There really had been no reason for her to stay, no reason whatsoever. She had brought the sisters, well half sisters together, after witnessing Meredith's useless attempt at being inconspicuous while listening in. Really, her job was done, staying was like an invasion of privacy. She really should've left but as the conversation between Greys continued, she found that staying had been good.
Meredith had been fumbling with her words but had managed to stay in the conversation. Things were going fine until Molly had begun talking about their dad at her wedding. Even from where she leaned against the wall out on the hallway Addison could feel the shift in the atmosphere. Meredith was keeping her cool, of course, however her voice was strained and her words were clipped as they continued on with the conversation. Addison thought that maybe there was light at the end of the tunnel but… she was wrong.
"So you have a sister?" She heard Meredith ask, her voice wavered only slightly.
"Yeah, Lexie. She's in medical school…" Molly was saying.
'Oh no.' Addison thought to herself while Molly carried on.
"You should see how my dad is about her." Molly said. "He's, like, crazy proud."
There was a pregnant pause after Molly had finished speaking those words. A pause that had Addison holding her breath. She waited for what would come next as her mind began to wander. From what little she knew of Meredith, thanks to the earlier conversation with George and some from her less than stellar husband, the relationship between the young woman and her father wasn't rocky per say, it was pretty much nonexistent.
Addison was still lost in thought when a dazed and pale looking Meredith walked out of the room. Their eyes locked together and suddenly Addison could see it all. The anger, shame, sorrow, and pain whirled together in those, now, deep ocean blue eyes. Without a second thought — because she really wasn't thinking at all — she wrapped her hand around the blonde's wrist, eased the chart from her grasp, and led her away.
Leaving the chart at the nurses station, she made a beeline to the back elevators. Ignoring confused stares and murmurs, she kept on pulling the blonde along. She knew what it must look like. The wife tugging the mistress to who knew where? Oh, the nurses would have enough to gossip about for weeks. But that didn't matter. What mattered was the young woman who blankly followed after her without pulling away. As if she was some weightless feather carried wherever the wind blew without much say in the matter.
As they made it to the elevator Addison dared a glance behind her and found that, yes, the blonde's blue eyes had already hollowed out. They waited for the doors to open in silence and once they did open she pulled the blonde inside. She wondered what would happen if she let go. Thinking about it logically, she probably should've let go. However that irrational and protective part of herself refused to leave the young woman behind to fend for herself in that pool of pain she had seemingly slipped into.
It had taken a few minutes for the elevator to reach the roof where the helipad was located. She was well aware that she probably shouldn't be there but she didn't quite care. The ride up had been filled with silence and more silence. She was worried that Meredith wasn't breathing but she was. Only silently as if she was trying to disappear, to become less known — invisible.
They made it to the roof and wordlessly Addison led the blonde up the ramp and onto the helipad, which was a raised platform on the roof. Once there she finally let go of the blonde. Meredith stared at her with some semblance of recognition in her blue eyes. The blonde took in her surroundings and a confused frown etched itself onto her face. The questions were written all over her.
Why? What are we doing here? Why did you bring me here?
"Let it go."
"What?" Meredith said softly.
"Let it go." Addison repeated once more. "Let it go. No one can see you. Or hear you. I'm going to turn around and you're going to let it go." She said before doing as she had said and turning away from the blonde.
The blonde was quiet behind her and she wondered if she would actually let go. She wondered if bringing her up here had been a waste of time and if she now seemed like a lunatic in the blonde's eyes. For some reason the blonde having a bad image of her bothered Addison. Now that was something she didn't quite understand but it was also something that didn't quite matter at the time.
Just when she thought to turn back and tell the young woman to leave she heard a sharp intake of air. Addison took a deep breath, steeling herself, and waited. A couple of seconds later she heard it. The most soul wrenching scream she had ever heard. It was raw pain and sorrow that came out of the young blonde behind her. It was so strong that she felt Meredith's pain as if it were her own. Another sharp intake of hair and the second scream came out, somehow it made her feel worse than with the first one.
One more scream reached the heavens before the only thing that could be heard was the wind. Then one hiccuped breath and a whimper had Addison turning to face the blonde. It was a good thing she had because Meredith was on the verge of collapse. Three quick strides and she was on the tumbling blonde, wrapping her in a hug as a heart shattering sob broke out of Meredith.
Meredith was trying hard to control herself though but she was failing miserably. The blonde trying to calm down wasn't what Addison wanted however. Her trying to silence herself wasn't what the blonde needed. The blonde needed to let go. Let go of everything.
"Meredith, it's ok. Let it go." Addison muttered. "It's fine. Let it go. It's just me. Just us." She said before wondering if it being her was the reason why Meredith was trying to calm herself.
She was about to say something else. She was about to ask who she could bring — who would make Meredith comfortable enough to let go — when the young woman let out another sob.
Minutes went by while the blonde clung to her and sobbed onto her shoulder. She didn't mind one bit. She would stand here and keep Meredith up as long as she needed someone else to help her stand, to help her stay tall. Addison wasn't entirely sure how long they stood there when the sobs began to subside and Meredith's shaking shoulders stopped shaking. The blonde still held onto her though so she was not about to let go.
"Why?" Meredith muttered into her shoulder after a while, her voice coming out with a slight rasp.
