Threads of Fate Chapter One: Monachopsis, an one piece fanfic

Inspired by Twelve Red Lines by Vikingr, amongst other fanworks.

Beta read by ThePatientOne

A thread, indistinguishable in colour, was pulled taut to give time and space a path to flow. As time passed from the beginning thread, more came into existence, each bearing their own essence of time and space, leading them in a single direction. These were dubbed the Threads of Fate. For millennia, not once did these threads intertwine. Not once did time or space get led astray.

Not once did a world plunge into chaos.

Something changed, however. Without rhyme or reason, a sparkle, a tiny little speck on one of the millions of threads drifted away, intertwining with a separate thread, a separate world. It was a once in an existence of a chance. No one was there to bear witness, except for the one who was led astray. Whether it was a call to the heavens, a fluke, a necessary change, it wasn't what fate had intended for the little speck. The outcome of this divergence was one of unforeseen circumstances, one that no one could predict, and one where calamities were likely to follow.

Gentle waves rolled through the water, creating a calming sound as I rocked softly back and forth. The air smelled of fish and saltwater, the former was unpleasant but not completely unwelcome. A breeze blew against my skin, bringing on a shock of cold that slithered through me. My whole body felt fuzzy; it was as if I were phasing between the realms of reality and unconsciousness. Shivering, I rolled onto my side, hoping to curl into a ball and warm up. I was greeted with sharp, sore pain that caused me to wince.

I sat up and placed my hand on my side; it was slick, wet and caused even more pain. Opening my eyes was a struggle, they were heavy, and exhaustion encompassed me. The light shining down from the moon appeared impossibly bright. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, forcing myself to open them a few seconds later. My eyes started to water. Getting used to light was never pleasant, especially when it felt like I'd spent the past week in utter darkness. The pain that made itself known at my side was bad enough to be called agonizing.

Blood was spread in a messy line from my middle and ring fingers down. I felt sick. I stood up, stumbling and struggling to stay upright. Surveying the area around me, I noticed a few things: one, I was on a ship, two, I was in the middle of the ocean, three, there was certainly more than a single moon in the sky, and finally, there was someone else on deck.

'Where the hell am I?'

I don't know if I was so out of it that I had courage, but even with a strong feeling of trepidation, I stumbled over to the person sitting on the other side of the deck. The floorboards creaked as I made my way over, my fear ever growing as each moment passed. My boots clicked against the wood with every step and my vision was slightly blurred from dizziness or water on my glasses, but I was able to make out the features of the man in front of me. Green hair, lightly tanned skin, and easily a head taller than me, maybe more. He felt familiar in some way though, and the haziness I was feeling left me with a sense of uncertainty.

'Uncomforting.'

"Hello?" I asked softly.

Before my brain could even process it, I was pushed to the ground, sword against my throat. I froze, unbreathing.

"Who are you?" the man asked, most definitely sounding incredibly familiar.

My head was still fuzzy and I couldn't place who he was, I didn't have time to. "Eira…" I squeaked.

The man pulled his blade back a bit, "Why are you here?"

"I… don't know," I said. The pain was starting to get to me, tears began to make their way down my cheeks and my vision was getting blurry.

He looked me over, noticing the wound on my side. "What happened to you?"

"I really don't know," I answered, truthfully. I was fairly confident he wouldn't hurt me, and I found speaking to be a bit easier. Less fear-inducing. But my voice was getting weaker. "Do you have anything that I can… that I can um, use to bandage my wound?"

He said something, but I couldn't make it out. I was shivering from the cold, from the pain, and it was getting harder and harder to see. Everything went dark.

Soft, muffled whispering filled my ears. I couldn't understand the words—they sounded so close, but so far away in terms of audibility. My head felt fuzzy and I knew I wouldn't be able to open my eyes, even though the light wasn't very bright. The small amount of light shining through caused my eyes to water, sting; I reflexively squeezed them shut even more.

"Hey, do you see that?"Someone asked. Male, kinda scratchy voice.

Bits of shuffling across wooden flooring before another spoke up, "Hey? Are you awake?" They sounded gentle, feminine.

