Disclaimer: Ah yes, the little spot in this fic where I get to state that none of the characters belong to me but to Sunrise and affiliates, but I love dearly to using them for fanfics. Ta-daa!
Author's notes: Takes place after the end of the Escaflowne series and things are settling down for Van and Co. Spoilers from the end of the series. My first VOE fic! Pul-leaaase read and review!
Drifting Heart
A shot of sharp pain radiated from Van Fanel's lower back as he lifted the heavy sack of gravel to a worker and his teeth clenched. He almost dropped the whole thing on his own feet but managed to supress the urge to let go, for the other man's sake. As soon as the bag left his hands, an unexpected groan slipped out. The beating sun gleamed in his ebony hair, but burned the top of his head and his vivid red shirt clung wetly to his back. Despite the intense heat and the abrupt ache, Van was glad it was a wonderful day in his country. He missed seeing deep blue skies and clouds as fluffy as cotton.
Tenra, the older man he had given the gravel to, laughed. "You sound just like me when I get out of bed in the mornings!"
Van crooked smile was quick as his chest had the chance to finally heave from the exertion of handing and moving gravel bags and other assorted heavy materials for the past two hours. "Impossible. I helped defeat Zaibach with Escaflowne and now I can't handle a little labor work in order to rebuild my country? How horrible would that look, Fanelia's own king not lending a hand?"
Another hearty laugh escaped the sandy-haired older man as he set the bag down. "Come now, Van. You think you can just jump right back into everyday life after that terrible war? Why, I don't think I've even seen you take a break ever since you decided to help us farm ants to rebuild our beautiful Fanelia."
"Sure I have!" Van lied indignantly as he took a long swig from his water canteen. He made a face at its tepidity and capped it. "You just haven't watched me enough, that's all."
Tenra's head adamantly shook. "It's not just me. Many others have seen how hard you've put yourself into rebuilding. And it's not that we don't appreciate it, but that Morning Groan definitely indicates you need a break. Even workaholics need some time to themselves."
"So then I'll rest for ten minutes and come back." Van shrugged, turning to go.
A rough, callused hand rested on the teen's shoulder. "No, I mean take the rest of the day off and come back tomorrow."
"But-"
"But nothing. There will be plenty of work when you return. You don't need to worry about having nothing to do. Rebuilding a country isn't instantaneous."
Stretching, Van sighed in defeat in more reasons than one. "All right, Tenra, you win. My back could use a break from all this." He shut his weary eyes momentarily, then opened them and veered himself to the shade of a nearby tree which had not been fried to oblivion during Dilandau's bloodshed months earlier. Preparing to slump down in a tired heap and napping, surprise cut when the call of his name faintly sounded. Eyes shooting open wide, he wasn't sure if his heart had skipped a beat.
Can it be? Can it be her...? He began searching the area, trying to appear calmer than the anxiousness he felt.
"Van! Van! Over here!"
The beloved name on his lips, he turned to utter it but was instead met with a crashing hug from his lifelong companion, Merle.
"Oh Van-sama! I'm so glad to see yoooou!" Her long tail wagged excitedly.
He had to stop his mind from the reeling and tried to pull back from Merle's crushing grip on his ribcage. "Um, I'm glad to see you too Merle."
Millerna Aston, Allen Schezar, and his newly reunited sister Celena were some paces behind the exuberant cat-girl and waved. Van's breath caught for the slightest fraction of time when his dark eyes took in Celena's presence. He blinked rapidly, then shook his head in many flurried emotions. "Hi everyone."
"It's so good to see you. I was so worried for you!" Millerna now took Merle's place as she swept him up in a hasty hug.
"I'm glad you're all safe." Van's vision locked on to Allen's. "And you. I'm sorry about the fight-"
"It's all right.You don't need to apologize. I know it was the Fate Alteration Machine that caused all our troubles. And not just the war with our allies fighting one another."
Van got the hidden implication. "Perhaps."
"Celena, I haven't introduced you to Van yet." Allen took his younger sister gently by the shoulders and guided the briefly shy girl in front of the king of Fanelia.
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you." He tried to sound pleasant.
Celena's blue-grey eyes slowly lifted to his. "The White Dragon. You are the one that rode the magnificent creature."
