The days melded together, making it impossible to distinguish one day from the next unless I got up and checked the calendar. School sucked, as usual, so it's not like there was much of a difference there, except the teachers seemed to drone on a little longer than usual.

Another meeting was called the next Friday. Another funeral perhaps? Had Jake killed off yet another one of us? I showed up late, as the others had already started talking.

"We have to get in there while there's an opening." Jake was saying. "I know we can do this one. It's an easy mission."

"What now? Planning yet another one of our deaths?" I asked sarcasticlly, but I could see that it hurt him anyway. I looked down. "Sorry."

"Since you just joined us, allow me to recap what we've been discussing." Jake said in a strained voice. "A shipment of Hork-Bajir just arrived at the pool and we think that we can get in. Visser Three will be gone and it won't be a usual feeding night. It's an easy mission, even you can admit that, Rach." He added.

I stared at him. After the hell we had all just been through, he was already considering another mission? And with Hork-Bajir that might just have been infested adding to our problems? And Marco thought I was the insane one!

I shook my head. "No." I said simply. "No. Jake, your nuts. We just lost a good member because of almost an identical mission. You think I want to repeat the tragedy?"

Marco sighed. "Look, I thought we'd been through this already. We know that we lost Tobias, and that was bad. Real bad. But we have to move on. Other people will be suffering an even greater loss if we don't get down there. And besides, we want to go fry some slugs while we're at it." He added with a smirk.

I continued to shake my head. "You don't get it, do you? I lost one of us, and it has been killing me inside. If we were to loose yet another one, I don't think I could take it."

"Jeez, Rachel. You're beginning to sound like Marco!" Cassie said, glancing cautiously at him.

"Yeah, like me! Hey, wait a minute....."

I rolled my eyes. Typical for him to turn this moment into a comedy routine.

"I can't do it. No more killing, no more wars. I'm done with it, with the loss, the heartache."

Now you're sounding like Cassie. Ax butted in. Are you trying to be anybody but yourself tonight? It wasn't a sarcastic question.

I turned and glared at him. "I may have been insane before. I have built a reputation of being bloodthirsty and vicious and always ready to fight-"

"Well duh!" Marco interjected.

"But guess what? It didn't mean I doubted it. I only did it for you guys, for the team. But now I see that the team really doesn't care any more. 'He was only a bird, no use to us! Who cares if he's gone?' Well guess what? I care!"

"Rachel, we do care!" Jake shouted. "How many times do I have to tell you this?! We can't let it eat at us, we have to keep fighting! Remember what we said last week? 'We will continue to fight in his memory' and that's what we're doing! But here you are, not being a team player at all. I don't know who you are anymore!" He threw up his hands in exasperation.

I glared at every face, at the four faces where there should have been five. But no, it was four. I glared at the four faces, and then quietly and simply said "No." and walked out.

Of course I was Rachel! How dare they say anything different! Just because I'm not insane and totally full of myself anymore doesn't mean I'm not Rachel! If they wanted to go down there and let history repeat itself, fine. Be that way. But not me. I learn from mistakes, and I'm not about to let one that severe happen twice.

I stamped home, wishing things could be better. It's too bad that the tables had turned and they were the crazy ones now. I stopped in the middle of the street. I didn't feel the anger coursing through me, the adrenaline. It was a feeling of.......empty. I hardly felt anything at all, like I was mush. This was a new experience entirely. I had never felt nothing. Emotions had always made me hot headed, and full of passion. But no, now I felt well, like mush. My blood didn't boil. My head felt pretty even. Jake was right. I wasn't Rachel. I had lost myself.

~ ~ ~

They were going on the mission tonight. I knew it. They wanted to go and get themselves killed and that was final. I wasn't going to do anything about it. I was going to stay home, and be normal. Surf the net, watch MTV, eat pizza, whatever. But I couldn't do it. Thoughts of Cassie having her throat slit by a Hork-Bajir and of Marco being shoved into the Yeerk pool flooded my mind, making me flip off the cynical 'Daria' I was watching and sigh. They were my friends, that at least counted for something. I couldn't let them be killed.

