Warmth...
Someone's arms around me...tears dripping onto my face...I coughed miserably.
"Matt?" The word was a sob.
Taichi...my Tai. I tried to look up, squinting through the endless raindrops, but all I could see was light...a sparkling, spherical light, flashing all the colours of the rainbow. And in the centre of it, something I thought I recognised...but I wasn't sure.
"Tai..." I murmured, and then let myself slip from conciousness, where the bright light enveloped me.
*
The first thing I saw when I woke up was Tai's big, dark eyes, tear-filled, staring into mine.
"Tai..." I whispered, blinking.
He threw his arms around me, hugging me tightly, his body shaking with held-back tears. I looked at my surroundings over his shoulder. I was in his bed, blankets piled on top of me. The power was back on now...
"Matt, oh god," Tai cried, hugging me tighter. "You should have...oh god oh god..." he pulled back, brushing the hair out of my face.
I closed my eyes, trying to remember what happened. The dreams...the thoughts, the realisation. The ascent to the rooftop...the madness inside my head. The shining light...
I felt my heart sink as I looked into his tearful eyes, feeling ashamed and dirty and just downright pathetic for doing what I did to him. I swallowed the lump in my throat and choked out, "I'm sorry..."
"Shhh," he said, brushing his fingers against my lips. His eyes were closed and he was swallowing too much. "Shhh...I know, honey, I know how you felt...it's...it takes you over completely, doesn't it?"
I started. "But how did you...?"
"I felt...a shred of that hopelessness while I was trying to reach you," he said. He grinned wryly at my expression. "Yeah, I knew you'd gone up there."
"How did you know?" I asked plaintively.
Tai took a deep breath. "You know, I'm going to sound nuts...but it was a light...a light that came from my tears. It lead me to where you were...it was so bright, Matt, and sparkling..."
"A light?" I asked, startled. "When I...when I slipped out of conciousness, I saw a light, Tai..."
He stared at me. "Sparkling? With something in the center?"
"Yes! It was rainbow-coloured almost...and this sounds weird, but it seemed to guide me."
"No...no, it doesn't sound weird. It's the same light, Matt."
I snorted. "C'mon, Tai, magical floating lights? Be real. It's gotta be an illusion of some sort, brought on by an adrenaline rush. And me...well, I was a step and a half away from death, anything could have--oh Tai, I'm sorry..."
The tears were gathering in his eyes again. "It's okay," he whispered, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He laughed bitterly, rolling his eyes skyward. "Oh please. Who am I kidding? I almost lost you, Matt! It's not okay! It's just...just..." he trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut as the tears rolled down his cheeks. He brushed them away fiercely.
I swallowed, my lip trembling. "I know...sorry isn't enough, Tai. But--"
My words were cut off as he embraced me suddenly, holding me tightly and rocking back and forth, kissing the side of my head.
"You don't have to apologise."
"...you're not mad?"
"No, baby," he murmured, sighing into my neck. "No, I'm not. Not anymore. I'm just incredibly...sad. Sad 'cause I can't help you. Sad because maybe next time, you will step off that ledge."
I looked at him mournfully. "I'm sorry...I dragged you into this..."
His fingers played over my hair gently. "I don't care, Matt. I'd do that a thousand times over for you. I love you."
I reached out to touch his face...his beautiful, beautiful face. "I love you too," I whispered, leaning towards him.
"ACK!!!"
I pulled back and gave Tai a look. Okay, things were getting awfully sappy, but I was kind of enjoying it. I frowned.
"What?"
"Thliblbl!!!"
"Tai, put spaces between your words!"
He pointed to something behind me, and I whirled around.
"The light!" I gasped out."That's the same one, isn't it?"
"Look...in the center of it..." Tai whispered, grabbing my hand.
Rotating around each other in the center of the light were two faint shapes. My eyes grew huge.
"Friendship--"
"...and Courage," Tai finished, his eyes also wide. "Our crests, Friendship and Courage..."
The light grew brighter as the crests grew closer and closer. Finally, there was a flash, and instead of there being two crests, there was now one -- our crests had joined.
"Linked..." I murmured, squeezing Tai's hand.
"Incredible..." he whispered.
The light faded, shimmering for a moment, and shrinking down to a tiny point. It sparkled, then disappeared, leaving us in the semi-darkness once again. I turned to face him, looking deeply into those dark eyes.
"A kiss doesn't change anything, Matt..."
No, I thought, a real, pure smile spreading across my face. But it sure can help things.
I leaned forwards, and wrapping my arms around his shoulders, kissed him gently. Once at first. Then again, and again. One kiss became another, and then I couldn't tell where one kiss began and another ended. All I could feel was him, and that's all I wanted to feel.
"Matt..." he whispered, pulling back. "Matt, are you--"
"Shhh," I said, touching his lips. "Just kiss me."
He smiled and did just that. Fingers twined into hair, bodies pressed together, and I lost myself...
*
I was woken up the next morning by the sun shining on my face, and by Tai pressed warm kisses onto my bare shoulder. I rolled over and he caught my lips in a kiss.
"My lips are gonna swell from all this kissing," I joked, running my hand down his face.
He just grinned. "I could make a really bad joke right about now."
"I'd rather you didn't!"
"Looks like the storm's passed," he said, pulling me into his arms.
I smiled too. "Which is good. I didn't like that storm."
"It had it's moments."
"It brought out freaky lights."
"Freaky lights brought us closer."
I giggled. "You know, I could make a really tasteless joke now."
He shoved me playfully. "I'd like it if you didn't!"
"I won't," I said, giving him my best smile. He smiled back, and pulled me close again. I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. I closed my eyes, the smile still on my face.
Hard times are going to come and go. And there's gonna be a hell of a lot more of them, and I'm going to feel like jumping off that ledge. But...I've got Tai. Why jump away into nothingness when I can run to his arms and feel love...and let him feel my love?
It's gonna be a rocky road...and I don't know if it'll get any smoother from here on. I've got a tonne of stuff to deal with--first of all, explaining to my mom why the hell I didn't call her last night! But seriously. Things will be...not easier from here on in, but bearable. Because I've got Tai. And not just Tai...lots of people care about me. Mom, Dad, TK, everyone. Gabumon, wherever he is now, I know he cares about me too. I have hope. There's gonna be an end, and no matter how much I trip and fall down, I'm gonna be all right.
I felt a lone tear slide down my cheek. A tear of happiness. I sat still, feeling it's warmth trail down my face. It didn't burn like the other tears...it felt soft, almost comforting.
The moment was sort of lost when Tai smushed it across my cheek.
"What'd you do that for, weirdo?" I asked, somewhat miffed.
"Just making sure that we don't end up with anymore freaky lights," he said, with a crazy grin. I laughed.
He pulled me close to him again, and whispered in my ear. "Besides, I don't like seeing you cry."
"It's okay, Tai," I wrapped my arms around his warm body, smiling.
"I don't need to cry anymore."
~ THE END ~
[a.n.]
"Cry" began on April 9, 2001 and was completed June 15,
2001.
Song inspirations -- "On The Hill", AiM;
"Eien", Zard.
Thanks...yes, you all who've read this from start to finish.
You're the only ones who ever have, and you're the ones who
encouraged me to turn a tiny 300-word vent of angst into a
full-blown story. Thank you.
~ Mimi