Scully was just lying when she said that they had to investigate those murders because she was so worried about getting back with Mulder again. He didn't never talk to her anymore, and at work he was really mean to her. He would knock over her papers to make his friends laugh and he would tape signs to her back that said "Skully the Ice Cream Queen". She thought it was cute that he would put that, but she didn't get it. One day he gave Mr. Happy a full body cast out of masking tape and gave him acupuncture therapy with paper clips. He gave him surgery and removed his stuffing and filled him with glue. Then he stapled him back together. Scully wanted to cry! But she didn't because she was strong. Then one day Mulder locked her in the basement office. She was so scared because she was claustrophobic but it didn't matter because she made a rope with his ties and escaped out the window even though she was in the basement. But it still felt good to make a rope out of his ties. But little did Scully know that when she left Mulder would be gone. And little did she know the end of Pi, and little did she know how telephones worked—she was still really confused about that...

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

"I made a break, I run out yesterday;
I tried to find my mountain hideaway...
Maybe next year, maybe no go-oh..."

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

"Scully!" Mulder called out, jogging lightly over to where Scully stood by her mom, barbecuing hot dogs.

"Mulder!" Scully echod, her eyes wide with mangled surprise and joy, "You're here! Where have you been?"

Mulder rolled his eyes (for a change), shaking his head dismissively, as he grabbed a hot dog and bun off the platter Scully's mom was holding. "It's a long story...I got sidetracked while I was hunting down Krycheck in the Himalayas..."

"Sidetracked by what?"

"This really foxy were-woman," Mulder answered, his mouth so full of hot dog that he inadvertently spit a piece out into Scully's red hair. He made a horrible face when he realized what he'd done, only Scully hadn't seemed to notice, cause she was asking, "So what happened?"

"So, I lost him up in the mountains, that's what," he made up. He tried to casually get that piece of dog out of her hair without her noticing, but she was turning her head to yell, "Skinner! He's back!"

Mulder blinked loudly, "Skinner's here?"

He totally and completely missed the blush that spread itself like fat-reduced butter over Scully's high cheekbones (and it clashed badly with her hair, too).

"Um...yeah..." Scully said softly, narrowing her eyes against the glare of the late summer sun, which hurt her eyes, "Mulder...you were gone for so long..."

Mulder shrugged defensively, "Hey, Scully, don't get all maternal on me, I'm just trying to do my job, here---"

"No, it's not that, I just---"

"Agent Mulder!" Skinner came tripping along to join them, giving Mulder a huge grin and throwing his arm around Scully's shoulders.

Mulder thought maybe the Himalayan fog hadn't completely and totally left his eyes, or something, cause he could of sworn Skinner was...grinning.

"Why are you grinning like that?" he asked, uncomfortably aware that he sounded

like a little boy watching another little boy playing with his favorite frisbee and loosing it, "And why do you have your arm around my—partner?"

Scully tilted her head to one side, her eyes shutting tight, "That's what I've been trying to tell you, Mulder"

"Congratulate me, Mulder, I'm going to be a groom!" Skinner boomed, hugging a suddenly quiet Scully, who'd gotten kinda quiet, all of a sudden.

"You're going to be a what?" Mulder echoed dumbly.

Skinner laughed aloud, "I know, it really is something, isn't it? You were gone for so long that we'd figured you for dead. Then, at the Christmas ball, I asked Dana—"

"Who?" Mulder asked, his head spinning.

"Me, Mulder." Scully sighed, looking down at the ground.

"—to dance, and we just sort of fell head over heels...wanna see my tux?"

Mulder shook his head like a wet dog...(not a hot dog). "Why'd you bring your tux here?"

Scully raised her moistened eyes to Mulder's shocked face, "Because we're getting married right after the barbecue, Mulder."

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

"I know you're watching me
every minute of the day...
I've seen the signs and the looks and the pictures
that give your game away..."

