THE TOY
Host #3… The Evil One
Zelda was wandering around Hyrule field, seeking to wreak havoc…
Yes… excellent… Look around… find something to conquer! … Shit, is there no civilisation?!
"Look around, find something…. Hey, a puuuurrrtttyyyy little butterfly!!!" Zelda said, running after the colourful insect.
… Stop. Stop that RIGHT now.
"… No! Little butterfly! STOP!!"
Why can't you LISTEN to your master?! LISTEN TO ME!!!
"Why can't I listen to my master?! Listen to you!"
Bimbo! … Aha! Something to rule!
"Ewww… look at that nasty looking boot! Uh… I think it's… yes, it's Link's! Aw! Gross!!!! Yes, the smell of his toes is recognizable… I want it!"
Yes… The boot… THE BOOT! Is it… could it be? A NIKE BOOT!!! MUAHAHAHA!!! I'll have it endorsed!!
"Yes… That's his boot… HIS BOOT! Teeheehee! Wait, didn't he endorse that brand?"
Now… use your powers and endorse it! Come on, I can FEEL your powers! ENDORSE ENDORSE ENDORSE!
"Now I'll use my powers and emboss! Oh yeah, you can feel my powers! EMBOSS EMBOSS EMBOSS!" Zelda said, casting a powerful healing ray over the little NIKE!!! Boot.
… What's this? Healing? ACK!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
"What's this? Not emboss? ACK!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Zelda cried.
Shit, I need someone with TRUE powers… someone who can actually RULE THE WORLD!!!
"I wonder what happened to Saddam Hussein…"
… Who is this Saddam?
"Who is this… SATAN!!! AAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!"
Idiot… Huh? I see… A man! A dark man… He must have… POWERS!!! YES! EXCELLENT!!!
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK IT'S GANONDORF!!!!! HE'LL RUIN MY MAKE-UP! NOOOOOO!!!! Excellent?"
"Hm… Hm… Hummmmmmmmmm….." Ganondorf… hummed.
Oh shit, it's the GREEN GIANT!!! ACK!!!!!!
"GREEN GIANT!!! ACK!!!!" Zelda repeated.
"You DARE mock MOI?!"
NO!!! A FRENCH GREEN GIANT?! I didn't know he had kin!!!! HORRIBLE HORRIBLE WORLD!!!!
"No!!! YOU'RE A FRENCH GIANT???!!! I didn't know you had kin! YOU ARE HORRIBLE!!!!"
"Hum…. Hum…. Hummmmm…. What the fuck?! I AM GANONDORF!!!!! AND I SHALL TAKE OVER HYRULE!!!"
YES!!! This is the host I've been needing!!!!! Look into his eyes, Zelda! EXCELLENT!
"You're the dude
I've been waiting fo- uh oh….. GUUUUGUUUUUURREEEDDSEEESESESEFFESSS!!!! BLAH!"
"*Gasp *! MY NEW
CAPE!!! IT'S RUINED!!!! … Is that… A KINDER SURPRISE!!!!!!!!! OH GOODIE GOODIE
GOODIE!!!!"
Yes… excellent!
LOOK INTO MY EYES!!!
"… R$W@#WSS@SQ@Q!!!
SEEEWWSSDCCFRREOEEOWEEWEEEWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
"Whoa… what did I just inhale?! That's some crazy shit." Zelda said, reeling.
OH! THE POWER! THE POWER! YES… I can feel the energy flowing through this body!!! MUAHAHAHA!! Now I can take over the world!!!!
"Hum… Hum… Hum….."
Shit.
"Hum."
NO!!!!
"Hum?"
Oh shut up! I can still feel your power!!! I WILL take over the world!
"Hum… Hum… Hum… Oh shit, a… a… Oh shit, Zelda, I think I'm erect… I WILL TAKE YOU OVER!!"
"Don't bother telling me, I'm not blind… BUT!! I must warn you, I am LINK's stripper! NOT YOURS!! I am protected!"
Yes, by that pathetic little crybaby I had taken over first… MUAHAHAHA!!! NOTHING CAN SAVE YOU FROM MY POWERS NOW!!!!
"Yes, well, hum… hum… hum… I took over him, as well!! MUAHAHAHA! NOTHING CAN STEM THE TIDE!!!"
"Link's bi? NOOOOOO!!!!!!" Zelda cried.
NO NO NO!!!
"Hum…. hum…. hum…."
"EEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!" Zelda screamed as she ran away towards Hyrule Castle.
Excellent… Now we are alone… I can continue my plans for WORLD DOMINATION!!!!!
"Shit, now what am I supposed to do?" Ganondorf said, looking… DOWN.
And so Ganondorf trotted along, stiff legged, with, of course, the TOY in him… WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HYRULE NEXT? Will the GREEN GIANT succeed in his plans to conquer Hyrule? Or will the toy have to find… ANOTHER HOST? Dum Dum Dum….
Okay… That chapter sorta… SUCKED!!! Sorry guys… the next one will make up, we promise! R&R anyway, PLEASE!!!!!!