(Always helps to have an extra email address.)
Plus, on the disclaimer...
DISCLAIMER: I now own my very own characters: Christina and Josh, & there are more to come but that doesn't stop me from plotting to kidnap Jason, Brendan, Colin, Nick and maybe even a few scholars from Roswell High as well.
A Twisted Entanglement, Chapter 2: Musings
This morning I stared at my reflection and scanned myself for changes. And you know what the crazy thing is? I found none. Absolutely nothing. Not even the slightest alteration. Nothing.
But I feel different. Mature. Let's face it, I'm not a little girl anymore. And even though I've been living this very grown up life since high school graduation, I was still dwelling in this never-ending stage of--naiveté. But I couldn't stay sixteen forever and now I've grown up. The hard way. And nothing will ever be the same again…
"Hey, Liz! What do you want on your half of the pizza?"
Liz brought her pencil to a halt and called back, "For the millionth time, just pepperoni!"
"Touchy," Christina whistled before returning to the phone receiver.
…Of course some things never change. Hmm, that's also strange. I mean I'm in Albuquerque and back to reality, so to speak, and everyone is acting normal. And so happy. They're all exchanging stories about how great spring break went for all of them in Cancun, San Diego, or Miami. How pitiful is it that I'm the only one who went back to her tiny little hometown with over one hundred degree heat and no ocean to relieve me? They all ask me how it went, (out of politeness, I'm sure,) and I have to plaster this big smile across my face and say, "Fine."
But I don't want them to pity me. In truth I'm already done with pitying myself. I use Maria's take on things: shit happens. And she's right, she really is. Hah, to think I practically petrified that she'd be furious with me after it happened! I hope my doubting her was only a direct effect from the hangover. She ended up being the same loyal sweetheart I'd always known her to be. So I drank too much and ended up doing something incredibly stupid? Big deal. Shit happens…
"You can say that again."
"JOSH!" Liz whipped around and snapped her journal shut. "How many times have I told you not to creep up from behind me like that?! That is a total invasion of my privacy! You have no right to-"
"What's going on?" Christina asked, standing next to Josh and wrapping her arm around him protectively.
"Baby, I'm so glad you came!" Josh gasped in mock relief. "I think Liz was just about to bite me head off."
"When are you going to dump this jerk?" Liz yelled, walked over to the bathroom and slammed the door shut.
"What did you do?" Christina was almost afraid to ask.
"It's no big deal. Liz is just pissed because now I know she's an alcoholic and can actually say the word 'shit'."
"Liz, an alcoholic? She can hardly stomach more than 2 wine coolers at a time! And she never says shit."
At hearing this Liz burst out of the bathroom. "Excuse me I am in no way an alcoholic but I can definitely drink more than 2 wine coolers at a time, Christina! And of course I can say shit! As in your boyfriend is a piece of shit! See?"
One look at the heaving and puffing roommate with her vein sticking out of her forehead told Christina they needed some girl time. "Josh, why don't you come back later," she pleaded tentatively.
Josh nodded dutifully and began to retreat. "The piece of shit is leaving," he joked before closing the door behind him.
"Ahh!" Liz half-yelled, half-groaned before flopping onto the couch and digging her head into a pillow.
"Liz?" Christina asked soothingly before sitting down beside her and stroking her hair. "What's wrong?"
"What makes you think anything is wrong?" was the mumbled response.
"Well… you said 'shit', for starters."
Liz's head popped up and her eyes were narrowed. "So what if I did? God, do you guys honestly think I'm that lame?"
"Oh, nobody thinks you're lame, honey! Hmm… maybe Josh but other than that-"
"Wow, you're such a big help. Thanks a lot!" Liz interrupted with a very uncharacteristic snide.
"Hey! I'm sorry if I'm not Martina-"
"Maria."
"Fine! I'm sorry I'm not Maria, Liz but y'know what? I am your friend and your roommate and--I pay half the rent here for Christ's sakes so why won't you talk to me?!"
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. What is it?"
"Okay," Christina chewed on her lip for a moment to dig up the right words. "Umm… ever since you've come back from Roswell you've been acting different."
And I thought my little façade was working so well, Liz sighed inwardly. Maybe I still have a chance to avoid this. "Different how?"
"I don't know. Just distant, I guess."
Liz shrugged and leaned back against the cushions to prevent herself from squirming. "I've been tired."
