Next on our list is the last of the Tenchi girls unless I choose to interview his beautiful daughter or brief girlfriend Sayuki…..*must keep straight face* HAHAHAHAHAHAH. Okay now we've got that seriousness out of our system let's interview…
WASHU!
[Interviewer disappears and appears strapped to a table in Washu's lab]
Interviewer: AHHHHHH!
Washu: Quiet. I'm just going to do a little exploratory probing and you'll be fine.
Interviewer: AHHHH!
[Washu looks into my eyes]
Washu: Quiet can mean with a mouth or without a mouth.
[Inteviewer gets very quiet]
Washu: Gooood.
[Washu pricks his finger and takes a blood drop before putting a band-aid on it]
Washu: There done.
Interviewer: That's it?
Washu: Want me to do a sperm count?
Interviewer: No!
Washu: Okay then let's get on with the interview with the greatest scientist in the universe.
Interviewer: Kagato?
Washu: Hmmm I think a big sample will be needed…
Interviewer: Ahhh! You, you, you!
Washu: Of course me.
Interviewer: Your daughter apparently gets a lot of traits from you.
Washu: But of course.
Interviewer: Can you let me off of this table? Or at least loosen the restraints?
Washu: No. Next question.
Interviewer: Okay the obvious question.
Washu: Why are you in my universe rather than the other way round?
Interviewer: Actually it was why the 12 year old body but that had occurred to me.
Washu: I'm attempting to determine the origins of fan fic authors power to avoid being forced to do unspeakable things to people. However the twelve year old thing just is a whole looks deal. I'm a serious world class babe you realize with five planets and pink hair, I have to keep the suitor's hands off me.
Interviewer: the fact you've restrained me sort of prevents that now doesn't it?
Washu: You'd be surprised *wink*
Interviewer: Errrr….
Washu: Next question.
[Interviewer desperately fumbles for a question]
Interviewer: So I understand your a goddess?
Washu: Ex-goddess actually. Long ago it was just me, Tsusami, and Tokimi but then I decided that the world was being deprived by my just being a mysterious, enigmatic, but dead sexy entity. So I ditched most of the power, kept the knowledge and began my tour of the galaxy.
Interviewer: Is that when you met the father of your child?
Washu: Hereafter referred to as the rat bastard, yes.
Interviewer: Out of curiosity if even then you were the greatest scientific mind in the universe…
Washu: I was.
[A laser appears between the Interviewer's legs and starts arching upwards slowly]
Interviewer: Been watching Goldfinger have we?
Washu: Hmmm?
Interviewer: *sweats* and you were an ex-goddess how could the man find you a commoner unworthy his time oh beautiful pink haired…goddess…whose the greatest genius in the galaxy and a wonderful mother.
[Washu turns off laser and records some notes]
Washu: The subject known as the rat bastard came from a VERY important family and he was an idiot.
Interviewer: Of course…milady…to abandon one such as you.
Washu: Oh you flatter me you cute little bundle of proteins.
[Washu pinches the Interviewer's cheek]
Interviewer: Ye…Yes. So what about the rumors that the Commissioner of the Galaxy is your son and Mihoshi is your great-granddaughter?
Washu: I'd question just how closely my bloodline has been interbreeding to produce such results.
Interviewer: Oh that's mean she's really quite smart….just..err…
Washu: Blonde. I did a study on the scientific effects of pigments on personality and outlook…tsk tsk tsk shocking.
Interviewer: Why can't our scientists be so practical? So what inspired you to make Ryoko and Ryo-oki?
Washu: Well Ryoko was an attempt to fulfill that special need inside of me for a daughter but not require to involve the godless race of abominations that is men in the process.
Interviewer: Errr okay.
Washu: I was bitter. Seven thousand years in a box will fix that though.
Interviewer: Right…
Washu: I'm much more bitter about other things now. Do you need all your appendages?
Interviewer: YES!
[Washu snaps her fingers]
Washu: Oh darn. Well as for Ryo-Oki I felt I needed something cuter than a rabbit or a cat and longer lived then I realized why not make it the galaxy's most powerful starship too? It was sheer genius and only requires beta-keratin as fuel.
