Interview with Tenchi Masaki
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Tenchi Muyo save perhaps Ryo-ki and that's because I lured him to my house with a carrot one night.
Well it is every man's dream to be doing an interview with a fictional character and since I'm an amateur author I decided to fulfill that dream by interviewing Tenchi Masaki in a series I like to call…well I haven't got a name for it yet but just bear with me. My first guest in this series will be the SUPPOSED star of wonderful OVA, comics, movies, and not quite so wonderful television.
[Tenchi is conjured out of thin air in my living room]
Interviewer: Hey.
Tenchi: What the? Oh your not a space warlord or god or anything are you because if you are I've got to warn you I've got a…
[Searches around frantically for his sword]
Tenchi: Oh man.
Interviewer: No, no I'm not a space pirate or anything. I'm just here to interview you about your love life and several other embarrassing questions.
Tenchi: Huh?
Interview: Just answer the stupid questions or I'll do something very unpleasant like stick you in Washu's lab for all eternity.
Tenchi: Ahhhh, okay okay.
Interviewer: Okay the question on everyone's mind is I think 'Are you gay'?
Tenchi: What?
Interviewer: Fruity, Swings the other way, Homosexual, Doesn't go for the la…
Tenchi: Yeah I know what it means. I just want to know how you ever got that impression.
Interviewer: Well you live with let's see; …. Washu …. Ryoko …. Ayeka …. Sasami … Kiyone….Mihoshi after your body and you haven't jumped one. Why is that?
Tenchi: What the…Sasami's twelve years old for crying out loud.
Interviewer: Eight actually.
Tenchi: And she's doing all our cooking? Oh my….what the hell kind of sister is Ayeka?
Interviewer: Speaking of which, this is a more personal question from me to you. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
[Shakes Tenchi]
Tenchi: Ahhh!
Interviewer: I mean for god sakes Ayeka is the most attractive woman in history! She has purple hair! She's rich! Traditional! Purple hair! Wonderful family! Jurai nobility! Great in bed! Cares about you! And for some reason she likes you. Dump the pirate and get to be Emperor!
[Tenchi stares at me like I'm a madman]
Tenchi: How do you know what she's like in bed?
Interviewer: Trust me on this. I'm a fanfic author.
[Interviewer gets a drink]
Tenchi: Right….um if you don't have any more questions can I…
Interviewer: NO!
Tenchi: Okay…
Interviewer: Next question, what the hell is up with your father? Dirty old man and if so how did he land your mother?
Tenchi: What? I'm not answering that…ewww I don't even want to think about that.
Interviewer: She's a babe, he's a typical anime geek. Now he's sneaking peeks at your girls, it aint right.
Tenchi: Actually I have kind of thought about that myself. I mean he's my father and all but sometimes…I just…
[Interviewer leans in]
Tenchi: Want to have a really serious talk with him.
[Interviewer throws his hands up in disgust]
Interview: Okay next question, aside from the occasional lightsaber blow why aren't you more aggressive?
Tenchi: Ummm I dunno.
Interviewer: I'll take that as I was wussed out by my hentai loving father father and intimidated by my crazy seven hundred year old samurai grandfather.
Tenchi: What? Where are you getting this…
Interviewer: Just bear with me…so what was up with Sakuya? You dump the white haired fanged pirate chick who I admit looks good in a bikini and the PURPLE HAIRED GODDESS YOU ARE UNWORTHY TO BATHE IN THE SPITTLE OF OR STAND IN THE SHADOW OF for her.
[Tenchi's eyes widen]
Tenchi: Ummm she's human?
Interviewer: Human?
Tenchi: Uh yeah. Or I thought she was…
Interviewer: Yeah you were just banging another eight year old there.
Tenchi: OH FOR CRYING OUT…well your right.
[Interviewer looks at Tenchi in surprise]
Interviewer: Uh go on…
Tenchi: I mean Sakuya was everything a guy could want…
Interviewer: Save purple hair and being a princess.
Tenchi: Righ…yeah except for that and she looked great in a swimsuit. Well I mean if I gave into Ryoko I mean am I going to end up a pirate? She's not the settling down type here and I don't know anything about ruling a country let alone a planet so Ayeka well…
Interviewer: Let her rule you fool!