"But then how come you've called your friends in Roswell at least twelve times in the past forty-eight hours? And why haven't you answered any of your boyfriend's messages? Kyle called four times when you went to do the laundry this afternoon and I finally had to threaten to change our phone number just to get him to stop!"
Liz's palm itched and she began to play with the edge of the pillowcase. "I just… haven't felt like talking to him. That's all."
She studied Liz for a moment before announcing cynically, "You're a terrible liar."
Finally Liz met Christina's face with a sheepish grin, "I am, aren't I?"
"So what's going on?"
"I know it must be killing you and I'm sorry but I'd really rather not say right now." Here it comes.
Christina didn't even bother to hide her bruised ego. "Why? Don't you trust me?"
"Of course I do but I just--this stuff is just very painful and… embarrassing."
Christina leaned over and took Liz's hands into her own. "Liz, I hope you know that I would never judge you."
"Yeah, I do know. I just…" Liz wasn't sure how much longer she could contain herself. It was proving more and more difficult with every passing second.
"Liz, what happened?"
Last straw.
"Oh, fine! Fine! It's obvious you're not going to stop until you pry it out of me anyway."
Christina sat up eagerly trying not to smile because of her triumph.
You've really done it now, Liz! she scolded herself mentally. Okay, let's look at this from the logical point of view. Why don't you just censor this as much as you possibly can? Leaving out the depressing details and definitely avoiding the weird issues. No need in making her think I'm crazy. Okay, short and sweet… if that's possible. "All right. You know how I went back to Roswell to visit everyone but also as a surprise for Kyle?"
"Mmm-hmm."
"I ended up surprising him and someone else."
*Flashback: Nine days ago, 6:13 P.M. Roswell, New Mexico*
This is the place, Liz thought to herself. I wish Kyle would just find one place to live and stick there. It sure is strange having to find a new address each and every time I come back here. She took note of the wilted flowers along the sides of the dirty porch. Whoever rents their home and garden to the care of Kyle Valenti is a fool, she tskked.
It had been an anxious month with college and stress so Liz had been counting the days until vacation so that she may return to those few things that soothed her nerves. She had craved Maria's grief relief, Alex's jokes, her mother's blueberry pancakes with her father's scrambled eggs, and then of course there was Kyle's smile. Something warm and familiar that never failed to reassure her that the world wasn't going to knock her off her feet.
Liz took out the key Kyle had sent her recently from her pocket and fumbled with the lock. She was greeted by darkness and nearly stumbled over… a purse? Liz brought the object up close so that it was parallel to her face and stared at it as if she'd never seen one before. Before she could keep herself from jumping to conclusions she spotted a woman's coat about a ruler's length away from her feet. By then her night vision had adjusted she was able to see further. It soon became clear that with every few steps she took a new article of some woman's clothing appeared. First a blouse… and then a skirt… a shoe… a bra… another shoe…a thong… all leading it's mocking, tell-tale way to what she had assumed was Kyle's bedroom.
Liz almost choked on the lump in her throat when she opened the door and her eyes confirmed what her ears and common sense had already. Sure enough, in the center of the room, (and a king sized bed,) Kyle was on top of another woman. Naked, panting, and limbs entwined.
They didn't notice her for about another thirty seconds despite the loud gasp that had escaped her lips immediately after she'd seen them. No, it was only when she cleared her throat loudly did they become aware and utterly horrified of her presence. Kyle more so.
"Liz!" he exclaimed. His eyes were round with panic and he kept blinking as if to make sure it wasn't just a nightmare.
"I… have to go," Liz's voice was trembling and suddenly she was fleeting down the hallway, into the living room, and out the door.
She heard a loud "Dammit!" from behind her and as she was running down the porch steps she could hear his hurried footsteps approaching. She might've broken her neck when she toppled down the steps just then but wasted no time in getting up and dashing to her car. With her foot on the pedal and her hands on the steering wheel, at the exact same time Kyle was stumbling out the doorway, Liz ended up leaving him and their relationship in a cloud of dust.
*End Flashback*
"So by someone else you mean…"
"Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean," Liz said quickly, relieved she didn't have to say the words aloud.
"Wow," Christina breathed. Seeing Liz's somber little pursed lips a teasing grin came upon her own. "And you never knew he way gay, huh?"
"What!" Liz gawked at her with such an expression of bewilderment that she burst into laughter. "Oh, I see--oh grow up, Christina!"
