Well I started writing this the day after I wrote chapter one, but don't hold me to finishing it that soon. Those of you that reviewed seemed to like it, and my thanx for reviewing. I am hoping this thing will not be more then 4 parts. I know there are those of you out there who don't like many chapters, so I will do my best to make sure this doesn't turn into a saga. Any suggestions or constructive criticism (note the constructive part :) Feel free to let me know. OK, and here's chapter two.
*****
Would You Like A KameHameHa With That?
Chapter 2
*****
Vegita floated high above the city, watching the cares and people moving around on the ground, going about their daily lives. He felt sorry for them. Such weaklings, such meek little beings. It often made him wonder why he put up with Bulma. He could kill her without any loss in energy. But instead he listens to her. HIM, The Prince of the saiya-jin race!! No, that's not true, he was the King now, Trunks was the Prince. But why should he listen to a human, a human female at that. It was shameful. But no matter how bad the urge to turn her into a smoking crater, he could never bring himself to do it.
And now, because of his weakness, he had to get a job. He had to do manual labor. Grunt work! He scowled at the city. He scowled at the sky. He scowled at the mountains. He scowled at the bug that had just flew up his nose. He sneezed vehemently and blanched when a small puff of smoke escaped his nose. He had just incinerated the bug. He was not saddened by this, he normally would have been happy. He loved to crush small things, bugs, small rodents, Goten, it was a common hobby of his. But now he would have to smell cooked beetles for a couple hours. And THAT was not fun.
He looked down and realized he had over shot the arches. He turned around and floated back towards them. Landing behind the building. He walked around to the side looking for a door. As he passed the dumpster a boy with more acne then was normally allowed to a high school chess club chucked a bag in and looked at him. Vegita sneered at him when he started to snicker.
"Jeez mister, you shave with a piece of glass??" he said through his chuckling.
Vegita's arm shot forward and picked the teenager up by the collar of his shirt, lifting him a foot off the ground. He scowled harder and glared.
"What did you say?"
The boy did many actions simultaneously, the most noticeable of which was to urinate, and then turn bright red. His nose started to run, and he cursed himself for not feeling up Joe Lynn Dexter when she had fallen asleep at that party. As he silently wrote his will and swallowed his tongue he pointed at Vegita's chin.
Vegita looked over in the glass of the building and saw the little pieces of toilet paper still clinging to his chin. He sneered and wiped his hand across his chin, tearing away the offending material. The boy screamed as Vegita chucked him over his shoulder into the dumpster. As he walked past it he kicked the side, causing the lid to slam close and in the same motion collide with the boys head as he tried to stand up.
He walked to the glass door of the building and looked down at the sign next to it that said "No Smoking." He quickly blew the remaining smoke from his nose and walked into the door.
The people inside the McDonalds watched as the short man first blew his nose onto the bushes and then walked straight into the glass. For a moment he stood there, screaming obscenities. He pushed at the door again, and then seemed to examine it for a second before quickly pulling it open and stepping inside. He glared at the people watching him who quickly returned to their meal.
Vegita looked around the resturant, his forehead still smarting from the doors sudden and unwarranted attack on him. He was unsure of what to do. He took a step foreword and swore vehemently as his feet slipped from under him. He landed flat on his back and scowled at the ceiling. He stood back up slowly. Wary of any further attacks.
He was getting encouraged. He had been here not more then 5 minutes and already he had been acausted twice. It was a place to keep one on his toes. He slowly walked forward. Careful not to step in any more liquid traps. He walked to the counter and was greeted by an old women who smiled at him with a mouth full of gums, but lacking in the teeth department.
When she spoke spit slid over her gums and she slurred her words.
"Wha would shoo like?" She said through her meaty grin.
Vegita raised an eyebrow and stared at the woman. He looked down at his shoes, and back at the woman, her eyes gleaming behind spectacles thicker then the counter top.
"No." he said finally after taking one more look at his feet.
It was the old lady's turn to look confused as she repeated him, "No?" She said in puzzlement.
"No," He said, almost matter-of-factly.
The woman stood there for a moment, deciding whether she should ask him again. She pushed at her hair net as it started to come out from under her hat. Vegita continued to stare at her. The woman was about to ask him again when it looked as if he had decided to have a purpose for being there other than to confuse the elderly.
