea offers optimistically oblivious to the alarmed anxious looks on her friends faces from her words…
"Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?" Joey warmly welcomes the girl as the group sit around the coffee table turning to greet the blonde as Rachel stands behind the counter.
"Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this again!'" Pained, Phoebe smiles sadly.
"Ohh. Ouch." The group chorus.
"Eh he wasn't worth it. You said so yourself with his grabby hands." Medea reminds Phoebe plopping herself down next to her.
"But I liked his grabby hands." Whining, she leans on her shoulder seeing said girl flinch but close her eyes trying to adjust.
"What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, right?" Rachel questions confusion clear on her face as she goes round the counter to ask them.
"Uh, no. Loosely translated 'We should do this again' means 'You will never see me naked'." Monica responds.
"Since when?" Rachel questions.
"Since always. It's like dating language. Y'know, like 'It's not you' means 'It is you'." Joey recites.
"Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'." Chandler throws in.
"Or, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha, ha, I already am'." Merrily Phoebe throws in.
"Each and every line I hear five times a day at work…" Tiredly, Medea grumbles under her breath.
"And everybody knows this?" Rachel crosses her arms over her chest confused.
"Yeah. Cushions the blow." Joey confirms confidently.
"Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm." Fondly, Chandler recalls.
"Yeah or when your grandfather decides to take you out hunting only then for you to accidently shoot your spaniel during a hunt." Honestly, Medea throws in alarming her friends, furrowing their brows at her.
"...Your grandfather did that?" Horrified, Monica gasps.
"Orpheus was old." Simply, she shrugs, he was getting old why put him through that misery…
"Who calls their dog that?" Joey chuckles only then to stop from the sharp scowl sent his way by Monica.
"Yeah, Orphe did turn to look behind him as I aimed..." Sighing, Medea recalls wistfully.
"Wait what?!" Ross squeaks slightly scared almost at the news.
"He was going to go any day, seems only fair I put him out of his misery. I took him in after all." Aloofly, Medea reasons.
"You shot your dog?" Perturbed, Phoebe gawks.
"I was the one who raised him, fed him seems only fair it would be by my hand his life would end." Tiredly, Medea repeats her point.
"And he didn't think to take to the vet to have his life end by the hands of a professional?" Pointedly, Ross huffs.
"Nah, his shooting pals were going off on a hunt and well…too birds one stone." Simply, she shrugs.
"That's funny, that, no, I mean that isn't funny I…" Nervously, Ross begins but…
"Just get to your story Ross." Impatiently, Medea huffs.
"Well... uh, our parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm." Fondly, Ross turns to the furrowed frown of Monica.
"Uh, Ross." Monica hints however…
"What? Wh- hello? The Millners' farm in Connecticut? The Millners, they had this unbelievable farm, they had horses, and, and rabbits that he could chase and it was- it w- ...Oh my God, Chi Chi!" Horrified, Ross roars as it all clicks together for the grown man…
"So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?" Chandler asks as he, Joey and Medea are in the boy's apartment her looking over the script while Chandler has the other in his hand with Joey sat there, a packet of cigarettes by his side.
"Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die." Joey recites without the script surprising the two.
"Spot on…" Approvingly, Medea nods her head.
"Yeah, that was really good!" Chandler breaks character to hit his friend's shoulder smiling.
"Thanks! Let's keep going." Joey insists.
"Okay. "So. Whaddya want from me, Damone, huh?" Awkwardly, Chandler asks brow furrowing from the script turning to see Medea's simply shrug.
"I just wanna go back to my cell. 'Cause in my cell, I can smoke." Joey responds resolute.
"Smoke away." Chandler begins as Joey turns to the packet by his side with the lighter on the armchair as well. He takes the lighter and cigarette however he fumbles and drops the lighter.
"And this is what causes forest fires kid." Tiredly, Medea sighs as Medea leans forward furrowing her brow lighting up Joey's cigarette in his mouth as he takes a drag but coughs, choking on it.
"I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone." Chandler jokes lightly.
"And this is why I said we shouldn't do this." Tiredly, Medea mutters gently patting Joey's back helping him deal with the smoke batting some smoke away as it teasingly tickles Chandler's nose.
