Ah third on our list will be Ryoko! The Space pirate! Hey will you stop with the deafening applause? It really gets on my nerves.
[Interviewer summons Ryoko]
Interviewer: So the biggest question on everyone's mind is why do you want Tenchi? Are you just a big skank or wh….URK!
[Ryoko holds the Interviewer by his throat]
Ryoko: I've already heard about you from Tenchi and even Ayeka so here's how it goes. You ask what questions I want you to ask. You ask them how I want you to ask them and if you don't I will do things to you that would make Kagato vomit. Comprende?
[Interviewer nods horrified]
Ryoko: Goody
[Interviewer is let go for a gasp of breath]
Interviewer: So what's your favorite color?
Ryoko: Yellow.
Interviewer: thatexplainswhyyouliketenchi
Ryoko: Hmmmm?
Interviewer: No nothing. Nothing at all. So how does it feel to be free from seven hundred years of imprisonment?
Ryoko: Pretty good! Except for the fact of the freaking family reunion I'm getting when I come out to mess up my day and the fact I live with that STINKING PIECE OF OFFAL WHO IMPRISONED ME.
Interviewer: I sense some hostility to Yosho.
Ryoko: No shit Sherlock, what tipped you off?
Interviewer: Just a guess. Recently you resumed your career as one of the galaxy's most infamous pirates and from the looks of the animation probably killed about fifty-three to a hundred police officers while robbing numerous planets blind. Given the fact you were in no way under Kagato's influence how do you justify that?
Ryoko: Child abuse, I don't remember it happening, I was possessed by an alien entity.
Interviewer: You were not!
Ryoko: Bah as long as long as the courts believe it.
[Interviewer growls something and scribbles down a note to call anyone but Mihoshi and Kiyone in the police after this for a tip-off]
Interviewer: So can you describe your relationship with the rest of the Masaki household?
Ryoko: A never-ending living hell.
Interviewer: Perhaps I should be more specific….
Ryoko: Okkkay.
Interviewer: Tenchi
Ryoko: Inoffensive guy who I think with just the right amount of prodding could snap and take over the galaxy. Plus I've been a mummified corpse for the past seven centuries so wanting to jump his bones doesn't hurt either, nice ass too.
[Interviewer gives heterosexual guy 'ewwwww' look]
Interviewer: Right….so rumors that it also hurts Ayeka are just Ayeka fan wish fulfillments.
Ryoko: Ayeka fans? * snort * All two of you want to believe that.
Interviewer: Hey we are legion!
Ryoko: Yeah and the cabbit isn't a demented idea for a death-ship and obviously the product of Washu's brain.
Interviewer: Speaking of which what do you think of Washu?
Ryoko: Ah yes Mommy-dearest. I'm still wondering what the hell the old ba…sorry young bat did to me while I was still an egg. I mean for Tsusami's sakes why couldn't I have had someone normal for a parent like…
Interviewer: Noboyuki?
Ryoko: While I can appreciate the man's desire to sneak a peek the toll for such involves scissors and a very sensitive area.
[Interviewer crosses his legs]
Interviewer: Now for Sasami…
Ryoko: The girl is cuddling up to my ship so she can take it to become a pirate herself!
[Interviewer blinks]
Interviewer: I beg your pardon?
Ryoko: Oh like you didn't notice! That rabbit is the embodiment of death to a thousand colonies! Sasami is the oppressed younger sister who while doing excellent whites and colors also burns for something more to do with her life so she's going to steal my ship and attack jurai when she's like oh…ten.
Interviewer: Uh huh.
Ryoko: Fine, don't believe me. When your planets reduced to ash by the dread pirate Sasami it'll be no sweat off my back.
Interviewer: Dread pirate Sa…okay we'll move on finally to Ayeka.
Ryoko: Ummm I really actually respect and *snerk* like her. Hahahahaha.
Interviewer: Oh come on! The Ova backs that up.
Ryoko: Yeah she's the wind beneath my wings. *snort* Hahaha!
[Interviewer waits until Ryoko's peels of laughter stop]
Interviewer: Okay and now for everyone's favorite galaxy police detectives Mihoshi and Kyione.
Ryoko: Gee that's a toughy. I have to say I'm very glad Mihoshi is so good natured about the whole mass murder, terrorism, robbery thing. Plus my blaming her for all of it and about a half a million other things. I'm very happy to have her on board as my friend, maybe next time I blow up a planet she'll take the wrap.
Interviewer: *growl*
Ryoko: Hey how many blondes does it take to put on a battle suit?
Interviewer: I honestly don't know.
Ryoko: One if your grandfather is the Commissioner!
Interviewer:…and Kiyone?
Ryoko: I think she has a thing for me.
[Interviewer just loses all his patience]
Interviewer: WHAT?
Ryoko: Hey I'm sorry to disappoint all my adoring male drooling fans but I don't swing that way but hey…come on look at Kiyone, you can't tell me she's not the type to go after the feminine?
Interviewer: Uh I…NO!
Ryoko: Eh suit yourself.
[Shakes the image out of his head after a few seconds to Ryoko's grin]
Interviewer: You mentioned the rather large section of the fanbase you've managed to acquire, particularly in America. Do you have any idea why this is?
Ryoko: I don't have purple hair. It's a real turn off.
[Interviewer throws down questions]
Interviewer: IT IS NOT!
[Ryoko laughs out loud then taps her fingers]
Ryoko: It's the whole bad girl thing in which the aggressive girl goes after the un-aggressive guy. Plus I'm this poor widdle…
[Her eyes grow large and disturbingly like Mihoshi's]
Ryoka: Abused child of Washu who was kidnapped by the bad man and spent hundreds of years pining for someone like Tenchi. Cry Cry boo hoo I'm his soul mate Sob.
[Ryoko's eyes go back to normal cynical]
Interviewer: Right. So did you pine for Tenchi all those years he was visiting the shrine?
Ryoko: Hell yes, he was the only game in town.
Interviewer: Well that about covers that for this interviewer.
[Ryoko looks to the public]
Ryoko: I love you all you happy wonderful people you! Keep sending your e-mail and letters to the Masaki Household care of RYOKO RULZ AYEKA SUCKS at P.O box….
[Interview frantically sends Ryoko away]
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