"Wish I wasn't," I slurred in a groggy manner. I pulled my arms up to cover my eyes and a dull pain permeated through them with the movement, hurting more with pressure applied on them. "Where am I?"

"You're in the middle of the East Blue on The Going Merry. Do you know how you got on our ship?" the girl asked.

"What," I stated.

There were voices back and forth but I tuned them out. Part of me felt as if it was a dream, but the pain was all too real. The anxiety creeping up my throat was all too real. I pulled the arms from my face and tried to push myself up but stopped, the wound on my side completely aggravated. I forced my eyes open and tilted my head to the side to take in the room, everyone in it.

I may have been groggy, but I was lucid enough to not have to worry about processing their appearances. Sanji was kinda close, sitting on a chair beside a desk, smoking a cigarette—go figure—Zoro was leaning against the wall beside some stairs with some cross-bred look of curiosity and weird swordsman edginess. Usopp and Luffy weren't there, but Nami was sitting on the floor beside me, looking concerned.

"I'm not dreaming, am I?" My voice was soft, whispery as I breathed out the words.

It felt like little needles were pricking at my nose as tears brimmed my eyes. I took a shaky breath out.

"You're not," said Nami. She sounded worried, I think.

The tears didn't fall, they were barely held back. I took a deep breath in, held, let it out, held, and repeated. Luckily, it didn't take very long to calm down enough to speak properly. I pushed all of the intrusive thoughts away. "Guess I'm not in Kansas anymore."

Everyone probably looked confused. I'd like to think they did, at least—I'd been looking away while I said it, and for a while after.

Waves lapped against the boat, warding off the buzzing hum that would have certainly plagued me during the silence that followed my previous statement. I was thankful but an icky feeling crept up my throat in the time it took for Nami to speak up.

"What's Kansas?"

"Someplace far away. Probably impossible to get to," I replied to her. There was a moment of silence and I broke it, "Seriously you probably can't. I shouldn't even be here. I don't belong."

"What do you mean?"

Have you ever felt anxious because of what you just said? Regret that you'd said it. Fear that you'd have to clarify? That's how I felt. "So uh, you see, um. I really wish I didn't say that. Sorry. Can you like, forget it?"

And of course I sounded like a rambling mess with my response. Stupid brain.

Zoro stepped close to the couch I was on. "You mentioned not knowing where you were or what happened to you. Now you know? Explain." He was demanding in a not-so-subtle way, a hard tone to his voice.

I pushed myself to sit up, look at them, try to convey… something. My eyes started to water from the pain and I really hoped they would believe me. My hesitation was as clear as water. "This world isn't mine, I guess. Um. In my world, you're all ink on a page. Pixels on a screen. Stories told in thousands of ways." I started to tear up a bit for reasons unclear to me. Fear maybe. "I know it doesn't make sense. Shouldn't be possible. I feel like I have a hundred different possibilities running through my mind about what could've happened."

I stayed silent, giving them a minute to speak.

"I believe her," Sanji said. He had that tone that made his bias clear as day.

"Sanji isn't allowed to talk on this matter, he's biased," I said.

"You're right about that. I don't believe you. Tell the truth." I heard the slight click of Zoro's sword exiting the sheath.

"But she knows my name," Sanji pointed out.

"She probably heard one of us say it when we thought she was unconscious."

Sanji gave him a look. One that communicated something along the lines of: 'Hey Mosshead, you're a dumbass.'

"No one ever said my name," Sanji said.

"And with people like Luffy out there, there has to be something that would make this possible," Nami said, surprisingly believing me.

"I still don't believe her. I need proof," Zoro said.

I thought for a minute, trying to think of things about them that wouldn't be too personal. Nami's was easy, as was Sanji's, but the only thing I could think of for Zoro was Kuina.

'I hope he doesn't hate me for this.'

I turned towards each of them with each word or phrase I spoke, "Nojiko and tangerines. North Blue, and she has pink hair." I hesitated on Zoro for a moment. "The previous owner of that sword, Wado Ichimonji, had blue hair."

I was practically shivering and it wasn't even cold.

"Do you know everything?" Zoro whispered. I couldn't tell how he felt about it, but I had an idea.