Van was taken aback by the quiet strength in her words. "Escaflowne- I mean, that White Dragon is inactive now. It's purpose was to protect Gaea and since that destiny was fufilled, there's no longer any need for it since our country's safe."
"I'm glad to hear that. It's awful what that Gaean war did. It brought people and homes down in flames."
"Um, it was. Tragic." Van rubbed his arm in awkwardness. It was going to take awhile to get used to the fact that the pyro-crazed Dilandau was no longer and only this quaint, discovering woman was left. He had the sudden desire to open his canteen and dump its contents on to his head in hopes to alleviate his discomfort and his hotness. Was he the only one who felt so strange?
Millerna pointed to his chest, at the new accessory he donned. "Hitomi left her pendant for you? How sweet."
A flash of sadness Van's heart beat at the sound of Hitomi Kanzaki's name and he drowned it out by saying to the three Asturians, "So what are you three doing here? Planning to help out?" He gestured to the plywood and rock backdrop.
Allen's light eyes closed as he smiled. "Actually, Celena has a surprise in store for me and wanted to invite the two of you to come along."
"Surprise?" Van asked.
"Yeah, it should be fun! Please come, Van-sama! It won't be the same without you! You'll get a break! Pleeease??" Merle's tail twitched as she begged.
"Yes, please join us, Van. We really do have an exciting surprise for dear Allen here." Celena giggled, then Millerna.
"You know about the surprise too?" The raven bangs of Van's annoyed and he flipped it away from his eyes.
Cheerful nodding. "Oh most definitely. This little event is being held in my castle. The um...necessary items are there so it's only natural." Millerna flicked her golden, shoulder length hair. "So will you come?"
Van wasn't sure if he should go. Hitomi was pretty much all that occupied his mind ever since the war's end and he didn't want to spread his brooding to the others. He wasn't sure if he was going to get into the spirit of everything, whatever the surprise held.
Allen seemed to pick up his reason for hesistation for he added, "It'll get your mind off of things. Clear your head."
After some more consideration and friendly pestering Van decided to attend this fabulous surprise of the Asturian girls. Both he and Merle were to be picked up by carriage this late evening, which would give them time to freshen up and rest some.
"Oh this is gonna be so fantastic! Us girls are going to have so much fun!" Merle bubbled once the royal trio had left. "I can't wait!"
His head tilted. "You know what this surprise is?"
An agreeable meow was her reply.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The Fanelians arrived promptly that night, Van feeling much better than that afternoon. Merle seemed to be about ready to bounce off the walls. A lone servant of King Aston's guided them inside as he explained Celena and Millerna were setting up in one of Millerna's private rooms. Allen had met his friends halfway and knocked politely on the designated room's door. After it was pulled open by a chirpy Millerna who told them to prepare themselves, he shot Van an inquiring look, already solving Merle took a part of the surprise.
Allen and Van stepped in. The room was large, furnished plain with not much more than what would be in a typical bedroom. A soft bed and a few armed chairs on the right side of the room. A wide closet, a large wooden table mirror complete with small cabinets took up the rest of the room. Any girl's dream. A comfortable looking armed chair sat pointedly in the middle of everything, facing the direction of the sitting area of the other chairs and bed.
"Have a seat Allen." Celena cooed as she patted the back of the chair invitingly. Merle had stealthily taken up a spot at the door.
.An uneasiness filtered through Allen, Van observed, but he did sit. Slowly. Looked around, expecting fireworks or something to that sort.
"And Van, take a seat of your choice." Millerna swept an arm dramatically to the right of the room. Van took a chair.
"And now," she continued with a growing grin, "Van, you get to enjoy the show as us girls get busy and shape Allen's hair in ways you've never seen before!"
Van immediately covered his mouth and tried to keep a straight face but undoubtedly failed. The jump from the chair and the shocked expression on Allen's alabaster face was prepared for and as Celena pushed her older brother back down, Merle was on all fours in a predatory crouch, ready to pounce if he tried to escape.
"That's the surprise? Your surprise to me is a new hairstyle??" Allen's cheeks were already pink with embarrassment and he knew there was no way he was getting out unless there was some new dire evil which would spawn and be discovered and countries needed his help in the next five minutes.