"All right! All right! I'm sorry!" she held out her hands in amusement as if to stop Liz from attacking. "But seriously, honey," Christina's smile vanished as did her frivolous disposition. "How are you dealing with it?"
"I- I'm fine. What do you mean?"
"What are your feelings about it?"
Dammit! She's got me in a corner and I can't get out. Liz's feelings were so jumbled and confounding it was impossible to recapitulate them. "I guess I was, and still am, really confused."
"Confused how?"
"I just had so many different reactions at once and I guess I've been struggling to make sense of all of them. I felt betrayed--betrayed that he would do this to me when I haven't touched anybody else…ever. But on the other hand I suppose I should've expected it. I mean Kyle staying faithful for so long when we've only gotten to see each other a few times a year lately and we've never… well, the idea is ridiculous, isn't it? And then there's the other hand--wait, well if I had a third hand it would be that I had this really weird feeling as if I didn't care. How do I explain that, Christina? I mean I walk in on my long-term boyfriend making love to another woman and-" Liz's voice began to grow heavy with emotion, "and I don't feel anything. I'm shocked, I'm offended but my heart isn't broken.
"I realized I'd been with Kyle for so long that I didn't even know why I was with him anymore. Convenience? Safety? I don't know! And when I think of all the time I've wasted on him and all the great guys I've turned down--it just keeps coming back to me that maybe I've missed out on the guy that I was actually meant to be with. I just feel… robbed."
The tears that rolled down Liz's cheeks took Christina by surprise. Liz didn't cry that often so if the occasion arose it had to have a damn good justification behind it. This situation definitely applied.
She was just about to make a move to comfort Liz when the buzzer rang. She stood up to go pay for their pizza giving Liz time needed to go wash her face and compose herself. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror Liz bemoaned her appearance. Her eyes were puffy and red-rimmed and her nose seemed to have taken up a life of it's own. She soaped her face gently before returning to the living room where Christina was waiting with her plate and a box of tissues.
"Thanks," Liz giggled, accepting the plate. "But I don't think I'll be needing those," she motioned to the tissue box. Upon seeing Christina's skeptical look she assured her, "Really, Chris. I'm good. I've been through this about five times with Maria already I don't need to bring you down too."
They both resumed their original positions and between bites Liz continued. "Okay, so after I stormed out of Kyle's apartment I-"
"Hopefully told the entire town his penis was smaller than your pinky," Christina finished for her.
"That would've been the smart thing to do, wouldn't it?" Liz sighed regretfully. "But no. Instead I-" she paused so she could take in the air needed in order to say the next part as quickly as possible, "-went to a bar. Drank way too much and ended up in another guy's bed."
* Flashback: Nine days ago, 6:41 P.M. Roswell, New Mexico*
"So what'll you have?" the bartender leaned over sympathetically to the obviously distraught young woman before him.
"Something strong," she told him. I really should be heading back to have that dinner with Mom and Dad, she told herself. But what if he's already waiting for me, fully equipped with his meaningless apologies? I can't deal with him right now… I just cannot deal with him right now. I don't even know whether I should slap him or thank him. I really ought to slap him. He's a dishonest asshole, after all. But at the same time do I even care about who he is and what he did? I'm not even crying. Why am I not crying?
"Excuse me but I'm going to need something more specific than that."
Liz awoke from her disconcerting speculation only to have her mind go blank. "I don't know. I don't drink, really."
"Well if you don't drink then what are you doing in here?"
"Rough night," she explained. "Isn't a little odd that you seem to be trying to scare off the customers?"
"It's also my job to see people drink responsibly."
"I've been responsible all my life," Liz told him before handing him a twenty. "How about I start off with a couple of shots?"
And that was the last thing she remembered of that night.
*Eight days ago, 11:10 A.M. Roswell, New Mexico*
Liz had never been woken up in such an abrupt or violent manner in all her life. One second reality and all it's minions were non-existent and the next she was being torn from a beautiful world of ignorant bliss and thrown into one where her head was spinning with pain. Another rough shove on her bare back made her stomach turn. Wait… bare back?
Despite how arduous the simple task seemed Liz managed to very slowly and very painfully open her eyes. Of course, she immediately wished she hadn't. The bright, gleaming light was cruel to her sensitive vision and the pang she felt shoot through her was worse than any broken bone or twisted ankle she'd ever experienced. She shut them quickly and brought her hands to her head in foolish hope that she could stop the pounding.
