Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers, or even silly little Xellos. I do, however, own a Xellos doll that I made myself. But that's beside the point, and it's not a very good doll anyway.

Author's Note: Okay, I don't know how to upload chapters yet. I'm sorry! Please put up with the way this looks...I just joined Fanfiction.net and I'm hopelessly lost. Help! _




One day, Xellos was sitting in his deep, dark, purple lair, thinking. He thought quite a bit, about all sorts of things; a world wide mazoku take-over, killing those pesky self-righteous dragons, chaos, destruction, blood...and sometimes he thought of Lina, or even Zelgadis, that handsome stone-boy. He enjoyed those thoughts the most. But it's not that kind of story.
So anyway, Xellos was thinking of a combination of the two above categories: Lina, and chaos. Lina was a living magnet for chaos, which was half the reason he thought of her so much. The other reason was because if he talked about her chest size, she'd bop him on the head, which he liked very much. His thoughts wandered, and when he caught them, he decided that he was bored. So he thought maybe he'd get up off his cute little butt and go out to cause Lina some chaos. He went to get Juuou-sama's permission, packed his bag and tied his shoes carefully before he left. He wouldn't want to trip, after all.
The kawaii little mazoku skipped cheerfully down the road, whistling the opening to Slayers NEXT. It was his favorite TV show.
"Because it's about me!" he thought. That got him thinking again. Suddenly, he realized that he had no idea where Lina was! He tossed his violet colored hair in annoyance.
"Yare yare....I'm so thoughtless when I get excited! I should have asked Juuou-sama to find her before I left. But oh well, she's probably with her friends in Saillune. After all, it's the only place they can free castle food without getting in trouble."
And as it turns out, he was right, because this story is too silly to get complicated.

At around the same time, in Saillune, the castle cooks were gawking at the rate which Lina was gobbling down chicken, salads, soups, low flying airplanes and any unlucky person who might come too close. Oh, they had seen it all before, but they know how their stares pleased her so.
The rest of the group, Amelia, Gourry and Zelgadis, were far away from Lina because they didn't feel like being one of the unlucky people to meet with her jaws. They were in the library, reading quietly (or trying to read, in a certain blond's case...) Amelia sighed happily as she read stories of love, and Zelgadis looked over, raising an eyebrow. His own book, How to Avoid Over-Eager, Idealistic Princesses, was (intelligently) concealed under his arms.
Suddenly, a very angry looking Lina burst in, bristling with hysterical anger.
"THAT DAMN NAMAGOMI MAZOKU!"
Gourry interrupted his ponderings over Pat the Bunny when he heard his best friend using Filia's old phrase. When he looked up, Amelia and Zelgadis were staring at Lina, who seemed a little different today. With a light bulb flash, he realized what it was.
"Lina! You have something on your---"
He was cut off as a thick book containing 101 uses for radishes came sailing over to connect with his nose.
"I know, idiot!" she screamed. She turned to Amelia with teary eyes. "Is it that bad, Amelia?"
The princess examined Lina's face.
"Let's see..." she read the writing, which was in indelible purple ink. " 'Skinny', 'Flat-Chest', 'Bitch', '3rd Rate'..." the list went on as Lina became more and more enraged.
"I'm gonna kill him! Slowly! Painfully!"
"You know he'd like that." remarked Zelgadis dryly.

Later, as the moon hung high over castle Saillune, a dark form swept across the turrets of the palace. And it was giggling horribly.
"Teeeheeeheeee!" Xellos laughed, "That was great! The look on her face when she saw what I wrote...and she even stabbed me with her fork!" He cradled his arm tenderly, where a bloodstained bandage was wrapped. "I'll never wash this arm again..." The Priest broke into helpless laughter once more.
"And now for that idiot bodyguard!" he declared, rummaging through his bag in search of the perfect weapon. Triumphantly, he held up a pair of gleaming gold scissors.
"These will do just fine..."