"Surprise!" Celena hugged him from behind. "Call it a gesture of appreciation for everything you've done, especially defending me in your battle against Escaflowne. Don't you love it?"
"As much as Dilandau torching down my fort in Asturia," Allen mumbled, propping his chin dejectedly in his palm.
"Who?"
Watching Celena blink at him puzzled, Allen instantly regretted saying that. "Never mind. Now about this hair thing," he paved, "What exactly are you going to be doing?"
"Trying out all different styles. You've got the hair, Allen." Millerna laughed. "And you have more of it than all of us combined! It's sooo long!" She tugged on it to emphasize her point. "And it's so much prettier than mine. Ooh this is definitely going to be a delight!"
Allen was still blushing and it deepened even more when he asked with as much dignity as he could muster, "It will look good?"
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Two hilarious hours later after a small trim and a variety of buns, braids, and sexy curls framing Allen's delicate face, Van went off by himself to the tower's rooftop he often hid away to during his stays at Millerna's castle, yearning for some fresh air in his lungs and some alone time. Celena decided she herself didn't want to torture her brother so needlessly since she would have the rest of her life to hassle him in more ways than a simple night-long hair session, so she let Millerna take over after awhile -she being the better of the two at hairstyling. Merle jumped all over, suggesting the pretty and colorful accessories to stick and tie in poor Allen's hair. He now knew the pain from hair pins and clips. Millerna was delighted to be able to style her love's hair, giggling every time a new change was done or a differnent variation of a look was implemented.
Van hadn't felt so good since Hitomi left. He hadn't gotten his thoughts off of her for such a continuous period of time. Which was why she instantly entered into his mind's eye when the familar ache in his back sharpened its cut of pain when he sat. He griped openly to the starry midnight sky, murmuring things about not getting such pains when he used Escaflowne in rough battles and the such. He even blamed the glowing moon, hoping that would help.
"It's that bad?"
Startled from his shell of isolationism, he tried not to agitate his back any more than he had by swinging his neck around instead of his upper body. Celena stood there, hands clasped loosely in front. "Celena. I thought you were helping with the others."
"I let Merle and Millerna enjoy themselves. I'll get more time with Allen than the both of them." She walked over and sat directly behind Van.
Which immediately rose his defences. "What are you doing? Why are you-?"
"You complain your back hurt. I thought I could help."
Celena's fingertips hardly grazed the warm material of Van's shirt before he struggled to stand, much less turn. "No. It's fine, I can-Ow!" He twisted too fast for his back's liking. The pain forced him to ease back down, but stubborness only fueled him to stand again.
"Please Van, let me help you. That's all I'm asking." Celena said sincerely as she looked up at his risng form, to his face.
He slumped down without protest. He didn't turn his back right away. He wanted to see, see into her eyes for just those couple seconds to find out if she had any alterior motives. The silver lit eyes of Celena's shone truthfulness in his appraising glance.
"Thanks for the help. I guess I could use it." Van held his breath as he waiting for the rush of her contact. His hand slid to his shirt front, over his racing heart. Over the rosy jewel of the pendant. The precious, precious pendant. So focused on his beating heart and the pendant's gem and its warm silver chain he kept tugging, Van didn't realize Celena's hand was already caressing his lower back until he felt the small weight of it, the new, unaccustomed warmth. Stabs of discomfort caused him to grunt as she pressed on the more tender muscles. He felt guilty for this secret enjoyment of another girl's touch and he tensed. He heard her tell him to relax.
"Do I remind you of someone?" Celena asked after silence elapsed.
"No." The word came out too quickly.
An amused feminine chuckle sounded.. "Oh really? If I don't remind you of anyone, than why do you act so strange around me?"
"I don't." Van felt himself tensing again.
"I've seen the way you are. On the battlefield with Allen, I saw how much focus and drive you put into that fight. You were yourself, brave and direct. You knew exactly what you wanted and you fought for it." Her hand stopped. "Especially for love."
Van didn't respond. He kept his head bowed, staring at the hands in his lap.
"Anybody could tell." Celena's hand moved again. "So how did you agitate your back so?"