"My mate wants me to get a job." He said quickly. Ashamed at being ordered about by a woman. The old lady smiled again.
"Ishn't that alwaysh the way?" She slurred as she reached over to the side of the counter and pulled an application off the top of a stack. She handed that along with a pen to Vegita. "Jush fill that out."
"Vegita snatched the paper and the pen from the lady and made his way to the back corner of the resturant. As he sat on the porcelain booth he looked at the paper. It was similar to the test they gave him when Bulma tried to get him a liscence, only this one did not have any of the little boxes you were supposed to put X's in...
He assumed that since that had been a test for children, for he had seen many adolescents taking it as well, that they had probably put the boxes for their convenience. This could not be much more difficult.
He stared at the first entry on the page. It said simply, "Name" and a line under it. He placed the pen on the paper and swore when it refused to write. He turned it over and tried the other end, this was a common problem he had with these blasted devices. As that end refused to cooperate he swore again and scowled at it. As was customary on Vegita-sie when something refused to work, Vegita slammed the unsuspecting ballpoint onto the table. The plastic splintered and he watched as ink spread across the table. Satisfied that he had defeated the inferior creature. He stamped back up to the counter, holding the crushed pen in his hand with ink dripping out the bottom.
He stood there with the pen dripping onto the countertop. He saw the old lady come walking back up the counter turning in confusion when someone from the back hollored "Has anyone seen Ben?? I sent him to take out the garbage almost ten minutes ago..." The old lady shook her head and then stared at Vegita once again, hoping he wouldn't say "No," again and confuse her a second time.
"This is uncooperative. I demand a working replacment!" He hollored at the woman, not knowing that her hearing aid had just fallen into the deep fat fryer and there-for shouting was a nessicity and not an insult.
She looked at the ballpoint pen and reached under the counter pulling out another one. Before handing it to him she popped the lid off to ensure his reign of terror did not continue. Vegita dropped the battered and bleeding corpse of the pen onto the counter and snatched the new pen from the women. Returning to his table but moving to the other site so that blood would not stain his test.
Scowling at the pen he placed the tip on the paper and was pleased to see a steady stream of ink roll out from under the head as he pulled it across the paper. Just as he finished drawing the first X over the line with the word "Name" over it, he heard his name being called. He looked up as he saw Krillin walk through the door of the resturant and grumbled as the tiny man walked over to him.
"Watcha doin?" he said in his usual cheery way.
"I'm getting a job, now go away." He sneered.
"Ouch, tough break, man. But it had to happen eventually. Even 18 made me get a job. I work with an air conditioning company." He said as he slid in the seat across from Vegita, being careful not put his hand in the ink, but never realizing that he just sat in it.
"HA! Your woman made you into a tunnel rat..." Vegita laughed.
"Oh be quiet," Krillin said while grinning. He reached over and pulled the application out from under Vegita's grasp. "How far ya got?"
"That's none of your business." He said, although not bothering to take the application back.
"Whats with the X under 'Name'?" Krillin said, confused.
"It means yes you moron!" he shouted.
"'Yes'?" Kkrillin asked, more confused now then ever, "'Yes', what?"
"YES OF COURSE I HAVE A NAME!!" Vegita roared, angry now at the ignorance of this little man. It took a great amount of control not to shatter every bone in the little monks body, but he held back because he knew this was Kakarott's best friend. Not that he feared Kakarott, far from it. He could kill him with very little effort. It was a sign of dignity that he allowed him to live this long. However, he knew better then to bring the rather of Goku AND Gohan down upon him, which obliterating Krillin would surely do.
(Authors Note: We all know its true. Vegita just doesn't feel that its worth the little bit of effort :P)
He was interrupted by his fantasy of midget bashing when Krillin began to laugh histerically. He looked up at the child sized man with a look to kill.
"Whats so funny?!" He shouted.
The little monk shook with such laughter that eventually it turned into a coughing fit, which brought forth tears. As his burst of joy subsided, he wiped the tears off his cheeks, and said with laughter in his voice, "Its asking what your name IS, not whether or not you HAVE one."
