Disclaimer:
The characters and story of Fushigi Yuugi belong to Watase Yuu. I'm only borrowing them for a brief moment to have some fun, and I promise I will put them back when I am done with them.
Warning:
This story contains spoilers up to episode 36, possibly more. If you haven't seen any of those eps or the ones beyond them, and it will ruin the story for you to know, please do not read any further.
Dedication:
This is dedicated to Kira, my little sister!
Fushigi Yuugi:
Painful Knowledge
Part Seven - Miaka
by: Yuuki Miyaka
I wish Chichiri was here. He'd know what to do. He always has an answer. And Mitsukake could heal me, make me feel better. But they have enough on their minds as it is. After all, what do I matter anymore? I failed them all as Suzaku no Miko. All I'm good for is eating and making a fool of myself. I even failed Yui-chan.
I remember when I met Yui-chan. We were both so nervous of each other. Who knew that we would become such good friends, or that I would let her down so badly? It doesn't matter whether or not she's been . . . hurt. All that matters is that I wasn't there to help her after it was all over. And whether or not those thugs did anything, she still tried to kill herself. That's my fault, too.
I wonder if I'll have those scars on my wrists soon. It's worth thinking about. It would be a good way to get out of everyone's hair. Maybe Yui-chan could be Suzaku no Miko. She loves Tamahome, after all. And she's always been better than me at everything.
Poor Hotohori. He doesn't know yet that Nuriko's gone, and how can I let him know that I've let everyone down? They probably won't even be able to get the Shinzaho. And Nakago has the other one. I wonder what Amiboshi would think of all this?
Poor Amiboshi. He was only trying to do his duty. It's my fault he's dead. And Chuei, and Yuiren. If it wasn't for me, they would still be alive, and they would be happy. But my mistakes killed them. And Nuriko. I should have insisted that Tamahome and Nuriko go. At least then I would have been the one in danger, not Nuriko.
I miss him so much. We were just getting close. Why did he have to be taken from me? I don't deserve any of them. I should just go home to Niichan, admit my problems, and let the seishi deal with matters here. At least they would have a fighting chance then. It wouldn't be like it is now, where I go around screwing everything up.
I could get a knife now. I'm sure that Tamahome probably has one for preparing food or something. How much more appropriate can you get? The little glutton kills herself with a food knife. Then Tamahome won't have to worry about me anymore. The seishi can find a Suzaku no Miko who will actually get things done. Someone who's trustworthy. Someone better. That would be best, I think. I'd better go find that knife now, and make my goodbyes. They all deserve that much from me.
~From the heart of Miaka~
Author's Notes:
First of all, let me say that I don't honestly know if Miaka has
been raped, or if she entertained any thoughts of suicide. I'm going off
of the assumption that she has been raped. Please don't correct me if I'm
wrong, okay? I hate spoilers, guys!!! Anyway, I know that if it was me
who'd been raped, I would definitely be thinking about suicide. After
all, how can anyone deal with such happenings?
The topic of rape is very difficult for me to write about, thus my problems writing both Yui and Miaka's PK stories. Although I've never been hurt that way myself, I do know people who have been. I pray that those people I know will be able to deal with it in a constructive manner. For anyone on this list who has been hurt that way, or who has had a friend hurt that way and needs someone to listen, I'm here. I don't pass judgement, and I'm always ready to help.
Thanks for reading this story, and I hope that you all look for my future ones. Take care. Ja ne!!!