"What?" Joey heaves leaning against Medea slightly as she steadies him.
"Relax your hand…" Medea offers eyeing the position of the cigarette.
"Not so much!" Alarmed, Chandler calls out as Joey lets his wrist go limp.
"Whoah!" Alarmed, Joey gasps.
"Alright, now try taking a puff." Chandler tells him.
"Chandler…" Medea furrows her brow in disapproval as Joey tries and visibly wince from it.
"Alright... okay. No. Give it to me." Chandler tells him.
"No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette." Joe argues.
"It's fine, it's fine. Look, do you wanna get this part, or not?" Chandler argues annoyed.
"Chandler we had an agreement remember?" Sternly, she reminds him softly taking the cigarette from Joey's fingertips.
"So you'll show him?" Chandler wiggles a brow bemused by her tired sigh.
"Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete." Calmly, Medea explains to Joey taking a soft inhale as his hues widen when seeing her perform tricks with said smoke, spewing out donut shapes into the air.
"How did you do that?" Joey beams brightly at the party trick.
"Eh you learn a thing or two when bored." Briskly she shrugs only then for them both to turn to see Chandler practically craning his neck into the smoke spewing out of her.
"Y'miss it?" Disappointed, Joey sighs at him.
"Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke!" Smiling, Chandler swiftly snatched the cigarette from her.
"Chandler!" Mad, Medea snaps at him but its too late, his lips touch the stick…
"Oh... my... God." In awe, Chandler falls flat to his knees smoking in heaven making Medea sigh at the mess she had gotten her friend back into…
"No, no, no. They say it's the same as the distance from the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger." Confidently, Monica tells the boys leant back against her chair as Medea is tending to some paperwork, leaning over her seat to look it over on the coffee table.
Meekly, the guys stretch out their fingers.
"That's ridiculous!" Joey scoffs.
"Can I use... either thumb?" Timidly, Ross asks as Medea sighs at the messes.
"Boys boy it's not about size it's all about technique." Medea sighs softly shaking her head at them just as Rachel approaches.
"Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me! Decaf cappuccino for Joey... Coffee black... Late…Ice coffee and an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this!" Happily, Rachel beams brightly giving out the drinks.
"Yeah. Yeah, excellent." The group chorus taking the cups.
"Good for me!" Merrily, Rachel turns to her other clients unaware of the gang swapping all the drinks for what they ordered as Phoebe enters. She sits down without saying hi.
"Y'okay, Phoebe?" Joey asks the blonde plopping her head on Medea's shoulders making her freeze from it but brush it off.
"Yeah- no- I'm just- it's, I haven't worked- It's my bank." Sadly, Phoebe stares sadly at the floor below.
"What did they do to you?" Medea asks her.
"It's nothing, it's just- Okay. I'm going through my mail, and I open up their monthly, you know, STATEMENT-" Scowling, Phoebe huffs hands up in the air.
"Easy." Ross raises his hands up playfully to the blonde.
"-and there's five hundred extra dollars in my account." Annoyed, Phoebe complains.
"Five hundred dollars what can a girl do?" Dubiously, Medea mutters under her breath bemused by her friend's predicament.
"Oh, Satan's minions at work again..." Cheerily, Chandler joins in.
"Yes, 'cause now I have to go down there, and deal with them." Phoebe huffs.
"What are you talking about? Keep it!" Joey insists.
"It's not mine, I didn't earn it, if I kept it, it would be like stealing." Guilty, Phoebe confesses.
"Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!" Smiling, Rachel points out.
"Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine'..." Mad, Phoebe panics, brow furrowing at the thought.
"You could do what I always do." Medea offers.
"What's that?" Innocently, Phoebe asks.
"Shove your feelings deep, deep down inside you and never think of them again." Aloofly, Medea answers alarming a fair few.
"We're with you. We got it." Monica promises just as Medea's hues narrow noting Chandler leaning over the back of the couch out of sight.
"Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this giant karmic debt." Phoebe confesses.
