Disclaimer:
The characters and story of Fushigi Yuugi belong to Watase Yuu. I'm only borrowing them for a brief moment to have some fun, and I promise I will put them back when I am done with them.

Warning:
This story contains spoilers up to episode 33, possibly more. If you haven't seen any of those eps or the ones beyond them, and it will ruin the story for you to know, please do not read any further.

Dedication:
This is dedicated to Koy in apology for all the times I've hurt him.

Fushigi Yuugi:
Painful Knowledge
Part Four - Tasuki
by: Yuuki Miyaka

He's gone. I can't believe he's gone. Mitsukake is right, I know, and Nuriko won't be back, but at the same time, I can't believe I've lost his friendship. He won't be around anymore to tease me or hit me. He won't be around to help me sneak around the Palace. I've lost my best friend.

I could feel it, when he fell. I could feel the pain as strong as if it were my own. And perhaps it was. I'm not given much to reflection, but Nuriko's death warrants it, I think.

There's so much that we shared, so much that I liked about him. I couldn't always understand him or the others, but he was always around to help me understand them, and that helped. I just wish that I could have gotten to know him better in the short time that we had. And we didn't have enough time. He was, I think, my best friend within the seishi, possibly within the country or nation. I miss him already.

Miaka has run off, and I don't know where she's gone. I don't understand how she could just run off, but I suppose that I am running away in my own way. Only I'm not going anywhere except within my own mind. I can remember when I met him. We didn't exactly hit it off. In fact, I managed to annoy him most of the time. But somewhere along the way, we became close. And now he's gone, and I must spend the rest of my life not knowing what it would be like to have him with me.

It's odd, knowing that I've lost his friendship. It's like I've lost a part of myself that I can never reclaim. I only wish that I could have had more time with him. To talk, anything really. I should have gone with him, should have been here to help him. It was my place to protect him as much as it was my place to protect Miaka and I failed them both. Perhaps I should just leave the seishi altogether. I'm nothing more than a liability to them. But it is my life to protect them. They are my family more than my own family was, and I must protect them, all of them.

We've gotten the chance to get the Shinzaho. I only hope that we can do it. If we don't, Nuriko will have died in vain, and I will never be able to face his memory again. So we'll do it. We must. Anything else would be dishonorable, and I will not face his memory in dishonor. We will get the Shinzaho, and we will call Suzaku, and eventually, I will see Nuriko again.

~From the heart of Tasuki~

Author's Notes:
I hope you enjoy this one. It's a little OOC for Tasuki but it strikes me that Tasuki would be contemplative when faced with the loss of his friend. I know that such a loss hurts me. :) Anyway, that's why it's called Painful Knowledge, right? I hope you enjoyed and comments, critiques and flames can be sent to me.