Chinese Announcer: Hello and welcome to the 4th episode of TVFN! Did you know that I am the fourth announcer for this show? None of us can last more than one episode because we really suck! (Turns off translator)! HCTIBELOHSSAGNIKCUFNMADDOG (turns it back on) that's better. Just don't read it backwards! So anyway, tonight we have two exciting matches for you! The first is between Sisqo and Nelly! The fans have been awaiting this one and it hopes to be a dousy! And the other main event is 3-on-3-on-3 girls only match between Charlie's Angels, Destiny's Child, and 3LW! Let's go backstage with Emily and talk to Sisqo.
Emily: Are you confident you're going to win, Sisqo?
Sisqo (listening to his CD): Let me see that thong, baby thong, thong thong thong!
Emily: Well, if you say so…
Emily pulls off her pants and shows her thong.
Sisqo turns off CD player.
Sisqo: Oh, momma! Now that's a thong!
Sisqo and Emily get in bed. On the way, Sisqo closes the door…
Chinese Announcer: That's not right! Let's go to Jack and Nelly!
Jack: Nelly, do you think you can win?
Nelly: I know I can win. I can feel it! When I can feel it, I'll know I'll win cause I can feel it! When I feel it, I know I can win cause I can feel it! And when I feel it, I know I'll win cause I can feel it…
Jack:(feeling weird) OK…
Chinese Announcer:! ELBMUR OT YDAER TEG S'TEL
Guy in Crowd: What?
Chinese Announcer: !ELBMUR OT YDAER TEG S'TEL
Guy in Crowd: Speak English!
Chinese Announcer: !MA I
Guy in Crowd: TURN ON YOUR F**KING TRANSLATOR!!!
Chinese Announcer turns on translator
Chinese Announcer: LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!
Sisqo and Nelly walk in circles, staring at each other.
Nelly snaps his fingers. A gang comes in.
Nelly: I bet you weren't expecting this!
Sisqo snaps his fingers. Another gang comes in.
Sisqo: Actually, I was!
Sisqo and Nelly move as the gangs beat the daylights out of each other!
Both gangs have one living person left.
Nelly and Sisqo come into the fighting area.
Nelly: You and your gang member are toast because my gang member brought a handgun.
Sisqo: Oh yeah? My gang member brought TWO uzi's! One for him and one for me!
Nelly: Dang it! You're going kick our @$$es!
Sisqo and partner load uzi's. They both kill Nelly's partner. Sisqo then kills his partner and takes his gun!
Sisqo: You can't run from me! I'll just kill you!
Nelly wets himself.
Sisqo drops guns.
Sisqo: Eew! That's sick!
Nelly grabs uzi. Nelly kills Sisqo with one shot.
Chinese Announcer: And the winner is: Melly!
Nelly shoots Chinese Announcer and kills him.
Nelly: My name is Nelly, not Melly!
Manager: We need a new Announcer! Who's up for it?
An Italian Man comes up.
Italian Man: I will do it!
Manager: You know you're only going to last one episode?
Italian Man: Cool! (He obviously doesn't understand)
Manager: Go out there and do your best!
Italian Announcer (making pasta): First you put it in the oven, and then you eat it! Yum yum!
Manager: No, you dimwit! You're fired!
Italian Man: Cool! (He doesn't understand)
Manager throws him out the door.
Manager: I'll finish this show myself!
Manager checks agenda.
Manager: Well, It looks like we're going to show a 3-on-3-on-3 girls only match but we don't have enough time. We'll watch Rocky and Bullwinkle reruns instead.
Crowd: BOO! HISS! BOO! YOU SUCK!!!
Manager: All right, I'll show the match!
Destiny's Child come in with a loaded bazooka. Charlie's Angels have a cell phone and 3LW have a mirror. DC blows up CA. The three are still alive but are knocked out. DC does the same to 3LW.
DC1: I have a funny Idea!
DC2: What is it?
DC3: Yeah, what is it?
DC1: You'll see.
DC1 goes over and pulls off one of the CA's shirts. She pulls off the bra too. She takes a picture.
The girls do that to all of them.
Manager: And the winners, Destiny's Child! Good Job, now get out of my way.
Manager goes over to the girls and has sex with each one. He gets married to CA Natalie.
The two have a baby and live a life of sex and more sex.