"I think I know enough. The important bits for all of you. Also uh, can I have my glasses?" Not being able to see clearly was getting annoying. I wanted to see Sanji's expression, see if I had to attempt any sort of damage control.

"So, in your world, we're all part of a story?"

"Yup."

Sanji handed me my glasses. They were clean, perfectly clear. I put them on and looked down at my hands; someone had cleaned most of the blood off, but there was some underneath my fingernails and parts of my skin had patchy reddish-brown dried blood on it. Icky. Some of my skin on my arms and hands looked red, like they'd start to bruise. Sanji's hair was a darker blond than I expected, his swirled eyebrows a few shades darker. His suit looked pristine. Sanji's hands were shaking a bit, he was fidgeting around where he sat. He definitely did not wanna be here.

Nami was really cute in real life, her orange hair looked good and suited her well. But she looked a bit scared of me. Or nervous. She backed away from me a bit.

"I didn't mean to freak you out or anything," I said, keeping my voice soft. As far from hostile as possible.

"You know the recent stuff, too?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"This is actually real, huh," Zoro murmured.

It was weird hearing him murmur.

"So, Sanji is here. Are we heading to Loguetown or Reverse Mountain right now?"

"Your knowledge is… a lot," Nami said, her voice a bit shaky. "We're going to Loguetown."

"Sorry. Good, though. There's some stuff we should get."

"Who said you're going with us?" Zoro asked. Sort of. Wasn't exactly an ask, it came off more as a threat.

He had a point but… "Have you met Luffy? I doubt he'll say no to me joining."

Just as Zoro was about to speak, the trapdoor came open with a force that probably made it splinter.

"Sanji! Meat!" Luffy called out.

His straw hat looked perfect for how old it was. He was wearing the typical Luffy attire: long jean shorts that were kinda frayed at the bottom, red vest, and sandals. His skin looked mostly normal, but it was a little uncomforting from the severe lack of imperfections that a normal human would have. He had a faint scar below his eye, definitely not as prominent as any depictions of him in media.

I wanted to ask him if I could join the crew. It seemed like the only way of finding a means of getting home, but… I couldn't get the words out.

"In a bit, Luffy. The lady is awake now," Sanji said.

Luffy ran up, "Hi! What's your name?" he asked giddily.

No one had thought to ask that yet. Weird. "You can call me Eira." I paused for a half second. Drew forth some courage. "I'm from another world. If you need proof, I know Garp is your grandfather. Uh, also can I join your crew?"

It felt like my sentences were coming out choppy, not flowing well. I felt awkward.

"That's so cool!" Luffy gushed, not even questioning how or why I was here. "How do 'ya know that though? Having someone from another world on my crew is so cool!"

I smiled as a thank-you. "You grew up hanging out with and hearing stories from Shanks, yeah? I grew up reading about your adventures."

Luffy's eyes got all big and he gushed even more, a string of barely-intelligible words made their way out of him.

In the background, behind all of Luffy's excitement, I could hear Nami and Sanji and Zoro freaking out about what I'd said. The latter three were talking amongst each other while Luffy ran out, presumably to gush to Usopp. I started paying attention to the pain again. Noticed how hungry I was, too. I laid back down.

'I wonder why they didn't ask more.'

The dizziness started to grab me, even as I lay still, the room spun.

Indistinct shouting made its way into my ears. My head was throbbing. I rubbed my eyes and tried to sit up, stopping from the pain on my side. 'That really fucking happened, huh?'

"You're finally awake again," said Sanji. "Are you feeling okay, Darling?"

"It feels like someone is holding hot metal against my side. Hurts." I looked over at him, he was sitting beside me, clear enough even with my glasses off. No smoke. Even the scent from when I'd been awake before was gone. "Why are you here?"

"I have some painkillers, here." He started to hand me a glass of water and pills, before I stopped him.

"I can't swallow pills. Makes me gag." Being alone in a room with him was making me uncomfortable.

Pills clacked against glass. "Drink some water. I'm here for a few reasons."

He handed me the glass of water after I pushed myself up a bit. It was refreshing, not the type of water that came out of a tap back in my world. It was hydrating instead of making my mouth dry.

