Chapter Two
Xanatos, true to his promise, was there when Obi-Wan's session was through. Obi-Wan barely acknowledged him, and kept his head low. Obi-Wan saw the hurt in Xanatos eyes at this, but didn't feel anything at this. He didn't feel much any more.
"Master Jericho said he is excited to see you again, Obi-Wan. He hopes we can get much accomplished, so you can return to duty." Xanatos' words sounded hollow to Obi-Wan. Just another hollow promise, just like so many before.
Obi-Wan kept walking. Xanatos lead him down to the Healers' wing, and to Master Jericho's office. Obi-Wan remembered Jericho. They had spoken on the ship, via comm, and he had seemed nice enough. He was the one that told him he would be staying with Xanatos. That's when Obi-Wan had decided that no one was worth listening to.
Jericho smiled a greeting, and waved them to sit down. Obi-Wan observed, out of the corner of his eye, the way how Xanatos became more relaxed in Jericho's presence. Xanatos never seemed to relax, at least around Obi-Wan. If Obi-Wan were himself, he would have some compassion towards Xanatos' predicament, but now he just observed it blankly.
"Obi-Wan, how have you been?" Jericho asked.
Obi-Wan shrugged.
"Is that a 'I'm fine' shrug, or 'I don't care' shrug?"
Obi-Wan didn't answer, but he did see the pleading look that Xanatos gave Jericho. He's distressed. About you? Fancy that, he cares for you.
"Xan, could you leave us alone for a while. I'll call you in when we're finished." Jericho said softly. Xanatos, after a moment of thought, nodded, and left the office.
After Xanatos left, Jericho moved out from behind his desk, and moved to sit in Xanatos' chair. "Tell me, Obi-Wan, what's you're favorite memory?"
Obi-Wan, his eyes still down, gave a empty reply. "When I became a Padawan."
"When Qui-Gon took you as his Padawan? Describe it to me." Jericho leaned forward, like he was interested in hearing it.
He's a liar. He's meant to lie. That's his job. To lie, and try to make you feel better. And to figure out what's wrong with you. But that'll be hard to do, because there are a lot of things wrong with you.
"He chose me in the morning. Xanatos had spoke to me the earlier night, and told me something important would happen the next day," Obi-Wan paused, "I thought Xanatos would choose me."
"Were you afraid of that?"
Obi-Wan drew out a long pause. "The Force told me that Xanatos wasn't right."
"Have you communicated with the Force as of late, Obi-Wan? Have you decided if Xanatos is right now?" Jericho asked.
"That Force hates me." The words rolled easily off Obi-Wan's tongue.
There was a sudden hand on his chin, forcing him to look up. "It does not, Obi-Wan. Do not believe your own lies."
Obi-Wan pulled his face away. "Can I go yet?"
"No," Jericho moved away. "You shouldn't, but if you want to, you can return to your quarters. I will help you Obi-Wan; Xanatos and I will help you. But you have to accept that help, and the help of the Force, before you can heal. That's the only way."
Obi-Wan didn't answer, but he did feel something inside of him slightly change. Could they help him? Obi-Wan looked up, and met Jericho's eyes. He felt the Force touch, as Jericho reached out to his mind. He touched the dissolved training bond, and made Obi-Wan jerk away. "That hurt." Obi-Wan whimpered, moving away from his chair, and away from Jericho. "If you want to help me, don't hurt me."
"Obi-Wan…" Jericho started, but Obi-Wan had already gotten close enough to the door to reach the opening mechanism.
He slammed it, and ducked outside. Obi-Wan caught the look of surprise on Xanatos face as he emerged into the hallway, but turned away from the eyes, and moved right passed him. His walk was fast, until he got out of the healers wing, but when he was in the main hall, Obi-Wan started running, and didn't look back.
Run. Keep running. They'll find you, though, and take you back. Back there, to watch him die. He says you'll make it out, but you wont. He's just going to die, and everything will fall apart. Just run. Maybe they wont catch you this time.
But Xanatos wasn't far behind. He followed Obi-Wan, at a light run, and caught up to him in the gardens. By then, Xanatos was growing angry with himself. This was too soon for Obi-Wan. He was reacting poorly to all of this. The little time he had to heal on the transport was not enough. Xanatos regretted stepping into this mess.
Obi-Wan had sat down in the grass, and curled up into a ball. He didn't look up when Xanatos, now joined by Jericho and his aide, stood over him.
Waving off Jericho, Xanatos knelt by Obi-Wan.
