"Luka! Is it really you?!"
"Yes mum it's me" She opened the door wide opened and gave me a big hug, I heard someone else coming from the inside too.
"Come on Luka, your father will be incredibly happy to see you!" She dragged me inside and closed the door.
"Who is it Maria?" I recognised at once the dark voice from my father. "You won't believe it!" She said loudly back. I heard someone coming fast down the hall, and then a familiar face looked at me.
"Luka!" He ran towards me and gave me a hug.
"Why are you here?"
"I need some time to think, and it's no places I think as much as here."
"I am so incredibly happy to see you" I felt mum squeezing my hand
"Are you tired after the flight? Or are you hungry?"
"No, I am fine, I just wanted to talk a little" But just to talk isn't just to talk with my mother, first she have to make tea to everyone, then find some cookies and after that we finally can talk.
"How is the situation down here now?" I didn't know much cause the American news only told about Croatia when it was politics
My father was grave
"Well, As much as I would like to say that everything is fine, I can't. People still disappear every day, houses is being bombed. Nothing have really changed." I looked down on the carpet.
"So how is life back in Chicago?" My mother said to get the topic over to something else.
"It is pretty much the same, just that I have met a girl, I like her a lot, but I don't think I love her as much as I loved Daniella." I looked down on the carpet again. I could feel that my parents exchanged stares.
My father tried to lighten my mood.
"So what is her name?"
"Abby Lockhart"
"Luka, I think you should call your brother and sister, they would be surprised to hear that you are here."
"Yes, Is the phone the same place as it was?"
"Nothing have changed here, son." My father smiled and I walked towards the phone. I picked it up, I could the number in my head still, someone picked up
"Kovac" A female voice said.
"Hello, is Daniell home?"
"Who is this?"
"It is his brother, Luka"
"Just wait a minute"
"I did't have to wait long before someone picked up,
"Luka, is it really you?" I smiled
"Yes, it's me" "It have been such a long time since we have seen you, you should visit us in Croatia sometime."
"I am in Croatia, Daniell"
"You are?"
"Yes I am, I am at mums and dads house So who was that woman I spoke to earlier?"
"Wow, It have been a really long time since we spoke, that was my wife."
"Are you married?"
"I have been that the last three years. So how is it with you, brother?" "I am fine" I said shortly.
"I think me and my wife comes over soon, I can't wait to see you again!" "Yeah it will be nice seeing you again too"
I hung up and picked up the phone again, I wanted to call my sister to. I dialled the number.
"Hello" I understood at once who it was, it is hard to not recognise a voice filled with so much happiness
"Hello Sister"
"Daniell, what is it?" My sister sounded annoyed.
"No, your other brother."
"Luka?!"
"Hello Trijana"
"Wow it seems like forever since I last talked to you. How are you"
"I am fine, I just wanted to tell that I am in Croatia for a month, and I am staying with our parents."
"I come right over!" She hung up. I looked at the phone, maybe I should call Abby, and tell her that I had arrived? I walked into the living room again, dad sat and read a newspaper and mum sat and knitted.
"Is it okay that I call someone in Chicago? I will be fast."
"Ok" I walked back to the phone and picked it up.
Abby stood and looked at the board when the phone rang, since Frank were nowhere in sight she picked it up.
"ER"
"This is Dr. Kovac is Abby Lockhart there?"
"It's me, everything okay Luka?"
"Yes, I just wanted you to know that I am okay."
"Are you in a rush or something?"
"Yeah I am, its rather expensive to call from here. I call you later okay? Love you"
"I love you too" Abby put the phone down again, she was a little less worried now, but still more worried about something than she had been before.
I put the phone down and walked into the living room, my mother smiled at me as I came in.
"I can't understand how you manage to speak that language, it seems so difficult." I smiled back at her
"I'm not good at it…… At the same moment the doorbell rang, and mum ran down to see who it was. I heard some mumbling, I knew what they talked about, they talked about me, and how I was doing. After a few moments a man came in towards me, he was not as high as me, but he had the same nose and the same mouth. He smiled a big smile to me when he entered the room
"Luka! Long time no see!" I smiled back at him,
"Yeah I know." He gave me a hug. "I want you to meet my wife Rianna. First now I noticed a woman standing behind him, she smiled at me "Hello Luka, nice finally meeting you, I have heard so much about you."