"Chandler, what are you doing?" Medea furrows her brow at him, gently pulling him up as Chandler tries to shrug nonchalantly but eventually he has to exhale a mouthful of smoke.
"Oh! Oh, God!" Everyone but Medea cry out from the smoke blasted in their furious faces.
"What is this?!" Ross snaps scowling at him.
"I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking." Smiling, Chandler cheers.
"Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for three years!" Pained, Phoebe points out.
"And this- is my reward!" Chandler states the fact firmly to Phoebe.
"This is your addiction." Annoyed, Medea swiftly snatches the cigarette from him.
"As if you can talk!" Chandler scoffs.
"Hey I have to destroy lives for a living that takes a toll on ya all you do is file numbers." Scowling, Medea argues annoyed.
"Hold on a second, alright? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit." Ross reminds Chandler.
"Okay, so this time I won't quit!" Chandler declares.
"Ohhh! Put it out!" The group chorus scolding him.
"Aw come on Medea smokes!" Scowling, Chandler points to Medea.
"Yes because I deal with people like Ross for a living." Annoyed, Medea huffs.
"Hey!" Hurt, Ross pouts.
"You know what I mean…" Mad, Medea waves him off.
"Alright. I'm gonna go change, I've got a date." Monica stands up.
"You make want to shower first." Medea advises scowling at the grumpy Chandler.
"This Alan again? How's it goin'?" Rachel asks curious smiling softly.
"'S'going pretty good, y'know? It's nice, and, we're having fun." Monica smiles softly.
"So when do we get to meet the guy?" Joey asks as Medea leans forward towards the cigarette.
"Let's see, today's Monday... Never." Smiling, Monica swiftly snatches said cigarette snuffing it out.
"My iced coffee!" Medea cries staring at the teeny tiny bud seeing the small smirk on Monica.
"Oh, come on! Come on!" The group chorus but…
"No. Not after what happened with Steve." Sternly, Monica refuses.
"What are you talking about? We love Schhteve! Schhteve was schhexy!.. Sorry." Chandler smirks smugly earning a fair few snickers from the group as he apologises to Monica.
"Look, I don't even know how I feel about him yet. Just give me a chance to figure that out." Monica tells her friends.
"Well, then can we meet him?" Hopeful, Rachel asks.
"Nope. Schhorry." Smiling, Monica turns her back to the group leaving…
"Let it go, Ross…" Joey sighs softly cutting into the cream pie on the plate as he turns to see the man looking down at the framed photo of this supposed chi chi.
"Yeah, well, you didn't know Chi Chi." Cross, Ross huffs.
"Okay, please be good, please. Just remember how much you all like me." Monica sighs scowling at her friends furrowing her brow at them, a part of her unable to believe she agreed to let them meet him…
"Yeah! We promise! We'll be good!" The group chorus as the rain roars outside where Monica approaches the window tapping on it alerting the two outside soaked to the brim by the faint flicker on the end of the instruments in their mouth clearly show who is on the balcony…
"Chandler? Medea Do you promise to be good?" Monica calls out to the two.
"I swear Medea didn't smoke nearly as much as she has now recently…" Ross worriedly points out concern clear on his furrowed features towards the two.
"Yeah, no doubt Chandler's return to it has made her think its okay to smoke more around us…" Monica adds crossing her arms over her chest displeased. Chandler and Medea make a 'Cross my heart' sign. However, it soon starts to rain and he taps on the window while Medea watches on…
"You two can come in, but your filter-tipped little buddies have to stay outside!" Sternly, Joey berates the two scowling, sharing a look before the two share a look of understanding. Chandler sulkily picks up a garbage can lid and uses it as an umbrella as Medea huddled besides him.
"Oh great now they're working together!" Ross huffs furrowing his brow at the two. They had manged to change Chandler with his habit but Medea was a whole other battlefield people were too fearful to mess with…
Phoebe enters, walks to the couch, sits down, and begins to read a letter without saying hi.
"Hey, Pheebs." Ross calls out to the blonde lowering the framed photo of Chi chi.
"'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!" Perturbed, Phoebe huffs showing said phone form her purse.
"What bank is this?" Rachel asks amazed just as the intercom buzzes.