"Liz?" a male voice asked. She didn't really recognize it and the desperate tone rather frightened her.
Where the hell am I? she screamed inside, not being able to make her mouth work quite yet. Who is he?
"Liz Parker?"
Liz's head began to raise at a snail's pace but once it was halfway there a sharp voice bellowed, "Holy shit! It is you!"
The loud volume caused Liz to discover yet another one of her senses that was acting especially sensitive. "Please… don't… shout." The words were barely audible coming from her dry mouth but he must've heard them anyway because he lowered his voice.
"Liz," the voice had softened slightly but the intensity was still the same. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Here?" she choked out groggily, still fighting to keep her head up.
"In my bed?"
Bed? I'm in a bed… whose bed am I in? Realization began to dawn over her. "I'm really naked?" she managed to squeak out as she rubbed her legs together to verify.
"No shit. Join the club. What happened?!" the voice was growing more impatient and those last few words seemed to switch on a light for her.
Unable to control her panic Liz's eyes shot open and her fears were actualized once more when she saw the very fuzzy but undeniable vision of Michael Guerin standing before her. "Oh my God…" she breathed softly, suddenly feeling quite faint in addition to many other things.
"What?" Michael inquired immediately, now completely perturbed. "What the fuck did I say to you last night, Liz? What do you know?"
"What?" By now Liz had sat up fully was hugging the sheet to her chest partly to cover herself and then again, partly to protect herself, as childlike as that action may have seemed. "Please don't yell. I'm very hung over."
"Hung over?" he repeated the words a few times and grew pensive. "I went down to the bar last night for that delivery… I ordered a soda."
"Yeah, well I sure had a lot more than that," Liz commented to herself but loud enough so that he could hear it.
Remembering she was there Michael returned to his interrogation. "Well do you not mind telling me how the hell did we end up having sex last night?"
"Sex?" Liz looked up at him in a state of total shock. Of course the fact had been floating in her brain for over a minute now but to actually hear the word and realize it's meaning sent a flood of consternation straight to her core.
"Yes, sex," he replied in a condescending tone as if she were the biggest idiot in the world. "I led to that conclusion after I woke up and found us both naked."
Liz couldn't even think straight with all that was running through her at that moment. Oh my god, I slept with him! How could I have done something so unbelievably stupid? And with Michael--what is Maria going to think of me? I can't even stand myself right now.
"Liz!"
She couldn't take it anymore. She was crying. Nope--bawling like a baby would a more fitting term. The sobs shook her body to the point she feared she might pass out from nausea. She could feel the bed shifting and then an arm slipped around her and he squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. The last thing she wanted at that moment was to be comforted in such a vulnerable state, especially by Michael, but she didn't have the heart nor the strength to push him away.
All of sudden an image flashed across her brain. It was almost like a move clip… of her and Maria laughing and smiling together at a Christmas party last year. While Liz was struggling to comprehend it Michael removed his arm quickly and leapt off the bed.
"What do you know, Liz?!"
Liz was growing very tired of that question. What is he so freaked out about? she wondered. "Huh?"
"You can't get a flash without me initiating it unless you already know and I am pretty damn sure that I did not connect us!"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" she snapped, a bit piqued. Wait… flash? Connect us? But how could he have caused that picture to appear inside my head like that?
"Liz, just tell me the truth about what I told you last night so I can-"
"I don't remember a thing from last night!" she insisted, moving out of the bed with the sheet wrapped around her. "I swear! Not a single thing!" As soon as she stood she felt a heavy soreness between her legs and staggered around trying to regain her balance.
"Oh for Pete's sake," he griped exasperatedly before grabbing her arms and holding her in place.
Unfortunately, the second they had physical contact another one of the so-called "flashes" came, this time one of two children, nude and walking down a road, hand in hand. For some reason she just knew that those two kids were Michael and his close friend, Tess Harding. Liz looked directly into Michael's eyes and she knew the terror in them matched her own. Once she was certain that the situation couldn't possibly get any worse then, out of the blue, the door opened and someone stepped in.
They both turned to see Isabel Evans, Alex's former "true love" and more recently Michael's fiancée, glaring at them. "Now this is what I call a compromising position," she quipped and Liz was amazed she had the audacity to joke about it.
"It's not what you think!" Michael said and let go of Liz at once.
"Oh, please Michael!" Isabel shouted abruptly, stunning them both. "Maria was one thing but you never told me about this one. We made a compromise and I've held up my end of the bargain by breaking it off and keeping it off with Alex! Is it so fucking hard for you to do the same?"
