I had that dream again.
It was the same as always. Just Miki
and me standing in the garden, as if we were children again. Silent and
serene, nobody's there, just me and Miki.
It doesn't last for long. Dark clouds
begin to cover the garden, no our garden but we just stand there, doing
nothing. I want to move, to grab Miki, to race inside for safety from the
approaching storm but I only stand there next to Miki, completely frozen.
The clouds break open and the rain falls.
****
"Hey Miki, I had another dream last
night." Kozue said as she spread thick strawberry jam on her toast.
Miki took the last gulp of his orange
juice. "That's nice, Kozue-chan." He rose up and slide his chair back under
the table. "I'd really like to hear about it but I've got a test this morning."
Smiling sweetly, he said "So maybe at dinner?"
The door shut and Miki was gone.
"Yeah right." Kozue mumbled and crunched
down on her toast.
****
The dream happened again. It was
like all the others, except longer and a little weirder. Okay, a lot weirder.
The scene starts out the same, with
us standing in our garden. Then the clouds approach and I try to move towards
Miki. The dream allows me to actually move this time and I break free from
my frozen shell and grab Miki's hand.
"Come on." I yell, pulling him. "Come
on! Let's go, Miki! Let's get out of here!"
Miki doesn't seem to hear me. He
stands still and straight even with me desperately pulling on his arm.
The clouds completely move and suddenly
Miki jolts and takes my hand. He doesn't say a word but begins to run with
me tagging behind.
Of course. I'm always behind him.
We run out of our garden and on to
this plain dirt road lined with a thick forest. Miki speeds up, pulling
me behind him as we reach a white castle with tall twisting spires and
blue flying flags.
We slow down and casually walk towards,
not seeming to be so worried about the coming rain that we were running
from before. We enter the castle and suddenly everything changes.
Miki's suddenly in a prince's outfit
with straight blue silky pants and a high collar blazer that buttons down
his chest with shiny gold pins. His jacket's right side is bursting with
medals and ribbons of all kinds, silver, gold and bronze.
I'm in a simple white dress that
falls just above my ankles. I wear no jewels or medals. I don't deserve
medals. But then again, neither does a princess.
We stand there in awe at the castle.
The inside has pure soft white marble covering its floor and walls. A blue
rug stretches across the room and pictures framed in gold hand from the
wall. I know this is only the entrance hall.
Then it starts, the banging on the
closed wooden doors.
I step in front of Miki, as if I'm
trying to protect him from the sound. The pounding continues. Miki takes
my hand and pulls me back behind him. Then he runs ahead and takes a fighting
stance at the door. The banging doesn't stop. Miki reaches out and pulls
a sword out of the air from seemingly nowhere. The pounding still goes
on. I move towards Miki. I don't want Miki to take this...whatever it may
be. I'll accept all the bad, instead of Miki, so that he can remain whole.
I grab the sword from Miki and walk closer to the wooden doors. I lift
the sword up towards the doors and scratch a scraggly "M" and a cheap "K"
in the other. The banging stops and the doors open.
I wake up.
I know whatever opened that door
was coming for Miki.
All this surrealism is getting to
me.
****
They all three sat huddled together
at the library table.
"You simply take the x and move over
there." Miki explained with a smiled. "Then the solution should be easy
to find."
Utena nodded and scribbled the answer
sloppily on her paper. "I'm so jealous of you, Miki. You always seem to
know what you're doing."
Miki blushed slightly. "Oh no Utena..."
He gazed over to Anthy and sighed. "Not always...Uh...say Himemiya, how
are you doing? Understand everything?"
Anthy nodded happily. "Of course,
Miki."
Miki smiled.
She watched safely from behind a
bookshelf. "It's her again." She murmured to herself.
"Ugggh!" Utena's head fell into her
hands. "I'll never get this math."
"Quiet Utena-sama." Himemiya said
in a hushed voice. "Let's not get the librarians upset."
Utena nodded. "Sorry." She whispered.
Miki took Utena's paper. "No wonder
you're not getting it. You mixed up your signs again. Just fix that and
you should be fine."
Utena nodded, took her paper and
went reluctantly back to work.
"Let me check yours, Himemiya, please.
I want to make sure that you're understanding everything."
Himemiya smiled and quietly said
"Thank you" as she handed Miki her paper.
"No..." She said to herself from
behind the bookshelf.
"Himemiya, look here..." He pointed
to problem number 9 on the page. "I believe you are getting confused with..."