"Hey. It's him." Monica reports to her friends beofre turning to the buzzer.
"Who is it?" Merrily, Monica asks as she presses on it.
"It's Alan." Alan answers.
"Chandler! Medea! He's here!" Joey hollers as Chandler comes in, dripping wet but Medea…
"Medea come on!" Joey calls out to her but she remains firm with the garbage lid being used as cover.
"She can't seriously stay out there all night!" Ross huffs.
"She won't." Joey sighs striding over to Medea as the group watch Joey take the cigarette tossing it over the balcony much to the horror of Medea rushing towards the balcony alarming the others just as Alan rushes in, his hues widening when seeing Joey grab Medea dragging her inside, soaked scowling at everyone.
"Hi. Alan, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Alan. Sorry about them." Apologetic, Monica smiles gesturing to the soaked scowling Medea and soaked smiling Joey offering his hand out to him.
"Joey Tribbaini nice to meet you." Politely, Joey tells Alan shaking his hand as Alan turns to offer his hand to Medea only to falter from her firm frown.
"Hi." Alan lowers his hand turning towards the group in general.
"Hi, Alan." The group all but Medea chorus until Joey gives her a stern look.
"Hi Alan." Reluctantly, Medea mumbles huffing giving in thanks to Joey's stern stare.
"I've heard schho much about all you guyschh!" Alan beams brightly at the group as everyone hues widen when hearing his pronunciation as their night as a group begins…
"Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow." Monica smiles softly before dismissing him watching him leave as she softly closes the door before turning to her friends.
"Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin. Who's gonna take the first shot, hmm?" Monica huffs only to be met by still silence.
"C'mon!" Mad, Monica huffs at them.
"...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him." Ross chuckles smirking shaking his head at her.
"Loved him! Yeah! He's great!" The others cheer even Medea.
"Wait a minute! We're talking about someone that I'm going out with?" Monica does a double take eyeing her friends.
"Yeah! He gave me free cigarettes!" Cheerily, Medea shows said cartridge only to scowl when said cartridge is swiftly snatched by Ross making her look up glaring up at the tall towering giant giving her a warning look.
"And did you notice...?" Smirking, Rachel spreads her thumb and index finger.
"Yeah." Reluctantly, the boys bow their head.
"…Lovely." Bitterly, Medea mutters crossing her arms over her chest she needed to see that or well imagine that…
"Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked." Cheerily, Joey adds.
"Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!" Smiling, Phoebe points out.
"...What shoe?" Ross furrows his brow befuddled.
"From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...' Phoebe rhymes before faltering furrowing her brow going quiet.
"...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured." Ross changes topic smiling softly at Monica.
"What future boyfriends? Nono, I th- I think this could be, y'know, it." Rachel reasons.
"Really!" Monica beams brightly at her friends.
"Whoa there a bit of a leap there…" Tensely, Medea argues but…
"Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhoff impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right?" Chandler cuts her off, doing said impression.
"You know what I like most about him, though? The way he makes me feel about myself." Wistfully, Ross smiles softly.
"Yeah..." The group chorus cheerily glad to have met Monica's boyfriend…
Quietly, Medea stands among the many other people in suits or formal attire as they enjoy their smoke break in the balcony. Medea leans over the balcony ledge watching on as the lives of those below continue smoke spewing out of her lips oblivious to the crisp click of heels.
"Hey Dallas." Dubiously, the woman joins her side slumped over the railing, the woman has brown hair and bright blue eyes, grinning giddily at her.
"What is it Eliza?" Tiredly, Medea turns to the woman wearing her pencil skirt of purple and grey blouse.
"Heard about your case with that friend of yours can't believe you screwed him over like that." Teasingly, she smirks smugly.
"It's business that's all." Aloofly, she states the fact firmly, tossing the stick to the ground.
"As cold as ice you are anyway get this, this guy I was sleeping with the other day…" Smoothly, she leans over the balcony joining her, oblivious to her furrowed frown when seeing the blonde below the balcony building before turning on her heel to Rogers, heading down…
"Medea? Hey Medea!" She calls out but she easily ignores him on a mission as she finds her friend conversing with a homeless woman as the two are getting something together, her heus narrow noting the envelope in the woman's hand.