I pulled on my leotard and stretch pants, throwing some jeans and a shirt over it. I went to the garage, jumped on my bike, and headed for the Gap. It was only eight, so I still had another hour before the mall closed. I walked in and pretended to look at a few things. God were the fashions ugly this year. I shuddered at the thought of wearing some of the clothes, but grabbed a few anyway and headed for the third stall over. I turned a hook, and SHOOM! The floor dropped below me and I was zooming down a long, bubble-like tunnel that led to the hell-on-earth. Even before I entered the underground city, I could hear screaming so tortured it made me sprout goosebumps. I was spit out onto the stone ground, but quickly looked for a place to hide. There, behind those crates.

I crawled behind them, shed the baggier clothing, and focused on my bad morph. I couldn't let them know I was here. I concentrated on the bat DNA that coursed in my veins, along with about twenty other animals. Slowly, I shrunk and my arms became like bubbling wax as they turned a dark gray and skin began to grow between my arms and my sides. Ears protruded from my head and my face became small and squinched. My legs dwindled in size until I was in danger of falling over, but then it stopped. It was done. I let out a quick chirp of echolocation to see where the heck everything was. I quick flew up onto the ceiling to join a group of fellow bats. I hung there, letting off chirps every few minutes to check out what was going on.

A chirp told me that there was a disturbance. A very large thing was running around. I let off quicker and more rapid chirps. I knew now that it was a gorilla, none other than Marco, and joining him was Jake the Tiger, Cassie the Wolf and Ax as well, Ax.

I stayed where I was, 'watching' them battle the evil Hork-Bajir and trying to free the good ones. I felt no emotion, or tried not to at least.

Things weren't going so good. Marco was throwing many of the guard slice-and-dice machines around like pillows and Jake was getting many of the humans down with help from Cassie, but more just kept showing up. Suddenly, some smart person grabbed a dracon beam and started shooting it around. Beams of light showed up on the etch-a-sketch images I was getting back. A wolf cried out. Cassie had been singed. I mentally winced. 'No. I am not moving from this spot. This was their desicion and I'm not-

Twisted alien screams rang through the air. Many Hork-Bajir were being fired at, the noises being mixed with various animal noises. 'That's it. They need me.' I quick flew down to where my clothes rested behind the crates. I demorphed as quickly as I could, then after about a ten second cool down, focused on the big, shaggy, brown bear that was the secret to my success. I could feel the claws grow from my fingernails, the powerful fangs in my steadily growing jaw. I finally stood up, brown bear proud and tall. 'Time to kick some Yeerk ass' I thought and I slowly felt the adrenaline rush back into my veins. I let out a roar that made everything stop. I charged at the nearest group of the alien slime. They let out their high pitched screeches as I toppled them all to the ground, where Cassie and Jake clawed them to death.

Rachel! I knew you'd come! Jake called out while worrying a Hork-Bajir's neck like a dog with a bone.

I'm only doing this because you were doing so poorly. I replied while knocking my huge fist against a humans head. He dropped like a ton of bricks. Marco quick slipped to the back and ripped the door of the cage from it's hinges, letting the good Hork-Bajir free. The yelled in joy.

Ok, we're done here! Let's haul! Cassie exclaimed.

Come on, Cassie. Say it, I know you can! Marco said.

Say what? She asked as we ran up the steps out of their.

Ass! Haul ass! We know you were going to say it. Just get it over with!

How you can think of something as trivial as saying a word is beyond me. Ax said, being the usual voice of reason.

Suddenly, I felt part of them again. No longer the alien, the sappy sad girl but the real Rachel, strong willed and headed.

We ran to the woods again, our usual hiding spot. We demorphed, but with no beatings this time. Bet Jake was grateful for that.

Cassie ran over and hugged me. "I told you guys! She isn't totally me!"

"Yeah I guess your right. So that means I owe you ten bucks Jake." Marco said.

"Not funny." I replied.