Destined to Care
I had that dream again. Tom was writing to me, and I could hear him talking to me. Then he came out of the diary, just like always. And there was nothing I could do about it. His cruel face filled the whole Chamber, and he laughed, a cold high-pitched laugh that, that, well, let's just say it's the scariest thing I've ever heard. And then I was doing all sorts of terrible things, to my family, to everyone I care about. I was out of control, just like last time, only worse. Much worse.
When I woke up, I think I screamed, because Ron came running; he was only wearing his maroon pajama bottoms. I was sweating bullets, so Ron got a damp towel and mopped my face. I think he understands what I'm going through, somewhat. He was in the Chamber too, even if he didn't meet Tom. Sometimes I think Ron's my favorite brother, but then he generally goes and does something stupid. Last night though, he was great.
Sometimes, it makes me feel like a baby, having nightmares every night. But then I realize being controlled by You-Know-Who-- Voldemort, isn't water off a duck's back. I try to share Harry's philosophy: I've met him, and I'm calling him by his name. I'm still getting used to it, even after two and a half years. It's just one of the many way's my life has changed since my first year.
Just look at how I view Harry. Before, he was my hero, "The Boy Who Lived"! I remember when I was a little girl. Mum used to read me bedtime stories about him1. I still have the book, part of the "Little Wizard" series. I would marvel at now little baby Harry was; I think it made me feel special to know that you didn't have to be "all growed up" to do something amazing. Then I used to ask her, "how old is Harry Potter", and "will I see Harry Potter when I go to Hogwarts", and the like. Then one day I saw him in a Muggle store2. Dad was buying a suit or something, and all of a sudden, there he was. Only a split second encounter, but that's when I promised myself I was going to marry that boy.
I have long given up that dream. Harry's never looked at me, romantically or otherwise, but I still feel a strange, almost mystical connection. I've never told anyone this before, but… gosh I feel silly. What I'm trying to say is that, well, I feel like I am destined for Harry, in a way. He's the only reason I truly matter. I know my family loves me and all, but they just don't understand. Sometimes I wonder if the only reason I'm here is to care for Harry.
Not that he'll ever let me.
What I'm trying to say is that my feelings for Harry are still there, but they've matured, like the rest of me. I still am entranced when he runs his fingers through his wild black hair, or when he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, but… I just can't explain it. See, I feel like we're connected because I've been through some of what he has, I've met Voldemort too! And that makes my feelings for him even stronger. I've heard Ron tell Mum that Harry has nightmares too. Knowing that Harry is afraid to makes me feel better, but I wish he didn't have to go through all this pain. No one deserves this pain, but especially not him. He deserves a mom and a dad and a life without trouble. And a girl.
Oh, I wish I could be that girl. I want to be there for Harry so much it hurts. It was so painful to watch him after the Triwizard Tournament. Imagine watching You-Know-Who's rebirth, dueling with the Dark Lord, being subject to the Cruciatus Curse… Harry deserves so much better than this. Curse Voldemort! If only I could change the past! No, that wouldn't work either, who knows what damage Voldemort would have done if he hadn't attacked the Potters. Even if I can't change Harry's past, I want so much to make a difference in his life now. I want to be there for him when ever he needs to cry out, to soothe the pain he must be feeling. I want to care for him so badly, even if only as a friend! Caring from a distance is so much harder than caring up close and personal. It hurts to care.
And the worst part is he'll never know how much I care, never know how much more my love is than a stupid school girl crush, because he doesn't want to know. Harry doesn't want me to be anything more than Ron's little sister, not even as a friend. I don't blame him really. When have I ever shown him I'm more than the girl who blushes and stutters and sticks her elbow in the butter dish? Never.
Yet I still hope. I still make a wish for Harry and I when I blow dandelion fluff, and I still page through Accio Date! thinking wistfully of following their advice, only to recall Fred an George's taunts the last time I used eye shadow and mascara charms. There is no reason for me to hope, and it only causes more pain and rejection! Except…
Did you ever stop to think, well, maybe I'm seeing things, but it's got to mean something… besides Harry, I'm the only one that's survived an encounter with Voldemort. That's got to be more than a simple coincidence. A destiny or something.
There. I've said it.
Ron would call me crazy, and the twins would just laugh, but at least I've admitted it, to myself.
And that's what matters, right?
A/N: Mmm, take a look a shirtless Ron! Maroon pajama bottoms, I AM a genius… Not that Ginny was checking out his abs of course, that was my self conscience writing. *drools at Ron's imagined six pack*
This has been done, but I wanted to take a stab at the ole' Ginny fic! How have I done? For better Ginny fics try
The same disclaimers apply, the only thing I own is Accio Date!, like you care.
I really want to thank anyone who had reviewed my stuff lately, especially Ice Princess, Jerry Christianson, and Bumblebeee Bucey. Your reviews really make my day! Thanks to anyone else I've forgotten!
Oh, and to Am, in a review removing petition disaster, I accidentally got your review for
One more thing: Anyone interested in beta reading for me? Drop me a line in your review and I'll contact you. :) Thanks for reading and have a great summer! (Happy no school!)
Note Thingies:
1 see
2 see