@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

It was a cold, dark and stormy night in the street outside the hospital where Fox Mulder lay in a bed, with leaves blowing like tumbleweeds in a hot summer street. Suddenly, Scully burst into the room, almost knocking over an orderly named Bob who was almost finishing rolling a cart of a meal that Mulder didn't eat because he was subconscious. "Hey watch out!" said Bob in his confusion.

Mulder woke up and he was glad to see Scully although he hadn't really missed her since he didn't know he was in the hospital. "Good heavens," said Scully, putting her coffee with two creams and one Equal on the dingy table next to the phone. "I went to Room 1310 instead of room 1013 by mistake, making me think that you had been abducted by one of your enemies," Scully gasped.

"Scully, why am I here this time?" Mulder asked pleadingly, bursting into tears as he always did when he was confused or upset. Mulder was always in the hospital from getting shot or infected or frostbitten or letting doctors of questionable reputations use Black and Decker products on his skull.

"Mumps, Mulder," answered Scully, thoughtfully. "You weren't answering your phone and then I found your system including all of your many internal organs had shut down because your untreated mumps had spread throughout your body." Mulder had a very delicate system and any little bug at all was life-threatening to his fragile constitution. But little did Mulder know that the mumps were really alien mumps, and were slowly taking over his brain and turning him into a homosexual...

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

Walter Skinner sat in the cozy den of his apartment near a simmering fire on this raw and blustery night reading poetry in argyle socks and a hand-woven Peruvian sweater. The firelight glimmered on his sparkling clean glasses as he remembered that his housekeeper, the stern and crusty yet warmly affectionate Mrs. Coffin had her day off on the following day. Walter knew that there was no time to waste because dirt was always busy accumulating and given the least bit of slack, it would careen out of control into an unbearable mess. So he got up and went to the laundry room and got his neatly organized cleaning materials and set to work scrubbing the kitchen floor on hands and knees. Little did he know that this paragraph written about him was totally pointless and had no meaning what-so-ever.

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

About a year later Mulder was fine because the mumps didn't cause him any harm such as making him sterile. But he had a very bad case of food poisoning and a rare type of pinkeye, so again he was in the hospital sobbing out his heart because he was so sick and lonely and everyone misunderstood him and his quest for truth. The food poisoning was even worse than when he had tapeworms because at least the tapeworms just behaved themselves quietly whereas the food poisoning made him feel very sick, dizzy and weak without any strength. But the food poisoning was similar to the tapeworms because of course he had to stay in the hospital for a thorough treatment of many enemas on a daily basis. Mulder did not have any sexual excitement from the enemas but he didn't mind them either. When he would have an illness in his childhood his mother would give him enemas too and he never enjoyed them in any sexual way because she was his mother after all, but he didn't mind them either. Soon Mulder was back to work without his food poisoning or pinkeye and as usual Scully was questioning his crazy theories and always challenging his mind in that serious but lighthearted way that made him know that she somehow respected him despite his apparent mental imbalances. It made him feel better and he didn't cry quite so much at least not at work in front of Scully.

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

Mulder felt hot tears roll down his cheeks in his misery and soon he was sobbing his heart out in the privacy of his dark apartment. His favorite fish named Sparky had died, and he had even mentioned it to Scully, but it had been almost two weeks since then and still nobody had comforted him or understood his grief. Even so, he knew it was not logical and somewhat immature, but he was feeling like a lost little boy whose mother never understood when he cried when she smashed insects and spiders, just like they were worthless bugs or something, either. He hadn't cried like this since he was in church clutching Samantha's picture while softly whimpering in his grief, or maybe last week when he felt really sick because he had Landau Kleffner syndrome. It was better to cry at home where nobody had to hear or listen, other than in the office and so that is where he cried a lot but not usually so achingly like he was now.

He didn't know how long he was crying, but it was actually a long time. He heard the phone ring but he didn't answer it. He was just about finished wallowing in his misery when the doorbell rang. Mulder blew his nose and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He looked through the peephole in the middle of the door and saw that AD Skinner was at his door even though his glaucoma made it a little hard to see that far.

"Agent Mulder, I know you're in there," Skinner groweled. "Let me in. Right now!"

Mulder thought that his boss probably even had heard him crying and sobbing even through the door.

"I called your phone but there was no answer and knowing your insubordinate type of nature even though it is not working hours, I am here," said Skinner, noticing that Mulder's tissue box was entirely empty.

No one had ever showed such tender concern for Mulder in his entire life and soon he was crying again and no matter how much he tried to stop his sobs continued with his chest hitching and his swollen eyes squeezed shut in desperation.

Skinner saw that his agent was in much mental anguish. Mulder flung himself across the room and onto the couch where he buried his face in his hands and cried again. It was then that Mulder knew that Scully meant nothing to him. He was in love with AD Skinner...or so he thought!

