You Should Never Use Your Work E-Mail
Address
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TO: Senior Software Development
Managers
FROM: Board of Directors, Tachibana
Labs Inc..
SUBJECT: Security Issues relating to
7th Gen Wired Protocol
To All Senior Development Engineers
It has come to our attention in recent
days that there were a number of revisions implemented in the release version
of the 7th Generation Wired Protocol which were not included in the Gold Candidate version we approved one
month ago for release.
We have attributed these issues to
Chief Researcher Massami Eiri who has since been dismissed from the
company. However, as a result of
this unauthorised tampering of the codebase within the Wired Protocol we have
to implement an emergency rollback across the world to version 6,89a and then
focus on a complete debug of every line of code within version 7.
This is going to cost Tachibana Labs
Inc.. an estimated $190 million dollars in engineering work alone with the cost
of the final rollback looking to
exceed $4 billion at least.
Schedules for code rewrites will be
posted shortly and we ask all Software Development Managers to debrief all
Software Engineers on this matter
as quickly as possible and to stress the importance of a thorough and complete
examination of the entire Version 7 codebase.
A summary of known issues with Version
7 are included below:-
Network Security Errors - A number of installations have reported
unauthorised systems access indicating a possible backdoor in the security
systems.
Unusual Network Anomalies - There have been reported visual and audio issues
which include strange images appearing within Desktop Navis and unwanted sound
bytes. It is also possible some
kind of Voice Over IP is in place as several users have reported being able to
talk to the voice responsible.
Mission Critical Data - A wide variety of corporate and end-users alike
have reported their data being distributed on The Wired without their knowledge
or consent, we believe that Massami Eiri programmed in several automated data
filters to post data out onto The Wired if said data met criteria.
This is a very small list of known
issues, for a complete list please see the Tachibana Technical Intranet where
full details will be released once we have a compiled list.
At this immediate time all efforts
should be focus on the rollback to Version 6, once completed Software Engineers
will begin disassembling and recompiling the Version 7 codebase.
We trust we will have your full
co-operation and commitment in this matter.
Board of Directors
Tachibana Labs Inc..
---
TO: daniel.richards@tachibana.co.uk
FROM: Jennifer.Tyler@tachibana.co.jp
SUBJECT: 7th Gen Rollback
I don't know about you Daniel but
things are very strange here in Tokyo, I almost wish I'd never transferred
here, ever since the 7th Gen was uploaded and Massami Eiri was fired everything
has gone straight to hell. Then
they order all divisions to prepare a rollback to Version 6 as soon as
possible.
What the hell are they thinking? The whole point about Version 7 was
that it was automated, we released the code to The Wired, it filtered through
all the servers, routers and transmitters around the globe and upgraded the
BIOS of the machines and networking hardware. It took two days for the whole globe to be upgraded.
Now they want us to go back to Version
6 which has to be installed manually, even if we e-mailed every known customer
with Version 6 attached it would take weeks to confirm installation.
I don't get it, none of the features
listed on the bulletin board had any indication of a critical failure, I'm sure
Eiri played silly buggers with the code, but surely we could do a debug and a
global patch like the initial rollout.
Most of the software engineers here are
shitting bricks, they're being expected to pull double, even triple shifts to
get debugging over as quickly as possible.
How are things in the UK?
Something major has got totally screwed
at Tachibana and the big suits are trying to keep it quiet.
Best wishes
Jennifer
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TO: jennifer.tyler@tachibana.co.jp
FROM: daniel.richards@tachibana.co.uk
Subject: RE: 7th Gen Rollback
Hi Jennifer
I agree, it's all gone crazy up here,
get this, yesterday one of the Piccadilly Circus advertising boards started to
print up a list of this years Honours list. It kept it up for about an hour before it started showing
account numbers for most of the leading city bankers. Then the London Underground information screens started
scrolling every ex-directory phone number, complete with name and address, on
every station's infoscreen. I
heard The Knights claimed responsibility, they've been getting around a lot
more now and I dunno, I've got a funny feeling Eiri left some backdoors for
these kind of people in Version 7.
I think the reason why Version 7 is
being pulled is because the Board have no idea what Eiri really did, that's why
we're all debugging the whole thing, they don't know to look for or where.
Take care of yourself.
Daniel
TO: jennifer.tyler@tachibana.co.jp
FROM: daniel.richards@tachibana.co.uk
SUBJECT: We're f*****!!!!
Jesus, a few of us got one of the test
servers out a few moments ago, we were going to see how a Version 6 server
handled traffic from a Version 7 system and when we tried to downgrade to
Version 6 the machine rejected it. We tried wiping the BIOS chips but Version 7 was in there solid.
I don't know what Eiri's done to the
installation code but if Tachibana wants to rollback they'll need to replace
every computer in the world.
Looks like we're stuck with Version 7.
Daniel
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TO: daniel.richards@tachibana.co.uk
FROM: jennifer.tyler@tachibana.co.jp
SUBJECT: Weird occurrences in Tokyo
I just got the memo about the Version 6 rollback
problems. We've managed to upgrade
Version 7 to a slightly different build (different version number, no other
changes) and this went over fine, looks like Eiri wanted Version 7 to be
upgraded. I guess he was still
expected to be working here when he planned to do it.
