Invader ZIM
Romance...Ick-Part 1b: THE DAY I FELL IN LOVE WITH A FIRE HYDRANT
Written By: Joy Jarose
Author's Note:
This series is not about Zim and Dib being gay. To be
honest, that is totally out of character. For one thing,
Zim wouldn't stoop that low. Heheh. Well, I did my share
of flames today. Enjoy!
Legal Note:
The series Invader ZIM, its characters and events were
created by Johnen Vasquez and produced by Nickelodeon
and Viacom. This fiction story could not have been
written without the credits of the original writers of
the series. Thanks!
[Cue fade in. We see a red frisbee fly across the screen. The camera follows it, and a black dog jumps up in the air, catching it. As the dog lands, the camera zooms in to Zim and GIR, who are walking along the sidewalk. GIR stops, and looks at the dog, who runs to its master. Zim doesn't realize it, and keeps walking, until he feels the tug of the leash and trips, falling flat on his face. He gets partway up, on his elbows, mumbling to himself angrily.]
ZIM: [to self] Stupid robot unit...If it weren't for the special assignment I were on, I'd-
GIR: [interrupts] Can we do that? [points to another dog, who catches the frisbee. Zim gets up, watching, hands on hips. The black dog is standing 10 feet or so from its master. The man throws the red frisbee, and the dog leaps up to meet it. Then, it brings it back to the master and he throws it once again. Zim becomes aggrivated.]
ZIM: P'uh! Stupid lousy good-for-nothing humans! What's the point of this? [during the next sentence, it slowly zooms in on Zim.] The boy throws the flying...disc.. thing... The dog jumps up and catches it... The dog brings it back... [faster] The boy throws the flying disc thing.. The dog jumps up and catches it.. The dog brings it back.. [even faster] THE BOY THROWS THE FLYING DISC THING!! THE DOG JUMPS UP AND CATCHES IT!! THE DOG BRINGS IT BACK!! [he shakes his head] IT'S PURE MADNESS, I TELL YOU! MADNESS! [the camera zooms out as he screams the last word, and people in the park stop to stare at him. Zim looks around, annoyed.] What's the matter with all of you? Have you gone insane?! [the boy holding the disc blinks.] What?
BOY: Here, dude... [the boy throws the disc to Zim. He tries to catch it, but it flies over him despite his efforts to jump. He growls angrily.]
ZIM: [in a low voice] You did that on purpose. [Zim starts to reach into his pack for something, but the boy backs away, offscreen. Zim, still angry, fumes and walks over to the disc. He picks it up, looking it over. Then, he shouts to GIR.] Hey, GIR! Catch! [he throws it and the disc flies to GIR, who doesn't attempt to move. The disc bounces off GIR's eyeballs. He doesn't even move an inch, not even to blink. Zim stares, then walks over to the immobile robot.] GIR? [he waves a hand in front of the unit. Then, he looks toward the robot's gaze, and sees something. His look quickly changes from confused to annoyed. We see a fire hydrant, red in color. Suddenly, GIR speaks.]
GIR: Wo-o-o-o-ow. [Zim becomes a bit frightened by the robot's stance. Suddenly, the robot starts running toward the hydrant in slow-mo, mouth wide open, saliva flying from its tongue. The traditional music is playing in the background. GIR holds out his paws, and the slow- motion quickly ends when he crashes into the fire hydrant, falling on his back.] Uh! [Zim runs over to him, then looks down at him. GIR blinks, then gets up.]
ZIM: What was that all about?! [GIR looks at him.]
GIR: Oh, master! It's like they always say it is on TV! I'm in love. [he sighs, and hugs the hydrant. Zim is totally confused now.]
ZIM: [his look changes to angered] LOVE? You can't be in love with that inanimate object! It's a FIRE HYDRANT, GIR! [slowly] A Fi-re hy-drant! Do you understand? [GIR just stays where he is. Zim sighs.] I've had enough of your shenanigans for today. Now take your paws off that urine-soaked thing and lets go. [GIR blinks, but doesn't let go of the hydrant. Zim lowers his tone, glaring at the robot] I said, let's go. [GIR suddenly is overcome with anger and turns away from his master.]
GIR: No. [Zim is suprised, then screams an order at the stubborn unit.]
ZIM: NOW, GIR! I order you to let go of that-that nasty, disgusting ground-driven piece of CRAP! [GIR lets go finally, but not as Zim planned. He stands in front of the hydrant, "protecting" it.]
GIR: It's not crap! It's my friend, and if I go home, it goes home with me! [Zim glares.]
ZIM: [lowered tone] Oh, really? [The scene switches to Zim at the head, pulling the leash of an unseen GIR. He is stopped, and turns around, moaning. GIR is pulling the hydrant along, inch by inch.]
GIR: See? It's not so bad! [Zim's expression lightens a little.]
ZIM: I guess not. [GIR glares at Zim]
GIR: I wasn't talking to YOU! I was talking to Meredith! [Zim stares at him as they walk slowly up the lawn.]
ZIM: [his face wrinkles] Meredith?...
