Tai said...I'd be all right. I bit my lip as we crossed the street, and hoped he was right.
It was hard, seeing as I was in such a wrecked state of mind, but as we walked on, silently, I felt the wall I surround myself with when I'm outside my "natural surroundings", as TK once put it, build itself higher and higher. I guess Tai must have noticed it, too.
"Matt," he said, staring at me.
"What?"
"Relax, man. It's okay now."
"Relax?"
"Yeah. You're walking all funny...like the Mafia's after you."
I released a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, and stopped clenching my muscles. Tai smiled.
"You didn't even know you did it, did you?" Silently I shook my head in agreement, moving slightly closer to him as a particularly thick crowd of people walked past us.
"You're doing it again," Tai murmured, putting his hand on my arm, eyes once again concerned. "Matt--"
I scowled, embarassed at how I was acting and how he was acting towards me. "Shove off, I'm fine, okay?"
"Hey!" He cried, frowning. "I'm trying to help you, Matt. I'm--"
"I don't need help, I'm fine!"
"Oh, so that's why you were begging me to get out of your apartment, huh?"
"I...no, it's just...jeez, Tai. Shut up and get lost!" I turned on my heel and was about to walk ahead of him, when I felt a jerk as he grabbed my arm. His stormy, dark eyes drilled holes into mine.
"No."
I blinked. "Wha...?"
"No," he repeated, his face flushing in anger. "I'm staying right here with you, Matt."
I blushed slightly, trying not to read those words the way I would've liked to.
"I'm not getting lost and the world will have to end before I leave you alone."
I half-grinned. "Will the world have to end before you shut up?"
Tai looked like he didn't know whether to be insulted or laugh. Eventually the latter won out, and I smiled.
"Er..." I coughed. "Um...let's get something to eat."
"Sure thing. McDonald's sounds...well, cholesterol-level altering, but I don't care. Let's go for it, eh?"
"It's on me."
Tai looked at me, a soft smile hovering around his mouth. My heart gave an uncomfortable thump. I think he knew that that's the closest I would come to an apology.
* * *
"Y'know," Tai said with a giggle, as we sat outside McDonalds, chowing down. "Remember Sora's birthday party?"
I rolled my eyes. "Which one would that be? She's had, what, thirteen now?"
Tai giggled once again and snatched some fries from me. "Her sixth one. We all came here and stuff."
I tried to remember. "You...stuck French fries up your nose..." I broke into a grin.
Tai roared with laughter. "Remember how Mimi shrieked at first, and then she asked me how it was possible that I could get them that far up my nose, Joe looked like he was about to puke, and when your mom and dad came to pick you up with little TK, they thought we'd...oh...oh, Matt, I'm sorry...I did it again..."
I shook my head, ignoring the pain in my heart that Tai's words had brought up. "It's okay."
Tai sighed. "I was trying to cheer you up an' everything."
"It's okay, you tried..." I trailed off.
Tai looked frustrated and sad at the same time. "Look, Matt, I know things are rough, and have been your whole life, but they'll get better--"
"Let's just change the subject," I said abruptly, pushing my fries away from me and staring out the window.
"Uh...okay."
Silence ensued. I felt rather uncomfortable.
"Er...Matt, it's almost six. Don't you think we should be heading home...?"
I groaned, slamming my head down on the table-top. "I don't wanna go back home, dammit," I said to the floor.
"But your mom will worry."
"I don't care. I don't want to go back home and put up with her being in a pissy mood 'cause of dad. Or even worse, find out that she's still on the phone and screaming her lungs out."
"Yeah...but..."
I sighed, lifting my head off the table. "I guess I'll just walk around the city for the night or something..."
"Don't be stupid," Tai said. "You can stay the night at my place. I think Kari's staying at Yolei's, and Mom and Dad aren't home, so we can laze around, have the TV to ourselves and stay up all night."
"I outgrew those slumber-type party happenings years ago."
"Fine. We'll stay up all night and watch my dad's porn."
"You dad doesn't seem the type to own porn..."
"He's not," Tai said with a slight scowl. I blinked at him for a few moments and burst out laughing.
He grinned at me like a lunatic. "So whaddya say? It's safer than staying out on the streets, and although it'll probably be as boring as all hell, there'll be no-one yelling."
I nodded. "Yeah...lemme find my phone card and I'll give mom a buzz..."
We stashed our garbage and I went looking for a payphone. I dialled mom's number, tapping my fingers on the side of the glass booth.
Engaged.
"Forget it," I said to Tai as I closed the door to the phone behind me. "She's still on the phone. I'll call her when we get to your place."
"Okay. Let's hit the road."
* * *
I yawned hugely and flopped down on the Kamiya's couch as Tai zipped around the apartment, flicking on the lights and playing back the few messages on their answering machine.
"Yeah, Mom and Dad are staying with our aunt and uncle in Minato-ku tonight and Kari's staying at Yolei's. We has the whole 'partment to ourselves, woohaa!!" He jumped over the back of the sofa and ended up landing on me.
"Ow, watch it, stupid," I laughed, pushing him away.
"What's on TV?" he asked, hanging upside down off the couch and zapping the remote control.
"Seeing as it's a...is it Tuesday?"
"Yup."
"Well, then you've got a choice between All Saints--"
"Yuck."
"Water Rats, Felicity--"
Tai fell off the couch and made several gagging noises.
"--or Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
"Mleh," Tai groaned, falling head over heels, literally, and jumping to his feet. "I hate that crap, but Kari'll kill me if I don't record it for her," he started shuffling through the video cabinet, looking for a blank tape. "By the way, Matt, you'd better call yo ma."
"Oh. Yeah," I said, and walked into the kitchen, dialling mom's number for the second time that evening. The dull beeping told me it was still engaged. I swore under my breath, dropping the receiver back into it's cradle.
"Something wrong?" Tai asked, looking up from programming his VCR.
I sat back down in the sofa with an annoyed sigh. "Still engaged."
"That's regoddamndiculous," Tai stated, punching the current time into the VCR with force. "How long can your mom and dad argue for, anyway?"
I swallowed. "Forever...back when the divorce first happened...me and TK would spend hours on end in my room, holding on to each other as they screamed...usually until one, or both, of us fell asleep...it was a nightmare..." my voice cracked and I took a deep breath, willing the surge of emotion to go away.
Tai leaned back on his heels, regarding me with wide eyes. "Woah, man...you never told me about that..."
"Never saw the need to."
"These things still bug you, after all these years?"
I scowled. "It ruined my life, Tai. And if you're about to open your trap and feed me all that bullshit about letting go and forgetting about it, go to hell."
Tai sighed. "I wasn't about to, Matt," he got up and sat next to me on the sofa. "Who tells you to do that?"
I looked away, miserably. "Mom does. Mom says that, and Dad just ignores things, and I'm usually too busy playing counselor to TK when he feels bad..." I stopped talking. I did not want to talk about this any more. I didn't want to get worked up and I most certainly did not want to cry anymore. And Tai probably did not want to listen.
He reached over and hugged me tightly. "I'm sorry," he said, and my suspicions were confirmed. I'm sorry. People are always saying that to me. Aka, "too bad you're feeling miserable, but please don't burden me with your stuff, okay?"
Not you too, Tai...ask me. Ask me what's wrong...PLEASE!! JUST ASK ME!!
He didn't do anything but continue to hold me. My eyes swelled with tears and I hugged him back, so that he wouldn't see them slide down my face in fiercely hot trails.
Please Tai...ask me to tell you what I feel...please don't turn me away...Taichi!!!
I closed my eyes, held in my sobs, and hoped for a miracle, resting my head on my best friend's shoulder.