~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Emptiness
part 1
I wake up with that same empty feeling. The one that tells me I'm not whole or that different some how. I wish I could go back to sleep and forget everything, but I have school. I get up and get dressed, then head downstairs. My grand parents aren't here. They never are.
I eat my breakfast in silence. Well… It's silent if you don't count the sound of me eating. Most people would consider it a feast but it's one of the two things that make me feel whole. The other is my best friend. Touya.
The first time I saw him he looked at me like he knew I was different. Like he knew how I was different. But he was still nice to me. He is extremely popular. I was surprised to find he didn't have many friends. I guess were a bit alike. He says he feels different too. Like nobody sees the real him, they just see the jock. Later I found out he can see spirits. At least he knows why he's different. I've always just had this feeling, and I trust my feelings.
After I eat I get my things and go outside. I get on my bike and ride to where I meet him everyday. He will be there in a few minutes with Sakura, and she will swoon over me. It's cute, but I don't know how to tell her I don't like her like that. I hope it's just a crush she will grow out of it. If it's not I wonder how she'll react. I also wonder how she'll react if I tell her I'm in love with her brother. Not that it matters though, he's not gay. I heard from some of the other students that he had a girl friend when he was 15. That he loved her and she broke his heart. If I ever meet her I'll…I'll…probably frown at her. I don't like hurting people.
After a few minutes they show up. They greet me, I greet them back, Sakura swoons, Touya teases her and we ride off together. After a while we pass Sakura's school. I say good bye and she's sad to see me go. We go to our school which is right next to Sakura's.
They school day is pretty uneventful. Afterwards Touya has soccer practice. I wait for him. He walks up to me when he's done. I look around and notice that everyone else has left. I could tell him how I feel, but I can't. I know he' doesn't love me. He only thinks of me as a friend. If I told him the most I could hope for is "I don't feel the same lets just be friends" but on the other hand, the worst that could happen is he would be disgusted, he would hate me. I can't risk it. He fills the emptiness I feel, with out him I would probably die from depression. The eating doesn't help very much any more, and I've been feeling weak lately. I've been thinking a lot more lately, about how I feel and about he could never love me back.
He invites me over for dinner and I accept. The combination of Touya and food works well though.