"Miki." She stepped out from behind
her hiding place.
He looked up from the problem and
at her. "Kozue? What are you doing here?"
Avoiding his question, Kozue said
"I just wanted to tell you that I won't be home for dinner tonight."
Miki sulked slightly. "Another date?...We
were going to have your favorite tonight..."
"Yes" Kozue stated, smiling sadly.
"Yes, I do." She walked away.
"Boy." Utena said as she watched
Kozue disappear into the thousands of selves. "Kozue sure has a lot of
boyfriends."
"Yeah." Miki replied quietly.
****
I blink and open up my eyes to see
a bare back facing me.
"Mi...ki?" I stutter. The person
does not move. I reach out and touch his back. Breath in. Breath out. Breath
in. Breath out. Of course this person isn't Miki.
I sigh and roll over so the back
is away from me. I dreamt again last night. It was different this time
though.
It didn't start out with our garden.
Instead it began with Miki and I standing in the castle as the door opened.
The door unlocks to show a hazy,
gray drizzly day. Out in the distance, I can vaguely see a dark shadowy
figure approaching the castle through the clouds.
I brace the sword in front of me
and shout "Who are you?"
The figure seems to laugh.
Stanching defensively in front of
Miki. I yell again "Who are you?"
The figure shakes its shady head
lightly and continues to pace towards us.
I grimace and Miki just laughs.
"Don't worry, Kozue-chan. It's nothing."
I want to tell him that for once
he is wrong. The figure is a something, not nothing. But my dreamself
just nods and remains standing, ready for the figure.
Good enough.
I keep looking out into the drizzle.
Light rain patters down on the soft dirt, slowly turning it into mud. I
can not see the figure anymore. "Where'd it go?" I say to myself.
"Miki..." I hear a voice whisper.
I turn around to find that the figure
has crept it's fingers up across Miki's chest and has wrapped its arms
around Miki, my Miki.
Tears burn in my eyes. "Who are you?"
I holler, my face hot with anger.
The figure smiles seductively and
places its smoky lips on Miki's neck.
Why isn't he doing anything? Why
is he just standing there? Make it stop, Miki, make it stop.
I step forward with the sword drawn
at the shadow. "Leave him alone. Life's only for me and Miki, not you."
I say calmly.
I don't think I can take anymore
of these strange dreams. Maybe I should just stop sleeping.
****
"Kozue....you okay?" Miki said as
he stared at his sister with her head rested in her arms.
She lifted her head up weakly. "Wha..."
Miki leaned over to Kozue. "You seem
very tired. Not get enough sleep last night?"
Kozue smiled slightly. "It'll always
just be you and me, right, Miki?"
"What?" Miki asked, slightly confused
by the question.
"Just you and me together for eternity.
No one else, just you and me."
"Kozue...."
****
I watched the stars last night, in
an attempt not to fall to sleep.
I failed, of course.
The figure lifts its head from Miki's
neck and he falls into its arms, weak and unresisting. "Just for you and
him..." It seems to contemplates my statement. "Well that isn't very fair...at
least not for Miki." It brushes its fingers through Miki's hair.
This is making me sick.
"Miki..." I begin. "is mine."
"I beg to differ." The figure raises
Miki up to its lips and embraces him. The shadowy figure starts to sparkle
and I see a strange mauve color surround it as it fades away in a white
light, each of its features being replaced with Himemiya Anthy's. Now the
purple haired girl dressed simply in her school uniform and glasses is
kissing my brother.
Stop it, Miki! Stop kissing her!
She's not the one for you! Only me! I'm the one.
My dreamself braces her sword and
walks towards Himemiya. "You....you witch." I shriek. "Leave him alone!
Leave my Miki alone!"
Himemiya lifts her lips away from
Miki's. Miki now rests in her arms, sleeping like a child. She smiles wickedly
at me.
I charge towards Himemiya with my
sword in hand. Slashing, I scream at her "I'll make you regret that!
I will! No one gets away with doing that to my Miki."
Himemiya places Miki down gently
on the floor where he sleeps. She then turns towards me, still smiling
impiously.
I rush towards her with my sword
pointed out and stab her right through her heart, her blood spilling like
rain onto my sword.
She doesn't move. She just stands
there smiling at me.
I wake up in a cold sweat.
****
"I had a dream that I stabbed Himemiya
last night." Kozue said bluntly as she twirled her spoon around in her
cereal.
"What?!" Miki said in shock.
"Never mind..."