Had it been possible, smoke would have flared from Vegita's ears, his cheeks flushed a deep crimson red and it took every ounce of control in his entire body not to hurl the little man through the window beside them. It was not until he crushed his pen again that he was pleased. Having taken his anger out on something just as defiant as Krillin.
"Maybe I should give you a hand," He said after another fit of giggling.
"I don't need your help." Vegita said coldly. "I can manage just fine on my own."
"Fine. Then just humor me ok?" Krillin said as he went up to the counter for another pen. He came back with a strange look on his face carrying a handful of pens. "Weirdest thing, that old lady up there already had a pile of them sitting on the counter."
Vegita said nothing, but sat there counting the ways he could destroy a human body.
"Okeydokey," Krillin said, now seeming to be in business mode, "'Name', Vegita... Is that spelled with a G or a J? Nevermind, It doesn't matter all THAT much. OK, Whats your last name?"
"Saiya-jins don't have last names. That's a stupid human custom, more then one name, how idiotic..." Vegita said as he scowled out the window.
"Hooooooookay..." Krillin said rolling his eyes. "Next. Age?"
"Depends on if your counting Vegita-sie time, or Earth time. But it doesn't matter cuz I don't know what it is on either of them." He said, seemingly bored.
"Allrighty, We'll just guess and put 32, wait no, 35, something easy for you to remember." Krillin scribbled on the paper. "Social Security Number?"
"Social what?" Vegita said, scowling once again.
"Social Security Number, hmmm. Did you ever get that lisence?" He asked looking up.
"It was pointless but yes I got it..." Vegita said, reaching into his pocket for the leather wallet Bulma had given him. He had never found a use for it, but she insisted he carry it anyhow. He threw the wallet to Krillin who flipped it open and looked at the lisence.
He suppressed a snicker as he looked at the picture. "heh, looks like a mugshot. We can make this a lot easier. I can fill most of this out from here." He sat at the table writing on the application, occasionally looking over at the wallet. Just as Vegita was about to start yelling at him for taking so long he flipped the wallet closed and slid it back over to Vegita who jerked it away from him and back into his pocket.
"Ok, Just three more things. Phone number, I know Bulma,s I got that covered. OK, Personal references hmm. Lets see, out of the people you know, who have you not killed?"
"Kakarott." Vegita said instantly, and then added "Yet."
"Okee. S-o-n G-o-k-u, I know his address. Who else?"
"Your not dead. But that's just a matter of patience." He said with a scowl.
Krillin stared at him with an eyebrow raised. "Ok, I'll be a reference. I'm sure I could think of SOMETHING good about you... Well theres supposed to be three but it doesn't matter with this place anyhow. Ok last item on the list. Past Job Experience."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Vegita asked, scowling even more since he was now confused.
"It means what did you do for a job before now. Ok, lets do this. What did you do before you came to Earth to kill us all?"
"Exterminated the life on pitiful words like this one." Vegita said with a grin. It pleased im to remember his days of annihilating an entire planet by himself. The last planet he had blown up was that god forsaken one with the green bug aliens on it. Good times... Good times.
"Right, well how about we say you worked for 'Customer Relations' that's close enough to the truth. Ok, Here you go. Sign it here, take it up to the counter and tell them your finished."
Vegita snatched the pen and the application and scribbled a semi-legible signature on the line Krillin pointed to. He walked up to the counter and glared at the old lady who held out another handful of pens toward him. H slammed the application down on the counter along with the pen. While the application survived the assault, the valiant pen was evicerated and splattered across the wall behind the old lady. "I'm finished."
The old lady reached out and grabbed the application. "Ok, Well hold on and I'll show it to the manasher. He'll prolly be able to have a chat with you right now."
Krillin came up and nudged him in the elbow. "Good job, now all you hafta do is oull this off and you got the job."
"Pull what off? I thought I got it all!" He looked in the glass countertop at his chin, checking for any more toilet paper.
"The interview."
"What interview?"
Krillin looked down at his loafers and chuckled, "This is REALY going to be fun to watch."
