**** **** ****
Zerglings For Dummies
A Guide to Having a Pet Zergling
**** **** ****
****
Chapter 3: Zergling Basic Training
****
The number one rule for Zerglings is: Don't Eat People!
Yes, having your pet eat people is quite a social blunder. You should take as many steps to avoid it as possible. Be a responsible parent.
- •Spank your Zergling hard when he maims or eats something you don't want him to.
- •Scratch behind your Zergling's claws when he does something good.
- •Make sure you have your Zergling do his homework. You want him to get good grades, after all.
- •You can -- and should -- help your Zergling with his homework if he's having trouble. On the final is a killer math problem that you should make sure your Zergling knows how to do. That addition can be harsh.
- •Teach your Zergling to review my stories.
Zerglings don't defecate or urinate like we humans do, so thankfully, housebreaking your Zergling is not a problem. But Hydralisks....no, Hydralisks can really be evil when it comes to Mom's carpet...
Zerglings For Dummies has created and is marketing the patented ZFD BiscuitLing™, a Zergling biscuit similar to a chew toy. This will keep your Zergling's claws and teeth occupied, so they're not used at the wrong place in the wrong time. (You don't want your Zergling to be jumping on the bed whimpering for food while you're about to have sex, do you?)
Zerglings should also be taught to be a good watch-ling. An excellent way is to set up a trap near your door which will bathe the thief/burglar/whatever in meat juice. Teach your Zergling to attack that smell.
You can phone for information at the e-mail address MadSleeper33@aol.com or at the phone number 1-900-TELE-SEX. Or review. Questions may be published in the next chapter. You can also e-mail or call for information about the BiscuitLing.
--Neville33