Gourry leaped out of bed dramatically, ready for the new day. He was always happy in the morning, it meant that a delicious breakfast was sure to come...if he managed to outrun Lina, that was. He decided to get dressed before running down the main hall to the banquet hall. The last time that he hadn't, Amelia had scolded his furiously. Nobles were weird.
He strapped on his sword (he didn't take any chances on having it stolen, not anymore...) and grabbed a brush from the dresser. A swordsman should always take care of his...
The thought was halted as Gourry noticed his hair had changed. Grabbing a mirror, he gasped. His hair had been neatly and artfully chopped short!
"My hair!" he moaned, "All my hair, GONE!"
The mournful sound attracted Amelia, who appeared quietly at the door.
"Oh, L-sama! What happened, Mr. Gourry?"
"I don't know! My hair went away! I've been growing it since I was fifteen, and now it's all gone! Gone!"
He got down on all fours, prepared to search the castle for his missing hair. Lina, who had come to see what was wrong, stopped him with a swift quick.
"Get up, Jellyfish! Your hair's gone, and I bet it was that stupid fruitcake priest who cut it! Argh, I'm gonna murder him!" Lina, of course, was simply still mad about the writing (still perfectly readable) on her face.
Sipping a cup of hot coffee, Zelgadis the chimera stepped nonchalantly into the room and examined the swordsman's hair.
"I hate to praise him, but the mazoku did a good job. It looks sorta nice like that, Gourry."
"Nice? NICE?!" Gourry sat on the edge of his bed miserably. "It's terrible..."
Lina patted his back, an eerily devious look on her face.
"Don't worry, my Gourry, don't worry." Her nasty, scheming look grew worse. "Lina's got a plan..."

Zelgadis sighed as he read in the library, only half paying attention to his book, So You've Been Turned to a Monster. Lina had refused to share her wonderful plan, but was running around all over Saillune to collect supplies. It was bound to be a fantastic revenge.
"Maybe she'll seduce him into drinking some horrible concoction!" he murmured with relish, more for his own general amusement than anything else. "Or maybe she's finding some fantastic Holy spell to blow the smug little demon into oblivion!" The chimera giggled despite himself.