"He tried to take the bond." Obi-Wan whispered.
Xanatos swallowed. "That's only for your own good, Obi-Wan. The broken bond will not heal properly without the proper healer care. I gave him consent."
Obi-Wan's eyes went wide. "Why?"
"I..." Xanatos was caught with his tongue tied. "I wanted what's best for you. I always have."
Obi-Wan turned away.
Xanatos inwardly kicked himself. He couldn't develop any kind of relationship with Obi-Wan if he was constantly afraid of what the boy's reaction would be. His previous relationship, the one with Qui-Gon's Padawan Obi-Wan, was more of an older brother one. Now, that friendship was gone.
Xanatos' dark eyes wandered to the water's edge. The water was clear and glistened in the light of Coruscant's sun. It was always peaceful to Xanatos. That's when an idea hit him.
"Obi-Wan, if I could help you, would you let me?" He asked, finally clearing his mind of the question.
Obi-Wan didn't meet his eyes, but nodded.
"Right. Then come with me." Xanatos said, pulling Obi-Wan to his feet. Xanatos gave a small smile, as he lead Obi-Wan to a familiar room, one that had always brought him comfort.
It didn't take Obi-Wan long to realize where they were going, and a calm look crossed his face when they arrived. "The Fountain room?"
"Yes," Xanatos stepped inside, "It was Master's favorite place, other than the gardens. He brought me here when I was your age, but I didn't have enough sense to know the importance of it. I thought it was stupid."
Obi-Wan drew a breath, looked like he was about to speak, but didn't. Instead, tears welled in his eyes. Xanatos, taking a ragged breath himself, drew Obi-Wan into an embrace. Obi-Wan didn't necessarily except, or reject.
"Can you believe me now that I want to help you?"
Obi-Wan nodded against his chest.
The words Xanatos wanted to say were at the tip of his tongue. He wanted to tell Obi-Wan he felt the same way, and how they could make it through this together. Or how he was so scared that he was going to mess this up. Instead, he just reinforced his shields, and exhaled. "We can do this."
Xanatos didn't wake to any nightmares that night, and was very happy with that. No nightmares meant he would have good day. He woke with the sun, and moved to the kitchen to make breakfast. He tried to keep quiet, and let Obi-Wan sleep.
Xanatos was surprised when Obi-Wan came to the table without being called. He looked slightly more rested, but didn't meet Xanatos' eyes as he sat down. Xanatos caught a look at the bedraggled look of Obi-Wan's Padawan braid, as he put biscuits and a bowl of fruit on the table.
Obi-Wan took a piece of fruit, and gave a quiet thank-you.
Xanatos nodded. "Did you sleep well?"
"Better than yesterday night."
"Would you like me to rebraid that?" Xanatos asked, motioning to the braid.
Obi-Wan paled, and shook his head. "No, you can't."
Xanatos cocked his head. "But look at it, Obi-Wan, it's all frayed."
"I know." Obi-Wan reached up, and looped the braid around his fingers. "But, it's the…it's…it's just fine the way it is."
"All right." Xanatos agreed, hoping to alleviate the tension he had brought. "What would you like to do today?"
Obi-Wan, his finger still twisting his braid, blinked. "Do I have a choice?"
Xanatos swallowed. "Yes, a small one. We have an hour free, after a session with a council, and before our time with Master Jericho. Would you like to spend some time in the gardens?"
Obi-Wan shrugged.
"Katas in the garden?"
Obi-Wan looked up, and nodded. "But I haven't done a kata for so long, I'm not sure I'd remember even basic."
Xanatos gave a small grin. "Well, that will give me a chance to teach you something."
Obi-Wan swallowed.
Xanatos felt his mouth go dry, but he shook it off. "Are you finished?"
Narrowing his eyes, Obi-Wan cocked his head.
"With your breakfast." Xanatos clarified.
"Yes."
"Fine," Xanatos wanted to end the dead silence between them, "Go get changed. Our meeting's in an hour."
Obi-Wan pushed away from the table, and went to his room. Xanatos watched him go, and pursed his eyebrows together.
Bloody hells, he wont listen to you.
Xanatos shook his head, and cleared the table.
Some how, the pair managed to look remotely together as they stood before the council. Master Windu didn't catch the underlying confusion and conflict that were rolling around in Xanatos head, and the Knight was glad of it. Master Yoda, however, seemed more attentive to him. After light questions, he went straight to the point.
"Knight Xanatos, ill are you?"