*****
OK, First off, I want to appoligize to Chelsee, a fellow author who I am sure most of you have seen at least one f her stories. A couple of the things in this story were derived from something she did which was similar. I did not steal her work, but I do admit I got ideas from it. And credit is given where all credit is due. Thanks Chelsee :) Sorry if this wasn't as funny as the last one.
*****
Would You Like A KameHameHa With That?
Chapter 2
*****
Vegita floated high above the city, watching the cares and people moving around on the ground, going about their daily lives. He felt sorry for them. Such weaklings, such meek little beings. It often made him wonder why he put up with Bulma. He could kill her without any loss in energy. But instead he listens to her. HIM, The Prince of the saiya-jin race!! No, that's not true, he was the King now, Trunks was the Prince. But why should he listen to a human, a human female at that. It was shameful. But no matter how bad the urge to turn her into a smoking crater, he could never bring himself to do it.
And now, because of his weakness, he had to get a job. He had to do manual labor. Grunt work! He scowled at the city. He scowled at the sky. He scowled at the mountains. He scowled at the bug that had just flew up his nose. He sneezed vehemently and blanched when a small puff of smoke escaped his nose. He had just incinerated the bug. He was not saddened by this, he normally would have been happy. He loved to crush small things, bugs, small rodents, Goten, it was a common hobby of his. But now he would have to smell cooked beetles for a couple hours. And THAT was not fun.
He looked down and realized he had over shot the arches. He turned around and floated back towards them. Landing behind the building. He walked around to the side looking for a door. As he passed the dumpster a boy with more acne then was normally allowed to a high school chess club chucked a bag in and looked at him. Vegita sneered at him when he started to snicker.
"Jeez mister, you shave with a piece of glass??" he said through his chuckling.
Vegita's arm shot forward and picked the teenager up by the collar of his shirt, lifting him a foot off the ground. He scowled harder and glared.
"What did you say?"
The boy did many actions simultaneously, the most noticeable of which was to urinate, and then turn bright red. His nose started to run, and he cursed himself for not feeling up Joe Lynn Dexter when she had fallen asleep at that party. As he silently wrote his will and swallowed his tongue he pointed at Vegita's chin.
Vegita looked over in the glass of the building and saw the little pieces of toilet paper still clinging to his chin. He sneered and wiped his hand across his chin, tearing away the offending material. The boy screamed as Vegita chucked him over his shoulder into the dumpster. As he walked past it he kicked the side, causing the lid to slam close and in the same motion collide with the boys head as he tried to stand up.
He walked to the glass door of the building and looked down at the sign next to it that said "No Smoking." He quickly blew the remaining smoke from his nose and walked into the door.
The people inside the McDonalds watched as the short man first blew his nose onto the bushes and then walked straight into the glass. For a moment he stood there, screaming obscenities. He pushed at the door again, and then seemed to examine it for a second before quickly pulling it open and stepping inside. He glared at the people watching him who quickly returned to their meal.
Vegita looked around the resturant, his forehead still smarting from the doors sudden and unwarranted attack on him. He was unsure of what to do. He took a step foreword and swore vehemently as his feet slipped from under him. He landed flat on his back and scowled at the ceiling. He stood back up slowly. Wary of any further attacks.
He was getting encouraged. He had been here not more then 5 minutes and already he had been acausted twice. It was a place to keep one on his toes. He slowly walked forward. Careful not to step in any more liquid traps. He walked to the counter and was greeted by an old women who smiled at him with a mouth full of gums, but lacking in the teeth department.
When she spoke spit slid over her gums and she slurred her words.
"Wha would shoo like?" She said through her meaty grin.
Vegita raised an eyebrow and stared at the woman. He looked down at his shoes, and back at the woman, her eyes gleaming behind spectacles thicker then the counter top.
"No." he said finally after taking one more look at his feet.
It was the old lady's turn to look confused as she repeated him, "No?" She said in puzzlement.
"No," He said, almost matter-of-factly.
The woman stood there for a moment, deciding whether she should ask him again. She pushed at her hair net as it started to come out from under her hat. Vegita continued to stare at her. The woman was about to ask him again when it looked as if he had decided to have a purpose for being there other than to confuse the elderly.
"My mate wants me to get a job." He said quickly. Ashamed at being ordered about by a woman. The old lady smiled again.