Tenchi: I'll give her your phone number, your Yosho's other grandson. How about that?
[Interviewer stares with awe at Tenchi's brillance with naked desire and hope]
Tenchi: So shut up and let me finish my story okay! So Mihoshi and Kiyone….well dang. I don't need to say what they're about but they want to be galaxy police officers…
Interviewer: Correction, they are galaxy class police officers.
Tenchi: So I've been told. Yeah but I really don't want to leave Earth…or have to learn how to pilot a star destroyer or whatever I'd have to do in Space. I like it here with my family and shrine and…sometimes….sometimes I admit I wish it had never happened all of it.
[Interviewer conjures a lightsaber and prepares to cut him down]
Tenchi: AH! Hey I said sometimes! Most of the time I've very grateful they came by and I can't imagine my life without them
[Tenchi shouts at the top of his lungs as the Interviewer sits down and deignites lightsaber]
Interviewer: And what about Washu?
Tenchi: She scares the living Hell out of me. What do you think? Plus she's twelve years old most of time…though awfull…no not going there. Sasami I repeat IS tw…eight, geez what kind of stuff are we doing to that poor girl? She did my laundry yesterday.
Interviewer: So rumors of you and her after she face hugger/chest busters with Tsusami are all hocus-pocus?
Tenchi: What?
Interviewer: You know when Sasami is made into a hot babe but may or may not lose her soul to that mysterious and thus evil tree babe.
Tenchi: Is that all you think about?
Interviewer: Actually no these were the top questions I had compiled out of thousands of fans submissions. My original interview was about your feelings being trapped as part Juraian in a destiny beyond your control and how you deal with that.
Tenchi: Well I…
Interviewer: Quiet the fans want to know who you want to sleep with.
Tenchi: If I said Ayeka would you let me go?
Interviewer: Maybe.
Tenchi: I want to sleep with Ayeka
Interviewer: I KNEW YOU WERE JUST AFTER THE SEX YOU STINKING LYING DOG!
[Tench groans before sinking his head into his hands]
Interviewer: Oh well Mr. Masaki you can go. Next up, Ryoko…or Ayeka if she calls. Heck I'll even settle for the cabbit.
-Comments please
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Tenchi Muyo save perhaps Ryo-ki and that's because I lured him to my house with a carrot one night.
Well it is every man's dream to be doing an interview with a fictional character and since I'm an amateur author I decided to fulfill that dream by interviewing Tenchi Masaki in a series I like to call…well I haven't got a name for it yet but just bear with me. My first guest in this series will be the SUPPOSED star of wonderful OVA, comics, movies, and not quite so wonderful television.
[Tenchi is conjured out of thin air in my living room]
Interviewer: Hey.
Tenchi: What the? Oh your not a space warlord or god or anything are you because if you are I've got to warn you I've got a…
[Searches around frantically for his sword]
Tenchi: Oh man.
Interviewer: No, no I'm not a space pirate or anything. I'm just here to interview you about your love life and several other embarrassing questions.
Tenchi: Huh?
Interview: Just answer the stupid questions or I'll do something very unpleasant like stick you in Washu's lab for all eternity.
Tenchi: Ahhhh, okay okay.
Interviewer: Okay the question on everyone's mind is I think 'Are you gay'?
Tenchi: What?
Interviewer: Fruity, Swings the other way, Homosexual, Doesn't go for the la…
Tenchi: Yeah I know what it means. I just want to know how you ever got that impression.
Interviewer: Well you live with let's see; …. Washu …. Ryoko …. Ayeka …. Sasami … Kiyone….Mihoshi after your body and you haven't jumped one. Why is that?
Tenchi: What the…Sasami's twelve years old for crying out loud.
Interviewer: Eight actually.
Tenchi: And she's doing all our cooking? Oh my….what the hell kind of sister is Ayeka?
Interviewer: Speaking of which, this is a more personal question from me to you. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
[Shakes Tenchi]
Tenchi: Ahhh!
Interviewer: I mean for god sakes Ayeka is the most attractive woman in history! She has purple hair! She's rich! Traditional! Purple hair! Wonderful family! Jurai nobility! Great in bed! Cares about you! And for some reason she likes you. Dump the pirate and get to be Emperor!
[Tenchi stares at me like I'm a madman]
Tenchi: How do you know what she's like in bed?
