Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story except for the crew of the Phoenix. I am making no profit off of this, blah blah blah.
Author's Notes: This story is kinda AU, but I tried to stay within canon. Hugs and kisses go out to K.L. and Katrina for beta reading this mother for me. Thanks- you guys really helped. Much love to Jaimee and Brit, who have been my partners in seaQuest crime for years and I hope will continue to be through years to come. I love you guys! Okay, enough sap, on to the story!
part one
They had come again. They were more frequent now, almost every night. At first, they were fleeting images interrupting his sleep, vague emotions more than pictures. But now...
He tossed and turned, tangling the sweaty sheets between his legs. His mother...the men...the shots...alone...always left alone...
"Lucas!" He woke up with a start. The room swirled with the departed memories. Images sprang out of the darkness, reminding him of his dream. Out of breath, he looked over at the concerned face of his friend and roommate, Tony Picollo. "Lucas, are you okay? That was some dream."
"I... I'll be okay," he answered, running his hands through his hair. "I just need to... I'll be okay."
Tony looked at his friend doubtfully, but he had known Lucas long enough to know when to push his roommate and when to leave him alone. When he needed to, Lucas would talk, but not before he was ready. "All right, Lucas, if you're sure," he replied, offering his friend one more chance at help.
"Yeah, Tony. I'll be fine. Go back to sleep." He tried unsuccessfully to give Picollo a reassuring grin, but it only cam out as a grimace. Tony nodded, worry still etched on his face. He stepped back down onto the floor and lay back down on his bunk.
Lucas looked at the chronometer beside his bed and sighed; 0400 hours. Damn. He wasn't due into the lab until 0930. There was no chance of sleep now-that dream always left him wide awake. Well, he thought, I might as well get a head start on that program Brody wanted. Waiting until he heard Tony's breathing became slow and paced, he changed, grabbed his laptop, and left.
Nathan Bridger rubbed his tired eyes before reaching for a cup. Filling it with coffee, he turned to scan the mess hall. He was looking for one person in particular-the boy who, in the few precious years they had spent together, had become like a son to him. Finding his query, he walked over to where the blond was sitting in a corner booth.
"May I join you?" Lucas looked up, startled from his computer screen, not having noticed anyone approaching. Smiling, he gestured to the seat across from him.
"Of course, captain." He waited for Bridger to get seated before continuing. "What brings you here at this ungodly hour?"
" Couldn't sleep. Same thing as you, I presume." Looking down quickly, Lucas ran his fingers around the top of his own half-filled coffee cup.
"Yeah, well..."
"Lucas, I want to help. If these nightmares aren't getting any better, maybe-"
"Captain, I appreciate you trying to help, but I really don't think that there's anything you can do. Not this time."
"Lucas, after Carol died, I couldn't sleep for a month, the nightmares were so bad. I couldn't understand why this was happening to me then and not when Robert died. I felt guilty, as though maybe I didn't grieve for Robert enough. Then it hit me; when Robert died, Carol and I had each other to talk to. We could grieve with each other. I don't think either of us could have made it through without the other. But, when I lost Carol, I was alone; I had no way of getting my feelings out, so they found a way-through my dreams. Lucas, I can't tell you that I know what you're going through, but I can tell you this: my door is always open to you. Whenever you feel like you can trust me, come talk. I promise you that you'll feel better, okay kiddo?"
Lucas couldn't trust himself to speak, so he nodded without looking up from his mug. "Thank you, Captain. I..." he took a deep breath, not knowing how to put what he was feeling into words. "Thank you."
The moonpool was empty, save a young boy hard at work. Lucas was bent over the vocoder, trying in vain to figure out what had caused it's latest glitch. Gripping a wire in one hand, he blinked as his vision blurred, then righted itself again. Sitting up, he rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm. He needed sleep, but there was no way he was going to chance having another nightmare. He knew he couldn't go on like this, but what was he supposed to do?
Maybe there was another way. Bridger had seemed genuine in his concern, and maybe, just maybe, he might be able to trust the captain. The whole reason he had found out about Lucas' nightmares in the first place was because Bridger hadn't seen him at mess one night and had come searching for him to make sure he was okay. Lucas had fallen asleep and was in the middle of the nightmare when Bridger walked in and woke him. The captain had been concerned ever since then, and for two weeks seemed to show up everywhere Lucas was, watching out for him. Secretly, Lucas liked the feeling of security he had when the captain was around. Though he would never admit it, Bridger had become an important part of Lucas' life. Yet there were things about his past that Lucas couldn't bear to be revealed, even to Bridger. Things that he could never tell anyone, no matter what the circumstances. How could anyone understand what had happened to him if he didn't fully understand it himself?
Resigning himself to his fate, he bent back over the vocoder and started to work again. Soon, though, his body rebelled against his mind and he found his head slowly sinking to the desk as sleep claimed him.
That night, a 14-year-old Lucas had woken up to shouting. He had never slept well, and that night was no exception. He pulled off the covers and crept to the door. He could hear hushed voices talking; suddenly his mother's voice spoke up. Something was wrong. Lucas slowly pulled open the door to his room and peered through the crack.
"How'd they find out?"
"We don't know, Kathryn."
"You told me they wouldn't find out." His mother was sitting with her head in her hands on the couch. Standing on either side of her were two men in blue uniforms. As one turned to pace the floor, Lucas saw the triangular patch of the UEO on his arm.
"You have to leave, Kathryn. Now."
"How can I? What about Lucas?"
"Leave him with the neighbor."
"And let them find and kill him?"
"Kathryn, you have to think about yourself before you think of your son's safety. If they find you..."
She sighed. "I should tell him."
"You know you can't do that."
"Why; because of UEO security? He a genius for Christ's sake; do you think that I'll tell him anything that he can't find by hacking into the computer? He's 14; certainly old enough to know that his mother is a traitor."
"Kathryn..."
"I can't leave him." Heavy silence filled the room. Lucas couldn't believe what he was hearing. What had his mother done that was so horrible? Who would want to kill her?
Lucas wasn't sure what happened next. Suddenly the door flew open and two men with their guns drawn ran inside the room where his mother sat. One of the UEO men ran to Kathryn and shoved her to the ground. Lucas heard a "phft" and the second man fell to the floor.
Fear and panic gripped Lucas as he frantically looked around his room for a place to hide. He dived under his bed just as the door to his room flew open. Lucas' heart pounded in his chest so loudly that he was sure the man could hear it. He covered his mouth with his hands, afraid that his ragged breathing would disclose his hiding place. His eyes opened wide as he saw the feet of the man walk beside the bed. They opened wider when the feet stopped. Lucas was paralyzed with fear was the man started to kneel...