Intoxicating Dreams, and Bittersweet Reality
Intoxicating Dreams and Bittersweet Reality
Disclaimer: Everything Harry Potter in this story, which is everything essentially, belongs to J.K. Rowling, not me. Just the story is mine.
The neon numbers blinked at Hermione in the darkness, and she stared at them with bated breath, her hands curled into eager fists. She couldn't stand much more of this, this horrible waiting. It was killing her. She felt as each minute crawled by, a minute of her life drained away.

She was perched on the four poster, hidden behind the thick hangings, and she'd pulled the clock in with her, so she could watch it carefully, making sure, a minute didn't slip by without her noticing. But it had begun to become unbearable, waiting for the small red numbers to change, waiting, waiting, waiting.

Hermione shut her eyes and drew a slow, shaky breath, then opened them again, almost immediately. It was 11:40. She'd told herself to wait until at least 11:45, but this was unbearable.

Hermione slipped silently out of bed, careful not to wake her sleeping roommates. Glancing out the window, Hermione remembered how cold it was outside, and she hurriedly tied a cloak around her shoulders. Groping her way through the darkness, she stifled a cry as her foot caught on somebody's trunk, sending her teetering into a pile of dirty clothes. Muttering darkly, Hermione managed to fumble through the darkness to the door. Grasping it thankfully, she hurried out, and down the winding stone steps.

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The night was black, blacker than any Hermione could remember. There was no moon to guide Hermione on her path, and no stars to brighten the inky darkness. It was a thick smothering darkness that hung in heavy, velvet folds. The one benefit that Hermione could see was that no one would see her dark form, hurrying into the forbidden forest in the dead of night.

The grass crunched beneath her feet, little droplets of frozen dew clung to the matted blades and her breath hung before her, in great pearly white plumes. She smiled ironically, thinking how it reminded her of Draco. *I've got to get him to stop smoking* she noted absentmindedly, but as she was hurrying along, she stopped suddenly as a paralyzing thought gripped her. *What am I doing?*

She realized suddenly, that all afternoon she'd thought of nothing but Draco's kiss, Draco's eyes, the way he smelled, his hair. Not once had she dwelled on the fact that this was Draco Malfoy, her hated enemy, whom she despised more than life itself. The thought hadn't even entered her mind; hadn't surfaced in the myriad of wonderful things about him. It seemed that he was different person now, and nothing in the past mattered. All of sudden though, Hermione was beginning to have doubts. Fearful thoughts began to trickle in amid the happy ones, and a horrible sense of foreboding began to seep into Hermione's conscience.

This was, after all, the boy who'd called her a mudblood, a muggle, 'common filth', and a smattering of other equally horrible things that caused Hermione to wince at the memory. He was one of the only people who had ever made Hermione cry, the person who'd tried to get Hagrid fired, and who had laughed at the downfalls of her and all her friends.

The protective aura of happiness that had surrounded Hermione all afternoon was suddenly and violently shattered. Draco's spell had been broken.

Hermione glanced fearfully at the towering dark mass of trees that rose above her. She swallowed heavily, the tiny prickle of fear growing into and increasing and overwhelming anxiety. Her heartbeat began to pick up and Hermione drew the cloak tighter round her shoulders, as the icy fingers of the night began to creep down her bare skin. The choice of tanktop and pajama bottoms, had turned out to be a bad one, she realized as her teeth began to chatter together and her shoulders began to quake. She paused at the mouth of the forest; the darkness beyond the tangle of trees leered at her threateningly.

For a brief moment, Hermione almost turned and fled back to the castle, but she set her jaw in resolution and dug her feet firmly into the ground. She would simply explain to Draco that she did not want a relationship, and that she hoped their relationship would remain as it always had. Of course he would understand. *Of course, * she told herself firmly, *he would have to understand.*

So cautiously, and ever so slowly, Hermione began to pick her way through the undergrowth towards an opening in the snarl of twisted brambles. Branches caught at her cloak, and the brittle fingers of trees grasped her hair. She spun about, tripping over logs and broken sticks, until she finally managed to find a small gray patch where there were no trees, and a minimal amount of grasping, outstretched limbs.