"We noticed some weird bruising. It's spiraled around your arms, legs, neck, and the wound you have spirals with it, if that makes sense." He seemed a bit reluctant as he spoke, pausing here and there. Seeming unsure if what he was saying was truth.

I looked down at my arms, seeing the reddish-purple bruising. The pattern reminded me of the ribbons tied up a ballerina's legs from her shoes.

Sanji spoke, filling my shocked silence, "Whatever you went through before getting here must've been hell. I've never seen bruising like that before."

"Y-yeah," I stuttered. It was weird how the bruises were on my fingers, too. Uncomfortable.

"Are you feeling up to talking?" Sanji kept his voice gentle.

I nodded, moved my arms so they weren't in my vision. It was unsettling to look at. "But first, why were you guys waiting for me to wake up earlier?"

"That Mosshead wanted to interrogate you. Nami and I were worried."

"Okay," I said. "What did you wanna talk about?"

He took a while to speak, I waited patiently. I looked around. Sanji was sitting in-between me and a coffee table. Towards the back right of the room was a bar, and I could see the stairs on the back left of the room.

"Why did you bring up my sister earlier? There were other things you could've said."

"The other things I could think of were possibly available to the public. I could've mentioned someone else in your family, but your dad is a cunt. Same with your brothers. Your mom's name is lost on me and her appearance is too general. Reiju was sweet. She gave you a chance to live your life."

He smiled a bit. "Thanks for being thoughtful. You won't bring this up to anyone else, though, will you?"

I shook my head. "I won't tell anyone anything as long as you don't want me to. Your past is your own. It's not my story to tell."

"Thank you, Eira-Darling." His last words were emphasized in a flirty tone.

"Sanji, you're sweet and all, but the flirting makes me uncomfortable. I guess calling me darling is fine, but beyond that? No swooning. No professing your love or anything like that. We just met." I know what he said wasn't that bad at all, but… It was better to say sooner than later. Better to be clear about how I felt.

Sanji was a bit taken aback, possibly not super used to being told something like that. It only took a few seconds tops for his expression to go back to normal. "Alright. It won't happen again, Eira." He smiled, kind and warm.

"Thanks," I said. "Question. Has Luffy gotten his bounty yet?"

"Oh yeah, we got that yesterday. Why?"

I moved a little, trying to get comfier. "Just wanted to—" I winced in pain. "I just wanted to know if we'd arrive at Loguetown soon."

"Are you sure you can't swallow pills? Are you okay?" Sanji asked, concerned. He sat on the floor on his knees, tried to grab my hand and I pulled away.

I was scared he'd identify the look in my eyes.

"Hundred-percent sure. I think I'll be fine," I assured. "Also sorry, it's nothing against you. It's just… Like I said, I'm not quite comfortable." I nearly sobbed from pain and emotion; my voice took on a whiny tone for my last few words.

He didn't look quite hurt, thankfully, but he was definitely worried. "Eira, are you hungry? You've been on the ship for a while now. I can make something."

'I'm not, but… I should.'

I nodded, "Yeah, sure."

He smiled, "I'll get it to you as soon as I can, Darling."

Sanji turned and walked off. The second he stepped onto the first stair, I called out, "Wait! I just, this is all a lot. Like, mentally. I just wanted to make sure you're not mad or upset or anything," I blurted out, speaking as fast as I could.

Confusion washed over his face. "What? There's no reason for me to be upset or mad. Don't worry."

I felt a bit relieved, but there was a little part of me saying that he was just being nice. "Thank you," I said.

I gave him a little smile, and he walked off.

The room was filled with things. A bar, a chest, a table, couch, bookshelf, and so much more. There was a prominent feeling of loneliness, still. No one else was there. No one came down within the few minutes following Sanji's departure.

'Lonely.'

Searching the coffee table, I found my glasses. It was nice to see everything clearly again. I looked over myself. I had on a pair of black shorts, blue socks with rainbows and writing, and my own sweater, ripped on the side with gauze peeking out from under it. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my boots under the table. I ran my fingers through my hair, in my peripheral I could see the colour, dusty rose. It was a soft, matte pink. I brought my hand up and felt around my neck, and was glad my necklace was still there. My bracelet too, a sterling silver band around my right wrist.

