Disclaimer: I do not own any of the RK characters.
Tenshi's notes: Minna, I don't know how I keep writing these one shots! *grins* Anyway, this more dramatic piece came after watching episode 95 of RK. *sobs* I can't believe the series is all done! And this was also inspired from scenes in the RK movie as well. Just so no one gets confused, this takes place entirely in episode 95 of the anime series, where Kaoru and Kenshin have been put up in a house and are currently lying side by side. The first section is from Kaoru's dream, before flashing to Kenshin's perspective BEFORE she had the dream. The last section will pick up as to what happens when Kaoru wakes up from her dream, and yes, I've changed the ending slightly. The sap in me called for it! ^-^ I hope you all like it and if you do, please review and let me know! Arigatoo!
Special thanks goes out to Angel-chan who keeps putting up with my insanity, and reading my works on a series she knows nothing about. Also to Sat-chan for supporting me always, and Au-chan as well. My special glomps to my Ivory-imouto who makes me laugh with her reviews. And as always, thanks to all who review and put up with me. I cannot thank you enough!
Warning: Contains slight spoilers for the RK series.
*************
The chasm lay wide, unyielding. The barrier a mighty fortress preventing anyone from entering, or passing through. To attempt without success would only result in death. And yet, he stood on the other side, only to wish her well and to say goodbye.
"Sessha wa rurouni, and I will continue wandering again."
Those haunting words whispered to her from across, the wind carrying the solemn heartbreaking message. Each syllable striking her with pain she had never known, not even when he had left for Kyoto the first time. He stood, a bittersweet smile upon his face, before he turned around and left. Around her the breathtaking scenery blazed forth in a beautiful melange of orange and gold. The grass blades surrendered gently to the wind's strength, sending its symbols of new life across the land. But there would be no such life for her, or for Kenshin.
He stood alone on the other side, the chasm the only thing stopping her. And she knew only one thing. She would die trying.
"Kenshin… Kenshin, matte! …"
She ran towards him, watching his back as he walked away from her, leaving her in this land of life where she was somehow supposed to exist without him. There was no chance. There never had been in the first place.
**********
He lay there on his futon, her light breathing oddly comforting yet disturbing to his soul. Finally, he had a chance to embrace happiness, but what right did he have? The countless images of bloodied faces haunted him forever, and their screams of death echoed powerfully in his ears. On his tainted hands, the blood would never wash.
He could still remember each person he slaughtered in the name of a peaceful era. But at what price had he given in order for this to happen? He had surrendered his soul, and with each person he had killed, it somehow became easier. He could block out their faces and their screams, but he couldn't touch what lay in the empty cavern that once contained the essence of Himura Kenshin. Guilt now resided there, gnawing away at him. As time went on, he managed to harden his heart in order to do what was right. It was what he had believed once, and he still did. The price of innocents, and of countless of nameless families being destroyed by his hands were too high. The cries of children rang through his ears, the blood splattered all over his face, marking him, searing his skin, tattooing him for life. For his sins and for his crimes, he would never be able to forget, and he would spend countless lifetimes repaying a debt that could never be fulfilled.
Since the quiet had descended, the ghosts had finally had time to catch up with his memories. For a while, he had been able to escape, pretending he had an ounce of normalcy to his otherwise disastrous life. Try as he may to deceive himself, he was the Hitokiri Battousai. For a while, he had managed to convince even himself that he was merely Himura Kenshin, the rurouni. The simple truth was that they were one and the same. For the other side of the coin lay the demon in wait while the angel was at play. He could never outrun his past, and as such, he had no right in dragging anyone along with him, least of all her.