If you think those things in London
were weird, wait till you hear what happened here. Firstly the road traffic information system malfunctioned
and caused no end of pile-ups and traffic jams, but there's been an increase in
the number of child suicides, they've had a total of seven this week alone. But get this, all the kids were apparently hooked on some new Wired game
called Phantoma. The Knights
apparently released it recently.
I dunno if it is related, but it's a
coincidence.
Jennifer
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TO: jennifer.tyler@tachibana.co.jp
FROM: daniel.richards@tachibana.co.uk
SUBJECT: Child suicides
We've had those around London too, I
dug around, there's been loads of kids, mostly teenagers, jumping off roofs, in
front of cars, you name it. I
don't know if the kids around here were playing Phantoma, the cops have got it
pretty much behind closed doors to keep from panicking parents, so I can't get
much information.
I checked out Phantoma, it was released
the day Version 7 was released, apparently it uses some of the new IP protocols
in Version 7 to make it faster, I didn't notice much difference, but my Navi at
home is beat. I'm trying to find
the source code on The Wired to see if it's anything special, I figured maybe
subliminal messages or something to induce kids to go kill themselves.
Daniel
---
TO: daniel.richards@tachibana.co.uk
FROM: jennifer.tyler@tachibana.co.jp
SUBJECT: Schumann Resonance
I was just looking doing a wildcard
search on Eiri on the servers here at work, seeing if he had any files leftover
that might help us debug Version 7, I didn't find any of that, but I did
something much more interesting, it was in a trash file, a memo The Board had
passed around itself. They were
apparently researching something call the Schumann Resonance and the
reconfiguration of the Global Communication System. Any idea what that is?
Jennifer
---
TO: jennifer.tyler@tachibana.co.jp
FROM: daniel.richards@tachibana.co.uk
SUBJECT: RE: Schumann Resonance
Yeah I know about this, it's the
electromagnetic field that surrounds the Earth, it resonates on approximately
8mhz, 7.58mhz is the average I think. The theory behind it is that this electromagnetic field has been about
since the Earth formed and humans evolved alongside it. Some scientists
claim that as we surround ourselves by our own artificial electromagnetic
fields we are damaging our harmony with nature.
From what you mentioned I
did some diagnostic checks on our satellite uplink and along with the main
transmission signal there's a separate carrier wave transmitting on the same
frequency of the Schumann Resonance. Eiri reconfigured every transmitter in the country all at once, this
means that every single piece of computer data at some point travels via the
electromagnetic field of the planet. Even if you send an e-mail to the person just down the street it gets
uploaded to your provider's server via the local exchange antenna. Question is why?
Daniel
---
TO:
daniel.richards@tachibana.co.uk
FROM:
jennifer.tyler@tachibana.co.jp
SUBJECT: Eiri's dead!!!
Holy shit, I heard this
afternoon, Eiri jumped in front of a train this morning.
Jennifer
---
TO: all@tachibana.com
FROM: massami.eiri
SUBJECT: Come To The
Wired
My old colleagues, you know
you can enter The Wired, you can leave your bodies behind and live forever
in the realm of Cyberia, you can do it, just like I have.
---
TO:
jennifer.tyler@tachibana.co.jp
FROM:
daniel.richards@tachibana.co.uk
SUBJECT: What the....?
Did you get that too? I thought you said he killed
himself? How can he send e-mail, I
ran a trace on the mail, but there's not even an IP or router address in the header. It's just blank. What the hell is going on?
---
TO:
daniel.richards@tachibana.co.uk
FROM:
jennifer.tyler@tachibana.co.jp
SUBJECT: ...
Listen, we can't talk about
this anymore, not ever, do you understand? I just got a visit from some really freaky guys, they were
dressed in black suits and they had these really far out eye goggles on, I've
seen prototypes, they allow access to The Wired via impulses from the
brain, it transmits the results right onto the retina, anyway, they told me if
I repeated anything we've spoken about then I would be in serious trouble, and
I don't think they meant I'd get fired.
This is so screwed, I think
they're even watching me at home, I'm scared Daniel, I'm leaving this alone.
Jennifer
---
TO:
daniel.richards@tachibana.co.uk
FROM:
jennifer.tyler@tachibana.co.jp
SUBJECT: ...
Daniel? You there?
Jennifer
---
TO:
jennifer.tyler@tachibana.co.jp
FROM:
mailadmin@tachibana.co.uk
SUBJECT: Undeliverable mail,
unknown recipient
Your message:
TO:
daniel.richards@tachibana.co.uk
FROM:
jennifer.tyler@tachibana.co.jp
SUBJECT: ...
Could not be delivered due
to:
unknown recipient.
This could be due to the
address being changed or the address is no longer in service. If the problem persists please see your
administrator.
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END OF FILE
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You Should Never Use Your
Work E-Mail Address by Jody Armstrong
Copyright Jody Armstrong
2001
jody.armstrong@ntlworld.com