She stood there, trying to catch her breath, as she began to realize with a pinch of fear, that the outskirts of the forbidden forest stretched along the entire edge of Hogwarts property. And for all she knew, Draco could be waiting patiently at the entire opposite end of the forest. She cursed him silently, for his lack of specificity in directions and glanced hopelessly around at the murky shadows.

She tugged impatiently at the cloak, and bit her lip in annoyance, how long would she have to wait here for him, hoping he would show up? She had no idea how long she stood there, shivering slightly, vaguely trying to formulate some sort of excuse, as to why she never wanted to see him again. But the muffled folds of darkness seemed to draw menacingly closer as she stood and waited. She pulled the cloak still tighter around her shivering shoulders, when suddenly, out of the darkness; something warm and slender slid around her waist. "Surprise."

(AN: haha, wouldn't it be funny if I ended it there? Scared you didn't I..Haha, did I fool you? Sorry, better not. Just keep reading, just kidding, a bit of fun and all that, come on...laugh it off..hahahaha)

Hermione jerked violently as tendrils of hot air tickled her neck. She spun around, squinting in the heavy darkness, trying to distinguish features in the dark mass that stood before her. "Hey, it's me. Calm down."

Hermione's eyes grew wide with fear as she recognized the low voice. "Draco!" she choked, not succeeding in keeping her voice calm and steady as she'd planned. Although she couldn't see it, she could almost feel his face light up in a grin, as the dark mass shifted slightly. "Yeah, don't worry. It's just me, sorry if I scared you."

Hermione laughed falsely, trying to sound casual, but it came out high and forced, and her voice was strained tensely as she spoke, "Not at all." She silently thanked the heavy darkness, because if she tried hard enough, she could pretend that Draco was hideously ugly. She knew had it been broad daylight, it would have been impossible to ignore the messy blonde hair that tumbled into his eyes, and the crooked grin. Had it been broad daylight, she would have leapt willingly into his arms, without a second thought. But even in the curtaining darkness, the sound of his voice sent delightful shivers down her spine, and his intoxicating musky smell made her heart throb loudly in her ears. She hugged herself fiercely, ignoring the way her arms ached to slide around his neck, her fingers become lost in his hair, her eyes...."Uh...Draco?" Her voice hung awkwardly in the stillness, and even she couldn't ignore the high, taught way it came out. She cursed herself silently, for not having the ability to cloak her emotions; she could tell her was startled by her tense manner.

"What is it Hermione? What's wrong?" His voice was inquiring, and he stepped closer, his eyes squinted in curiosity as he tried hopelessly to read the expressions on her face.

"I, uh," She stepped back hurriedly; having him this close to her was enough to send her into cardiac arrest. She swallowed thickly, forcing herself to go on. "I..."

"What is it?" Another step towards her. Another stab of desire. Hermione dug her fingers into her arms in desperation,

"I can't, I can't do this Draco. We can't do this! I don't want to see you anymore." The words tumbled, one after another from her lips, but the moment she'd said them she was sorry, and bit her lip to draw them back. She could tell from the horrible, deathly silence, that that had stung. The silence was broken by a horrible voice, as dead and frozen as ice.

"What?" There was a long horrible silence, and then Hermione heard a series of low, ragged breaths. She saw the mass before her go rigid, and then finally, he spoke. His voice harsh and cold, and edged with a violent undertone of anger, "Well you know what Hermione?" Hermione shook her head fiercely, but he hardly even paused for a response. "Fine. That's just fine with me. Just because of the past you can, you can…" his breath was growing faster as he struggled to find words, "You can just throw everything away and, and…" His voice faltered, and he inclined his head to the ground, his shoulders sagging pitifully. Hermione heard an enormous sigh as he began to shake his head. "I'm sorry Hermione."

It was so soft, it could have just been the wind, whispering through the trees, but for some reason Hermione knew it was him. She was startled to hear the words ringing with truthfulness and genuine sorrow. Her breath caught sharply, and a hand flew to her mouth, as she realized she'd never known Draco to be sorry for anything in his life. The bitterness had left his voice, and there were only the traces of the deepest regret. In fact, as she stared at him, his shoulders slumped, his head bent, she realized she'd never seen him look so horribly defeated; so drained. This wasn't the Draco she was used to at all.