[Inside, we see an angry out-of-disguise Zim face. He squints his eyes, and the camera zooms out and we see he is sitting with GIR and...uh... Meredith, watching television. The camera turns to the TV, and we see the show playing is none other than "The Scary Monkey Show". There are 3 little black lines next to the monkey.]
GIR: [smiling] I love this show..
ZIM: [to noone in particular] What is the point of this nonsense? All that monkey does is stare at the screen, breathing, maybe making a face sometimes, but otherwise, that's it!
GIR: [disgaurding his remark] Nah... He grows, too! See? since last time, he grew an inch! [GIR points to the three lines on the TV.] Whoops, gotta change it! [he pulls a marker from behind him and hops off the couch, squeaking over to the TV, drawing another line above the first three.] There. [He squeaks back, and jumps onto the couch, merrily. Zim sighs]
ZIM: What else is on? [He reaches over to grab the remote, which is inbetween GIR and... Meredith. GIR grabs it, and Zim pulls angrily.] Rrgh! GIR, what are you doing? Give me the remote! [GIR pulls back]
GIR: No! It's Meredith's! [Zim stops pulling, but is still clinging to the remote.]
ZIM: What?
GIR: I gave it to her as a present! Now gimme it! [Zim pulls again, as does GIR. Suddenly, Zim grins, and lets go, leaving GIR flying backward. He lands on the floor with a thud.]
ZIM: Ahahahahahahahahahahaha! Inferior robot slave! [he jumps off the couch and walks into the kitchen, offscreen.] I'll be downstairs, GIR. [GIR lies on the floor and tears well in his eyes. Zim appears from around the corner.] GIR? [The robot lies there. Zim looks worried and steps out from behind the ledge, and walks over to it.]
GIR: Wh-why don't you l-l-like Mere-[gasps] Mere-dith? [Zim makes a face, then glances to the hydrant, sitting on the couch. He turns back.]
ZIM: GIR, Meredith is a fire hydrant. It smells funny, it isn't living, and it's REALLY heavy! [GIR sits up, wiping his eye.]
GIR: But that doesn't mean you can't like her! [He stands up.] Please?.. [Zim glances back to the hydrant, then back to GIR, then sighs.]
ZIM: Fine...I- like Meredith. Happy? [GIR smiles, joyous.]
GIR: Yay! [he looks sad for a moment again. Zim sighs.]
ZIM: NOW what?
GIR: [holds out his arms] I need a hug. [Zim shakes his hands, backing away.]
ZIM: No! No, GIR! [from offscreen] You've been hugging that hydrant! NO! PLEASE, GIR! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-!
[cue fade out]
Romance...Ick-Part 1b: THE DAY I FELL IN LOVE WITH A FIRE HYDRANT
Written By: Joy Jarose
Author's Note:
This series is not about Zim and Dib being gay. To be
honest, that is totally out of character. For one thing,
Zim wouldn't stoop that low. Heheh. Well, I did my share
of flames today. Enjoy!
Legal Note:
The series Invader ZIM, its characters and events were
created by Johnen Vasquez and produced by Nickelodeon
and Viacom. This fiction story could not have been
written without the credits of the original writers of
the series. Thanks!
[Cue fade in. We see a red frisbee fly across the screen. The camera follows it, and a black dog jumps up in the air, catching it. As the dog lands, the camera zooms in to Zim and GIR, who are walking along the sidewalk. GIR stops, and looks at the dog, who runs to its master. Zim doesn't realize it, and keeps walking, until he feels the tug of the leash and trips, falling flat on his face. He gets partway up, on his elbows, mumbling to himself angrily.]
ZIM: [to self] Stupid robot unit...If it weren't for the special assignment I were on, I'd-
GIR: [interrupts] Can we do that? [points to another dog, who catches the frisbee. Zim gets up, watching, hands on hips. The black dog is standing 10 feet or so from its master. The man throws the red frisbee, and the dog leaps up to meet it. Then, it brings it back to the master and he throws it once again. Zim becomes aggrivated.]
ZIM: P'uh! Stupid lousy good-for-nothing humans! What's the point of this? [during the next sentence, it slowly zooms in on Zim.] The boy throws the flying...disc.. thing... The dog jumps up and catches it... The dog brings it back... [faster] The boy throws the flying disc thing.. The dog jumps up and catches it.. The dog brings it back.. [even faster] THE BOY THROWS THE FLYING DISC THING!! THE DOG JUMPS UP AND CATCHES IT!! THE DOG BRINGS IT BACK!! [he shakes his head] IT'S PURE MADNESS, I TELL YOU! MADNESS! [the camera zooms out as he screams the last word, and people in the park stop to stare at him. Zim looks around, annoyed.] What's the matter with all of you? Have you gone insane?! [the boy holding the disc blinks.] What?
BOY: Here, dude... [the boy throws the disc to Zim. He tries to catch it, but it flies over him despite his efforts to jump. He growls angrily.]