Being alone was awful.

Being alone made me think.

I couldn't stop thinking about what transpired during my last day on Earth. The arguments. The falsified sadness and guilt. All the shame hit me at once.

I couldn't stop the tears from flowing this time. With a shaky hand, I tried to wipe them away, just for them to keep coming. They stung. An awful sensation filled my throat, bad enough that I thought I was about to get sick.

It took all I could to not get sick. My hand placed firmly over my mouth for a minute.

It took a few minutes of breathing, reminding myself how every few seconds, for me to calm down.

'I shouldn't be alone,' I thought.

Standing was a pain and my wound basically screamed at me. With every step I took, pain encompassed my abdomen and it felt like the pain was spreading further up and down. My whole body was sore, too.

Walking up the steps to the storeroom was hard. I wobbled up, nearly fell, but reached up and held onto the flooring of the room above. The storage room was dark. Little light came in from the tiny windows beside the door. I made my way through quickly, and opened the door to the deck of the Going Merry.

The sky was covered in light grey fluff, the sun barely visible behind a patch of clouds that were starting to thin, disperse. The sea doesn't smell quite as delightful as one would expect. Fish wasn't an appealing scent to me, and thus it made my nose scrunch up for a moment until I got used to it. The scent of Nami's tangerines wafted through the air, smelling of a pleasant floral-citrus that made me smile.

"H-hey I don't think you should be up yet!" Usopp called out, running over from my left.

His nose was exactly as long as one would expect it to be, which was… disconcerting. Kind of uncomfortable to look at. Usopp had tanned skin, black hair that made me think of wool, and his outfit was the same brown overalls, white sash, and patterned bandana. He was pretty tall, too. I only reached his chin or so, height-wise.

I saw him glance at my bruises.

"Oh uh, I feel fine. Don't worry," I stuttered awkwardly. "Oh! We haven't met yet, I'm Eira." I gave him a smile, despite the anxiety I was feeling over my appearance. I wondered if my eyes were red and if my hair was messy.

He grinned back, "I'm Captain Usopp! Nice to meet you," he said. His grin turned into more of a smirk. "Welcome to my crew." He tilted his head up a bit, nose pointed to the sky, and puffed out his chest.

With a giggle, I said, "Yeah, yeah, okay. Next thing I hear, you'll be calling yourself God."

"That's right!" His smirk shifted back to a grin, wider than it was when he introduced himself to me as the captain.

While Usopp was calming down from his moment, I spun a bit to get a better look at the Merry. She still looked mostly pristine, her sails and wood relatively untouched. There were a few bumps and scrapes here and there, but… it was nice.

Merry, with her keel broken, went up in flames. Everyone broke down in tears.

Goosebumps rose along my skin as I had a full-body shiver. It was not the wind.

"Hey, Usopp?"

"What is it?"

"You're going to get a lot stronger, but you need to put in the work. There's a power you'll unlock well before several of your crew members. I know this probably sounds weird, out of the blue, but I just want you to feel confident, y'know?"

He looked surprised, mouth agape for a moment. A look of hurt washed over him. "You don't have to lie to me."

Looking him in the eyes, hard as it was, I tried to look as serious as I could. Tried to convey my honesty. "The only liar here is you, and though you may believe them to be, they're not lies. Not all of them. I only speak the truth when it comes to the future, not doing so would be detrimental."

"Am I really gonna be strong?"

Nodding, I spoke, "If you put in the hard work. Maybe you could ask Zoro to help you start strength training or something."

Usopp smiled a bit. "I don't think he'd help with that… but alright."

"I believe in you." I turned to walk away, and realized I should say something. "I'm heading to the lounge, meeting room, kitchen. Whatever you guys call it."

"The name varies. Anything works," he said.

Stairs were terrible again. Each step caused a shock of pain that sapped my energy. Pushing open the door, a heavenly scent greeted me. It was savoury and made me feel like I was home for a moment.

The back wall was filled with bottles of wine and other spirits. Boxes, bags, and barrels were neatly beside them. Zoro was sitting at the table, drink in hand, while Sanji was cooking at the stove.

"Never thought I'd see you two spending time together. Alone."