****
The bleeding Himemiya smiles at me.
I pull my sword out of her and her scarlet blood trickles down off my sword
and on to the floor. A drop of blood lands on Miki.
"Oh dear, you got Miki dirty." She
says sweetly, still smiling.
I look down at Miki. That bead of
blood has landed on his hand. Right before my eyes, it starts to grow.
Crimson spreads through his hand and up his arm. It slowly travels to his
neck. Soon Miki will be covered in red.
"Very dirty." She adds.
Tears fill my eyes. "Stop it."
I'm really starting to hate these
dreams.
****
Miki spread his fingers across the
piano. He sent his mind back to his childhood dreamland, the sunlit garden.
The notes flew peacefully across the instrument, creating the melody of
the familiar tune.
Miki stopped and sighed. "I need
a partner...." He looked longingly at the door. "Himemiya said that she
would be here...where was she?"
"I'm very sorry Miki." Himemiya said
as she opened the door to the piano room. "I got caught up at the Rose
Garden."
Miki smiled and nodded understanding.
"It's all right, Himemiya. I was just wondering where you were."
She smiled and sat next to him. "I'm
really sorry."
"No need to apologize."
The partners sat together on the
piano bench and the melody and harmony of the Sunlit Garden filled the
room. The song carried both the players off to a different time, to a different
world.
"Miki." A harsh voice interrupted
the playing.
Miki lifted his fingers off the keys
and glared at the intruder. "....Kozue."
She squinted at Miki and Himemiya
together. "You make me so sick."
Miki stood out from the piano. "What?"
"You and Himemiya together. It's
disgusting." Kozue yelled with tears in her eyes. "We're twins! We don't
need anyone else!"
Miki sighed. "Kozue-chan...we're
gone over this before...Kozue?" Before he could say anymore, Kozue was
gone.
He looked down and shook his head.
"I'm sorry, Himemiya. Kozue's been acting real weird lately."
Himemiya just smiled.
****
I stood there, watching my brother
be covered in Himemiya's ruby blood. I bend down towards him and kiss his
forehead, draining her blood, keeping it from staining his body. Himemiya
just watches me, amused.
Himemiya's blood fills my mouth and
rushes down my throat, spreading through my veins, clashing with my own
blood. Somehow, I feel renewed.
"You know..." She begins. "Even with
my blood, you can never be his."
Of course.
I cry. I cry not for Miki, but for
myself.
"You're not what he wants."
Tears stream down my face.
"You're not what he needs."
I want to scream "No! I am his! I'm
his Kozue! His Kozue-chan." but I just sit there on the marble castle floor
weeping for myself.
"You'll never be."
Tears fall from my face and on to
the ground. My eyes are red and heavy.
"Understand?"
I bend over looking at Miki, not
wanting to talk to her. My tears drop from my face and stain Miki's. We
both are crying now. And then Miki begins to sparkle slightly.
"He's going to leave." Himemiya says
gently.
I grab Miki's hand. More tears fall
from my face on to his. "Don't! Don't leave me, Miki! We are nothing without
each other!"
Miki doesn't say anything. He is
still sleeping, oblivious to everything.
I hold on tight to Miki's hand, but
I can feel it dissolving in my own. He's disappearing, fading away into
the dusk. "Miki!" I scream. "Don't leave! Please! Don't leave...don't leave
me." I am no longer crying for myself.
"He's going to his own world." Himemiya
explains. "To the world he deserves."
With that last cruel statement, he
fades away into nothingness. He is no longer holding my hand.
My head falls to my knees and fresh
tears flow from my eyes. "Where'd he go?" I scream. "Where did he go?!?"
"I told you already. He went to the
world he deserves...the garden." Himemiya walks over to me and places
her hand on my back. "This is your world, the world you deserve." Himemiya
says softly, so softly, fading away as the castle grows dark. I lie on
the floor, curled up like a child, crying to myself. Little lights start
to fill the room, each one shimmering with a different luminance. Weakly
I look up at them, noticing that they are fireflies.
"The dead." I whisper to myself.
I squint through their faint light.
I can barely make out the "M" and "K" that I scratched on the doors earlier.
****
"Miki...do you believe that dreams
can be metaphors?" Kozue asked him as she placed her milkshake glass on
her bedside table.
"It depends on the dream...why do
you ask?" Miki said inquiring.
"Never mind." Kozue snuggled down
in her covers. "It's not important."
****
I don't dream anymore.
****
fin.