Ghost of Chinese Announcer: That's all for tonight! This TVFN signing off! Tune in to our first PTSACCDT(pay-per-view type called pay to see a crappy celebrity deathmatch takeoff) where the announcers will go at it in a free-for-all on a platform above the Golden Gate Bridge! Plus, the female singer free-for-all with Pink, Britney, Christina, Mya, and more! There's also a surprise match that is so secret we can't tell you anything about it! This is a once in a lifetime special event that you don't want to miss! This is TVFN, signing off. Now for those crappy reruns off Rocky and Bullwinkle! BYE BYE!
Emily: Are you confident you're going to win, Sisqo?
Sisqo (listening to his CD): Let me see that thong, baby thong, thong thong thong!
Emily: Well, if you say so…
Emily pulls off her pants and shows her thong.
Sisqo turns off CD player.
Sisqo: Oh, momma! Now that's a thong!
Sisqo and Emily get in bed. On the way, Sisqo closes the door…
Chinese Announcer: That's not right! Let's go to Jack and Nelly!
Jack: Nelly, do you think you can win?
Nelly: I know I can win. I can feel it! When I can feel it, I'll know I'll win cause I can feel it! When I feel it, I know I can win cause I can feel it! And when I feel it, I know I'll win cause I can feel it…
Jack:(feeling weird) OK…
Chinese Announcer:! ELBMUR OT YDAER TEG S'TEL
Guy in Crowd: What?
Chinese Announcer: !ELBMUR OT YDAER TEG S'TEL
Guy in Crowd: Speak English!
Chinese Announcer: !MA I
Guy in Crowd: TURN ON YOUR F**KING TRANSLATOR!!!
Chinese Announcer turns on translator
Chinese Announcer: LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!
Sisqo and Nelly walk in circles, staring at each other.
Nelly snaps his fingers. A gang comes in.
Nelly: I bet you weren't expecting this!
Sisqo snaps his fingers. Another gang comes in.
Sisqo: Actually, I was!
Sisqo and Nelly move as the gangs beat the daylights out of each other!
Both gangs have one living person left.
Nelly and Sisqo come into the fighting area.
Nelly: You and your gang member are toast because my gang member brought a handgun.
Sisqo: Oh yeah? My gang member brought TWO uzi's! One for him and one for me!
Nelly: Dang it! You're going kick our @$$es!
Sisqo and partner load uzi's. They both kill Nelly's partner. Sisqo then kills his partner and takes his gun!
Sisqo: You can't run from me! I'll just kill you!
Nelly wets himself.
Sisqo drops guns.
Sisqo: Eew! That's sick!
Nelly grabs uzi. Nelly kills Sisqo with one shot.
Chinese Announcer: And the winner is: Melly!
Nelly shoots Chinese Announcer and kills him.
Nelly: My name is Nelly, not Melly!
Manager: We need a new Announcer! Who's up for it?
An Italian Man comes up.
Italian Man: I will do it!
Manager: You know you're only going to last one episode?
Italian Man: Cool! (He obviously doesn't understand)
Manager: Go out there and do your best!
Italian Announcer (making pasta): First you put it in the oven, and then you eat it! Yum yum!
Manager: No, you dimwit! You're fired!
Italian Man: Cool! (He doesn't understand)
Manager throws him out the door.
Manager: I'll finish this show myself!
Manager checks agenda.
Manager: Well, It looks like we're going to show a 3-on-3-on-3 girls only match but we don't have enough time. We'll watch Rocky and Bullwinkle reruns instead.
Crowd: BOO! HISS! BOO! YOU SUCK!!!
Manager: All right, I'll show the match!
Destiny's Child come in with a loaded bazooka. Charlie's Angels have a cell phone and 3LW have a mirror. DC blows up CA. The three are still alive but are knocked out. DC does the same to 3LW.
DC1: I have a funny Idea!
DC2: What is it?
DC3: Yeah, what is it?
DC1: You'll see.
DC1 goes over and pulls off one of the CA's shirts. She pulls off the bra too. She takes a picture.
The girls do that to all of them.
Manager: And the winners, Destiny's Child! Good Job, now get out of my way.
Manager goes over to the girls and has sex with each one. He gets married to CA Natalie.
The two have a baby and live a life of sex and more sex.
Ghost of Chinese Announcer: That's all for tonight! This TVFN signing off! Tune in to our first PTSACCDT(pay-per-view type called pay to see a crappy celebrity deathmatch takeoff) where the announcers will go at it in a free-for-all on a platform above the Golden Gate Bridge! Plus, the female singer free-for-all with Pink, Britney, Christina, Mya, and more! There's also a surprise match that is so secret we can't tell you anything about it! This is a once in a lifetime special event that you don't want to miss! This is TVFN, signing off. Now for those crappy reruns off Rocky and Bullwinkle! BYE BYE!