"Phoebe?" Perturbed, Medea makes her way over to Phoebe and the woman with the trolley.
"Medea hey! I solved my problem I gave my money away." Perkily, Phoebe reveal to her friend.
"You did?" Worried, Medea furrows her brow.
"Yeah to my friend Lucy." Smiling, she points to the fleeting figure of the tramp shopping cart in hand.
"So you gave it away to a single person than a charity?" Coldly, Medea furrows her brow.
"Well I mean I had to do something." Simply, she shrugs.
"Right…" She sighs.
"Want some?" Smiling, she offers the soda to her.
"No thaa—rghh!" Medea begins as Phoebe opens it only for Medea to scream sharply taken aback at the contents within.
"A thumb?!" Ross gawks gapes at the two before him, Phoebe standing up perky pink can in hand while Medea is hunched over, a cigarette in between her fingertips taking shaky inhales as Phoebe nods.
"Eww!" The group exclaims.
"I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker!" Phoebe compares.
"Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all five?" Cheekily, Chandler offers only to falter from Medea's firm frown.
"Does, um, anyone wanna see?" Smiling, Phoebe offers.
"Nooo!" The group snaps.
"Phoebe put the thumb away!" Annoyed, Medea combs her fingertips through her ruby red locks tugging at a fair few frizzy stray strands stressed.
"But…" Meekly, Phoebe begins but…
"Phoebe." Sternly, she snaps at her friend.
"…Fine." Phoebe bows her head sitting down alongside her friends placing the can aside on the table just as the group turn to Chandler.
"Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out!" The group tell him.
"Medea can smoke!" Chandler argues.
"She just saw a thumb! What's your excuse?" Monica demands from him as smoke spews out into the open air.
"It's worse than the thumb!" Rachel waves the smoke aside.
"Hey, this is so unfair!" Chandler huffs.
"Oh, why is it unfair?" Monica demands from him.
"You're not on Medea's case you're always on mine. So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Medea's long strides like we get you want to get there but do you have to walk like a giraffe!?" Sharply, she snaps at the two taken back.
"I do not walk like a giraffe! We shared a bin lid together!" Hurt, Medea reminds him.
"And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?" Ruthlessly, Chandler continues.
"…Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody?" Meekly, Joey asks as he turns to Medea.
"It's not that bad…" Meekly, Medea offers but…
"Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?" Joey probes as Phoebe spits out her hair.
"Oh, now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, I think it's endearing." Ross reassures her.
"If you mean to describe the journey her body will go through with that hairball sure." Snippily, Medea mutters.
"And there's the I know everything bit of you too!" Chandler joins in.
"I will end you." Medea growls at him.
"I'm sure you will from down there." Tauntingly, Chandler remarks as Ross holds Medea back.
"You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly." Ross reminds the group.
"Indeed there isn't"... I should really get back to work." Rachel turns away from the group.
"Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered." Phoebe exclaims.
"Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on." Rachel snarls slamming her hands on the top of the sofa scowling at Phoebe as the group degenerate into bickering and Chandler happily starts to smoke, undisturbed, that is until said cigarette is swiftly plucked out from his forefingers making him turn alarmed at the glaring woman.
"You wouldn't dare…" Chandler growls at Medea.
"Try me." Medea glares back as before the two knew it they were running around the sofa, on other side trying to escape the others hold with the cigarette being fought between them both.
"Do you have any respect for your bodies?" Joey demands from the two, smoke spewing out of the cigret in their lips as they sit side by side scowling at the men above.
"Don't you realise what you're-you're doing to yourself?" Ross points out gently tapping Chandler chest.
"Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it." Desperate, Chandler argues.
"Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you." Rachel calls out to him phone in hand.
"Someone's in trouble." Tauntingly, Medea smirks smugly as Chandler slowly strides over.