"Thanks, nice meeting you too." I looked at the woman her hair was long, curly and black almost like Daniella's
"Excuse me, but I am really tired, so I think I go to bed." Daniell looked at me searching through my face.
"Where can I sleep?" I asked my mother.
"Your old room"
"Thanks, good night". I walked out of the room, I wasn't tired at all, I just wanted to be alone for a while.
Daniell looked at his father,
"Is he still mourning?"
"Yes, definitely"
"It looks like it's eating him up from the inside. He hides it, but I know my own brother good enough to say that he has changed a lot, that's not Luka."
"I know, but who would be the same after going through what he have?" Everyone sat down around the table, silent.
"He said that he have met someone though, but at once he spoke about love he started to think about Daniella"
"I wonder if he ever will get over her"
"I don't know, I think he miss his children just as much, he just try to hide it."
"Sometimes hiding your feelings can be worse than the pain of the incident."
I walked up to my old room, it was exactly the same as when I moved out. I walked towards my desk, it was a mess, with drawings and papers all over, I loved to draw before, but I haven't done it in nine years. I started looking around at the drawings, under one I saw something that looked like a photograph, I moved all the papers and lifted up the little picture, a girl with black long hair looked smiling at me, her eyes was brown like chocolate and her skin was perfect, I stared down on a picture of a young Daniella.
For the first time in nine years I let my tears fall. Inside me I said "Men don't cry, men don't cry". But I cried. The picture of her had made all my memories with her flash before my eyes. I laid down on the bed, and my whole body shook of tears.
Maria were going up to get some flour, but she stopped when she heard the sound of cry, she turned to find out were it came from. She realised fast that it came from her son, Luka's room. The sound made her incredibly sorry, but at the same time happy, she couldn't remember last time she heard him cry. She knew that he wanted to be alone now, he was always like that, he never wanted to show anyone that he cried, and if someone talked to him then, he would get angry. So she picked up the flour and walked down again.
I woke up early in the morning of bird sing. I couldn't get back to sleep so I stood up and headed for the shower. I took of my clothes and looked at myself, red scars still were visible against my skin, they were constant reminders of the prison camp, I walked quickly away from the mirror I wasn't here to pity myself. I turned on the water, and almost yelled out of shock when ice-cold water hit me, I remembered that this often happened, because the power had been turned shut down during the night. I had been spoiled in USA with warm water every day. One positive thing about the cold water was that I definitely woke up.
After the shower I quickly pulled on my clothes and walked down, I was the first one to wake up, so I just grabbed a slice of old bread and walked outside. There were still a lack of food, so there was no reason to waste good food on me. It was dangerous to walk outside, but I just had to get out a little, and there wasn't so dangerous here as in Vukovar, were I, the most stupid man in the world lived with my two children and wife.
As I looked around I saw that many of the old buildings still was here, this street had survived well. I saw a man standing out in a garden playing with a dog, in some way the man looked familiar to me, stooped for a closer look. But now the man also had seen me, he stared at me just the same way I must have stared at him. Then the man opened his mouth.
"Luka, Luka Kovac is that you?"
"Yes I am Luka Kovac, who are you?"
"It's me Dimitrji" I suddenly remembered. He was one of my best friends when I was little.
Dimitrji walked over to me,
"How are you Luka?"
"I am fine" I answered almost automatic.
"I haven't seen you in almost ten years, where on the earth have you been?"
"I have moved to Chicago, and this is my first visit back in ten years." Dimitrji was almost the same as I remembered, full of life and happiness. "So what are you doing for a living?" Dimitrji asked, he always wanted to know everything when we were small. "I am a ER doctor. You?"
"I am a psychiatrist"
"Yes, I guess there is much need for that down here."
"So how is it with Daniella?" I looked down on the ground, it had been so long since I talked with Dimitrji. How could I answer that question? That it was my fault that she died?
"She is dead" Dimitrji looked shocked.