"Ishn't that alwaysh the way?" She slurred as she reached over to the side of the counter and pulled an application off the top of a stack. She handed that along with a pen to Vegita. "Jush fill that out."
"Vegita snatched the paper and the pen from the lady and made his way to the back corner of the resturant. As he sat on the porcelain booth he looked at the paper. It was similar to the test they gave him when Bulma tried to get him a liscence, only this one did not have any of the little boxes you were supposed to put X's in...
He assumed that since that had been a test for children, for he had seen many adolescents taking it as well, that they had probably put the boxes for their convenience. This could not be much more difficult.
He stared at the first entry on the page. It said simply, "Name" and a line under it. He placed the pen on the paper and swore when it refused to write. He turned it over and tried the other end, this was a common problem he had with these blasted devices. As that end refused to cooperate he swore again and scowled at it. As was customary on Vegita-sie when something refused to work, Vegita slammed the unsuspecting ballpoint onto the table. The plastic splintered and he watched as ink spread across the table. Satisfied that he had defeated the inferior creature. He stamped back up to the counter, holding the crushed pen in his hand with ink dripping out the bottom.
He stood there with the pen dripping onto the countertop. He saw the old lady come walking back up the counter turning in confusion when someone from the back hollored "Has anyone seen Ben?? I sent him to take out the garbage almost ten minutes ago..." The old lady shook her head and then stared at Vegita once again, hoping he wouldn't say "No," again and confuse her a second time.
"This is uncooperative. I demand a working replacment!" He hollored at the woman, not knowing that her hearing aid had just fallen into the deep fat fryer and there-for shouting was a nessicity and not an insult.
She looked at the ballpoint pen and reached under the counter pulling out another one. Before handing it to him she popped the lid off to ensure his reign of terror did not continue. Vegita dropped the battered and bleeding corpse of the pen onto the counter and snatched the new pen from the women. Returning to his table but moving to the other site so that blood would not stain his test.
Scowling at the pen he placed the tip on the paper and was pleased to see a steady stream of ink roll out from under the head as he pulled it across the paper. Just as he finished drawing the first X over the line with the word "Name" over it, he heard his name being called. He looked up as he saw Krillin walk through the door of the resturant and grumbled as the tiny man walked over to him.
"Watcha doin?" he said in his usual cheery way.
"I'm getting a job, now go away." He sneered.
"Ouch, tough break, man. But it had to happen eventually. Even 18 made me get a job. I work with an air conditioning company." He said as he slid in the seat across from Vegita, being careful not put his hand in the ink, but never realizing that he just sat in it.
"HA! Your woman made you into a tunnel rat..." Vegita laughed.
"Oh be quiet," Krillin said while grinning. He reached over and pulled the application out from under Vegita's grasp. "How far ya got?"
"That's none of your business." He said, although not bothering to take the application back.
"Whats with the X under 'Name'?" Krillin said, confused.
"It means yes you moron!" he shouted.
"'Yes'?" Kkrillin asked, more confused now then ever, "'Yes', what?"
"YES OF COURSE I HAVE A NAME!!" Vegita roared, angry now at the ignorance of this little man. It took a great amount of control not to shatter every bone in the little monks body, but he held back because he knew this was Kakarott's best friend. Not that he feared Kakarott, far from it. He could kill him with very little effort. It was a sign of dignity that he allowed him to live this long. However, he knew better then to bring the rather of Goku AND Gohan down upon him, which obliterating Krillin would surely do.
(Authors Note: We all know its true. Vegita just doesn't feel that its worth the little bit of effort :P)
He was interrupted by his fantasy of midget bashing when Krillin began to laugh histerically. He looked up at the child sized man with a look to kill.
"Whats so funny?!" He shouted.
The little monk shook with such laughter that eventually it turned into a coughing fit, which brought forth tears. As his burst of joy subsided, he wiped the tears off his cheeks, and said with laughter in his voice, "Its asking what your name IS, not whether or not you HAVE one."
Had it been possible, smoke would have flared from Vegita's ears, his cheeks flushed a deep crimson red and it took every ounce of control in his entire body not to hurl the little man through the window beside them. It was not until he crushed his pen again that he was pleased. Having taken his anger out on something just as defiant as Krillin.