Interviewer: Errr the depths of your mind are as usual…awe inspiring.
Washu: Again your so sweat, do you want an extra appendage?
Interviewer: NO!
Washu: Oh fine be that way with two legs, two arms, and a single head.
Interviewer: Um uh right. So why did you take Kagato on as a student? Many people have wondered given his blatant evil.
Washu: Good in bed. Next question.
Interviewer: EH?
Washu: I said NEXT QUESTION!
[The laser restarts]
Interviewer: Some people have commented on your feelings for Ryoko…and how your occasional displays of affection are ummmm….thoughtless?
[Interviewer recognizes he will probably die so he might as well maintain some journalistic intergrity…before he realizes he has none]
Washu: How can you say that?
Interviewer: You locked her in your lab after she'd been imprisoned for seven hundred years in a cold dark place, with the lights off!
Washu: Oh that! Bah! I could do seven hundred years standing on my head! In fact I have.
Interviewer: Perhaps a story for a later time…
Washu: Yes and Ryoko should be grateful I'm helping her overcome her fears. So wanna play Doctor?
[Washu snaps latex gloves on as the Interviewer tries to muffle a scream he's about to make]
Interviewer: Let's finish the interview first.
Washu: Okay.
[Washu puts on laboratory glasses and then ignites a blowtorch]
Interviewer: Oh G…so what's your relationship with Tokimi and Tsusami?
Washu: It's a whole goddess/sisterhood thing. Threes are important numbers in primitive superstitious societies…like yours! I think Tsusami is supposed to represent nature, I order and civilization, and Tokimi destruction and chaos.
Interviewer: Think?
Washu: It's been awhile, you never know if either of them decided to get a life by now.
Interviewer: Right. Is Ryoko going to replace you as a goddess because she has the three gems?
Washu: Yep…hehehe sucks for her.
Interviewer: You really are a ter…GREAT mother.
[the Interviewer corrects as he wonders what the chainsaw is for]
Washu: Aint I though? So last questions. I'm getting kind of bored here.
Interviewer: Oh God…
Washu: Yes?
Interviewer: I said God! Not goddess!
Washu: Just wait til I'm through. You'll not even remember our lady of the purple hair and bloodshot eyes.
[Interviewer is terrified…and admittedly slightly intrigued before shaking his head]
Interviewer: So what do you think of Tenchi Masaki?
Washu: Wow he's got quite a little inner energy battery! I think he'd be good for Ryoko as well because he can survive the occasional disintegrator bolt she's bound to throw during a lover's spat but might regret later. Plus unlike the majority of men he's inoffensive and easily controlled.
Interviewer: Uh huh.
Washu: Easily means that they don't need my twenty thousand years at it.
Interviewer: HELP!
Washu: No chance of that arriving.
Interviewer: Okay finally…the rest of the household? *gulp*
Washu: Hmmm that's a toughy. Aside from being woefully mortal I think Kiyone and Mihoshi are some of the nicest Galaxy class police officers that they've managed to produce in the last few millennium. Ayeka will make a wonderful queen as soon as she realizes anything with half my DNA can crush even a great gal like her in half a decasecond in a race for a boy. Sasami will make a great Tsusami even though I must admit one would think she'd aspire higher than being a tree. I gave my opinion on Ryoko which is she's half as wonderful as me which is just amazing and Ryo-oki which is after he's done being a good little spaceship he'll taste great with some cabbage. Yosho is pretty cute for an old guy and Noboyuki will make excellent spare parts for Tenchi should he get hurt and need organ transplants I can't easily replicate *snort*.
Interviewer: Your horrible!
Washu: You ain't seen nothing yet.
[Washu goes over to get some more power tools as an alarm blares off in the distance]
Washu: Oh blast my death star's thermal exaust ports are exploding again.
Interviewer: Eh?
Washu: I'll fix that damn design flaw if I…
[She rushes off as Ryo-oki bounces in and begins gnawing through the restraints]
Interviewer: Bless you small cabbit!