Hermione glanced at him, trying desperately to read his face, to see if his eyes emanated the same earnestness, but she couldn't make out his features in the sooty darkness. His face was just a dark blur, standing out only slightly from the mass of gray shadows behind him. She cursed the wretched darkness, and her eyes swept imploringly across the sky, yearning for a drop of moonlight. She could only hear his heavy erratic breathing, and see the slight clouds of silvery white that issued from his lips.

Then suddenly, as if someone had heard Hermione's silent plea, a cloud darted from the face of the moon, and a beacon of silvery light slipped through the trees, dappling Draco with large iridescent spots. His proud shoulders were now hunched, and he suddenly looked very weary and jaded. His lips were knotted into a despondent frown, and she could see his chest heaving up and down beneath his thin sweater. She saw him shiver, and draw his arms around himself; his fingers ground tightly into his skin.

He stood before her, a wan shadow of the boy she once knew, and in his eyes she saw everything. They again reeked of desolation and confusion, and she knew he meant what he had said. He drew his arms tighter around himself, and slowly began to speak. "It wasn't my fault that this happened. I never wanted to like you, I never asked for this. I didn't want it at all. My life was great, great! Before you came along, and then…everything fell to pieces right before my eyes. And believe me I tried to stop it!" He looked at her gravely, his eyes suddenly becoming alight with the familiar spark of defiance. "But…" He sighed heavily, "I guess I'm no match for myself. And after a while, I figured out denial just wasn't going to cut it. I tried everything to forget about you, everything! And when I finally did admit it to myself it was awful. God, it was like…it was killing me. It was eating me alive," he gestured emphatically to his stomach, his hands curling into his sweater, and his eyes tight and painful at the memory. "Fuck Hermione. I can't even…" He swallowed heavily, his voice trailing away, and his eyes growing wide and haunted, as something invisible passed before them. He shuddered slightly and shut his eyes, willing the memory away.

Hermione suddenly realized how dramatic the situation was. Draco really was a mess. He'd never felt sorry for anything in his life, never felt remorse, or regret. And now, he was getting it all, and it really was tearing him apart. What *had* she done to him? After several moments, he looked up again, his mouth curling into a remorseful frown. "Anyway I just…I should just tell you I'm sorry I was an ass before, and that now… well, things are different. And I really am sorry for how I acted, and if I could I would take everything back, everything." He looked at her solemnly, letting the word hang in the air. "Of everything I've done in my life, I regret nothing. Nothing. Except for the way I've acted towards you. I just, I didn't mean for you to get hurt. It kills me that I did, and that's part of why I've felt so…"His voice fell off, and he stared at the ground looking ill. "You've got to understand, I don't care about anything else I've done. For all I care, Potter and the rest can go to hell." His eyes burned with malice and his hands curled into angry fists. "Anyway, I had better go. Sorry to drag you out here and all that," he muttered, "and uh, sorry for the uh…kiss." He licked his lips nervously, then tore his eyes away from hers, bending his head to the ground, so that several thick platinum strands shaded his eyes from hers.

Throughout Draco's confession, Hermione had stood, silent and motionless, letting the words sink in, waiting to see what would happen. And slowly, as his words began to take effect, the iron shell encasing her heart began to fall away, and an enormous burst of joy was swelling up inside of her.

Her mind was telling her that Draco was a horrible, miserable human being not fit for existence, and that no one in their right mind would forgive him after what he'd done. But her heart, unfortunately, seemed to have the grip of control, and it was hurriedly burying everything the mind was saying, and instead filling Hermione's mind with enormous, glittering pictures of Draco's lovely sad eyes.

It was all too much for Hermione, her heart feeling as if it was ready to burst with adoration for him, and feeling so happy she could scarcely breathe. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she tried to brush them aside, but they only came faster, and as she tried to quiet herself, a choked sob sprang from her strangled lips.