Xanatos understood the question, but feigned unawareness. "I don't fell ill. What do you mean, Master?"
Yoda studied him with his cool green eyes. "Ill your thoughts. Feel ill in your mind, you should not."
Xanatos did not look at Obi-Wan, but sensed the younger Jedi had turned his eyes to him. "I have thoughts that are ill, Master, but I have been doing my best to remedy them."
"Best remedy, hmm? What think you, should that be?"
"I don't know." Xanatos blinked.
"Bond, perhaps. Help you both it would. Both ill you are, in thoughts." Yoda sat back in his chair, leaving his eyes firmly on Xanatos.
Xanatos nodded, but kept quiet. The rest of the meeting seemed to blur around him. He nodded when he felt he should nod, but stayed silent most of the time. He bowed at the end, letting his thoughts flow evenly. Ill of thoughts indeed.
After the council meeting, Obi-Wan did appear more attentive. He was seeming more relaxed in Xanatos' presence, and the Knight was thankful for that. He hoped that today, they would be able to create the training bond that would be necessary to complete Obi-Wan's training. The council had approved that, if they weren't able to forge it naturally, Master Jericho could intervene, and force the bond. It wouldn't come to that, Xanatos vowed to himself as they walked to the gardens.
Finding an open, private, place, the two shed their cloaks. Obi-Wan slow moving, as if he was resisting. Xanatos cleared his throat, when he saw Obi-Wan drifting.
"We'll try first form, slowly." Xanatos stepped into first form, and Obi-Wan mirrored his movements. "Do you remember now?"
"A little." Obi-Wan thought a moment. "Why was Master Yoda speaking about our bond?"
Xanatos fumbled for words. "Because he…he is suggesting that we speed up the bonding process."
"Why?" Obi-Wan asked.
"I don't know. But since there is no natural bond, we may have to form one. With help." Xanatos, though not satisfied with how he put it, was pleased that Obi-Wan subsided with his questions.
Xanatos smoothly moved into the slow movements of first form. Basic katas were slow, easy fighting styles. Xanatos caught a few side glances from Obi-Wan, seeing what he was to do, and what the next stance was.
"I hate to interrupt…"
Xanatos sharp eyes flicked to the garden path, and to the figure on the path. Jericho took a step off the path, and onto the grass. Xanatos turned to face the other Jedi, as he approached from the left. Obi-Wan dropped out of the last stance, but Jericho waved at him to continue.
"I only need to speak to your master, Obi-Wan. Keep going, we'll only be a moment." Jericho smiled, but it looked forced to Xanatos.
Xanatos turned, quickly, and gave Obi-Wan a nod before walking towards Jericho. Leaving Obi-Wan on the grass, Xanatos followed Jericho down the path a few paces. He observed that from the other's body language, the this wasn't going to be casual talk.
Xanatos cleared his throat. "What is this about?"
Jericho smirked a little. "Important things, Xan. I've been called out by the council. I leave tomorrow morning."
"What?" Xanatos blinked. "You can't go."
"Not can't, but must. The people of Eubeuq just lost one thousand children to a terrorist bombing, Xanatos. They've requested our help, and we cannot turn them down." Jericho's eyes never left Xanatos'.
"But if you leave, you can't help with the bond." Xanatos tone dropped, and he sounded like a child to even himself.
"No, I can't. That's why we need to do it promptly. Tonight would be best." Jericho frowned. "I don't want anyone else to do it, because I don't trust anyone else. And without the bond, I don't think Obi-Wan can truly heal, properly at least. He needs it. You both need it."
Xanatos stood silent, his heart in his throat.
"You haven't told him yet." Jericho sighed. "I thought so."
"It's not that I don't want to tell him," Xanatos retorted, "But I just haven't been able to. I don't want to break the little trust he does have in me. If he sees, and learns, what I tried to do…"
"Then he will understand that you two have in common. You've both been hurt, Xan, but you can heal each other. Tell him, and then we will complete the bond afterwards. If you don't want him to find out about it through the bond, then you've got to tell him. I can't do that for you." Jericho's keen stare seemed to burn into Xanatos.
Xanatos would have felt intimidated if he had been facing anyone else. Jericho's point did hit home with him. He wondered to himself if there could be a way around this, but he knew there was no other. He could fight this, and hold out until Jericho returned, but that would just be delaying the inevitable.
"All right." He conceded.
"I'll see you in two hours. I'll move our session back." Jericho put a hand on Xanatos' shoulder. "I see it, even now. He's helped you."