Zoro made a weird gasping-grunt type sound that kind of came out as an ack! "I was here first!"

"Shitty swordsman was here drinking when I walked in," Sanji said. "And you should be in bed, Darling! Sit down at least."

"I didn't wanna be cooped up in Nami's room"—I sat at the table, scooched close to the wall, and laid my head down on my arms—"'n I didn't wanna be alone," I murmured the last bit.

"It's your room now, too," Sanji said.

"As much as I hate it, he's right," Zoro said.

I felt a little fuzzy with warmth, but I still couldn't think of it as my room. "This is a lot."

"What's that s'posed to mean?" Zoro asked.

"Overwhelming. Can't wrap my head around being here. I wanna help you guys, tell you everything, but I can't steal your adventure."

"Steal our adventure? Nah. Whatever you've seen will change," Sanji said. " Have you heard of the butterfly effect?"

"Yeah," I answered. "But I think a lot will go the same. The Fates have a path laid out for all of you, and I can't do much to change the core of it."

"Screw fate. Make this fun for you too," Zoro said.

"And I agree with him for once." Dishes clinked a bit as Sanji began to plate some food.

"My fun isn't as important as other things."

Zoro scoffed, "Our captain would be upset if he heard that."

Sanji walked over to the table and began to set down a drink and plate of food. I sat up straight and smiled at them. "You're right, but he didn't. I could use blackmail to keep both of you from telling him."

"You wouldn't."

"It wouldn't stop us either, if it's something concerning your fun and happiness," Sanji said.

Zoro nodded in agreement.

"I get Sanji, but not you, Zoro. We just met. And you were right. About the blackmail. Wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it," I murmured the last bit.

Zoro raised an eyebrow. "You're our crewmate now."

"That makes—"

A deep, guttural sound made itself known, cutting me off. I was confused, startled for a moment and I looked between Sanji and Zoro, fear apparent in my eyes.

The door slammed open, nearly flung off its hinges, and a manic Luffy barreled into the room. He huffed as he finished his long, drawn out, unintelligible word that I could only imagine to be food or meat.

"Sanji! Gimme meat."

And suddenly Luffy was right beside me, shaking the table with the rhythmic slamming of fork, knife, and fists on table.

"Luffy. I just fed you an hour ago," Sanji sighed the words out.

"But I'm still hungry," Luffy whined, drawing out his last word.

"We still have a few days until we get to Loguetown. I'll feed you later."

Luffy pouted, whining a bit and I felt bad.

"Luffy," Zoro said, "Eira thinks her fun isn't important."

I gave Zoro the best glare I could muster.

Luffy stared at me confused and kinda sad. It was easy to read him in situations like this. He frowned, speaking, "You don't wanna have fun?"

I felt like I was being put on the spot. Because I was. And it was uncomfortable. "I-I do but…"

"No buts!"

"There's just a lot you don't know yet."

"So? You should have fun."

"Luffy… if I do too much, if we go off course, a lot of bad things could happen."

On top of his confused-upsetness, my Captain kind of looked like he was ready to smack some sense into me or something. "And what if they don't?"

"Can I tell you what'll happen if I leave things be? Without specifics, of course."

He looked a bit conflicted for a moment, but relented, nodding.

My hands were shaking. Luffy wasn't intimidating per se, but with him right next to me, staring me down, I was nervous to speak.

"If I didn't exist here, in your world, you would go on to save countless lives from both death and fates even worse. You almost die so, so many times, but you make it through. This happens on nearly every island, and on nearly every island you gain a crewmate. With me here? What if we lose a crewmate?" I paused for a half second, shaking more, getting more emotional as I went on. "What if more lives are lost? What if you die? It would be all my fault."

Luffy looked surprisingly unimpressed. "But you do exist, so it's not gonna be the same, right? If I die, I die."

"But… I don't want you to die. And what about the other things?"

"Stuff happens. This is your adventure, too, y'know."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. I was happy and scared at the same time. Scared for the future of our crew, for the future of characters—people I'd become attached to. Happy because of how welcoming he and the crew were. After hearing Luffy, Zoro, and Sanji say it, I had to ask: "Captain, do you trust me to change stuff? There's someone I wanna save."

