The Ultimate Bout
Chapter 2: Forks
It was the bottom of the ninth, the bases were loaded…
"Get out of here. This is my story" Th dashing narrator with the cool hat said as he pushed the stupid sports caster off the stage.
The steaks were high, and now they were being cut. Tasuki cut both steaks at the same time so they when they hit the table it would symbolize the beginning of the match.
Hotohori ripped into his tossing his utensils out of the way. He could eat faster primal with his fingers. The women (not including Miaka because she was on an acid high at the time) observing this were shocked. How could such a cool guy use such ghastly manners?
Hotohori called out to his admirers, "…because my life is on the line." Reassured, his loyal subjects continued chanting their battle cry.
"Dang, that battle cry sounds more like a painfully high pitched Xena war cry, no da," said the person sitting right next to Tasuki who was drooling over the ten trays of chicken that were being brought out. If you don't know who that is you should notice the no da and then slap yourself.
The chickens were being inhaled by the two contestants, but Nakago had a slight lead having eaten the lent that fell out of the cook's pocket. Nakago ate furiously not even bothering to chew most bites. He felt all alone because everyone in the stands was cheering for Hotohori. His heart sank and he was disheartened.
"That usually happens when your heart sinks, ya know" Chichiri said to the annoyed narrator.
"Just like a ch-ch-cherry cola," Tamahome sang. No one had noticed him and he was apparently totally unaware of his surroundings.
The third course was brought out: beef. The crowd went wild as Hotohori polished off a whole plate before Nakago had even taken his first bite. Tamahome who had noticed the life threatening battle that was taking place popped up and started singing the "beeftech" song.
"Jema buen, jema buen, jema buen la beeftech?" he sang out in his broken French.
A random woman ran across the "battle" field, "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, sesoir?" And then she ran off.
Agents began to throw happy meals at the contestants, who promptly ate them. Hotohori was momentarily distracted by the little Disney toy that came with his. ("It is an evil organization feeding off the hopes and dreams of little kids and Hotohori, no da") That was just the opportunity for Nakago to attack the cook and eat all of the next course.
In five minutes he had taken the lead in a major way. He had consumed 150 hot dog wieners. "Now you shall die," he yelled at Hoto-kun as he bit into his one 151st dog.
"That was a major tactical error," Tasuki whispered to Chichiri trying to sounds smart. Does anybody know why Tasuki has fangs??????
Oww….the narrator picked up the diamond fan that had been lobbed at him by Tasuki.
Miaka did a jig with an equally high Tamahome, and Kjerstie fell on her butt trying to chase a pigeon. As she fell, birdseed flew out of her pocket onto the sidewalk. Hotohori seized the moment, for as Tasuki had tried to point out, Nakago had freed him from his trance state by taunting him. So he ate the birdseed.
The two dug through five more courses: tacos, beans, salad, ketchup, and wedding cake. They were neck and neck (ooh, not like that…I mean…they were tied) as they finished the cake. They were both worn out from all that eating.
Nakago was feeling sorry for himself again, "I can not allow myself to lose to the evil forces of good. I can not. I WILL NOT! I will find a secret power in my…or a whale's…heart." As he said this something in his robe bumped up against his heart. "Ooooh." The cooks were all dead or asleep so the two contestants would have to fend for themselves and find stuff to eat, and Nakago stumbled on what could mean victory and life…
Author's Comments for this chapter: I know it's dumb, but that's the point. Plus, I am inspired by milk.