Interviewer: Trust me on this. I'm a fanfic author.
[Interviewer gets a drink]
Tenchi: Right….um if you don't have any more questions can I…
Interviewer: NO!
Tenchi: Okay…
Interviewer: Next question, what the hell is up with your father? Dirty old man and if so how did he land your mother?
Tenchi: What? I'm not answering that…ewww I don't even want to think about that.
Interviewer: She's a babe, he's a typical anime geek. Now he's sneaking peeks at your girls, it aint right.
Tenchi: Actually I have kind of thought about that myself. I mean he's my father and all but sometimes…I just…
[Interviewer leans in]
Tenchi: Want to have a really serious talk with him.
[Interviewer throws his hands up in disgust]
Interview: Okay next question, aside from the occasional lightsaber blow why aren't you more aggressive?
Tenchi: Ummm I dunno.
Interviewer: I'll take that as I was wussed out by my hentai loving father father and intimidated by my crazy seven hundred year old samurai grandfather.
Tenchi: What? Where are you getting this…
Interviewer: Just bear with me…so what was up with Sakuya? You dump the white haired fanged pirate chick who I admit looks good in a bikini and the PURPLE HAIRED GODDESS YOU ARE UNWORTHY TO BATHE IN THE SPITTLE OF OR STAND IN THE SHADOW OF for her.
[Tenchi's eyes widen]
Tenchi: Ummm she's human?
Interviewer: Human?
Tenchi: Uh yeah. Or I thought she was…
Interviewer: Yeah you were just banging another eight year old there.
Tenchi: OH FOR CRYING OUT…well your right.
[Interviewer looks at Tenchi in surprise]
Interviewer: Uh go on…
Tenchi: I mean Sakuya was everything a guy could want…
Interviewer: Save purple hair and being a princess.
Tenchi: Righ…yeah except for that and she looked great in a swimsuit. Well I mean if I gave into Ryoko I mean am I going to end up a pirate? She's not the settling down type here and I don't know anything about ruling a country let alone a planet so Ayeka well…
Interviewer: Let her rule you fool!
Tenchi: I'll give her your phone number, your Yosho's other grandson. How about that?
[Interviewer stares with awe at Tenchi's brillance with naked desire and hope]
Tenchi: So shut up and let me finish my story okay! So Mihoshi and Kiyone….well dang. I don't need to say what they're about but they want to be galaxy police officers…
Interviewer: Correction, they are galaxy class police officers.
Tenchi: So I've been told. Yeah but I really don't want to leave Earth…or have to learn how to pilot a star destroyer or whatever I'd have to do in Space. I like it here with my family and shrine and…sometimes….sometimes I admit I wish it had never happened all of it.
[Interviewer conjures a lightsaber and prepares to cut him down]
Tenchi: AH! Hey I said sometimes! Most of the time I've very grateful they came by and I can't imagine my life without them
[Tenchi shouts at the top of his lungs as the Interviewer sits down and deignites lightsaber]
Interviewer: And what about Washu?
Tenchi: She scares the living Hell out of me. What do you think? Plus she's twelve years old most of time…though awfull…no not going there. Sasami I repeat IS tw…eight, geez what kind of stuff are we doing to that poor girl? She did my laundry yesterday.
Interviewer: So rumors of you and her after she face hugger/chest busters with Tsusami are all hocus-pocus?
Tenchi: What?
Interviewer: You know when Sasami is made into a hot babe but may or may not lose her soul to that mysterious and thus evil tree babe.
Tenchi: Is that all you think about?
Interviewer: Actually no these were the top questions I had compiled out of thousands of fans submissions. My original interview was about your feelings being trapped as part Juraian in a destiny beyond your control and how you deal with that.
Tenchi: Well I…
Interviewer: Quiet the fans want to know who you want to sleep with.
Tenchi: If I said Ayeka would you let me go?
Interviewer: Maybe.
Tenchi: I want to sleep with Ayeka
Interviewer: I KNEW YOU WERE JUST AFTER THE SEX YOU STINKING LYING DOG!
[Tench groans before sinking his head into his hands]
Interviewer: Oh well Mr. Masaki you can go. Next up, Ryoko…or Ayeka if she calls. Heck I'll even settle for the cabbit.
-Comments please