"Hey, buddy, what's up! Oh, she told you about that, huh. Well, yeah, I have one now and then. Well, yeah, now. Well, it's not that big- ..well, that's true,.. Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like that before. Well, okay, thanks!" Strained, Chandler smiles as he hands the phone back and stubs out his cigarette as before Medea knew it both Ross and Joey had plopped down either side of her, furrowing their brow cornering her on the sofa.
"And it's my go…great. Let me just say this if I die I die at least it's by my own terms." She tells the two boys before being engulfed in a whole workshop of why smoking is bad and how it kills…
"Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too." Tense, Chandler huff glaring glowering at the screen.
"Why are we even watching a children's show"? Scowling, Medea joins in annoyed.
"Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch." Ross remarks as he does so.
"Hey. Where's Joey?" Monica enters the room.
"Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?" Mockingly, Chandler cranes his neck back to face Monica.
"I think he's across the hall." Rachel responds.
"Thanks." Monica leaves to fetch him.
"Someone's big's happening…" Medea mutters.
"There y'go." Ross changes Chandler's nicotine patch.
"Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now." Deadpan, Chandler huffs.
"You know there's one for you too." Rachel throws in only to squeak slightly from the sharp scowl sent her way by Medea brooding alone at the loss of an ally.
"Hey Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart? Pheebs?" Ross calls out the girl zoned out.
"Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?" Phoebe asks.
"Hey, I might!" Ross sighs.
"Sorry. ..Y'know, those stupid soda people gave me seven thousand dollars for the thumb." Phoebe sighs sadly handing the pop tart over to him.
"You're kidding. Oh my God." The group chorus.
"You could have gotten more." Medea mutters under her breath brow furrowed.
"And have the universe hate me even more!? On my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe?!" Perturbed, Phoenix exclaims.
"What's going on?" Joey questions drying his wet hair wearing a bathrobe as Monica forces him into the room.
"Nothing. I just think it's nice when we're all here together." Tentatively, Monica sets Joey down.
"Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear.." Joey grumbles huffing his legs spreading out.
"Joey.." Medea hints gesturing downwards.
"Oh, God!" Hurriedly, he closes his legs.
"Okay…guys, we have to talk." Tentatively, Monica turns off the TV much to the dismay of the crowd.
"Wait, wait, I'm getting a deja vu...no, I'm not." Perkily, Phoebe assumes only to falter.
"Alright, we have to talk." Monica sighs.
"There it is!" Phoebe beams brightly.
"Okay. It's-it's about Alan. There's something that you should know. I mean, there's really no easy way to say this.. uh.. I've decided to break up with Alan." Monica reveals as they all gasp and clutch each other while Medea watches on…
"Is there somebody else?" Hurt, Ross asks.
"No, nononono.. it's just.. things change. People change." Monica assures them.
"We didn't change.." Hurt, Rachel whimpers weakly.
"So that's it? It's over? Just like that?!" Hurt, Joey snaps scowling.
"You know.. you let your guard down, you start to really care about someone, and I just- I-" Panicked, Phoebe starts chewing her hair.
"Phoebe don't do that." Tentatively, Medea sighs softly taking her hair out of her mouth.
"Look, I- I could go on pretending-" Monica begins…
"Okay!" Joey intersects.
"-But that wouldn't be fair to me, it wouldn't be fair to Alan- It wouldn't be fair to you!" Monica finishes her sentence.
"Who-who wants fair? Y'know, I just want things back. Y'know, the way they were." Ross whimpers weakly.
"Don't we all?" Aloofly, Medea mutters brow furrowed.
"I'm sorry…" Sadly, Monica sighs.
"Oh, she's sorry! I feel better!" Bitterly, Chandler sneers.
"I just can't believe this! I mean, with the holidays coming up- I wanted him to meet my family-" Tearfully, Rachel whimpers alarming Medea slightly.
"I'll meet someone else. There'll be other Alans." Monica promises.
"Oh, yeah! Right!" The group scoff shaking their heads.
"Are you guys gonna be okay?" Monica asks her friends holding each other.
"Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little time." Truthfully, Ross confesses.
"I understand." Monica bows her head leaving them to look back on their good times with Alan while Medea simply sighs shaking her head at the fools for getting caught up with Alan, first rule of dating, don't get attached, never get attached…