Draco's head shot up in alarm, and as his eyes found hers, his face crumpled up in fear. "Oh no Hermione!" He cried, so upset and unsure what to do Hermione felt herself smile drunkenly beneath the tears. "Aww fuck Hermione, don't cry! Please!" He gazed at her imploringly and bit his lip, so flustered by this he didn't know what to do. "I'm sorry!" He began to dab at her face gingerly with his sleeve, but immediately recoiled, his eyes round and frightened, as Hermione's sobbing grew worse.

He looked at her frantically, completely unsure what to do. Hermione only began to cry harder, she was so happy, her vision clouded, her shoulders shaking with enormous racking sobs. She put her face in her hands trying vainly to stop, but Draco evidently thought she was just becoming more upset, so he pulled her stiffly into his arms, trying not to enjoy it as she buried her face in his neck and melted into his embrace. He swallowed thickly, his breathing growing ragged as he tried to ignore the murderous desire to bury his face in her hair, and kiss her until she could hardly breathe.

Hermione struggled to catch her breath, and suddenly a smile embraced her lips, as she felt a lovely tickle well up in the pit of her stomach, only to explode from her lips in a burst of laughter. Draco drew away startled, his eyes scanning her face. He regarded her curiously. "Hermione…?"

Hermione took several large gulps of air, as she tried to ease the river of tears and the gurgle of laughter. She felt absolutely drunk with happiness.

She looked into Draco's eyes, her face shining in the moonlight, and smiled at him giddily. Draco looked alarmed; he was quite afraid she'd gone insane. "I feel the same way, exactly!" She gasped. Then she watched as Draco's mouth fell open slightly, and he stared at her incredulously, "You d-?" But before the words had escaped his lips, she captured them with hers and slid her arms around his neck, to bury her fingers in his hair.

He sank into her hungrily, and wound his arms around her waist, and drew her up to him, so they were pressed as close as possible. They stood, enveloped in one another for several moments, then Draco pulled away, pressing his lips in the hair above her ear, and whispered breathlessly, "Fuck you. You scared me to death." Hermione laughed delightedly, and reached up to brush one of her tears from Draco's cheek.

She kissed him again, harder this time, and for so long that he didn't release her until she began to feel dizzy from lack of oxygen. He broke away gasping, and pressed his forehead to hers, so that his hair fell into her eyes and swirls of his breath filled her lungs. "So do you really?" His eyes raked hers questioningly, his gaze so intense, so imploring that Hermione had to bite her lip to keep from kissing him again, and answered breathlessly. "Yes."

He looked at her for several more long seconds, as if to see from her eyes if she was really telling the truth and then his face broke into a smile, and he curled his lips around hers.

A sudden thought struck Hermione as she felt Draco's watch slide down his arm. She was so caught up with him though, that she could only manage to get words in between kisses. "Don't you…think…it's getting…awfully…late?"

He swallowed her words for a moment as his lips hung on hers, then he drew away and stared hard into her eyes. "I don't know, why?"

She looked at him admiringly; his cheeks flushed slightly from his racing heart. "Maybe because we have an enormous transfiguration test tomorrow, that I'm sure you haven't studied for." Draco scowled deeply, but didn't take his hands from her back. "Besides I'm cold." She wasn't really. Who could be cold when you were wound in the arms of Draco Malfoy?

Draco's eyes flickered with worry. "You are?"

Hermione hugged herself, pretending to shiver. The worry deepened, then a smile danced across his lips. "I can keep you warm."

Hermione should have smacked him. Instead she smiled, and gazed at him, feigning curiosity. "Oh really?"

He flashed her his roguish grin; Hermione felt her pulse grow faint. He passed a hand through his hair, then bent over Hermione's shoulder, and brushed the cloak back with deft fingers, exposing bare flesh. Hermione sucked her breath in sharply, as a burst of chilly air bit her skin, but shuddered with delight a moment later as the strap of her tank top slipped down her shoulder, and Draco's lips were pressed to her skin. She sighed softly, as heat from his mouth seeped into her veins. His mouth moved along the delicate bones beneath her neck, then up beneath her ear and along her jaw line, until they found her lips once more.