ZIM: [in a low voice] You did that on purpose. [Zim starts to reach into his pack for something, but the boy backs away, offscreen. Zim, still angry, fumes and walks over to the disc. He picks it up, looking it over. Then, he shouts to GIR.] Hey, GIR! Catch! [he throws it and the disc flies to GIR, who doesn't attempt to move. The disc bounces off GIR's eyeballs. He doesn't even move an inch, not even to blink. Zim stares, then walks over to the immobile robot.] GIR? [he waves a hand in front of the unit. Then, he looks toward the robot's gaze, and sees something. His look quickly changes from confused to annoyed. We see a fire hydrant, red in color. Suddenly, GIR speaks.]
GIR: Wo-o-o-o-ow. [Zim becomes a bit frightened by the robot's stance. Suddenly, the robot starts running toward the hydrant in slow-mo, mouth wide open, saliva flying from its tongue. The traditional music is playing in the background. GIR holds out his paws, and the slow- motion quickly ends when he crashes into the fire hydrant, falling on his back.] Uh! [Zim runs over to him, then looks down at him. GIR blinks, then gets up.]
ZIM: What was that all about?! [GIR looks at him.]
GIR: Oh, master! It's like they always say it is on TV! I'm in love. [he sighs, and hugs the hydrant. Zim is totally confused now.]
ZIM: [his look changes to angered] LOVE? You can't be in love with that inanimate object! It's a FIRE HYDRANT, GIR! [slowly] A Fi-re hy-drant! Do you understand? [GIR just stays where he is. Zim sighs.] I've had enough of your shenanigans for today. Now take your paws off that urine-soaked thing and lets go. [GIR blinks, but doesn't let go of the hydrant. Zim lowers his tone, glaring at the robot] I said, let's go. [GIR suddenly is overcome with anger and turns away from his master.]
GIR: No. [Zim is suprised, then screams an order at the stubborn unit.]
ZIM: NOW, GIR! I order you to let go of that-that nasty, disgusting ground-driven piece of CRAP! [GIR lets go finally, but not as Zim planned. He stands in front of the hydrant, "protecting" it.]
GIR: It's not crap! It's my friend, and if I go home, it goes home with me! [Zim glares.]
ZIM: [lowered tone] Oh, really? [The scene switches to Zim at the head, pulling the leash of an unseen GIR. He is stopped, and turns around, moaning. GIR is pulling the hydrant along, inch by inch.]
GIR: See? It's not so bad! [Zim's expression lightens a little.]
ZIM: I guess not. [GIR glares at Zim]
GIR: I wasn't talking to YOU! I was talking to Meredith! [Zim stares at him as they walk slowly up the lawn.]
ZIM: [his face wrinkles] Meredith?...
[Inside, we see an angry out-of-disguise Zim face. He squints his eyes, and the camera zooms out and we see he is sitting with GIR and...uh... Meredith, watching television. The camera turns to the TV, and we see the show playing is none other than "The Scary Monkey Show". There are 3 little black lines next to the monkey.]
GIR: [smiling] I love this show..
ZIM: [to noone in particular] What is the point of this nonsense? All that monkey does is stare at the screen, breathing, maybe making a face sometimes, but otherwise, that's it!
GIR: [disgaurding his remark] Nah... He grows, too! See? since last time, he grew an inch! [GIR points to the three lines on the TV.] Whoops, gotta change it! [he pulls a marker from behind him and hops off the couch, squeaking over to the TV, drawing another line above the first three.] There. [He squeaks back, and jumps onto the couch, merrily. Zim sighs]
ZIM: What else is on? [He reaches over to grab the remote, which is inbetween GIR and... Meredith. GIR grabs it, and Zim pulls angrily.] Rrgh! GIR, what are you doing? Give me the remote! [GIR pulls back]
GIR: No! It's Meredith's! [Zim stops pulling, but is still clinging to the remote.]
ZIM: What?
GIR: I gave it to her as a present! Now gimme it! [Zim pulls again, as does GIR. Suddenly, Zim grins, and lets go, leaving GIR flying backward. He lands on the floor with a thud.]
ZIM: Ahahahahahahahahahahaha! Inferior robot slave! [he jumps off the couch and walks into the kitchen, offscreen.] I'll be downstairs, GIR. [GIR lies on the floor and tears well in his eyes. Zim appears from around the corner.] GIR? [The robot lies there. Zim looks worried and steps out from behind the ledge, and walks over to it.]
GIR: Wh-why don't you l-l-like Mere-[gasps] Mere-dith? [Zim makes a face, then glances to the hydrant, sitting on the couch. He turns back.]
ZIM: GIR, Meredith is a fire hydrant. It smells funny, it isn't living, and it's REALLY heavy! [GIR sits up, wiping his eye.]
GIR: But that doesn't mean you can't like her! [He stands up.] Please?.. [Zim glances back to the hydrant, then back to GIR, then sighs.]
ZIM: Fine...I- like Meredith. Happy? [GIR smiles, joyous.]
GIR: Yay! [he looks sad for a moment again. Zim sighs.]
ZIM: NOW what?
GIR: [holds out his arms] I need a hug. [Zim shakes his hands, backing away.]
ZIM: No! No, GIR! [from offscreen] You've been hugging that hydrant! NO! PLEASE, GIR! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-!
[cue fade out]