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

Mulder woke up but not the next morning and not in his own bed. He was in Skinner's bed and Skinner had gone to work already. Mulder was used to sleeping in Skinner's bed but usually at Skinner's luxurious secluded mountaintop cabin on weekends. Or sometimes they would go to Skinner's expansive beachfront home with floor to ceiling windows looking out upon the sea, crashing against the rocky Maryland shore like a tidal wave. But Mulder preferred the mountain getaway because even though he was severely asthmatic (he had to use his ever-present inhaler if he even saw a tree or bush) and allegeric to all sorts of pollen, he was even more prone to seasickness. Riding in a boat or swimming or even the thought of looking at the water momentarily was enough to make him violently ill all over the elegant furnishings which looked like Skinner had hired a professional interior decorator, but actually he had chosen himself through many hours of consultation and shopping among D.C.'s finest shops in Georgetown.

Today he was in Skinner's apartment and he woke up in a fevered delusional state of mind. He started crying because he knew he was sick again, even though he was used to it. Downstairs Mrs. Coffin was cleaning up her breakfast preparations when she heard Mulder moaning and because Skinner was already gone she suddenly knew that it was not the usual type of groaning that she so often chuckled about with affection for her employer and his young lover. Mrs. Coffin found that Mulder was hysterical with fever and she began to scurry about efficiently like she always did when Mulder became fatally ill.

She got some basins of water and rubbing alcohol and soft clean white fluffy washcloths and she attended to Mulder's hot body for long enough that his fever had calmed and she could telephone the AD. Skinner raced home and found his fragile invalid lover resting on a nest of crisp clean designer sheets and pillows and sniffling into a tissue as he tried not to cry too much. He was ready to take Mulder to the hospital but then Mulder asked for help to walk to the bathroom and Skinner knew that everything would be okay because Fox always enjoyed having a nice BM. Later he found out that although they thought he had Lymphangioleiomyomatosis, he really only had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever from a tick that bit him when he and Scully went on a case in the Rocky Mountains, and Mrs. Coffin's tender motherly attentions had been enough to cure his latest ailment.

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

Mulder was at his apartment because he had broken his hip because his congenital osteoporosis made his bones brittle and also his Klippel-Feil syndrome. Scully was visiting him and she noticed that now his apartment was tastefully decorated in a theme of Precious Moments, those little cute kids that have really big heads and wispy hair. He had Precious Moments pictures on the wall and Precious Moments throw pillows on this couch. There were Precious Moments sheets and comforter on his bed, too, and his toaster had a quilted cover which matched the cover on his blender and expensive gourmet quality heavy duty mixer with special pasta-dough maker attachments.

Scully sat on the couch when she visited and Mulder cringed inside himself when he saw that Scully had accidentally sat on his tiny Paddington bear, which although it didn't match the prevailing Precious Moments theme of his apartment, Mulder always kept it close to him especially when he slept alone on the couch whenever he slept. Just like the Precious Moments pictures and objects he treasured his bear which he named Paddy because it was given to him by his sentimental older lover who rained gifts upon him like a father who is especially generous with his favorite child. Mulder carefully reached underneath Scully's butt when she wasn't noticing it and plumped up Paddy because Scully's butt had flattened him under the weight of her body.

Scully didn't know about his new intimate relationship with their boss even though it was going on for several years now. Mulder didn't want to tell her because now she was still important to him but since he mostly spent all of his time at doctors and hospitals or being fucked by Walter again and again until the sheets really needed a thorough washing in very hot water with expensive laundry detergent, but the kind for sensitive skin so the residue didn't make him break out in an angry red leaking rash the next time he laid on them, he didn't have much time to think about Scully or work. Soon Mulder knew that although he was spending a few days alone and not with Walter, it was time to pay attention to his bowel health and so he gently escorted Scully to the door and she left closing it behind her.

Before she left Scully asked him about his new interest in Precious Moments collectibles and Mulder had squeaked in fear, "What do you mean, Scully?" Oh dear God Mulder thought, bracing himself to see that Scully realized that their boss had showered him with all the gifts and decorator accents. Oh no! He whimpered to himself, shivering like a tiny marsupial which has just emerged from its egg because it not a mammal. I'm dead! I'm finished! She knows! She knows! He trembled. But then Scully had changed the subject so he relaxed again anyway.

