Standard Disclaimer: Xenogears characters and settings belong to Squaresoft. Lyrics belong to Metallica.
Fingers Feel For Faith
Dawn pressed at the night to east, the dark sky turning blue with hints of majestic purples that would fade to lavender and mauve before the sun finally peered at the world over the horizon and stabbed at night's shroud with fingers of light. There were clouds in the distance, however, and Billy Lee Black wondered how long before they would dominate the skies as they gathered at the base of the horizon, dark streamers against the growing light. He could smell the scent of threatened rain, humid and thick in the air. Ironic, in a way, as it mimicked the war going on inside his mind. Bishop Stone's words still stabbing at his conscience like forked lightning over the plains of Billy's faith. He gathered his legs in against his chest, propping his chin atop his knees. The ocean waters, still black, softly clapped against the metal of the Yggridsil, as though each wave took pity on him and tried to sooth him with their own music.
Bootheels clicked against the metal deck with a slow and deliberate rhythm behind the youth who sat alone in the near dawn. They halted, hesitant, and then continued until standing just behind Billy. "Son? It's rather early, isn't it?"
"I'm surprised you're awake, father," Billy replied without looking up or otherwise acknowledging Jesse, "Aren't you usually in a drunken stupor at this time? Passed out somewhere with a bottle in your hand?"
"As surly as ever, aren't you," Jesse replied, unflappable to his son's cruel words. He crouched down beside his son before clasping his hands in front of him, rubbing them as if they were cold in the morning air. "Storm's comin'. You gonna sit out here in the rain?"
"And if I did?"
"Well, I guess you'd get wet."
"Why are you out here, father?" Billy finally lifted his chin and tilted his head far enough to get a sidelong look at Jesse's scarred visage.
"Thought maybe you'd need someone to listen. I know the truth ain't so easy to hear."
Billy turned away again, settling his gaze on his kneecaps. "It was all a lie. What's so hard to understand about that? God doesn't exist except in the minds of men. God did not create us. We created God."
"Billy, if that were the case, this world would be dark, indeed," Jesse replied with a sigh, settling down with his legs dangling over the edge of the deck. "The Ethos took God and twisted him. But you should know better than to think we fabricated God. He's above all of this. The Ethos' fabrications only used what they could for mass control, but that wasn't His idea and I'm sure He didn't approve of it either."
"Then why did 'He' let it happen? Why does he let the Ethos and whoever the hell Krelian is and the Solarians steal people and experiment on them and turn people into Wels and Reapers?"
"Because He gave us free will, Billy. And part of having free will means we can go against Him, if we want to. That's why people like you, who have good hearts and good intentions, are necessary. For every kind person out there, you'll find three with wicked hearts."
Billy fell largely silent after that, absorbing his father's words before replying quietly, "I didn't know you still had faith."
"Neither did I. After your mother died, I stopped believing for a long time."
Thunder rumbled overhead and Billy glanced up in time to realize the sky was far darker than it should have been. Dawn never quite made it, the clouds having taken over the skies before the sun could breach the horizon. It paralleled his thoughts, still, though in his head is was raining already and had been since he confronted the Bishop he thought of as a mentor for so many years. With a sigh, he ignored the first droplets that warned of a downpour, looking back to his father. "Why did you leave us for so long?"
"I thought I explained that..."
"No, you explained why you were gone, but at the same time you didn't. So you were looking for that girl, you didn't have to abandon us all together. You could have contacted us... come to us and explained or something... you were just gone. Prim missed you. I missed you." The cruel tone of his voice had changed altogether, sounding lost instead, the boy in him standing up to demand answers from a wayward father.
Jesse sighed, reaching up to rub at one of the scars on his face briefly, "Son, I had to. They knew I knew too much and they were hunting me. They were watching your mother like a hawk. If I tried to meet up with her, they would have killed us both. I thought you would be safe if I just stayed away. And the less all of you knew, the better off you were."
"You were wrong."
"Yes, I was. And not a day goes by that I don't regret it."
And that was when the skies decided to open up, raining down on the Yggridsil as it floated gently along the ocean waves, plinking into the dark waters and ringing against the metal hull of the ship. A peal of thunder punctuated the start of the storm, followed by a brief gust of wind. Jesse rose to his feet, stretching out tired old bones before holding a hand out to Billy as the rain soaked them both. "Come on, son. I know the road ahead of you is a long one, but I have faith in your strength. I've seen you hold your own so long now that I can't see this breaking you. Let's go inside and get some coffee..." he trailed off and grinned as Billy tentatively reached up to take his father's hand and let him pull him up to his feet. "And I promise all it'll have in it is coffee."
(Fin.)