Disclaimer:
The characters and story of Fushigi Yuugi belong to Watase Yuu. I'm only borrowing them for a brief moment to have some fun, and I promise I will put them back when I am done with them.
Warning:
This story contains spoilers up to episode 24, possibly more. If you haven't seen any of those eps or the ones beyond them, and it will ruin the story for you to know, please do not read any further.
Dedication:
In memory of Eloise and Jimmy.
Fushigi Yuugi:
Painful Knowledge
Part Eight - Suboshi
by: Yuuki Miyaka
The tears . . . they won't stop. They just keep falling and falling no matter what I do. Why won't they stop? Why can't I stop crying?
His chi is gone. I can't feel it anymore. It's like half of me has been ripped away, leaving a hole within. The pain is almost unbearable, and yet . . . there's more emptiness than anything else. I don't think I can be whole again after this. I don't think I know how to be.
I know what they did to him. They pushed him in the river. For a moment, I could feel the cold water close around him. And then he was gone. I'm alone now. I'm alone. I'm alone.
The words just keep echoing through my head, like they're trying to convince me this whole nightmare is real. I don't understand. He was so strong. He was so brave. How could he possibly have allowed this to happen? Aniki . . . come back! Come back to me!
There's a sound at the doorway, interrupting my grieving. I look up, the motion taking far more energy than it ever has before. There, in the doorway, is Nakago with Seiryuu no Miko. I know what I must look like, tears pouring down my face. I am suddenly angry at this girl who stole my aniki from me, who made him go spy on Suzaku no Miko. I think I scream at her, but the pounding in my ears is too loud to hear through. I watch her approach.
Damn her! Who does she think she is? She can't just steal my aniki from me and expect forgiveness! But . . . she speaks. She tells me that it's hard, losing someone you love, and that she can understand, a little. She tells me that it's okay to cry, draws me close.
Seiryuu no Miko . . . you care for us. You care about us. You really care. The thought is a balm on my soul, something to put in the emptiness. Before I know it, I am clutching at her, sobbing.
The pain begins to go away. It will always be with me, I know. I loved Amiboshi. I always will. But . . . but . . . Yui-sama cares. It soothes the pain, soothes the anger. Now, finally, I understand what it is to be a Seishi. I will lay down my life for Yui-sama if she but asks me. She didn't want Amiboshi to die. She wants him back just as much as I.
Oh, Aniki, I'll live for you. You'll be alive in me to protect Yui-sama. My life will be your life, my heart will beat for yours. My tears may mourn you, but my memories will keep you alive and strong.
You were always strong, aniki. You were always strong.
-From the heart of Suboshi~
Author's Notes:
It's been close to five years since I last wrote a piece for Painful Knowledge. Up until a couple of weeks ago, it had also been that long since I'd seen Fushigi Yuugi.
Having finally seen ALL of Fushigi Yuugi, including the TV series AND OAVs, I can continue on with my Painful Knowledge series. To those who have yet to see everything, I have just one thing to say: Wow . . . It is absolutely wonderful, and DEFINITELY worth finding and watching.