Tuesday, October 05, 2022
Albus Dumbledore was convicted of stealing Harry Potter's inheritance
Claims "Financial Wizardly" is greater than love.
Lightningfastl7
Albus Dumbledore (150) was arrested from the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardly after allegations of embezzlement bought by Harry Potter (16) were proven true. Harry Potter, is the owner of everything as the heir to Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, the Peverell brothers, Merlin, Darth Vader, and the Emperor (who granted him unlimited power). Harry made the accusation last week and crushed the power base the headmaster has built up for over a century. He accused Dumbledore of a list of crimes so long that we here at The Daily Blunder ran out of paper before we could print it all. Chief among the allegations is that he stole 1000 trillion tons of gold from his vault.
The Minister for Magic, who had dismissed the accusations before, reversed his stance today. He had noted that much gold is not even in circulation, and Gringotts can't store that much gold without stealing it.
"I had no idea that Harry Potter controlled the Wizengamot, and decided who gets reelected, much less the that he could make a campaign contribution of 100 million gallons to me. I acknowledge that everything he says is right in his r/iaml4andthisdeep wisdom. Dumbledore, the greatest wizard of all time, defeater of Gellert Grindelwald, and the only one You Know Who has ever feared, has failed to defeat a random 16-year-old boy."
We have reached out to Professor Dumbledore for comment, and he replied, "My years of wisdom and power are no match as Harry has found a branch of magic greater than love, Financial Wizardry. I am afraid he is practicing this most unholy of the darkest arts and will soon become worse than "Voldemort". Only I can save us from him, and the ministry needs to reverse the conviction. I am now dumb and thus have no deep, highly confusing words to say."
Harry Potter, spotted in Malibu, which he now owns like the rest of the galaxy, was unavailable for comment. He was busy taking advice from a squib cousin of James Potter, who turned out to be a wizard last week.
