Body

Chapter 7

The lyrics used in this chapter are from the song "Crawling" byLinkin Park

"Colleen? Colleen, wake up!" a far off voice echoed in her head, she opened her eyes squinting in the bright light.

"She's waking up," Sophie motioned to the nurse.

"Where am I?" Colleen mumbled.

"The infirmary," Sophie replied softly.

The day's horrific new came flooding back to Colleen and her panic rose once again.

"Colleen you safe here," Sophie saw the fear in her eyes, "Adam can't find you here, he has no idea where you are."

This calmed Colleen just enough for her to speak normally.

"Colleen, it would help you so much if you would just tell me about Adam, and what he did to you, then you would be less afraid of him."

"I.....can't," Colleen said weekly, "there's nothing to talk about, and even if there was you'd just run to Peter and repeat my whole story to him. Then the two of you would sit around and analyse my life like your some fucking psychiatrists, and decided what is "best for me. It's all bullshit, this whole place is. I don't see how it can help me to talk about it, and relive Adam's torture!" Colleen was sitting up straight, practically screaming in Sophie's face. It felt so good to vent her anger.

"Alright Colleen, then you'll have to learn the hard way that opening up is the best thing, I'm only trying to make it easier for you," Sophie shook her head sadly, then turned to the nurse, "She should be able to go back to her cabin anytime." The nurse nodded and Sophie left. Colleen threw the blankets back and reached for her shoes.

"Would you like me to call for someone to come and take you to your cabin?" the nurse asked.

"I'll be fine thanks," Colleen snapped, she then walked towards the door, and stepped outside. It shocked her to see that it was already dark outside. She shivered, then laughed as she remember what made her faint. It was David who yelled the threat to Daisy. She was overreacting, there was no way in hell Adam could know she was out here. She didn't even know where abouts Horizon was, she'd slept on the way here. Darkness stretched over the grounds throwing everything off-balance and making it surreal. The mountains were now eerie shadows against the star filled sky, no longer beautiful scenery. Colleen started to shakily make her way across the grounds. ~Why couldn't I have just died~ she thought to herself. Then she wouldn't be living in this fear of her ex-boyfriend, the psycho. Instead of going back, she sprawled out on the grass and gazed at the sky.

~There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface~
~Consuming, confusing~
~This lack of self control I fear is never ending~
~Controlling~

*~*~*~Flashback~*~*~*

"Adam, I don't wanna break into that house! I mean, stealing from stores and people's jackets is one thing, but breaking and entering is another.....I won't do it!"

"It's all the same Colleen, either way we're still stealing!" Adam yelled, "Sometimes I could kill you for being such a whiner," he slapped her hard across the face. It stung.

Colleen shrank back in fear, and Adam's face softened, like it always did, "Sorry babe, but you gotta stop being so uptight all the time......just go along with me." He leaned down and kissed her. She gave in, pretending she actually loved him and that he was taking her in only love. It satisfied him that he was allowed to take her.....got rid of the anger. Plus if she pretended that it was love, then it wasn't really rape.....right?

*~*~*~End Flashback~*~*~*

~I can't seem~
~To find myself again~
~My walls are closing in~
Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take
~I've felt this way before~
~So insecure~

~Crawling in my skin~
~These wounds, they will not heal~
~Fear is how I fall~
~Confusing what is real~

Colleen cried as she heard Adam's voice in her head, till the stars became one big white blur. Her anger took over, all because of him, "Go away!" she cried.

~Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me~
~Distracting, reacting~
~Against my will I stand beside my own reflection~
~It's haunting how I can't seem...~
~To find myself again~
~My walls are closing in~
Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take
~I've felt this way before~
~So insecure~

Colleen pulled off the bandages on her wrists. They still hurt, even after all this time. She thrust them in front of her and screamed into the night, "Look at what you've made me do. Are you satisfied?" she choked and sputtered on tears that consumed her.

~Crawling in my skin~
~These wounds, they will not heal~
~Fear is how I fall~
~Confusing what is real~

"You don't have to kill me Adam, I've been through hell by just living with you!" she started clawing at her wrists making fresh blood appear. Shelby and Scott were suddenly by her sides, wrestling her to the ground.

Colleen fell to the ground screaming, "Just let me die already!!!!"

~I can't seem~
~To find myself again~
~My walls are closing in~
Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take
~I've felt this way before~
~So insecure~