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

"Uh..." Mulder stuttered...This sucks, he thought to himself, "A barbecue wedding?" was all he could think of saying. That's when he noticed the two hundred people who were milling about on Ma Scully's front lawn.

"Come on!" Skinner beckoned Mulder, grabbing his arm and pulling him into the house, "You came just in time to be my best man!"

Scully watched with saddened eyes as Skinner dragged Mulder into the house. Bad enough that she was marrying a man she didn't love; but did the man she did love have to come back and ruin it all? Oh well, it probably didn't matter...she was still dying of cancer and doubted she'd even make it past the bouquet toss. Just then, a glop of blood fell from her nose, and she cursed as she tried to clean herself up.

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

"There's a dream that strings the road
with broken glass for us to hold
And I cut so far before I have to say..."

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

"Why's there broken glass on the floor?" Mulder asked stupidly, as Skinner showed off his tux.

"Oh that," Skinner smiled engagingly, "I dropped my glasses on the floor and then stepped on them..." he shrugged playfully, "must be the pre-wedding jitterbugs."

"Sure, I'll bet that's it..."Mulder sighed softly...What the hell was he going to do? He couldn't let them get married to each other. I mean, he knew he hadn't exactly been all that great to Scully in the past, but that was all going to change now...now that he'd found Samantha...Too bad she was dead, though (Samantha, not Scully). Up in the Himalayas, he'd discovered where Samantha had been kept all these years, but she turned out to be a real snot, so Mulder said he was going back home to Scully so he could stop chasing aliens and have a real life...only, Samantha hadn't liked that, so she pulled a gun on him...naturally, he had to self-defend himself, so he shot her...that's not what killed her, though. He ran over to her lust less body, brains racing like mad to think of a way to save her, when Krycheck showed up and finished Samantha off...then he disappeared. Oh, and he'd shot Mulder in the foot too, so Mulder couldn't run after him, or anything. Mulder had weeped as he'd stared as Samantha's dead body, (and cause his foot hurt, of course), but he figured he'd better turn his mind to more important things...like heeling his foot and getting back to Scully. And now she's engaged to marry Skinner? Man, this really sucked. Mulder was brought out of his reverie by the sound of Skinner's voice saying, "Hey, let's go toss the old ball around before the ceremony, huh? Whadaya say?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, you know, I don't have any kids, or siplinks, or anything, and I've always felt kinda close to you...I just thought it would be fun, you know? Do some male bondage before I tie the knot?"

Mulder sneered a smile at Skinner, who looked so happy he'd bust a gut. Mulder wished he could do that for him. "Sure, let's do some male bondage," he said, "but we'd better not throw the ball inside, I don't wanna break anything" Like my heart, he thought bitterly.

Skinner grinned wider, than made Mulder chase him down the stairs into the backyard. He yelled at Mulder to go long, and threw the ball, only, without his glasses, he mistaked Scully for Mulder and the ball hit her right int the—

"Oh! My nose!" she screamed muffledly, her hands cupping her nose.

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

"Please, please tell me now
Is There Something I should Know?
Is there something I should say?
That would make you come my way?
Do you feel the same cause you don't let it show?"

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

Well, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise that Skinner had hit his bride in the nose with a football; it cured her cancer. They know this because Scully's doctor was there (to attend the wedding, of course), and he came over right away to check her out, and was able to see that the football had knocked the cancer right on outta there.

"So I'm not dying anymore?" Scully asked, amazedly. Her mom, Mulder, Skinner, and the two hundred guests huddled anxiously around her, holding there bated breaths, all at the same time.

The doctor laughed, "Dana, we're all dying a little bit everyday, you know that! But if you mean about the nose cancer, no, you're fine."

Scully turned dazed eyes to Mulder. "I'm fine, Mulder!" Oh darn, she though, looking over at Skinner. It was all well and good to be marrying somebody you didn't love while your true love was off in the Himalayas and you were dying of cancer, but now what was she gonna do?