That so called demon was at that moment staring in at Zelgadis with narrowed eyes.
"Oh, how DARE he?" the mazoku whispered. "To even suggest that Lina-chan would do something like that to me?" He rubbed his arm where the bandage was beginning to grow a little rank. Maybe he'd wash the arm after all...for hygiene's sake. He still loved his Lina-chan. "And she loves me, you silly rock-boy!" he whispered, backing away from the window.
He knelt on the ledge, opening his bag again. "What can I do to him?" The priest bit his lip, searching.
"A flail...Filia's Mace...brass racket...Martina doll...the Claire Bible..." he rummaged for a few minutes before coming out empty handed. Suddenly, he thought of the perfect annoyance for Zel.
Even if he won't realize it till it's too late! Xellos giggled, his amethyst eyes flashing. He took out a tiny wooden straw and an even smaller golden dart (tinted purple, of course). To the dart he tied three pieces of hair- one firy red, one golden and the last dusky black. He smirked as he slowly raised the tiny blowgun to his mouth and took aim carefully.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen of the castle, Lina was indeed brewing a horrible concoction. She stood over the cauldron (the largest she was able to carry) and stirred it lovingly. It, in turn, gave off a hideous odor and a garish green light.
"This!", she cried in triumph, "This is what will finally teach that Xellos Metallium a lesson he will never, EVER forget!"
Gourry looked doubtful.
"I dunno, Lina. It's smelly, but I don't think that's enough to scare off a mazoku."
The sorceress was too happy to hurt her companion this time.
"No, Gourry, it's what the potion will do to him that'll teach him a lesson. And besides, it's not quite done yet. I'm missing the last ingredient."
Amelia interrupted, pulling at Lina's cape.
"But Miss Lina, what is it? And what will the potion do?"
"You'll see, Amelia. You'll see. By the way...", she edged closer to the princess, "Do you have any of Xellos's hair, or skin or anything? Any sort of tissue will do..."
The princess shook her head in confusion.
"N-no, Miss Lina. I don't exactly keep that sort of thing around."
At that moment the kitchen door burst open and Zelgadis rushed in. Blushing purple and breathing heavily, he was a sight that made even Gourry gasp. Little hearts appeared in his eyes as he saw the occupants of the room. He sighed and he grasped Lina's hands tenderly.
"Lina....my beautiful, lovely Lina...", he whispered, stroking her hair. Lina, half furious and half frozen in horror, reached behind the chimera for a frying pan. As he lifted her chin for a kiss, she swung her arm around and brought the pan slamming down on his skull.
He was barely fazed, but then he noticed Gourry and Amelia. With a bizarre squeal of delight (Lina choked at the noise) he leapt onto Gourry and rubbed his stone cheeks against the swordsman's armor.
While he did this, his arm reached out to snag Amelia by the waist, and it dragged her to his side. Unlike Lina or Gourry, however, the princess wasn't entirely displeased.
As Lina prepared another attempt at the chimera's cranium, she noticed a tiny glint of gold from his neck. Inspecting at as carefully as possible (what with his jumping around Gourry) she made a shocking discovery.
"He's been shot by a love dart!" she cried, drawing a sigh of relief from Gourry and a melancholy groan from Amelia.
"Gourry, hold him still, I need to see this thing better. Amelia, help him."
A closer look provided all the information she needed.
"Yep, just as I thought!" declared the sorceress, nodding, "He's fallen in love with all three of us because of this!" she displayed the dart, held carefully with forceps. Three strands of hair were tied around it.
Zelgadis snapped around, grabbed Lina's hands again.
"Love? You said love, my Lina...yes, I love you too, dear, sweet girl..."
Amelia seized the frying pan and hit him with the force of ten Justice Hammers, much to Lina's approval.
"Thank you! Now..." she settled into a thoughtful mode as the dazed Zelgadis stumbled about and finally went back to snuggling Gourry.
Suddenly, Lina jumped.
"I get it! The hair is in order! Mine is first, so he loves me the most, mine is in the middle, so he loves me the second most, and Amelia's is last, so..."
"Does it matter?!" Amelia interrupted rudely, "What we need to know is who shot him and why!"
Lina shrugged. "It was probably Xellos again. He must be bored lately or something. Anyway, we don't need to worry about him anymore." she patted the side of the cauldron.
"But what about the last ingredient? You need his hair or something."
"I really just need something he's used. Clothes would work, or that staff of his, or..." she held up the forceps again, "...this!"
"The dart?"
"This is a blow-gun dart! It's been in his mouth!"
With a scalpel produced from her boot, she carefully cut away the part of the dart that had touched Zelgadis, and she removed the hair. Delightedly, she tossed it into the cauldron. Instantly the viscous liquid grew even more foul, sputtering and bubbling like boiling mud. Lina dragged it to the door.
"I've got to take this outside. It's gonna get pretty nasty...wouldn't want to mess up the food."
From the corner and behind Zelgadis, Gourry shouted for the sorceress.
"Lina! Lina! What about him?!"
She shrugged. "It'll wear off. Just keep him busy, okay?"
"Hey! What's THAT supposed to..." he trailed as Lina left the room without looking back. With a shrug, he did what any guy would do; he dumped the lovestruck chimera on Amelia and went off to the basement to play ping-pong by himself.

Lina walked out to the garden where evening was just about to fall. The cauldron beside her was shaking and bumping about. When she looked inside, she smiled to see a curled, slender form developing within the mess. As it grew larger, the amount of liquid decreased, like it was a sponge soaking up water. With a final puff of chartreuse smoke, the formula was finally soaked up and the fully formed figure stood.
It was female, with shoulder length purple hair, calm violet eyes and a lithe body.
"You're PERFECT!" cried Lina, examining the girl from head to toe. It stepped from the cauldron with the delicacy of a cat and Lina wrapped her own black cape around it. It nodded gratefully.
"Thank you, master." she said with a voice silky and sweet. "My name is Sollex."
"Excellent, excellent! Come with me, Sollex, come with me..." Lina led her creation back inside the castle, laughing wickedly.