Kamiya Kaoru. She had given so much to him, and done so much. He had somehow fallen in love with her without knowing how it happened. It had snuck upon him, much like he had his opponents before he had slain them. Her zest for life, her compassionate nature, her beautiful smile, the way her eyes would twinkle at him when she saw him, those would be forever remain embedded in his mind, tangling with every single foul act he had committed. In his memories, it would be his only purity, saving his sanity when he had nothing to cling to. He remembered the first time he had met her, a brave, wonderful girl challenging the Hitokiri Battousai with nothing but a bokken in hand. If only she had known… she had managed to take apart his defenses with a swiftness that the hitokiri would've envied. She alone managed to see past his cheerful exterior, and see the taint that lay within.
In truth, he was a dying man, the memories devouring him from inside out. It would only be a matter of time before he was consumed by his sins. Never had the barrier between himself and Kaoru seemed so wide and unyielding. She would stand on the other side, warm and beckoning. Her eyes would sparkle at him, as if the very sight of him caused such happiness within her. Her hand would be outstretched in welcome, asking him to come home.
But the chasm lay between, and it was one he could never hope to cross. He craved her warmth and her love, for she alone could help soothe the demon that lurked within, and heal the aching soul. His memories yearned to break free, and his sins begged to be atoned.
"Kenshin…"
Her voice always held a note of pleading and uncertainty, one that tore even further at his already guilt-ridden heart. He never wanted to cause her any worries, any troubles, and he knew he was the sole reason for any amount of grief she had felt and would feel if he had stayed with her. The day she had asked the rurouni to stay was the day he should've turned around and left. Then, she would've been safe from all the dangers that he had managed to drag her through. She wouldn't have had to have her heart broken by a man who had none to speak of. Most of all, his darkness would've never sullied her light.
Even as he knew all the truths, he was like a moth drawn to a flame. His ten years of wandering had left him with nothing but solitude as his companion. The first few years had perhaps been the toughest. Each family, each person, each child that he encountered would invariably remind him of someone he had murdered. Under the blood red skies, he had roamed, the nightmares ever present, ever haunting. The price he paid was nothing compared to what he had committed and senselessly destroyed. As much as he knew it was for the good of Japan, he could not help but wish there had been another way. Or perhaps it was hindsight that made it sound so easy for he had believed in his cause so long ago. Had all the blood been necessary?
But then she had appeared. The emptiness within him became intolerable though he reminded himself that he deserved such a fate, craving for warmth, of life, and it had come in the form of Kamiya Kaoru. The instant he had met her, he had realised his purpose in life. She had given him sunshine when he had none to speak of, and bestowed upon him the precious gift of her unconditional love. His soul had returned the minute he had found her. She was god's gift to life, just as his was to death. He would admire her from the corner of his eyes as he did his daily chores. The cold of the water never touched him when he did the laundry, for there was the brilliance coming from her. He loved the way she would throw herself into something she believed in, and fought for the rights' of others. She loved while he destroyed.
Each tear that she had shed for him only reminded him how unworthy he was of her. She was so young, and she didn't need someone like him to send her life into the inky darkness of his. Each plea she had for him to remain only tore at him even further, for he couldn't possibly be this selfish to want her all to himself. He needed her light so badly, his guilty, aching soul relentless in its pursuit to quench its thirst.
Around him, a sea of red smeared his vision, and the wind blew from behind. His hair stirred, further obstructing his view of the woman who stood across from him, so bright and so achingly beautiful. He wanted to breathe the essence that was her in the hopes that she could bring back the man he could've been had this path not been taken. But in a shattering instant, amongst the bodies that he had killed, in his mind there was only one that stood out. A white kimono wrapped around a body, long flowing masses of midnight hair, creamy skin, all desecrated by the blood that had begun dripping from his katana. Her dark blue eyes were open, unseeing in the death that he had brought upon her. And it was the accusing quality within them, and the words that he had somehow known that she would utter as she took her last breath.
"Doushite, Kenshin?"
Why indeed? Why had he dragged her through all the insanity and death in his life? She didn't deserve it. He should've done right by her. He should've walked away.