"Maybe I should give you a hand," He said after another fit of giggling.
"I don't need your help." Vegita said coldly. "I can manage just fine on my own."
"Fine. Then just humor me ok?" Krillin said as he went up to the counter for another pen. He came back with a strange look on his face carrying a handful of pens. "Weirdest thing, that old lady up there already had a pile of them sitting on the counter."
Vegita said nothing, but sat there counting the ways he could destroy a human body.
"Okeydokey," Krillin said, now seeming to be in business mode, "'Name', Vegita... Is that spelled with a G or a J? Nevermind, It doesn't matter all THAT much. OK, Whats your last name?"
"Saiya-jins don't have last names. That's a stupid human custom, more then one name, how idiotic..." Vegita said as he scowled out the window.
"Hooooooookay..." Krillin said rolling his eyes. "Next. Age?"
"Depends on if your counting Vegita-sie time, or Earth time. But it doesn't matter cuz I don't know what it is on either of them." He said, seemingly bored.
"Allrighty, We'll just guess and put 32, wait no, 35, something easy for you to remember." Krillin scribbled on the paper. "Social Security Number?"
"Social what?" Vegita said, scowling once again.
"Social Security Number, hmmm. Did you ever get that lisence?" He asked looking up.
"It was pointless but yes I got it..." Vegita said, reaching into his pocket for the leather wallet Bulma had given him. He had never found a use for it, but she insisted he carry it anyhow. He threw the wallet to Krillin who flipped it open and looked at the lisence.
He suppressed a snicker as he looked at the picture. "heh, looks like a mugshot. We can make this a lot easier. I can fill most of this out from here." He sat at the table writing on the application, occasionally looking over at the wallet. Just as Vegita was about to start yelling at him for taking so long he flipped the wallet closed and slid it back over to Vegita who jerked it away from him and back into his pocket.
"Ok, Just three more things. Phone number, I know Bulma,s I got that covered. OK, Personal references hmm. Lets see, out of the people you know, who have you not killed?"
"Kakarott." Vegita said instantly, and then added "Yet."
"Okee. S-o-n G-o-k-u, I know his address. Who else?"
"Your not dead. But that's just a matter of patience." He said with a scowl.
Krillin stared at him with an eyebrow raised. "Ok, I'll be a reference. I'm sure I could think of SOMETHING good about you... Well theres supposed to be three but it doesn't matter with this place anyhow. Ok last item on the list. Past Job Experience."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Vegita asked, scowling even more since he was now confused.
"It means what did you do for a job before now. Ok, lets do this. What did you do before you came to Earth to kill us all?"
"Exterminated the life on pitiful words like this one." Vegita said with a grin. It pleased im to remember his days of annihilating an entire planet by himself. The last planet he had blown up was that god forsaken one with the green bug aliens on it. Good times... Good times.
"Right, well how about we say you worked for 'Customer Relations' that's close enough to the truth. Ok, Here you go. Sign it here, take it up to the counter and tell them your finished."
Vegita snatched the pen and the application and scribbled a semi-legible signature on the line Krillin pointed to. He walked up to the counter and glared at the old lady who held out another handful of pens toward him. H slammed the application down on the counter along with the pen. While the application survived the assault, the valiant pen was evicerated and splattered across the wall behind the old lady. "I'm finished."
The old lady reached out and grabbed the application. "Ok, Well hold on and I'll show it to the manasher. He'll prolly be able to have a chat with you right now."
Krillin came up and nudged him in the elbow. "Good job, now all you hafta do is oull this off and you got the job."
"Pull what off? I thought I got it all!" He looked in the glass countertop at his chin, checking for any more toilet paper.
"The interview."
"What interview?"
Krillin looked down at his loafers and chuckled, "This is REALY going to be fun to watch."
*****
OK, First off, I want to appoligize to Chelsee, a fellow author who I am sure most of you have seen at least one f her stories. A couple of the things in this story were derived from something she did which was similar. I did not steal her work, but I do admit I got ideas from it. And credit is given where all credit is due. Thanks Chelsee :) Sorry if this wasn't as funny as the last one.