As she drew away gasping, she pushed a handful of platinum tangles away from his eyes, so that she could gaze into the stormy gray pools. He grinned at her crookedly, breathing hard. "Still cold?"

She bit her lip, but couldn't help smiling; it snaked across her lips, like an invisible hand tugging at the corners of her mouth. "No."

He grinned triumphantly, looking smug. Too smug. "We do still have that transfiguration test…"

He let her go, and shook his hands at the sky, exasperated. "All right, all right! You win, let's go." He took her hand and led her through the snarl of undergrowth, and out onto the grounds. An enormous chunk of moonlight fell across the grass, and the frost on the twisted blades caught the light and sparkled.

Hermione let out a soft sigh, "Oh Draco.."

He glanced at her sideways, "What?"

"It's so beautiful."

He shrugged, "It's just a bunch of grass."

She sighed, and spoke sardonically, "What a hopeless romantic."

He scowled and crossed his arms defensively across his chest. "So what?"

Hermione laughed, "Some people never change."

"So wh-" She leaned over and kissed him hard, feeling him go limp beneath her. *That one caught him off guard.*

She pulled away, breathless. "Shut up Malfoy."

He smiled at her devilishly, "Make me." He slid a hand behind her back and pulled her up against him, her hips smashing into his. They were so close she could feel his chest rise and fall against hers.

"You'd better let me go Draco…" She glanced at him, glaring theatrically.

He put his face down next to hers, their lips inches apart, and spoke in a whisper, his breath sending shivers down her spine. He locked his arms around her waist possessively, "Make me."

Her mouth twisted into an incredulous smile. "Why you little…" His lips seized hers so fiercely, Hermione's knees gave out and she sagged willingly in his grasp, her arms coiling round his neck.

They broke away, panting in unison, each smiling complacently. "You know we really should go inside…"

He frowned and let go, sighing defeatedly, "All right, all right. I can take a hint."

They paused as they reached the door. Draco turned to her, and froze, his fingers grasping the knob. "Well I guess this is good night."

She shrugged and sank her hands into her pockets, trying to look disinterested, "Guess so." He raised an eyebrow at her, and her face broke into a smile, "I guess I can't pull of a Draco can I?"

"No way. You'd better stick to little Miss innocent."

She fluttered her eyelashes demurely, and stepped up to him, sliding her arms around his waist. "Oh really?"

He flashed her the rakish grin and stooped low to her, "Really." Then their lips met for one more time and the world around Hermione dissolved for several delectable moments. He pulled away, studying her closely. "You know, I don't think I'm good for you."

She crossed her arms, and her face split into a coy smile. "Oh, I don't know…" Her hand slid down to Draco's back pocket, and hung there for a moment. She heard his breath catch, his silver eyes go wide, and his muscles go rigid. She slipped her hand into his pocket and pulled out a box of cigarettes. Without a second glance, she tossed them over her shoulder into the shadows. Draco swallowed thickly, and let out a shaky sigh, passing a nervous hand through his hair. She pressed her chest to his, and brought her face right to his ear. She put her hand over his on the knob and twisted it, but before she slipped through she whispered, "Maybe I'm the one, who isn't good for you."

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Well hello everyone!!! How are you and all that. Sorry, it's taken me a while to get this up, but I've been really busy lately, I went to NYC again, my favorite city in the world!!! It was so awesome, and my sis has her prom tonite (ahhh!) so exciting, she looks so perty, but anyway, AHEM , back on track uh…yeah, and it kind of took me a while to figure out exactly what was up with both of how they were feeling and stuff, but I think I've finally gotten it figured out. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed last time!!!!! You guys are my pals, it means sooooooooooo much to me to get reviews (hint, hint, wink, wink) and so pllllleeeeeeaaaaaaase write a looooonnnng review, tell me ur life story for all I care, or how u feel about anything, and tell me what u think!! Because I need feedback!! I'm down on my knees and begging you, so just do it!! You'll feel like a better person, haha well anyway, I better run, but I'll catch you guys later and REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!