"Working. Rebuilding Fanelia hasn't been easy when you work all day, everyday."
"You help out everyday? Don't you take some time out for yourself?"
His reply was slow. "Sometimes. Not usually. It is my country, after all. It would seem unsporting if I didn't lend a hand."
"Mmm." Her hands stroked a little less vigorously as she contemplated his words. They strayed upwards from their spot in between his shoulder blades.
As soon as she did that, Van whirled, ignoring his back's disapproval. "What are you trying to do? This whole- back problem of mine. Why are you doing this?" His voice rose.
"You said your back hurt-"
"I didn't say that to anyone."
"I wanted to help."
"But talking about me fighting? About love? What does that have anything to do with back pain?" Maroon eyes narrowed defensively.
Celena's pleasant eyes only crinkled. "I only want you to say what you're thinking."
"What if I don't want to?" Van said roughly.
"How long will you last if you don't?" she countered.
Eyes shut, Van could swear he felt his body shaking. Like the time when he was so scared to fight and his hand shook so violently when he grasped his sword. Then before he knew what he was doing, he blurted, "I miss Hitomi so badly. I hurt every time I hear my name called because I always hope it's her even though there's no possibility she can be here. And I work so I don't have to think." He lifted Hitomi's pendant, the stone dull rose from the moon. "It's all I have of her. I realized I cared so much for her but then it was too late. I had to let her go home."
"May I?" Her hand held out.
Suddenly afraid, Van's grip impulsively tightened.
Celena took off her own delicate necklace and offered it. "Here. I trust you with mine. It means a lot since it's the first I was given one. Allen did as a birthday gift when I was young. I remember it well as a child but as I grew up..." A frown arched over her thin brows, "I don't recall. It was like I had woke up from a long dream when I recognized him as my brother. It was then I remembered this necklace. Ever since then I tried never to take it off."
Van instantly felt silly, but awed at the same time. Here he was, acting so possessive over something he had only owned for a week whereas Celena had for years. The admiration was from how agreeable she could turn in a blink of an eye. He gave the pendant without reserve, and in return accepted her own necklace. It was a pendant also. A lavender stone, short silver chain. He looked up to see her dangling the ruby jewel to the moonlight. "Yours is very nice," he said humbly, feeling himself softening.
"As is yours." Celena swung the chain lightly, watching the stone complete one cycle per second as it swayed left and right. "It's really very beautiful. Hypnotizing." She abruptly stopped and palmed it. "It suits you."
Heat raced to his cheeks, unbidden. "How so?"
"You have a beautiful soul, both passionate and gentle altogether. I know you can race after something or stop and think carefully of it. I got that from Allen's stories of you. And hypnotizing..." her eyes roamed to the silver mass in her hand, pausing. "I'd say because your friends care for you so much. They pay attention to your needs, like this visit to Asturia. Not everyone is so lucky."
"Wasn't this visit for everyone? To rejoin, meet up?" The two exchanged pendants.
"That too, but it was for your benefit mostly. Merle suggested something to take your mind off of Hitomi. Really wanted something dramatic, out of the ordinary. Pleaded so much to Millerna and I for help. She was so very dedicated in doing something fun for you."
Merle, you did all that? Van slipped the chain back on.
"You never answered my question."
Closing his tired eyes, he murmured, "Hitomi. You remind me of Hitomi. I see a bit of her in everyone. But I think...you the most."
Silence hung in the air, the obvious question of why heavily dangling in the air, waiting to be filled with his voice once again. "Just the way you are." Van said plainly, his face turning away due to unease of his compliment. "That's my reason why."
"That's good to know."
The shy smile that began to cross his face dissolved completely when he heard Celena gasping. His eyes shot open to find her body keeled over, a hand supporting up her body and the other clutched desperately to her chest. Her breathing was erratic and deep and her light eyes were shut in pain. "Celena!" Alarmed, he grasped her shoulders to steady her. "What's wrong? I'll get Allen!"
"N-no, Van. D-don't, please." Celena rasped in a choked whisper, a thin sheen of perspiration breaking out on her forehead. She moaned at a sharp ache that pierced her upper body and Van could tell she was fighting hard to regain control. "I-I'll...be...f-fine."