"He's taking your job." Xanatos smiled, lightly.
"Hmm, yes."
"But," Xanatos quickly stated, "I thought I was supposed to be helping him."
Jericho smiled. "Don't doubt yourself. You are."
I'd better be, Xanatos thought to himself.
"You should get back to him. He's all ready lost his pacing." Jericho motioned. Xanatos turned, to see Obi-Wan struggling to get Second Basic under control. He missed a low block, and skipped the next set of movements. Xanatos let out a weak breath. Bidding goodbye, Jericho walked off, leaving Xanatos to return to Obi-Wan. Forcing his feet to move, Xanatos went back to where Obi-Wan stood. Giving up on the kata, Obi-Wan dropped to his knees. Xanatos frowned, and stopped in front of the kneeling boy.
His head down, Obi-Wan spoke. "What did he want?"
"Why did you stop?" Xanatos questioned, standing over Obi-Wan.
"Because I couldn't do it." Obi-Wan replied, quietly.
Frowning, Xanatos knelt by Obi-Wan. "Yes, you can. I remember when you could complete patterns that even I had trouble with. You still can."
"Things are different now." Obi-Wan's voice was small, and his eyes stayed fixed on the ground.
Xanatos, rolling back onto his heals, bit his bottom lip. "Do you remember when you first moved into your new room, in Master's apartment? There were still some of my things there. You had to pack them up, and bring over at least two boxes to my new apartment." He smiled, lightly, in memory. "Things were different then, but you changed to them."
"Three." Obi-Wan replied.
"What?" Xanatos blinked in confusion.
"There were three boxes." Obi-Wan lifted his head.
Xanatos smiled. "Yes, that's it."
Obi-Wan managed a small smile. "I brought the first two myself, but you helped with the last. I couldn't understand why, or how, you could have left some of that stuff."
"Excuses to visit, I think." Xanatos shrugged. "Not that Qui-Gon minded my visits."
Xanatos regretted his words, as he saw Obi-Wan shy away from his eyes. They had kept safe distances from any mention of their Master, but Xanatos knew that shouldn't be. There was much they should share, in talk, before they became linked to each others minds.
"It is supposed to hurt, Obi-Wan." Xanatos said, softly.
Obi-Wan shook his head. "But it hurts for all the wrong reasons."
Xanatos, his eyes narrowing, resolved to leave the comment alone. He had to keep his thoughts. "Tonight, Master Jericho will create a training bond between us, to continue your training. You can't say no, Obi-Wan, he believes it will help us both."
Solemnly, Obi-Wan nodded.
"And…and before that can happen I need to tell you something. It is rather important, so I would appreciate it if you paid attention to me, and not the grass." Xanatos was satisfied when Obi-Wan looked up, and met his eyes. "See, not so hard."
Xanatos was careful to choose his words, but could find none to start off his explanation. Instead, he gave up, and settled for a more direct example. He reached, and began to roll up the cuff of one sleeve, and then the other. It didn't take long for Obi-Wan's keen eyes to pick up the scars on Xanatos' pale wrists. The smooth marks, left there as a reminder, snaked along the skin.
Obi-Wan's eyes were questioning him, as Xanatos spoke in a low voice. "You've probably wondered before, why I spent so much time with Master, and why I never had many missions, alone. You're a very intelligent person, and I'm sure you even asked Master once or twice why."
Obi-Wan nodded. "He told me there were certain circumstances that accompanied your knighting. I saw how it hurt him to talk about it, so I kept away from questioning."
Xanatos mildly snorted. "He probably didn't want to scare you. Everyone else seemed to be scared of me."
There was a long pause, before Obi-Wan finally spoke. "Why?"
Xanatos shrugged. "I've never thought to ask them."
"No," Obi-Wan prompted, "why did you…"
Xanatos quickly cut him off with his response. "Sometimes, even I don't know. I thought I was a failure. Obi-Wan, I had always succeeded at everything at everything I tried. I was a Padawan when I was ten, and ready to be knighted at nineteen. Or so I thought. My final trial was my undoing."
Suddenly, to Xanatos surprise, Obi-Wan put a hand on his knee. Xanatos blinked at it. Obi-Wan was pitying him, the idea suddenly crossed his mind. He let the thought sink in, as he met Obi-Wan's eyes. Xanatos gave a half smile, and stood.
"We should meditate. Ready our minds and such." He started for his cloak.
He caught Obi-Wan's nod in the corner of his eye, and they started away from the gardens.
End Chapter Two