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

They were shopping at the Pentagon City mall with its tall atrium and expensive stores to celebrate Mulder's recovery from renal failure when Fox became very hungry and Walter knew that it was time to feed his lanky agent because he was whining and whimpering and tugging on his arm and his stomach was groweling loudly. While they were eating their food they watched a family of children running around and knocking over chairs and drinks causing mayham for all the shoppers who were eating with their packages. Mulder noticed that Walter's eyes were all moist and dreamy as he watched the joyful children playing innocently. Mulder was gripped with nauseating pain and guilt to think that he could never give Walter the children that he wanted and needed so badly. Tears began rolling down his cheeks as he thought, "If only he had a womb to nurture the manly seed of his lover!" He knew that Walter would be a perfect father although he seemed like he would be one of those stern and distant fathers, inside he was kind and loving and would keep his children spotlessly clean.

"Walter do you want a family because it's something I've been thinking about also," said Fox quietly.

"No! That is not what I'm thinking," insisted Walter, shaking his head to clear his mind from daydreams of innocent little children tastefully dressed and playing in a restrained yet joyful manner near him, their proud father.

"I know an adoption agency that helps couples like us," Mulder said cheerfully, or at least he tried to sound cheerful so Walter wouldn't notice that he was crying about that womb thing. "Or of course I know where Scully's daughter Emily is kept safe for the treatment Scully didn't want her to have because she is part alien and seems to be turning into a type of lizard being, but I think Scully would want her to have a stable two-parent family and we could adopt her I'm sure."

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

Mulder had been in the hospital again from a very bad case of gingivitis which turned into pneumonia and septic shock because his system was so sensitive and prone to illness. Walter knew that Fox had not been taking proper care of himself despite the AD's careful monitoring of his emotional and physical health. Fox was always likely to burst into tears at the slightest cause and Skinner thought that his frail agent sometimes felt his emotions in a very sensitive way. Mulder became afraid of the AD in the weeks to come. He was slowly beginning to realize that he loved Scully again.

Mulder was shaking and as weak as a tiny newborn possum who's mother didn't realize it fell off from hanging on securely as baby possums do, because the first time was not sufficient enough to teach it a lesson. Then again, there was no lesson to be learned, so it didn't matter anyway.

@~~~{~~~~}~~~~

Walter knew that he was a good influence on Fox because he could give him good advice about his job and life that Mulder was just not capable of. Walter thought for one thing that Fox should not continue his phobia about buses and subways and other forms of public transportation but Mulder still hadn't taken that one advice. Every time Mulder got near the entrance to a subway or saw a commuter bus or God forbid they drove past the Virginia Railway Express which was always breaking down during rush hour, Fox would start to shake and sweat like a rabid mouse with bright feverish shiny eyes full of fear and hyperventiling. But otherwise Walter had improved his young charge's life very much because now he had someone to take care of him and tell him what to do when he was afraid and confused in life.

Walter knew that his role was to help and protect Mulder because all Mulder thought about in his psyche was how to be accepted by others. Everything he did in his life was in trying to earn the good opinion and respect of others. Even with Skinner he still had a hard time trusting him and when they had a fight he always bent over forwards to make up for any little thing he did to cause Walter the slightest irritation. Sometimes Skinner worried that Mulder's improvement in his paperwork at work was due to his fear that Skinner would withdraw his love if was dissatisfied with Fox's efforts on the job.

About three weeks ago they had a fight when Mulder left a pile of sunflower seeds on the table near where he read books under the lamp in Skinner's cozy den. Skinner felt that he gave Mulder a lot of slack the way he never hung up his clothes or forgot to comb his hair or remove his shoes immediately inside the front door. He especially hated it when Mulder tried to kiss him in the morning before he brushed his teeth thoroughly for at least 3 minutes and Mulder came to know well that glaring look that would send him scurrying off to the bathroom, cringing in shame and weeping forlornly because he forgot his basic hygiene.

Walter became insane with rage and was storming around the apartment cleaning all traces of Fox's messy ways including his ridiculous sunflower seed shells, which were not good for him anyway because they were high in sodium content. Finally he agreed that Mulder would be allowed to eat sunflower seeds in the apartment only if he wore a bib around his neck and put the seeds directly into the little pouch of the bib. He even helped Mulder sew a nice tasteful ribbon onto the laces of the bib because it was a little small for his neck and needed more length in the ties.

Then one day Mulder was chewing on his pen cap. Suddenly he felt as if cold water had washed all over his body but it hadn't because it was only figurative language and there would be one hell or a problem if cold water just randomly dumped on him.

Mulder realized that it was all a plot against him by the aliens. He was never in love with Skinner...Skinner was just an alien clone from the planet Pi3.142........whatever the end of that number is.

The aliens were trying to get him to hid his love for Scully. The woman he was married to but not really. Somehow he would regain her love. Someday he would really marry her. Someday...but then he choked on the pen cap and died so it didn't matter anyway.

Both of them were caught unawares however when Samantha returned out of the blue. Or maybe she was a clone again, they couldn't be sure. But they were surprised, anyway.