"You needed someone." Addison replied. "I know I'm probably the worst person to be here with you but I promise—"
"You're not the worst." Meredith mumbled and pulled away. "You may even be the best." She gave her a small watery smile.
Addison clamped her mouth shut. She wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that. She certainly didn't know how to respond to the little swell of butterflies in her stomach. All she could respond with was a nod which seemed to be enough for the blonde.
"I don't think I'm ready to go back yet." Meredith said as she finally stepped away from Addison.
Ignoring the inner chill that distance caused, Addison smiled and pointed at the edge of the helipad platform, "shall we sit and enjoy the view then."
"You want to sit here?"
"I don't see a problem with it." She shrugged, walked to the edge and carefully lowered herself to sit down.
Soon Meredith was sitting down next to her, their legs swinging at the edge of the platform. Addison admired the view, the mountains and trees on one side and the Seattle skyline on the other.
"Is this ok?" Meredith asked and without explaining much Addison understood why she was asking that.
"How about this? For now, for this moment, let's be Just Addison and Just Meredith. Nothing else, just ourselves." She said with a smile and was rewarded with a smile from the blonde.
"Ok." Meredith said and then they both turned away from one another to continue taking in the view.
"You think it'll rain?" Addison asked, looking at the graying skies ahead.
"Guess we'll find out."
"Yeah."
"Just Addison?"
"Hmm?"
"I'll be borrowing your shoulder." Meredith chirped and leaned over.
Addison chuckled. It was nice that the blonde felt more comfortable with her. Also she sensed Meredith was feeling lighter than she had when they had first gotten up here. Soon, however, Addison was a bit lost inside her head remembering what she'd overheard from the conversation between the Greys when a thought made its way out of her mouth.
"I'm proud of you." She bit her lip after she realized what she'd said out loud and felt the blonde stiffen.
"Why would you be proud of me?" Meredith asked coldly.
"Am I not allowed?"
"You barely know me."
"True." Addison replied and shrugged. "But I think I know enough to be proud."
"What do you mean?" Meredith asked and straightened up to look at her.
"Well, I've witnessed your strength and resolve first hand. I've seen how despite everything that has been thrown at you, you still show up. You come into the hospital and do your job and learn. You're one of the top interns even with our current situation." Addison faced the blonde, who watched her intently.
There wasn't a smile on Meredith's face but her eyes seemed to glimmer despite the clouded and darkening skies.
"You've been dealt a very bad hand, and I'm very sorry to be a part of it, yet here you are." Addison smiled but the blonde looked away.
"I just broke down in front of you."
Unable to stop herself, she gently grabbed the blonde's chin and tilted her head so that she could look into her eyes. "Didn't you know?"
"Know what?"
"We're allowed to break down. We're humans not robots. You've lived. You've suffered, more than most. Yet… you stand." Addison emphasized her last words before she let out a smug grin and shrugged. "I get to be proud."
Meredith let out a helpless chuckle and said, "you're strange."
"The other Meredith can remember this talk but she better not tell anyone else, Just Meredith." Addison raised a brow and turned away, letting go of the blonde's chin.
"Don't worry, Just Addison. No one will know." She could hear Meredith's smile as she spoke.
Soon, she felt the blonde leaning back into her and placing her head back on her shoulder. They sat for another moment longer while in comfortable silence before the sky looked angry enough to let it pour on them.
"Mer we should—" Addison started but stopped suddenly. 'Did I just call her Mer?'
"Yeah, it looks like rain." Meredith replied seemingly unaware of how Addison's slip up had freaked her out.
"We really should be getting back." She said quickly getting to her feet before offering the blonde a hand.
Meredith grabbed onto her and stood, dusting her scrub pants before looking back up at her with a smile that knocked the wind out of her. Addison figured she must've smiled back because once more that little glimmer in blue eyes made an appearance.
"Thank you for this." Meredith said while they made their way back to the elevator.
"No problem at all." Addison replied when they stepped inside.
Just before the doors closed the rain that had been holding up finally began to come down. They looked at each other and giggles filled the air before they dissolved into full laughter. Addison didn't know why she was laughing at all, she only knew she'd had the urge and the blonde laughing wasn't helping. They were almost on the third floor when they stopped and Meredith spoke.
"I really am glad it was you who brought me here. The one to help me let it go."
"Glad to be of service." Addison grinned.
More silence followed as they were reaching the second floor. Until Meredith came closer and rose on her toes to kiss her cheek. The doors opened and the blonde stepped away.
"Thank you, Just Addie." Meredith said with a sneaky looking grin and stepped out.
Addison lightly touched her cheek and felt herself smiling brightly as she watched the blonde go. She had meant it when she told the blonde. She really was glad she had been there for Meredith. Been there when she needed it. Glad that it had been just them for a while and in that while Meredith had been able to unload everything that needed to be unloaded. Aside from being glad, she was happy. She had no idea why she was so happy. Or maybe she knew why she was this happy. But she'd deal with that later. For now she'd be glad and happy and would get out of the elevator to go save lives as she was supposed to, a little strut in her step.
Ok so this is what happens when I see a scene from season two. I get all of these different ideas of ways to fix all the bad with a little Meddison. Anyway, hope this holds you over until the next time I update. Oh and HAPPY GREYS DAY!
Stay awesome ~(˘▾˘~)