Mulder somehow overcame his innate insensitivity and correctly read the look of indecision which spread across Scully's beautiful face. He grabbed her hadn't, much to Skinner's and the two hundred guests' surprise, and dragged her off to a nearby Weeping Winslow. "Scully, I'm not gonna let you do this."

"You're not?" she asked. She was still kinda stunned from the impact of that football, you know.

"No..." He felt the tension ease away from his face as he stared down into her cerulean blue eyes. "Do you know that Duran Duran song?"

Scully's eyebrow shot up higher than a kite. "Which one?"

"Is There Something I should Know?" At her continued look of confusion, he sang a few bars for her.

"Oh, yeah, I know that one, " she mumbled, wondering where all this was headed.

"Well, I think there's something you should know..." he murmured, taking a hold of her hand gently.

"Uh...what?"

"Scully, I love you, I always have, I always will, and if you marry that balding idiot, I'm afraid I'll have to shoot you like I shot Samantha."

"You shot your sister?!?!?!"

Mulder lost about 10 minutes explaining that part of the story for her. When they got back to the loving part, Scully said, "So what are you saying Mulder?

Mulder gave her those eyes. You know those eyes. "Marry me, Scully? Um, I mean, Dana?"

Just as she was about to shout YES and stick her tongue down his throat, she was distracted by a loud shout, "Don't do it, Scully, I'm not who you think I am!"

Scully turned horrified eyes to see the real Mulder racing to catch up with her. She gave a girly scream, pushing the fake Mulder away from her, and ran to the real Mulder, who, strangely enough, had only one arm.

The fake Mulder pulled out his gun. "Scully, he's lying! I'm Mulder; that's Krycheck!"

"No, Dana, he's lying, I'm the real Mulder!" The one armed Mulder shouted, pulling his own weapon (which he really shouldn't of done in front of all those people).

"What the—" Scully pulled at her red hair in her agitation, then winced, cause that hurt.

"I know who the real Mulder is," said the Cancer Man, walking to stand next to Scully, who was right in-between the two Mulders. He was there for the wedding too.

"Yeah? So who's the real Mulder? And give me one of those!" Scully ordered, taking the cigarette he'd just lit up and dragging deeply. She then choked on smoke as Cancer Man ripped the one armed man's face off to reveal...Marita Covarrubias.

"Marita?!" They all shouted in shock. (Even Cancer Man and the two hundred guests.)

"Yesssssss" she hissed, pulling her hidden arm out from under the suit she wore. "Betcha didn't know I'd been disguising myself as Krycheck all this time, didja?"

"Wait a minute, "Skinner finally said, stepping into the circle they'd formed. He turned to Scully. "From that scene of you almost kissing Mulder that I witnessed, am I to understand that our wedding's off?"

Mulder turned tender eyes to Scully. "Is it, Scully?"

"Dana!" The two hundred guests shouted.

Scully smiled tenderly back at Mulder. "Yes, it is, Mulder."

Skinner pondered this for a moment. Then he looked at Cancer Man. "Boss, has Marita ever actually really done anything wrong?"

"Urp...." thought Cancer Man aloud, "I...I guess not?"

Skinner looked at Marita, who lounged there like a snake in the grass, "So, how about it? You dating anybody?"

"I've been casually seeing this bee farmer, but I'm game for ssssomething new." she purred, taking his arm and slinking away with him slimily. The guests watched as they walked away, then turned their attentions back to Mulder and Scully.

"Well, Scully---Dana," he corrected himself sheepfully, "How's about it? Please, please, tell me now...is there something I should know?"

Scully figured that the way she jumped his bones pretty much took away any remaining doubts.

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

Scully waked up from her horribly terribly terrible sort of happy in a way dream. She hoped to Bob that she would never marry Skinner. But she did like getting together with Mulder at the end. When she waked up she realized that she was asleep in her desk at the FBI and left because she was a little embarrassed and wanted to see Mr. Happy.