****************************

"...no, that thing cannot borrow my clothes!"
"Oh, come on, Amelia, pleeease?"
"NononononononoNO!"
Sollex stepped nearer to the princess, a sugary sweet look of pleading on her face.
"Please, Princess Amelia, I'll need them only for a short while. Just until Master Lina is done with me."
Looking at the pathetic girl and Lina's threatening eyes, Amelia acquiesced.
"Fine, fine...here." she tossed over a lovely white silk ball dress, complete with lace, pearl beading and a soft pink shoulder wrap. Sollex's eyes gleamed with happiness as she pulled it on carefully. It fit perfectly.
"Oh, you're so pretty!" Lina gushed, primping her with blush, lipstick and anything else that she could find in the princess's room. Amelia had to admit it, the girl was a beauty, and she had the sudden urge to help Lina make Sollex as gorgeous as possible. After all, Lina had never agreed to sit through one of the princess's makeovers. This was Amelia's chance.
"Come here,", she motioned, "I've got a pair of earrings to match that dress...."

Gourry stood in abject disbelief when Lina brought Sollex to him. Zelgadis (who had re-attached to his waist after another attempt at Lina) didn't pay any attention, but Gourry blinked, mouth open.
"Wait...you're saying that SHE came out of that stinky stuff?"
"Yep! Isn't she great?"
"She looks sorta like Xellos...."
Both the princess and Lina shared similar looks of frustration before ignoring his remark. Sollex blushed.
"Sir Gourry, I am Xellos' counterpart. Sollex. Get it?"
"OH!" he snapped his fingers. "I get it! That's a good joke, Lina! But how will it stop him?"
"Well," she began nervously, "That's where part B of my plan comes in..." The sorceress pulled a giant piece of paper from behind her and tacked it to the wall. On it were drawn steps of a large, complicated scheme involving Sollex coercing Xellos into blowing up, all conveniently drawn in stick figures.
"We just need bait to get him to see Sollex..." Lina said carefully, her eyes settling on the princess. Amelia backed away.
"Uh, heheheh, n-no, I don't think that's a g-good idea, Miss Lina..."
"Oh, come on! Think of it, you could be a part of the destruction of Juuou-Sama's high priest and general! It could set those mazoku back years in their plans! Think of the honor, think of the glory!"
"I'm thinking of how much Xellos scares me...and that kinda overshadows things, Miss Lina."
"Okay, okay...how about this: If you act as bait, I'll teach you the Dragu-Slave."
Amelia froze. On one hand, she didn't want to risk her neck with Xellos; he was the fruitiest person she knew, but also the most dangerous. On the other hand, think of all the justice she could spread with that spell...
"I'll do it!" she said, her desire for the spell over-powering her fear.

****************************

Amelia sat on a bench under a yellowish lamp in the garden, singing softly to herself. She was wearing flowers in her hair and a light summery dress, even though it was only spring. She was looking as cute as possible, in order to inspire Xellos into some awful plot of annoyance. After all, Amelia was the only one who hadn't been harrased in some way already. She was growing impatient, worrying that maybe Xellos had grown bored with his game, and simply gone home. Then everything would have been for nothing, including the huge mess in the kitchen that she would eventually have to explain to her father, Prince Phillionel.
Amelia's fears were ungrounded, as at that moment Xellos himself was perching like a gargoyle in the shadows above her. He grinned as he thought of nasty things for the princess, who looked so peaceful down there, singing. Concentrating, he took the appearance of the handsome prince Gregory from the neighboring kingdom of Peruuchino who was in Saillune to negotiate trading deals. When he finished, he phazed from the rooftop to a spot on the ground, hidden by bushes.
"Hello, Princess," he called, stepping out. "How are you tonight?"
Amelia blushed. She had always been a bit taken by Gregory's warm manner and light features.
"I'm fine, thank you. What are you doing out here at this time?"
"Just the same as you, I suppose." Xellos chuckled, glad that his transformation was believable. He hadn't done this for years...

Hidden in the bushes across from Amelia's bench, Sollex watched carefully. She had seen Xellos transform, but she would have known either way. Now that she had seen her counterpart in the flesh, she felt a little different...Lina had told her that the man whom she was made from was terrible, a demon without mercy, and a bad sense of humor besides. But she just couldn't see it...the joke made perfect sense to her, as long as he didn't hurt the princess.
As she watched, Xellos/Gregory put his arm around Amelia, causing her to blush deep red. Sollex felt a little spot in her stomach begin to hurt. Why was he doing that? Her heart seemed to jump as Xellos started to look as if he was going to kiss the princess...