He had the oddest sensation she had gone through this before, but he was still scared, though for who he wasn't sure. "I really think I should-"
Celena's head shook firmly, her chest starting to slow. "I told you...it'll be okay." The hand from her chest took one of his wrists to reassure.
In quiet compliance, Van took his hands away and felt abnormally chilly. He rubbed his upper arms, feeling instant guilt for making contact with her again. His right hand bumped on the handle of his sword, but he didn't move it away. Edgily, he waited for her recovery and watched as her breathing came back to normal and she gradually sat up.
"What happened?" he asked eventually.
Blinking, her eyelids now seemed a bit sleepy. "Sometimes I get these fits. It's not often, but when it happens...the pain is unbearable at times, and sometimes not."
Dilandau's my sister! Loyal Allen's voice rang in Van's memory. But since she didn't show any signs of the psychopath, his fingers stopped stretching for his sword.
But she doesn't know that other part of her. The thought clicked and Van wasn't sure if he should be the one to tell her that she had been someone else entirely in that desolate gap between childhood and now. "Does it- I mean, will it ever go away? Or will it keep happening?"
"They seem to be coming on less and less, so I think it'll stop one day. Maybe in a week or so. They haven't happened in front of Allen, thankfully."
"Why don't you want him to know? He's your brother, after all. He deserves the right to know if anything's wrong with his little sister."
"I know it sounds selfish, but do you know how it's like to endure so much pain, that when a moment of shining happiness appears in your life all of that pain seems to fly away? That's how Allen's life is like. Our mother and father died when he was growing up and there was so much pain. I got separated from him. And when I came back I saw how much happiness filled his world. Telling him this would only bring more agony and I don't want to do that. He's gone through so much."
You're so...you think so much of the one that means your life. Hitomi was like that. She was brave and strong-willed and- Van gulped hard at the stirrings of things he loved about her. "That's very considerate, Celena. I- I understand it's not selfish at all. And I won't tell Allen."
As if his feelings were utterly transparent, she said softly, "I'm not hurting you, am I? Hitomi was like that too?"
He glanced off. "It's not your fault." To divert his attention from her strong gaze, he tested his back and found it felt remarkably better. Still sore, but the muscles were relaxed. "Thanks again for my back." He subtly changed topics.
'Hey you two," Allen's voice, the soft lilt like his sister's, came through the darkness. Both Celena and Van turned to find him back to his regular hair, though shorter. He walked over as both stood, looking curious. "So what have you two been discussing?"
"Back pain." Van simply said. "Celena helped me out."
"Oh really?" The blond now looked interested and his head swung to her. "How did you help dear Van's back?"
"We talked about it." Celena grabbed her taller brother's arm. "Then he became better."
The confusion which crossed Allen's face wasn't dwelled upon as she firmly turned him around to head back down the tower's stairs. "Coming, Van?" he asked over his shoulder.
"In a minute."
"Thank you, Van." Celena's voice floated into his ears as gratitude filled her eyes. Then as brother and sister, both siblings left.
What sort of games did you play with Folken when you were younger? Right out thin air, a question of Hitomi's popped in Van's head. A stinging rush of remorse and longing came on in the oncoming form of tears. He sniffed.
I saw how much happiness filled his world. Van lifted his head to the sky, tears flowing freely. He understood Celena's words as he saw them leave, the petite girl hugging Allen lovingly, the content laugh it caused. She was his life, all right. And many years earlier, Folken had been Van's.
"Van-sama?"
A quick back of the hand swiped over his eyes before he turned to the owner of the voice. "Merle."
Merle smiled gently, in her own caring, cat-like way. Her tone had the same disposition. "You're thinking of her as always, aren't you?"
"Not really. I'm thinking of...other things too." Van didn't lie. Not completely.
"'Other things?'"
"I don't want to talk about it."
She stopped directly in front of him. "Have faith in yourself. Believe in Hitomi. If you have hope in both yourself and her, it won't hurt so bad if Hitomi...somehow can't visit. And you still have us."
Staring at her, those words did make him feel better. Van's chin lifted. "Do you have faith in me?"
Merle's smile was encouraging. "I've believed in you always."
END