[The interviewer disappears in a flash]
WASHU!
[Interviewer disappears and appears strapped to a table in Washu's lab]
Interviewer: AHHHHHH!
Washu: Quiet. I'm just going to do a little exploratory probing and you'll be fine.
Interviewer: AHHHH!
[Washu looks into my eyes]
Washu: Quiet can mean with a mouth or without a mouth.
[Inteviewer gets very quiet]
Washu: Gooood.
[Washu pricks his finger and takes a blood drop before putting a band-aid on it]
Washu: There done.
Interviewer: That's it?
Washu: Want me to do a sperm count?
Interviewer: No!
Washu: Okay then let's get on with the interview with the greatest scientist in the universe.
Interviewer: Kagato?
Washu: Hmmm I think a big sample will be needed…
Interviewer: Ahhh! You, you, you!
Washu: Of course me.
Interviewer: Your daughter apparently gets a lot of traits from you.
Washu: But of course.
Interviewer: Can you let me off of this table? Or at least loosen the restraints?
Washu: No. Next question.
Interviewer: Okay the obvious question.
Washu: Why are you in my universe rather than the other way round?
Interviewer: Actually it was why the 12 year old body but that had occurred to me.
Washu: I'm attempting to determine the origins of fan fic authors power to avoid being forced to do unspeakable things to people. However the twelve year old thing just is a whole looks deal. I'm a serious world class babe you realize with five planets and pink hair, I have to keep the suitor's hands off me.
Interviewer: the fact you've restrained me sort of prevents that now doesn't it?
Washu: You'd be surprised *wink*
Interviewer: Errrr….
Washu: Next question.
[Interviewer desperately fumbles for a question]
Interviewer: So I understand your a goddess?
Washu: Ex-goddess actually. Long ago it was just me, Tsusami, and Tokimi but then I decided that the world was being deprived by my just being a mysterious, enigmatic, but dead sexy entity. So I ditched most of the power, kept the knowledge and began my tour of the galaxy.
Interviewer: Is that when you met the father of your child?
Washu: Hereafter referred to as the rat bastard, yes.
Interviewer: Out of curiosity if even then you were the greatest scientific mind in the universe…
Washu: I was.
[A laser appears between the Interviewer's legs and starts arching upwards slowly]
Interviewer: Been watching Goldfinger have we?
Washu: Hmmm?
Interviewer: *sweats* and you were an ex-goddess how could the man find you a commoner unworthy his time oh beautiful pink haired…goddess…whose the greatest genius in the galaxy and a wonderful mother.
[Washu turns off laser and records some notes]
Washu: The subject known as the rat bastard came from a VERY important family and he was an idiot.
Interviewer: Of course…milady…to abandon one such as you.
Washu: Oh you flatter me you cute little bundle of proteins.
[Washu pinches the Interviewer's cheek]
Interviewer: Ye…Yes. So what about the rumors that the Commissioner of the Galaxy is your son and Mihoshi is your great-granddaughter?
Washu: I'd question just how closely my bloodline has been interbreeding to produce such results.
Interviewer: Oh that's mean she's really quite smart….just..err…
Washu: Blonde. I did a study on the scientific effects of pigments on personality and outlook…tsk tsk tsk shocking.
Interviewer: Why can't our scientists be so practical? So what inspired you to make Ryoko and Ryo-oki?
Washu: Well Ryoko was an attempt to fulfill that special need inside of me for a daughter but not require to involve the godless race of abominations that is men in the process.
Interviewer: Errr okay.
Washu: I was bitter. Seven thousand years in a box will fix that though.
Interviewer: Right…
Washu: I'm much more bitter about other things now. Do you need all your appendages?
Interviewer: YES!
[Washu snaps her fingers]
Washu: Oh darn. Well as for Ryo-Oki I felt I needed something cuter than a rabbit or a cat and longer lived then I realized why not make it the galaxy's most powerful starship too? It was sheer genius and only requires beta-keratin as fuel.