Lina peered down at it all through spyglasses, whispering her instructions back to herself.
"Okay, now is when you jump out from the bushes...."
On cue, her creation leapt from the bushes, a little more red-faced and nervous than Lina would have expected. But still, it was going to plan.
"Now's when you get him over to the door...." Lina held the glasses with one hand as she prepared the biggest fireball possible.
"Come on, the door, Sol, the door...."
The sorceress gasped and watched in horror as Sollex, instead of going to the plan, instead pushed Amelia away and held Xellos firmly in her grasp.
"or...that..." Lina let her voice die, and instead watched in growing anger.

Sollex faced Xellos, whom she held tightly across from her. He, in turn, was so startled to see someone looking so much like him that his disguise dropped. Amelia, truely surprised, gasped and fainted in an appropriately princess-like fashion.
"Xellos!" cried the counterpart, " I'm..."
"You're me!" he said, with none of his usual composure.
She simply nodded and leapt at him, longing to touch him and kiss him. She had no idea where this was coming from, all that Sollex knew was that she wanted this guy...now!
"Hey! Hey, stoppit! What are you doing?" he said, dodging her advances.
"Come here, don't leave! I love you!" She leapt again, landing squarely on his back and knocking him to the ground. Too shocked to simply phaze out, he did manage to turn himself around, and found himself staring into his own eyes.
"I love you..." she whispered, leaning forward to kiss him.

From the window where Lina stood, a loud shriek of horror was heard right before the explosion.

An hour later, the entire castle staff was cleaning up the garden. Lina, Gourry and a very stricken Amelia stood in the middle of it, denying any connection...even though nobody had any doubt whose fault it was.
"My father will kill me...." Amelia moaned.
"Did it even work, Lina?" Gourry asked, surveying the blackened trees and flowers. Rubble was still skittering down from the rooftops, and one hit Lina straight on the head. She made a point of ignoring it.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure...it's too bad my plan didn't work. I should have just Amelia lure him over to where I could get a clean shot, and then Giga-Slave him."
Amelia gave Lina a blank stare.
"That would have caused even MORE damage, Miss Lina."
"Yeah, but I wouldn't have lost my golem."
Both Amelia and Gourry sighed. Didn't she ever worry about anyone else for a change?
"I still don't understand what happened, Miss Lina. Why did she kiss him?"
"I don't know. I suppose opposites attract."
Gourry scratched his head.
"But you said that girl was the same as Xellos!"
"She was him, but with a reversed personality- obedient and kind. That's why my spell was so complicated. If I had just wanted to make a golem out of Xellos, it would have been simple."
"Ah....aha...I see."
"I guess opposites attract."
"Miss Lina, she was only half opposite..."
"Well, I guess half-opposites attract, too."
"Well, then why wasn't Xellos attracted?"
Lina was beginning to become frustrated. "He's a perverse demon, he doesn't care about physics!"
"And why did they explode?"
"I don't know! Like matter and anti-matter, I suppose!"
"What's matter?" asked Gourry.
"It's what's missing from your head, Jellyfish!" screamed Lina, pounding him over the head.
Amelia looked at them sideways.
Maybe it was like Lina and Gourry, she thought. Opposites attract, but they also repel on a different level. And with mazoku maybe it went on a much larger scale...like instead of a bump on the head, an exploded garden. And maybe one day Lina and Gourry would kiss, and a vase would break, or something. Amelia enjoyed those thoughts until something new took their place...something like a remembered promise.
She tapped on Lina's shoulders with a practiced indifference to the violence that transpired between her and her bodyguard.
"WHAT?!" roared the sorceress, turning around viciously.
"Well, remember a couple of hours ago...I said I'd be bait if you taught me the..."
"No!"
"Wha?! But you--"
"No! No, no, no."
"Oh, Miss Lina...."

The End