Across the chasm, the wind blew, its howls of grief stirring a kinship from within his soul. He made his promise then. He would leave her, to protect her.
**********
There was a sudden shift in the air, and without opening his eyes, he knew it was the woman who lay beside him on her futon. They had been by the seashore earlier before it had started raining. They were in Kyoto once again, the city of countless of memories. He had brought Kaoru here, to see his first love, Tomoe. He recalled how serene she had looked for just a moment, seemingly blending into the light and sunshine that had surrounded the graveyard. He had wanted Tomoe's blessing in a strange way. For all that he had loved Tomoe, it was with Kaoru that he had felt purpose, and an undeniable need for her. He had honestly believed for one instant that he had a chance for happiness.
As always, the second he had closed his eyes, the nightmares began all over again.
It was in this city that the Hitokiri was born. The cries of agony pursued him relentlessly, as did his guilty conscience. There was such pain, and such horror that he had created from his hands and with his katana. For the sake of a new government, a new era, the blood of many had been shed. But it was his fight with Shisio Makoto that also brought about a new perspective to what he had believed so blindly as a teenager. How could he ever hope to shed the sins of the past and look towards a bright future with Kaoru? Never. He could never do that to her.
Then came the warmth, beckoning and loving. Her hand lay gently on top of his outstretched one, and it seeped in, filling every crevice within him. The emptiness fled under the onslaught of her love and light, shining through, blasting away the sins. She took upon his burdened soul and lifted it as if it weighed nothing. He suddenly understood that in death, there was also life. Both were forever intertwined, one begetting the other. To deny what he yearned for all his life would be to deny her happiness. And he had sworn never to worry her.
His eyes fluttered open briefly, and for once, the chasm was no more.
**********
Her eyes flew open, heart racing within her chest, pounding as if it had just danced briefly upon death's door. Kenshin… where was he? She found herself being filled with a sudden need for him before she realised something.
Her hand was uncommonly warm, and it was tingling. Only one person had that power over her senses. Only him.
He had knelt beside her, her hand intertwined in his. She could feel each rough, callused finger against her own, her skin burning where his touch lay. His head was bowed low, and she couldn't see his eyes. They had an ability to see into her lonely soul, and sense all the pain within. But then again, she could do the same with him. He held a world of hurt and she wanted to help him so badly, though she never fully knew how. She remembered her dream, and the insurmountable chasm that lay between them. She prayed desperately that it hadn't been a premonition, and this was Kenshin saying goodbye to her once again. She wasn't sure if her heart could take it any more if he did.
"Arigatoo, Kaoru-dono."
There it was. She felt as if she had been cut into a million pieces for it was almost the exact words he had given her right before he had left in her dream. Iie. She couldn't take it any longer. The tears began filling her eyes, and she just stared blindly at him, the warmth upon her hand a brutal reminder of what she could never have.
"Sessha wa rurouni…"
They sparkled in the dim shafts of light that had managed to streak through, the tears descending upon her cheeks to stain the futon beneath. Words and emotions lodged themselves in her throat, and she didn't want to feel the pain. Not any more. The wind howled from across the gap between them before dying down mysteriously.
"Demo, I've found my home. In you."
Her heart stopped beating momentarily, and his gaze finally rose up to meet hers. For once, there was peace in the normally tumultuous purple depths. And love shining from within. Her breath suspended, the tears turned into ones of happiness as she raised her hand towards him, finally touching him the way she had always wanted to. Gently cupping his cheek, she offered him a watery smile, widening when she saw his answering one.
Words weren't needed for what their hearts already knew, for the once unconquerable chasm had disintegrated under the power of what they shared. Of their love. And across the land, a warm, gentle breeze blew, welcoming its lovers home.
**********
Tenshi's blurb (cos' I'm full of them): I have an idea yet for another one-shot, but I probably won't go ahead with it for a while. If I receive enough feedback for it though, it might just pop up a bit faster! Lemme know whatcha think! ;)