"Dead?"
"Yes mum it's me" She opened the door wide opened and gave me a big hug, I heard someone else coming from the inside too.
"Come on Luka, your father will be incredibly happy to see you!" She dragged me inside and closed the door.
"Who is it Maria?" I recognised at once the dark voice from my father. "You won't believe it!" She said loudly back. I heard someone coming fast down the hall, and then a familiar face looked at me.
"Luka!" He ran towards me and gave me a hug.
"Why are you here?"
"I need some time to think, and it's no places I think as much as here."
"I am so incredibly happy to see you" I felt mum squeezing my hand
"Are you tired after the flight? Or are you hungry?"
"No, I am fine, I just wanted to talk a little" But just to talk isn't just to talk with my mother, first she have to make tea to everyone, then find some cookies and after that we finally can talk.
"How is the situation down here now?" I didn't know much cause the American news only told about Croatia when it was politics
My father was grave
"Well, As much as I would like to say that everything is fine, I can't. People still disappear every day, houses is being bombed. Nothing have really changed." I looked down on the carpet.
"So how is life back in Chicago?" My mother said to get the topic over to something else.
"It is pretty much the same, just that I have met a girl, I like her a lot, but I don't think I love her as much as I loved Daniella." I looked down on the carpet again. I could feel that my parents exchanged stares.
My father tried to lighten my mood.
"So what is her name?"
"Abby Lockhart"
"Luka, I think you should call your brother and sister, they would be surprised to hear that you are here."
"Yes, Is the phone the same place as it was?"
"Nothing have changed here, son." My father smiled and I walked towards the phone. I picked it up, I could the number in my head still, someone picked up
"Kovac" A female voice said.
"Hello, is Daniell home?"
"Who is this?"
"It is his brother, Luka"
"Just wait a minute"
"I did't have to wait long before someone picked up,
"Luka, is it really you?" I smiled
"Yes, it's me" "It have been such a long time since we have seen you, you should visit us in Croatia sometime."
"I am in Croatia, Daniell"
"You are?"
"Yes I am, I am at mums and dads house So who was that woman I spoke to earlier?"
"Wow, It have been a really long time since we spoke, that was my wife."
"Are you married?"
"I have been that the last three years. So how is it with you, brother?" "I am fine" I said shortly.
"I think me and my wife comes over soon, I can't wait to see you again!" "Yeah it will be nice seeing you again too"
I hung up and picked up the phone again, I wanted to call my sister to. I dialled the number.
"Hello" I understood at once who it was, it is hard to not recognise a voice filled with so much happiness
"Hello Sister"
"Daniell, what is it?" My sister sounded annoyed.
"No, your other brother."
"Luka?!"
"Hello Trijana"
"Wow it seems like forever since I last talked to you. How are you"
"I am fine, I just wanted to tell that I am in Croatia for a month, and I am staying with our parents."
"I come right over!" She hung up. I looked at the phone, maybe I should call Abby, and tell her that I had arrived? I walked into the living room again, dad sat and read a newspaper and mum sat and knitted.
"Is it okay that I call someone in Chicago? I will be fast."
"Ok" I walked back to the phone and picked it up.
Abby stood and looked at the board when the phone rang, since Frank were nowhere in sight she picked it up.
"ER"
"This is Dr. Kovac is Abby Lockhart there?"
"It's me, everything okay Luka?"
"Yes, I just wanted you to know that I am okay."
"Are you in a rush or something?"
"Yeah I am, its rather expensive to call from here. I call you later okay? Love you"
"I love you too" Abby put the phone down again, she was a little less worried now, but still more worried about something than she had been before.
I put the phone down and walked into the living room, my mother smiled at me as I came in.
"I can't understand how you manage to speak that language, it seems so difficult." I smiled back at her
"I'm not good at it…… At the same moment the doorbell rang, and mum ran down to see who it was. I heard some mumbling, I knew what they talked about, they talked about me, and how I was doing. After a few moments a man came in towards me, he was not as high as me, but he had the same nose and the same mouth. He smiled a big smile to me when he entered the room
"Luka! Long time no see!" I smiled back at him,
"Yeah I know." He gave me a hug. "I want you to meet my wife Rianna. First now I noticed a woman standing behind him, she smiled at me "Hello Luka, nice finally meeting you, I have heard so much about you."