Luffy's expressions changed a lot, quickly throughout our conversation. He had a jovial smile now. "I trust you!"

I smiled back.

Luffy looked at Sanji, "Food?"

Sanji gave him a flat look. "Fine." Sanji moved the bowl that was in front of me over to Luffy, along with the cup of tea. I hadn't even touched them yet, much less noticed them. He sat down a new bowl and cup in front of me. "You can have Eira's, since it cooled down too much." He turned towards me, "Eira, dear, this is a vegetable stew that should be light on your stomach. I've also made you a tulsi tea, which is quite delicious."

I wasn't quite sure what he meant about it cooling down too much, considering he'd given me the first bowl not even four minutes prior, but the thought was nice. Luffy pouted a bit at the mention of it being not-meat, but ate it anyway.

"Thank you, Sanji," I said.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Usopp asked, walking in.

A slurping sound filled the room and everyone stared at me. After a few seconds, I slowly set the bowl down and it softly clanked against the cloth-covered table.

Anxiety took hold of my throat and it felt like a hundred tiny spiders were crawling around inside, hell bent on making me feel terrible.

Laughs spilled out of Sanji's mouth and everyone joined him. It took a second, but Sanji was actually leaning, holding onto his stomach. "That- I gave you that just a minute ago! That's like, the second fastest someone's eaten on this ship!"

Luffy patted me on the back, hard. I froze for the half-second it was there. "You're gonna have a great time on my crew!"

'If I last.'

Nami never walked in the kitchen to hang out with the rest of the crew. I had a feeling it was my fault. After listening to all the guys talk and laugh and have fun, I walked out. Their energy was just… too much for me.

I spent some time wandering Merry's deck, getting acquainted with the layout. When I got to the tangerine trees, I spotted Nami. She was sitting with her legs through the railing, looking out at the ocean. Off in the distance, the ocean glistened with the golden light from the sun.

"Hey," I said, "are you doing okay?"

She jumped a little, hearing my voice. "I-I'm fine."

I sat a few rails down, still close enough for us to hear each other over the waves. "I'm sorry. For what I said. For knowing about your past."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"'Cause I'm making you uncomfortable, just by being here, I think. And I didn't expect you to react poorly because the Arlong stuff is over."

I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't paying attention, but she flinched at the mention of his name. "It might be over, but it just happened." Nami's voice was laced with emotion. "I can't just… just get over it that fast."

When she said that, I realized how badly I'd messed up. "Nami, I… I'm sorry, again. I wasn't thinking before," my voice wavered and I paused for a moment. "I know almost exactly how you feel."

Nami turned to look at me, her expression equal parts curious, nervous, and sad. The fear she'd had before was gone, or diminished enough that I couldn't tell it was there. "What do you mean?"

I bit down on my cheek, trying to keep myself from tearing up or crying again. "There were monsters in my world, too."

"Fishmen?"

I shook my head. "More like a wolf in sheep's clothing. But um, enough about that. What can I do to make you more comfortable?"

"Time. Give me time."

"I can do that."

The sun was setting. Reds and golds and yellows and blues all melded together. Stars were becoming more visible by the second.

"Mind if I watch the sunset with you?" I asked.

"Go ahead," she said, her voice soft.

We sat in near silence with the darkening sky.

Blood soaked gauze laid in a pile on tiled floors. The scent of blood was pungent. Staring into the handheld mirror was unsettling. The laceration on my side was ugly, swollen and red. I couldn't tell exactly how deep it was, but… it wasn't ideal.

The wound took the place of a bruise, running from the back of my left hip, to my side, over my stomach, and ended on the bottom middle of my rib. I almost dropped the mirror at the first sight of it.

I talked Nami into letting me change the dressing on my own. I'd never done something like that before, and it took several minutes. My anxiety spiked and tears welled in the corners of my eyes from the pain of fresh gauze touching the laceration. When I finished, I released a shaky breath. I changed into some fresh clothes that Nami had given me, which fit better than I expected them to.

I walked out of the bathroom after cleaning up, stumbling a bit as I made my way to bed.

'I'm gonna be the biggest liability.'