Interviewer: Errr the depths of your mind are as usual…awe inspiring.
Washu: Again your so sweat, do you want an extra appendage?
Interviewer: NO!
Washu: Oh fine be that way with two legs, two arms, and a single head.
Interviewer: Um uh right. So why did you take Kagato on as a student? Many people have wondered given his blatant evil.
Washu: Good in bed. Next question.
Interviewer: EH?
Washu: I said NEXT QUESTION!
[The laser restarts]
Interviewer: Some people have commented on your feelings for Ryoko…and how your occasional displays of affection are ummmm….thoughtless?
[Interviewer recognizes he will probably die so he might as well maintain some journalistic intergrity…before he realizes he has none]
Washu: How can you say that?
Interviewer: You locked her in your lab after she'd been imprisoned for seven hundred years in a cold dark place, with the lights off!
Washu: Oh that! Bah! I could do seven hundred years standing on my head! In fact I have.
Interviewer: Perhaps a story for a later time…
Washu: Yes and Ryoko should be grateful I'm helping her overcome her fears. So wanna play Doctor?
[Washu snaps latex gloves on as the Interviewer tries to muffle a scream he's about to make]
Interviewer: Let's finish the interview first.
Washu: Okay.
[Washu puts on laboratory glasses and then ignites a blowtorch]
Interviewer: Oh G…so what's your relationship with Tokimi and Tsusami?
Washu: It's a whole goddess/sisterhood thing. Threes are important numbers in primitive superstitious societies…like yours! I think Tsusami is supposed to represent nature, I order and civilization, and Tokimi destruction and chaos.
Interviewer: Think?
Washu: It's been awhile, you never know if either of them decided to get a life by now.
Interviewer: Right. Is Ryoko going to replace you as a goddess because she has the three gems?
Washu: Yep…hehehe sucks for her.
Interviewer: You really are a ter…GREAT mother.
[the Interviewer corrects as he wonders what the chainsaw is for]
Washu: Aint I though? So last questions. I'm getting kind of bored here.
Interviewer: Oh God…
Washu: Yes?
Interviewer: I said God! Not goddess!
Washu: Just wait til I'm through. You'll not even remember our lady of the purple hair and bloodshot eyes.
[Interviewer is terrified…and admittedly slightly intrigued before shaking his head]
Interviewer: So what do you think of Tenchi Masaki?
Washu: Wow he's got quite a little inner energy battery! I think he'd be good for Ryoko as well because he can survive the occasional disintegrator bolt she's bound to throw during a lover's spat but might regret later. Plus unlike the majority of men he's inoffensive and easily controlled.
Interviewer: Uh huh.
Washu: Easily means that they don't need my twenty thousand years at it.
Interviewer: HELP!
Washu: No chance of that arriving.
Interviewer: Okay finally…the rest of the household? *gulp*
Washu: Hmmm that's a toughy. Aside from being woefully mortal I think Kiyone and Mihoshi are some of the nicest Galaxy class police officers that they've managed to produce in the last few millennium. Ayeka will make a wonderful queen as soon as she realizes anything with half my DNA can crush even a great gal like her in half a decasecond in a race for a boy. Sasami will make a great Tsusami even though I must admit one would think she'd aspire higher than being a tree. I gave my opinion on Ryoko which is she's half as wonderful as me which is just amazing and Ryo-oki which is after he's done being a good little spaceship he'll taste great with some cabbage. Yosho is pretty cute for an old guy and Noboyuki will make excellent spare parts for Tenchi should he get hurt and need organ transplants I can't easily replicate *snort*.
Interviewer: Your horrible!
Washu: You ain't seen nothing yet.
[Washu goes over to get some more power tools as an alarm blares off in the distance]
Washu: Oh blast my death star's thermal exaust ports are exploding again.
Interviewer: Eh?
Washu: I'll fix that damn design flaw if I…
[She rushes off as Ryo-oki bounces in and begins gnawing through the restraints]
Interviewer: Bless you small cabbit!
[The interviewer disappears in a flash]