Title: A Second Chance
Author: PrincessKrysta (cordygunn@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG
Pairing: None really. Just sort of C/A/G/W family thing. And Cordy/Doyle
Spoilers: Up through Dead End.
Distribution: Take it, just tell me were it goes
Disclaimers: I don't own any of these characters. Don't sue me, I'm poor.
Summary: Just read it.
Authors note: I decided to give this a try.
Feedback: Please. But please be gentle like I said I'm new at this. I know it probably sucks, but I tried.
Chapter 1
Cordelia Chase slowly walked past the hundreds of gravestones heading to her destination. She occasionally looked down to examine one of the tombstones. As she arrived to place she had dreaded going to for a while now she slowly set the flowers and scotch down as she read the tombstone for the hundredth time.
Doyle
Friend, Family, Hero
She had insisted on getting Doyle a gravestone. Even if they had nothing to bury she still wanted a proper burial. He deserved that and so much more. He gave up his life for all of those demons, Angel, and her. He deserved everything. Angel had let her decide what to put on the stone. It took her forever to figure out what it should say. It would take a whole wall to put everything she wanted to say on it. In the end she decided on those three words, friend, family, hero. He was probably one of the best friends she ever had. Doyle and Angel were the first family she had, and who knows maybe Doyle and her could have had a family one day. Then he was a hero, a real hero. It was ironic really. Not even a day before he proved the hero part she had thought of Angel as the hero. If someone had told her Doyle was the real thing she would have laughed in their face. That's part of the reason she always blamed herself. If she would have just been a little nicer and admitted that she too had feelings for him maybe things would have ended differently. Just maybe. But she would never know. There were no second chances. And the worst part was she would never know if Doyle forgave her.
"I'm sorry Doyle. So sorry."
When they picked out the spot for his grave she chose it because of the beautiful view and she loved the tree that shaded it. She had gone during the day and she loved the spot the second she saw it. She knew it was perfect for him. It was sort of secluded and it had a huge beautiful tree inches behind it. She had brought Angel back at night for his approval. He of course said it was perfect. She knew he had been worried about her. He was constantly telling her he could take care of everything and that she should just rest. But she insisted that he let her take care of everything. She needed to. For him. It was the least she could do. Plus she was afraid to stop. She had to keep moving, to keep living. If she didn't she was afraid she would die.
"I'm sorry I haven't visited you for a while. Angel's back. He had an epiphany or something. He's trying really hard to make it up to us. A little too hard. It's actually kind of annoying. I never thought I'd say this, but I sorta miss the old Angel. I mean sure he was broody, but…..I dunno. He's just trying too hard. They think I was just mad cause he fired me, but truthfully that wasn't what hurt. I mean he was my best friend, and Angel and you were my first family. We both lost you, and when that happened he was my only family. He was like the brother I never had and so much more. And he just threw that away. Like it didn't matter to him. It just scared me how easy it was for him to end our friendship, our family. At least Gunn and Wes didn't leave. If I had lost either of them too I don't think I could have made it."
Cordelia hadn't visited Doyle since Angel fired them. She hadn't had the courage too. Cordy just couldn't deal with it all. It hurt too much.
"I brought you some stuff…….It's weird though. I mean Angel's back, our business is up and running again, and everything is back to normal. I should be happy, but I'm not. Even though I have the guys I still feel so alone. I just keep seeing all of those faces, and feeling all their pain. I still have nightmares from the whole Vocah thing. How did you do it? How did you deal with knowing it all? I don't think I can deal with all their pain and my own. Everything just hurts. My head especially. I just want it all to go away. Everything just keeps going wrong for me. Only Dennis knows this, but if I'm not crying myself to sleep at night I drink. I mean who would have ever thought 'Cordelia Chase drinking her sorrows away…..Who ever's up there has a sick sense of humor."
She opened the scotch she had brought for Doyle and took a few gulps, picked up her purse and started to leave turning around one last time.
"I miss you. See ya later." With that she put the cover on the half-empty bottle of scotch, threw it on the ground and left.
TBC