"Thanks, nice meeting you too." I looked at the woman her hair was long, curly and black almost like Daniella's
"Excuse me, but I am really tired, so I think I go to bed." Daniell looked at me searching through my face.
"Where can I sleep?" I asked my mother.
"Your old room"
"Thanks, good night". I walked out of the room, I wasn't tired at all, I just wanted to be alone for a while.
Daniell looked at his father,
"Is he still mourning?"
"Yes, definitely"
"It looks like it's eating him up from the inside. He hides it, but I know my own brother good enough to say that he has changed a lot, that's not Luka."
"I know, but who would be the same after going through what he have?" Everyone sat down around the table, silent.
"He said that he have met someone though, but at once he spoke about love he started to think about Daniella"
"I wonder if he ever will get over her"
"I don't know, I think he miss his children just as much, he just try to hide it."
"Sometimes hiding your feelings can be worse than the pain of the incident."
I walked up to my old room, it was exactly the same as when I moved out. I walked towards my desk, it was a mess, with drawings and papers all over, I loved to draw before, but I haven't done it in nine years. I started looking around at the drawings, under one I saw something that looked like a photograph, I moved all the papers and lifted up the little picture, a girl with black long hair looked smiling at me, her eyes was brown like chocolate and her skin was perfect, I stared down on a picture of a young Daniella.
For the first time in nine years I let my tears fall. Inside me I said "Men don't cry, men don't cry". But I cried. The picture of her had made all my memories with her flash before my eyes. I laid down on the bed, and my whole body shook of tears.
Maria were going up to get some flour, but she stopped when she heard the sound of cry, she turned to find out were it came from. She realised fast that it came from her son, Luka's room. The sound made her incredibly sorry, but at the same time happy, she couldn't remember last time she heard him cry. She knew that he wanted to be alone now, he was always like that, he never wanted to show anyone that he cried, and if someone talked to him then, he would get angry. So she picked up the flour and walked down again.
I woke up early in the morning of bird sing. I couldn't get back to sleep so I stood up and headed for the shower. I took of my clothes and looked at myself, red scars still were visible against my skin, they were constant reminders of the prison camp, I walked quickly away from the mirror I wasn't here to pity myself. I turned on the water, and almost yelled out of shock when ice-cold water hit me, I remembered that this often happened, because the power had been turned shut down during the night. I had been spoiled in USA with warm water every day. One positive thing about the cold water was that I definitely woke up.
After the shower I quickly pulled on my clothes and walked down, I was the first one to wake up, so I just grabbed a slice of old bread and walked outside. There were still a lack of food, so there was no reason to waste good food on me. It was dangerous to walk outside, but I just had to get out a little, and there wasn't so dangerous here as in Vukovar, were I, the most stupid man in the world lived with my two children and wife.
As I looked around I saw that many of the old buildings still was here, this street had survived well. I saw a man standing out in a garden playing with a dog, in some way the man looked familiar to me, stooped for a closer look. But now the man also had seen me, he stared at me just the same way I must have stared at him. Then the man opened his mouth.
"Luka, Luka Kovac is that you?"
"Yes I am Luka Kovac, who are you?"
"It's me Dimitrji" I suddenly remembered. He was one of my best friends when I was little.
Dimitrji walked over to me,
"How are you Luka?"
"I am fine" I answered almost automatic.
"I haven't seen you in almost ten years, where on the earth have you been?"
"I have moved to Chicago, and this is my first visit back in ten years." Dimitrji was almost the same as I remembered, full of life and happiness. "So what are you doing for a living?" Dimitrji asked, he always wanted to know everything when we were small. "I am a ER doctor. You?"
"I am a psychiatrist"
"Yes, I guess there is much need for that down here."
"So how is it with Daniella?" I looked down on the ground, it had been so long since I talked with Dimitrji. How could I answer that question? That it was my fault that she died?
"She is dead" Dimitrji looked shocked.
"Dead?"