"Isabel, I swear it was just a big mistake-"
"Damn right it's a mistake!" she sneered, glowering at Liz in such a way that made her feel extremely vincible.
"I'm serious! I drank something last night and the next thing I knew I woke up with her here! I'm telling you--I would never do this in my right mind!"
The comments flying back and forth were not only none of Liz's business but also kind of insulting. She made the decision to get herself out of there, fast. "I'm going to go."
Isabel and Michael's gazes went to her and she blushed at the attention. "I'm just going to umm…" looking around for her clothes she spotted them strewn about the left side of the bed. She gathered them up in her arms and walked out of the bedroom without a single word. She heard the door shut behind her and as she was dressing and then there was plenty more bickering.
Liz must've heard her name at least twenty-five times and before she could retain another piece of information that was undesirable or inexplicable she exited his apartment and the building. She had never been so relieved to see her car outside waiting for her.
*End Flashback.*
Christina nearly choked on her pizza. "You what?!"
Liz chewed thoughtfully and nodded.
"So, you're telling me that Liz Parker, virgin extraordinaire's first time was a one night stand with some random guy?"
"It wasn't just some random guy," Liz mumbled.
"So the guy knew you and still took advantage of you?"
"No! He was drunk too and didn't remember anything so…"
"Yeah right," Christina rolled her eyes. "So they say."
"No, trust me on this one. He would never have taken advantage of me much less wanted to have sex with me! The morning we both woke up and realized what had happened he flipped out. Well, we both did but he scared me to death with all these strange questions and then his fiancée showed up. I was so hung over I could hardly walk and ended up throwing up on the staircase on my way out of the building. It was just… uggh, such a horrible experience."
"Geez! How do you know him?"
"His name is Michael Guerin. He and I spent most of high school competing for Maria's attention."
Christina's eyebrows rose inquisitively before Liz explained, "He used to be her boyfriend."
"Seriously? What did Maria say when you told her?"
"She… understood completely," Liz smiled to herself. "She was totally astonished but no more than I was, I guess. But then she was completely there for me and it was so amazing of her considering I don't think she ever really stopped loving him."
"Why did they break up in the first place?"
"Oh," Liz groaned. "Long story. He dumped her for this gorgeous but obviously deceptive bitch named Isabel that Alex was in love with at the time about… two years ago. It was pretty dramatic. People in Roswell still gossip about them and they have these huge brawls almost every time they're near each other now."
"I think I could write myself a trashy little romance novel with all of the stuff you're telling me, Liz."
"I guess you're right," Liz chucked. "It is pretty hard to believe that all of this actually happened, huh?"
"You can say that again. Hey, do you know what I just realized?"
"What?"
"You must be the only person in America who actually waited until they were twenty-one to get smashed!"
"Do you ever get tired of mocking me?"
"I'm sorry."
"Again?"
"Okay!" Christina finished off her second slice and sat up excitedly, feeling a change of topic was in order. "Onto the sex. Did you like it?"
Liz gaped at Christina with a mixture of appall and disbelief. "What are you talking about? I had blacked out! I can't remember anything! And eww," Liz shuddered, "thank God for that because Michael is just about the least favorite way I'd envisioned my first time!"
"He's not attractive?"
"Christina! How can you be so superficial?"
"It was just a question, Liz. What does he look like?"
"I… umm… well, he is attractive I guess-"
"Ah-hah!"
"But so not my type! Plus you should know that's not what I care about!"
"Yeah," Christina quieted and set her arm around Liz's shoulder. "Well, honey. Have you thought of the positive aspects of all of this?"
"Positive aspects!" Liz couldn't even conceive of such a notion. "Don't tell me you're going to try to address this one with your therapist's optimism?"
"Hey that 'therapist' is my father the psychologist and there is a reason why he's sold over a billion copies of that book of his."
"Have you ever even read the book?"
"That's besides the point. Look at it this way, girl, you're free! Sure it took you a while to finally get here but now that you are you can actually see other guys and find the… well, the one. Plus you're an experienced woman now! And I am living proof that you don't have to be all that chastity virgin nonsense to have a normal, healthy, loving relationship. What do you think?"
"Well…" Liz took a moment to contemplate on all the incite Christina's little pep talk had given her. "Are you sure that what you have is a 'normal, healthy, loving relationship?' I mean you are dating Josh."